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Avatar universal

rape?

Hello everyone. I'm extremely worried over something that happened on Sunday.

I'm a male (bi), 21 years old and very inexperienced with gay sex.

So, In July I met a guy on the internet(sigh) and I finally decided to meet him on Sunday.  After dinner we were in his car and decided to have sex.  It was my first time being anally penetrated and he was big.  (sorry, im so nervos I don't even know how to say this properly) And as soon as he went in, I felt so much pain that I tried to get away and he told me, get on your side and it'll be better, so I did but again, the pain when he started penetrating me was too mch and i tried to push him away, but I couldn't because a) I was in a very bad position b) I was in terrible pain c) he was stronger.  So I was crying and beggin him to stop but he wouldn't.  I was finally able to kick him and he let go. When i sat up, I saw the condom was gone! It had slipped off when we got on our side and he had been penetrating me without it.  I thought I was inside me, and i tried to see if it was there but it wasn't. I saw a little blood on my fingers, then I noticed that the condom was on the floor of the car.  

I was really mad and got out of his car and walked home.  Later on I began to be very worried, so I called him and begged him to tell me about his sexual activities.  He confessed that he has guys whom he has regular sex and sometimes he has sex with people he meets off the internet. He says that the last time he got tested was about a year and a hald and he's never had an STD.  

I know that my risk is estremely big because a) a it was condomless b) I bled so there was a lot of contact between his fluids and mine c) it's been a long time since he got tested d) he has a lot of unprotected sex

I'm dead worried! He says he feels fine, and he thinks he's clean.  But I feel so anxious!!!! I've had suicide thoughts.  I don't know if I'm going to be able to wait three months!.

Anyway, here are my questions:
1) would this be considered rape? I did consent to having sex in the first place, but then I didn't want it anymore!
2) When's the earliest I can get tested?  I don't think I can wait three months and I heard that most people will test positive after 25 days if they're infected -is this true?
3)Can I take another test besides ELIZA? I was reading that you can take an RNA test wich can be taken only after two weeks of exposure.  Is this true? and if so, where can I find a place that offers this type of test in California? Is it costly?
4)What's the earliest I can test for other STDs?
5) Do the facts that: he's older(37), he's rich, white and didn't come inside of me reduce the chances of me getting HIV? I know this is a stupid question, but I read somewhere that these reduce your risk.

I would really appreciate if you guys helped me with this.  I'm so worried...Im constantly having mental break downs and emotional melt downs.  Im a disaster since then. I haven't slept, eaten, ...i just need help... please everyone, help me!!!!!
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Avatar universal
Glad to hear. Thanks for the update. Expect your 12 week test to also be negative.
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Avatar universal
I was dying and i couldnt wait...i had to get a rapid test and the result is negative. NEGATIVE! im so happy! like you have no idea!. i feel like life has given me another chance!  wow....im SO HAPPY! thanks joggen for all your words! really thanks!
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Avatar universal
Ok, so I am going to get tested tomorrow Friday. It''ll be six weeks exactly this satureday...a day before i get tested.   I'm really scared.  I'm not going to take the rapid test, Im going to take the regular elisa test.  I have acces to the rapid test, but I don;t know...i don't want to get the result so soon.  
honestly, i feel i do have hiv. I'm really really scared...
I mean, the logic thing is to think that i do have hiv becase my actions were VERY risky, and it seems like everything that could have gone wrong....went wrong. And for some reason, i have stuk in my head the fact that EXACTLY two weeks after my exposure, i got a cold that lasted over a week.  i mean, it would be to much coinsidence that i got just a flu exactly TWO weeks after the exposure when i never get sick.  And then the fact that i was bleeding when having intercourse...uhg,  Joggen, you told me that that means nothing...but IT DOES makes me more suceptible to catching the virus because thats an open door to my blood thing...

ugh, i won't get my results until next friday...that's when im going to come bakc with my results...
wish me the best luck in the world ya'll...im going to need it!
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Avatar universal
never mind, you already answered my question. thanks joggen!
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Avatar universal
btw, sorry for the ramblig jog, I know the last post has very little to do with you hiv anxiety and its more related to my messed up life.  
But I do have one more question.  I went to another website that deals with hiv anxiety too and i posted the same question, but at this site, they told me that 6 weeks is just too early, and that three months is the earliest you can get tested.  and six months is confirmatory.  So, lets say i get tested neg. at 6 weeks, how sure could be that that status wouldn't change?
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Avatar universal
The optimum testing schedule is an initial test at 6 weeks and a confirmatory test at 12 weeks if the first test is negative. At the same time, I don't think a test at this time would be inappropriate for you, as a negative result would be very encouraging, and may provide for some anxiety relief. I guess it all depends on how much relief you think you would get from a 4 week test result, considering it is 90% accurate.

Please try to keep yourself as busy as possible while you wait out your window period. You are certainly free to continue to post updates, if you think it is helping you, but I would prefer that you stay off HIV forums until you have an initial test.
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Avatar universal
Hey joggen, im on my fourth week now!  I;m anxious! it's going to be hard for me to get to my 6th week and go test. I'll be so scared and I won't be able to sleep during that week.  I don't want to think about it though,  i am tired of being worried, really sometimes i wih id just go to sleep.  

Also, i thought that if you had something like an open cut, that would increase the risks of hiv getting into your bloodstream?  

Also, you're right...breaking off with him is the best thing i can do.  I saw him last night. I hadn't seen him since the other night when we had sex.  We had sex last night too.  The condom stayed on the whole time and im sure about that.  But i don't loike seeing him.  I don't like sex with him.  I've decided to just dissapear and not talk to him anymore.  ugh, im a mess. I don't even know why i saw him.  

But honestly, everytime i thought about leaving him i though that maybe i could get him to get tested.  but yeah, so far he hasnt'.  I asked him about his status.  he said hes 100 percent hes clean.
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Avatar universal
The fact that you bled doesn't increase the risk. The odds are still in your favor. I understand preparing for the worst- that comes with HIV Anxiety- but from my perspective it is premature to assume you are positive at this stage.

As good as it would be for you to know his status, I don't think you should attempt to do that by continuing to date him, considering what happened. If he isn't sincere about getting tested then it is probably best to break off contact with him.
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Avatar universal
oops, thats supposed to be "what happened THAT night not LAST...lol sry
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Avatar universal
Update time:
Joggen, you're probably right.  It's cold and flu seas and everyones getting it. But i don't know...I rarely felt sick, I was fine, just a sneeze here and there, but yesterday i lost my voice.  my trhoat doesnt hurt, it just feels raspy and it's hard to speak.

Anyway, I'm not anxious anymore...not at all, the whole thing has progressed to something else.  Now, it's more like...resignation.  I'm making plans about my new life.  instead of anxiety attacks, i get depression attacks.  Last night, i was talking to this friend of my and we had made plans to go to Europe once we graduated, but now it's like ugh...I can't go because of this new thing.  Nothing gets me excited anymore.  

I also have been talking to Mas (the guy whom 'I had sex with') and I've told him I do want to see him again, because he keeps insisting and he says he wasnts to get to know me better etc etc.  We hadn't talked about what happened last night in his car.  But last night we were supposed to go have dinner (but then i told him i was really really sick and couldnt) and he also kind of apologized for what happened.  He said he had had a little too many drinks and he thought I was just faking the whole thing until he noticed i was crying.  
Anyways,  he told me he'd call tonight to see if i was better and wanted to go out.  
I don't want to see him anymore, im not interested....I just want to forget about it all and move on -infected or not.  The only reason why i keep answering his calls is because I've been trying to get him to get tested and he always says: ill do it this week i promise, but then he's too busy.  Last ngith i talked to him about it again and he said he'd get tested next week because this one is a crazy week.  I don't know if he's scared or maybe he thinks he's really clean and doens't need to get tested. But if he tested negative...well, I can be a little more confient that ill be neg. too.  But if he testes positive, then ill be positive for sure. Why? cause i realized I had bled while having sex.  

Anyway, god, i always write too much! blah!
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Avatar universal
Colds, flu, etc. are NOT signs of HIV infection. It's cold and flu SEASON- almost everybody is going to get sick, for crying out loud. I just came out of a nasty, lingering cold, that eventually infected my lungs, and I wasn't the least bit considered about HIV.

I still think a PCR (RNA) test might be available to you through a physician, like an infectious disease specialist. But I don't want to push it on you- it's just an option worth considering. The downside to the PCR is that it has a relatively higher rate of false positives than antibody testing.

Look at it this way- you've made it past two weeks already, and you are not as anxious as you were when you first came here. If you've waited this long, you can wait until six weeks. Take it one day at a time.
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Avatar universal
Thanks Joggen.  I've decided I'm going to wait until six weeks to be confident.  Then I'll test at three months -if they don't tell me before that i indeed am infected.


My anxiety is not as bad as it was at first.  But I'm still uh, i don't even know how to explain.  I'm tired, i'm tired of being worried...i just wanna get it over with... last week I was in a very positive mood...but since tuesday that changed.  And the reason why is because i developed this cold/flu thing.  I mean, what a coinsidence that the i got it at two weeks after my exposure...
I don't know...i think i should begin to think about what i'm going to do with my new life.

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Avatar universal
At 4 weeks the antibody test is about 90% accurate. There is really no point in testing earlier. A negative result at 4 weeks would be encouraging and would lower the chance that you were infected significantly. However, there is still a slight chance that the result could change on subsequent tests. At six weeks, you should expect a negative result to remain negative. A rapid test would be just as accurate as a regular ELISA, with a somewhat higher chance of a false positive.

Going back to school might actually be good for you, if it keeps you off the subject of HIV.
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Avatar universal
oh, i forgot the update: two days ago i began feeling these cold like simptoms...its weird, because i never get sick, and when i do...oh boy, i get SO sick...but this is different, i have mild simptoms...its not keeping me from doing my daily chores...but its annoying.  i know the cold is goinng around and that no symptoms are good hiv infectiion indicators...but the "mild" cold surely is the most popular simptom....  *sigh*  :(
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Avatar universal
Hey joggen, no i am completely lost on how to do that. ive done extensive research but nothing comes up.  I've called clinics and std centers and no one seems to provide that.  So I decided to wait...

I have a question, should I take an elisa test at day 25 and be confident that my 6 weeks and three month tests will come out with the same result?

I know that by week 6th you should get a pretty accurate picture of you hiv status...but honestly, there's days in which the 'not knowing' overwhelms me! i can't go back to my normal life without knowing...school is starting in two weeks and im afraid i wont'  be able to do well in this state.  my 25 day mark is on the 10 of this month, right before going back to school.  

so: How accurate would my test be at the 25 day mark?
and, would the rapid test would work just as well as the elisa at the 25 mark?  

I'm sorry i write a whole book everytime i come here...

Thanks for your help Joggen  ;)
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Avatar universal
Have you looked into having an RNA test?
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Avatar universal
Thanks Joggen for tha last recomendation.  I will definitely see a doctor.

Ok. On to an update:  Well, there really is nothing new to talk about.  Up until today I was fine and I wasn't having panic attacts.  But today I read  an article of a guy who got infected at 21 'cause he was addicted to bathouses, cocaine and meth.  It got me really scared.  Now, I am getting back to being scared and feeling this thing in my gut.  I really really Cant wait for Wednesday February, 10th...that's going to be the 25th day day of my exposure.  I am really just waiting for the doc. to tell me: You tested positive.  UGH!!! this is such a horrible thing!  I am not sure I'll survive until then!!!!
Sorry to come here and say these things...it's just that no one knows that I'm going through this....  
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Avatar universal
No symptoms are a good indication of HIV infection, including yeast infections. See your doctor if you are concerned about whatever is going on (which is NOT a STD).
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Avatar universal
An update on me:
two days ago, i woke up and went to the bathroom.  I'm uncut, so when i pulled back the skin a creamy white smelly liquid came out.  My foreskin was irritated, itchy, and swollen. I freaked out a little becuase some std came to my mind, but then i realized that it couldn't be an std because my exposure involved receptive anal sex -and that's it.  
Does anyone know if I still would get symptons in my penis if all I did was anal?
Then i did a research and found out that IT COULD be a yeast infection.  I've been under a lot of stress, and i read that you can get yeast infections for being too stressed.

But then i read that yeast infections in men are a good indicator of HIV or some other inmune system conpromising conditions.  Is this true too?

After that day the white cheeselike thing hasnt happened again...any thoughts on this?
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Avatar universal
Yes, by 25 days about 80-85% will test positive on an ELISA.

Don't worry about.  I'm glad that you're feeling better. And I apologize if my first post frightened you. I should have put your risk in some perspective before suggesting that you seek PEP.
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Avatar universal
Ok im a little more relaxed now.  He told me that he's clean and that I have nothing to worry.  Im still worried.  But it's not a lot.  I'm going to try to get tested as soon as possible.  Also, i read that most people who get infected will test positive after 25 with the elisa test.  Do you know if this is true?

Joggen, I can't thank you enough for answering to my questions, nobody knows im going trhu this and your words make it better.  Thanks.  


Oh also, I apologize for the term i used to describe someone whos negative.  I totally agree with you.  I just didn't think before i used that term.  I don't want to feed stigma by using such language.  I apologize again.
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Avatar universal
Apparently some clinics will test after 1 week. It all depends on the clinic. In whatever part of California you happen to live.

I'm glad that he agreed to get tested.
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Avatar universal
Hi joggen.  I just got off the phone with him.  And he told me he's going to get tested next week.  He assured me that I had nothing to worry about.  I live in California!
So RNA test is the earliest test i can take? 2 weeks right?
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Avatar universal
If you are in the Bay Area, a good resource is the San Francisco City Clinic. They also offer NAAT testing.

http://sfhiv.org/testing_terms.php

http://www.sfcityclinic.org/
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