serious hiv anxiety

i dont know.........really depressed..........me an my 2 frns went to acsw nearly 6 montjhs  ago........ i had sex with a csw with her condom......after that instance i start getting thoughts...that there myt be a hole in condom,.....which i am not able to seee..........then i start thinking that   one of my frns d put a hole in my condom...which he buyed from a chemist..before...and give that to csw with which i went to have sex ......i think he gave that to her secretlyy..............may be he wants to get me infected...becopz he has gone to that brotherl many times before....and he may be going through a nxiety of hiv..........and also wants me to get infected...so he may feelll gud..
plsss help...i am hopeless............................................
pls reply.....

[andrew136]

Well, if your friend did that, go punch him then. What you claim is impossible. No one will do such thing.
Okay, lets assume your ''friend'' did that, a condom fails catastrophically, which means it pops like a over-blown balloon, which in your case, it did not.
Even IF you DID  put yourself at risk, which you did not, you should not give up on hope! Having sex doesn't automatically puts you as a HIV-infected. A risk is present, but doesn't mean you will get it.
My advice is, move on! Especially now! It's CHRISTMAS! Go out! Do something you like! Go cook up your favorite dish! Hang out with your friends for harmless activities (not this one, lol)! Being depress not only affects you, but your family and your friends too. SO, cheer up!
YOU DID NOT HAVE A HIV RISK!!!
That's a pretty good christmas present if you ask me. Have a great christmas :)

[josh67]

thank  u andrew  from bottom of my heart ....really helps  a lot    
i will really try to follow ur advice.........

[andrew136]

If it makes you feel any better, there are more people in this world suffering from the same anxiety as you do, but the only thing different is they did not have a condom on. Many people would so like your " NO RISK" assessment too, but too bad for them. Move on and appreciate your life. I totally understand what it feels like to be trapped, feeling useless, and wondered what will life be if I'm infected. Even now, I'm trying hard to move on! The people in the forum are top specialists and know what they are doing. They won't give wrong advices. All you need to do is to be completely honest on your event, and they will assess you. Have a Merry Christmas. :)

[josh67]

merry christmas.........brother.....u r ryt...i am lucky that i has a condom on.......reaally appreciate ur advice....

[josh67]

hey brother....i wnat to ask u one final thig..........


if  the poch of  acondom has a very tiny ..(very small) hole in it .......then what are my chance sof getting infected with hiv by having sex  with  a csw
..............................

[andrew136]

Tiny holes does not exist. By poking tiny holes, the condom experience fatigue, and would fail , which will burst! Trust me! You're fine. :) I see you also open a new post too, and seeing that, I agree with apollo. Your worries are unwarranted. Get a test. It will be surely negative. Have a great New year. :)

[josh67]

i really tried to move on and that work for almost 6 days......but then again i started felling anxious...i started thing and i also grees with ur last post taht if a condom has a hole then it will experience fatigue.but the pouch of the condom is very loose u also know that..(becoz to collect semen)

so how it can eperience fatigue and broke down...????????????

pls clear my doubt.......

[Apollo1971]

Have you had a HIV test?

[josh67]

no............hasi i have that risk to get tested????????????????

or
it is just in my head ?


pls give ur opinion......it matters and tell me wat to do?

[josh67]

u must be thinking why i post and ask the same thinh again and again .....
pls read this whole post and give me a final reply..and tell me should i be worried or not?
i will follow ur advice........

this is what the whole god damn thing in my mind is all about.....


i had sex with a csw about 6 months ago(that was my 1st time)......i used her condom which is provided by the govt to them.
from then the fear of hiv is killing me.....i am not able to celebrate new year and also not able to study..
also i would like to tell u that....i was anxious about hiv before that csw incident also.......from a incident when i was 12,,,,,i did not mean that i was worried about hiv when i was 12,,,,i had this anxietyfrom over 1 year now ... (now i am 18......)i had this anxiety nearly from the beginning of the 18th year ,but after the csw incident it just took over me comletely.

it started like this

me and my two frnds went to a brotherl on 21 june 2011
we all had sex with seperate csw
i was the last one to go,,,,,,,,,then from next day i started thinking about things like.....maybe they both had sex with csw with their own condom...although before going i asked  him that if they had condom they sad no and said that we can buy it from a chemist shop in our way to brotherl........but we did not....
but the next day i started thnking that maybe they both had their own condoms....and did not want to tell me.....

then i called ricky(one of the frnd who went with me to brotherel)  and conversation was lik this

me: hey man ..whats doing?????
frnd: nothing so whats up?
me: i was just thinking ,,,tthat is there any risk of hiv from last day incident.......
frnd: naaaa..   no there is not......
me:  but how dude we used theres  condom and i think that was  low quality condom....ryt
frnd: dont worryyy  they are more protective than us they dont want to get anything from us hence more concenrned they are...
me: i think so......well i had  a dream last nyt that u and jim( my other frnd) had a condom and forget to give me .one... i know thats funny....hahahha
frnd:  oh yeah ohh yeah now i remebered yeah u r ryt.......we had one.......and yes we forget to give u one......
me: if this is a joke pld then dont joke..i really serious and this is driving me crazy.....
frnd.: no man we had one u can also ask jim toooooo



so this was the conversation
so wat do u thimk ....was he jokin and just taking advantage of situation..........

after then about 4 hrs later i also called jim and he sad that he did not have condom of his and nor  did  ricky(the one on phone)    and he also sad that ricky also called him and said that  i has scared josh(me)......

pls help.....................this was wat happpend within1  week of csw incident...then  it starts getting worst

after about 2 months after that csw  incident......i started having thoughts that ricky (my frnd) may had make  hole in my condom...a very tiny one in pouch of the condom i imazined a whole  new thing for it.......i thought may be he gave the condom to the csw  who went with  me  which has a hole in it..........i reallly get more anxious that time..................
actually the basis on which i thought it was that...................


nearly before 1 month going to the csw i and ricky was going to rickys house just to hang out and i was also anxious that time about hiv....becoz of the incident when i was 12.....now i know that it was not risky as i have mentioned above........so i asked ricky wheather he has ****** a girl or not he said yes i have ****** csw 6 time.....at a brotherel (the same in which we went later after 1 month)        i told him to not to go there again becoz he could get hiv .........but he said it is totally safe as he used condom each time.......as i did not knew about condoms much at that time so i tell him that if a condome has a very tiny hole then how will u know.....it has it and u cannot see it and will catch hiv............
he said its all ********.........and told me that he also get blood tested in his boarding skul andit was all normal......then i start persusding him that may be that blood test may not have hiv test including in it.........then we start talking about other thinghs ......in our  way to rickys home we stopped in mcdonald to get burger while we gave order and wait for their arrival he looked in very tension and looks like he was thikng about somethinh..........
then we went to his house and played ps3 and eat burgers he looked very normal................
at that time i didnt payed attention to all these thinghs ....but when i remembered this after 2 months of that csw incident i really got worried becoz he was the one who took us there ,i also persuaded him to take us ..........so maybe he was also anxious about hiv....afetr i told him about ....before a month going there as i mentioned above.....so he may have buyed a condom from a chemist store before going to brotherel..as our trip to there was preplanned 2 days before.................and may have give that condom which has  tiny hole in it....to csw..when i was talking to jim(the other frnd who went with me)..........        i started to get it out of my my mind....but i got more anxious  becoze he paid all of the money for csw...and that money is paid before having sex.........and may be he gave that condom in which he made hole.to that csw at that time.....althogh the money is not payed to csw it is paid to the incharge of brotherel...but csw is also present at that time as the incharge gave a paper chit to csw ........


althogh after having sex i noticed that condom has not bursted and looked very normal with all sperm colllected in it..and there was no leak  visible........

i am very anxious what do u think after reading this........do i have hiv......???????????    can i have hiv?????????????
can this all happen?????????????????   i m really depressed........and think that i  have very limited time left in my life.......
..................................................

[josh67]

?????????????????????????????????????????????????


any suggestions pls help..

[Apollo1971]

You do not need to test as you have been told millions of times.  Their was no
issue with the condom before we go  their again.. but and this is why ...

You seem to understand the simple facts or advise that you have asked for. No logic or sound advise works for you, or your just so focused on this your not taking a step back and thinking about it in a logical manner.

I dont belive my post will make any difference to your bizzare and over the top parnoia over this.

So the only solution i belive for you is to take a HIV test and be done with it all. get your negative results which it will be and then hide away where you live or become a monk because for sure, your just NOT mentally stable or mature enough to engage in sex and your education on this matter certainly needs to be improved before you engage in any sex again

Hope that helps

[josh67]

yes it hepls a lot......i think u r ryt that i am not matured for sex....and the sex i talked about was done when i was 17....and i have been told by many people that i am very childish...............


thanx i think thats all behind it....................

[Apollo1971]

No problem, but learn from this and stop acting as if the world has ended.
You had sex, sex should be an enjoyable expereince, not a panic state for a year like you have been.

As long as you use condoms you wont get HIV and even if the condom breaks, its so unlikley the other person has HIV anyway.

Really, focus on your live now and start to grow up.

[josh67]

okk bro

[Nebraska1]

If your friend did that. Then he could be charged with Involuntary manslaughter and be sent to jail.