Afraid to test since a long time. please assess my situation

[Not_smart_enough]

Hello, I am a 28 y/o heterosexual male and had 100+ episodes of sex in the past 8 years with commercial sex workers. I've always lived with a burden that I have somehow contracted HIV and feel very anxious to test. I have never tested on STDs. All of my encounters had condom protected vaginal intercourse, no anal, about 20 episodes of unprotected insertive oral sex with a few ejaculations inside the female's mouth. I also performed around 10 times unprotected cunnilingus , sometimes a bit deep with my tongue. Did rimming 2/3 times on different girls, although very brief. I also had several unprotected handjobs from girls who certainly had vaginal fluids on their hands. Deep mouth kissing, body kissing and nipple kissing were also part of these encounters.

I really want to test to get off this guilt, but I am so convinced that I have contracted HIV that I would rather live with uncertainty.There was a period when I was really anxious and that was also the time when a lot of HIV symptoms started to show, like night sweats etc. But I though they were anxiety related. I never really had any STD related symptoms at all in my life, other than flus some weeks after an encounter.

Lately, I had protected insertive oral and protected vaginal intercourse with a prostitute, no kissing, no cunnilingus nothing else. The ejaculation in the condom was very strong and intense, but condom stayed intact. Two days after that, I developed very painful burning in urethra after urination for like 10/20 seconds. This lasted for 3 days and went away. As soon as I masturbated, the painful feeling came back and I could see a my precum to be mixed with a little bit of blood. I suspected that the ejaculation from the masturbation tore off the healing of the urethra. Burning after urinating happened again that day but went away and now everything is healed. I suspect the strong ejaculation in the small condom may have irritated my urethra, but it could also be some virus or infection.

1. What are my chances for having contracted HIV?
2. What are my chances of having contracted any other STD?
3. Based on my situation would you recommend testing? And for what STDs?
4. Is my urethra pain STD-related, could I have caught HIV from that exposure?

Thank you in advance.

[Not_smart_enough]

I took the step and got myself tested for HIV.
It came back negative. I could not believe it.

To all worried people, keep using condoms and stop worrying. Go get tested, it is wort it. Prepare for the worst and don't think that HIV positive is a death sentence. Knowledge about your body is key for health.

Thanks for all the help.

[Not_smart_enough]

Vance, nursegirl? Can you give me advice? Like I said, always protected vaginal with no condom breakage/slippage, but unprotected oral.

What are my chances of having contracted HIV?
How can I stop my anxiety? Is my anxiety realistic or psychological?

I need advice and mind-easing because I am preparing to get tested, even though I am scared to death to do it.

Thanks for your help.

[Not_smart_enough]

I guess it's more of an anxiety issue for me then, because I am fairly consistent with good condom use and always check after intercourse whether the condom is still intact.

Perhaps the more knowledgeable members on this forum can provide me a bit more relief and extra advice?

[diver58]

As you were advised, your risk seems to be negligible since you were smart enough to use protection every time. For sexually active people like you, it is advised to test once a year for HIV and STD's. One test will lay all your residual worries to rest permanently, Go and get tested, it is not difficult

[toniams]

The odds are on your side since you always had protected vaginal sex.
So go get tested to kill anxiety.
I understand you I've been afraid to test but now i test once a year for peace of mind.

[Not_smart_enough]

Toniams, HIV anxiety has no correlation with geography. I feel very healthy except the anxiety which causes depression. What if I would get a HIV positive result, it would mean a lot of problems for me.

[toniams]

you live in a western european country and you are afraid to test for HIV and other STDs!!!
You have a chance to live in western europe where you can get access to free testing and medication.
why live with uncertainty.
go get tested and report back.

[Not_smart_enough]

Thank you for your advice Sharkboy. I live in an industrialized country (western europe) where prostitutes are under strict rules and periodic testing. I also never had condom slippage or breakage.

My personal thought on it that I am HIV/STD free but I cannot believe that until I have done a test.

Somehow I think that my problem is psychological / anxiety and that I cannot accept myself that I always used a condom in my life. Perhaps I need to seek help on anxiety. I just find it too hard to test because I am too anxious for a positive result.

[Sharkboy67]

If you have always used protection for penetrative sex, then no risk.
Personally I would suggest you have full sexual screen (for HIV and other STI's). I do not believe you have HIV, but for your own peace of mind. You are at risk for other STI's.
Hope this help's.