Aa
Bad choices in Live
Hey,
Almost a year ago my relationship with my girlfriend ended after five years and I lost my job... She broke up because I lost my job... This shattered al my dreams of saving money up for a place to live, having kids with her, be a great father and just be a great person. I felt so depressed I almost hated life itself. (wich is an insult I know)
So I couldn't cope with this very well and made some very bad desciscions and was very angry at the world and at myself. At that point in my live i didn't care about anything and i made the mistake of going to several prostitutes. >5 Everytime a different one. I'm scared as hell of HIV and STD's (so maybe I did care about something and I know this is contradictory with the above feeling, it shows in what state of mind i was.) so I never had oral sex performed on a women and only allowed oral sex with a condom. Now I had intercourse with a lot of those women offcourse but always with a condom still I'm worried.
Just before summer began this year I made a promise to myself that I would get out of this state of mind. And it's been a couple of months without me going to a prostitute. I'm not planning on doing it again either because I found great work and I even found a girlfriend who I love and visiting a prostitute just makes me anxious, nervous and let's me regret that I have done it. Although I haven't cheated on anybody i feel ashamed.
Problems are my new girlfriend (for the last three months) want's to have intercourse without a condom, wich is kinda normal in a healthy steady relationship I think. Since where only together for a few months I have no problem telling her I only want to do it with a condom. But if our love is going to grow and we stay together I'm pretty sure she want sex without it. My questions are as follows:
1. Since it's been more than three months since I last went to a prostitute am I stil at risk for STD and should I get tested? Knowing that I have totally no symptons whatsoever. Everything is normal down there and I feel ok.
2. Since I always had sex with a condom should I get tested for HIV and if something went wrong with the condom should I have noticed or are there sometimes small holes in condom for example from a needle that you can't see. (I now it's very far fetched but I think I once saw a darkend or black dot inside a condom that makes me worry, but it was probably only some dust inside from laying on the bed) I have never seen, felt or heard that the condom broke and in withdrawing myself I always took the condom in my hands so it wouldn't slip off. I never saw anything abnormal with the condom and I tried to have sex as safe as you can have it. One prostitute did change the condom during intercourse (just to be very safe I guess) but I thought that was actually a good thing. If i'm correct the advice will be not to get tested for HIV because i had protected sex and the chance of contracting HIV from protected sex with only one partner and not different times with the same partner is just to low to test. If i've interpretaded questions from other people in the right way this should be the answer for me to?
3. Can i have unprotected sex with the girl that is now in my life and that I love very much, because she's great and I finally got lucky without putting her in danger? I've come from a very happy live to have been hit rockbottom and am trying to get back up. I found a job, I found a great way of passing my time by volountering to help children with sports and i met a great girlfriend. If I wouldn't have been so disappointed in life and how things went I wouldn't have done the above things but made bad desciscions in my life because I couldn't cope very well with my own demons and now i'm kinda worried but hope i'm on the good road to overcome my demons.
Thanks for answering and reading. I tried to be as honest as possible and I hope this post will help other people realise nothing is worth risking you're life because there's always a new smile or something better around the corner even when everything looks very bad and grey.
Almost a year ago my relationship with my girlfriend ended after five years and I lost my job... She broke up because I lost my job... This shattered al my dreams of saving money up for a place to live, having kids with her, be a great father and just be a great person. I felt so depressed I almost hated life itself. (wich is an insult I know)
So I couldn't cope with this very well and made some very bad desciscions and was very angry at the world and at myself. At that point in my live i didn't care about anything and i made the mistake of going to several prostitutes. >5 Everytime a different one. I'm scared as hell of HIV and STD's (so maybe I did care about something and I know this is contradictory with the above feeling, it shows in what state of mind i was.) so I never had oral sex performed on a women and only allowed oral sex with a condom. Now I had intercourse with a lot of those women offcourse but always with a condom still I'm worried.
Just before summer began this year I made a promise to myself that I would get out of this state of mind. And it's been a couple of months without me going to a prostitute. I'm not planning on doing it again either because I found great work and I even found a girlfriend who I love and visiting a prostitute just makes me anxious, nervous and let's me regret that I have done it. Although I haven't cheated on anybody i feel ashamed.
Problems are my new girlfriend (for the last three months) want's to have intercourse without a condom, wich is kinda normal in a healthy steady relationship I think. Since where only together for a few months I have no problem telling her I only want to do it with a condom. But if our love is going to grow and we stay together I'm pretty sure she want sex without it. My questions are as follows:
1. Since it's been more than three months since I last went to a prostitute am I stil at risk for STD and should I get tested? Knowing that I have totally no symptons whatsoever. Everything is normal down there and I feel ok.
2. Since I always had sex with a condom should I get tested for HIV and if something went wrong with the condom should I have noticed or are there sometimes small holes in condom for example from a needle that you can't see. (I now it's very far fetched but I think I once saw a darkend or black dot inside a condom that makes me worry, but it was probably only some dust inside from laying on the bed) I have never seen, felt or heard that the condom broke and in withdrawing myself I always took the condom in my hands so it wouldn't slip off. I never saw anything abnormal with the condom and I tried to have sex as safe as you can have it. One prostitute did change the condom during intercourse (just to be very safe I guess) but I thought that was actually a good thing. If i'm correct the advice will be not to get tested for HIV because i had protected sex and the chance of contracting HIV from protected sex with only one partner and not different times with the same partner is just to low to test. If i've interpretaded questions from other people in the right way this should be the answer for me to?
3. Can i have unprotected sex with the girl that is now in my life and that I love very much, because she's great and I finally got lucky without putting her in danger? I've come from a very happy live to have been hit rockbottom and am trying to get back up. I found a job, I found a great way of passing my time by volountering to help children with sports and i met a great girlfriend. If I wouldn't have been so disappointed in life and how things went I wouldn't have done the above things but made bad desciscions in my life because I couldn't cope very well with my own demons and now i'm kinda worried but hope i'm on the good road to overcome my demons.
Thanks for answering and reading. I tried to be as honest as possible and I hope this post will help other people realise nothing is worth risking you're life because there's always a new smile or something better around the corner even when everything looks very bad and grey.
Best Answer
You never had an exposure.
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So glad to hear my friend. I hope I am lucky as you and yes it's one girl and one girl only for me too. I am planning marriage soon so I will never end up in this scenario again.
Got my results back today, everythings fine and ok with me. Glad this nightmare is over. I never want to get back in this situation. I read about guys who come back here over and over again because they made the same mistake over and over. Well I definetly am done with that prostitution thing. One girl, my girl is enough for me.
Nevertheless all the best wishes and luck, for who'm reads this post and is in the same kind of situation and to persons who aren't as lucky as I am.
Nevertheless all the best wishes and luck, for who'm reads this post and is in the same kind of situation and to persons who aren't as lucky as I am.
You're right and it is unfair of me to put myself at risk as I am important to more than one person, three in fact.
Good luck with your results. I'm sure you'll be fine as you and I both used condoms when doing our "mistakes".
Good luck with your results. I'm sure you'll be fine as you and I both used condoms when doing our "mistakes".
Still no result, have to wait some longer... maybe tomorrow. Not a great sign, I guess. Nevertheless for me the risk is to high compared to the thrill and danger of it. I quit a couple of months ago and am holding steady right now.
oh yeah and I think your important whenever you mean something to someone, hell it might just be one person, you matter and are important. Just give back to those or that person, maybe thinking like this might help you. I don't know. I obviously have/had a similar problem.
oh yeah and I think your important whenever you mean something to someone, hell it might just be one person, you matter and are important. Just give back to those or that person, maybe thinking like this might help you. I don't know. I obviously have/had a similar problem.
You're very much correct in what you say, though I don't ever plan to re-visit prostitutes as yes it will definitely ruin my relationship.
Funnily enough I have a great relationship with my girlfriend - this is what is so strange. I just want sex. I have sex with her but I have such a problem I want it with other girls. I have never formed a "relationship" with anyone outside my girlfriend it's literally sex I want and those 11 times I've have gone to prostitutes are the times I have cheated. The guilt is immense and it stems from my strict upbringing, the fact I was brought up to be someone important and instead I am having sex with what are most likely illegal immigrants who may be diseased. Just writing that out makes me want to hit myself hard. I am a complete fool with a self destruction button, and I do it because I just can't ever be happy so I risk everything to make myself feel something and realise my life isn't so bad and to be thankful for it. These are the physcological reasons I seek the risk and danger of sex workers.
I just hope that I'm ok and I never fall again into this trap. Those condoms better have worked...
Funnily enough I have a great relationship with my girlfriend - this is what is so strange. I just want sex. I have sex with her but I have such a problem I want it with other girls. I have never formed a "relationship" with anyone outside my girlfriend it's literally sex I want and those 11 times I've have gone to prostitutes are the times I have cheated. The guilt is immense and it stems from my strict upbringing, the fact I was brought up to be someone important and instead I am having sex with what are most likely illegal immigrants who may be diseased. Just writing that out makes me want to hit myself hard. I am a complete fool with a self destruction button, and I do it because I just can't ever be happy so I risk everything to make myself feel something and realise my life isn't so bad and to be thankful for it. These are the physcological reasons I seek the risk and danger of sex workers.
I just hope that I'm ok and I never fall again into this trap. Those condoms better have worked...
It's not for me to judge, so I won't but if you have a girlfriend you love, you shouldn't need or have the urge to go to a prostitute. I didn't have a girlfriend at that time, wich made a difference in my mind. (I know it's a cheap excuse). I won't say your a sex addict either but you should talk to your girlfriend, tell her what you think of your sexual life and what's missing or what's excellent and most importantly stick to her, don't cheat on her, then you won't have to worry. One more thing, if you do keep going to prostitutes, in the long run, your relationship is most probably going to fail. Ask yourself the question if you love your girlfriend enough and if she's the one for life. If she's not, than you should be honest with her. As for testing, i often told myself, if I have the balls to go to a prostitute and take that kind of risk, hell yeah! I have to be responsable and have the balls to go testing. (but that's my personal vision, and I doubted a lot to).
My mind will be at ease when I get that labresults, unfortunatly the labtest aren't going to be available today, I'll have to wait one more day. So i'm still worried and anxious. I would love to keep everybody updated trough this topic how my concern ends. So that's why I keep posting and also to find some comfort since I can't tell anybody except here.
Neither of you had a risk of Hiv infection so i don,t know what all the worry is about.It,s time to except the facts about how Hiv is transmitted and it,s not transmitted via protected sex.
I completely agree with what you say about prostitutes, they are not for me and I geniunely feel that this time I'm done with them and won't visit one again. I've visited 11 over a period of 5 years and had protected sex (does that class me as having a problem?) yet each time I have these anxiety attacks and worry about STD's.
I'm a sex addict who will always be hoplessely attracted to women but I am doing everything to make sure i NEVER visit a sex worker again.
As for testing I just can't do it as I have very severe episodes of panic and don't want to make a scene.
I just want to make sure I never cause any type of risk to myself or my girlfirend again and if I can get over this last possible worry I hope to never fall again.
I'm a sex addict who will always be hoplessely attracted to women but I am doing everything to make sure i NEVER visit a sex worker again.
As for testing I just can't do it as I have very severe episodes of panic and don't want to make a scene.
I just want to make sure I never cause any type of risk to myself or my girlfirend again and if I can get over this last possible worry I hope to never fall again.
I know the feeling, but you really should take a test. In that way you're one hundred procent sure you don't have to worry, or at least you're protecting your loved ones. (The last thing is the most important thing for me, not my own safety.) One thing that I have learned though, going to a prostitute isn't something for me and it was a totally wrong reaction of mine because at that moment in time I hated everything that happened in and to my life. I'm realizing now that actions speak louder than words and whenever my life turns upsite down, i know i will be struggling again but I have to make the right choices next time around and about that guts, I walked out the doctors office a couple of time before i was able to stay and take a test.
Your story is shockingly similar to my own. Except you had the guts to get a test. I just couldn't bring myself to do that.
After reading your story and also the gentleman from India who was married I'm starting to see I'm not the only one who has zero risk experiences yet drives themselves crazy with worry.
I sometimes feel like if I treat this lightly I will be in danger. So I over compensate with worry. It's such a phsycological problem and I am constantly scared of it being physical.
After reading your story and also the gentleman from India who was married I'm starting to see I'm not the only one who has zero risk experiences yet drives themselves crazy with worry.
I sometimes feel like if I treat this lightly I will be in danger. So I over compensate with worry. It's such a phsycological problem and I am constantly scared of it being physical.
I'm very scared right now, i couldn't cope with a feeling of guilt of having sex with the girl i love without testing me for std's... I just want to put that part of my life behind me and go forward and more importantly be that guy i once was before. It was an awfull desciscion of myself to put me in this situation. Today I went to my doctor and asked for an std test, I'm really scared for hiv, but i hope everything will be fine, a little bit on the plus side my doctor is checking some other things to like, cholesterol en such so maybe that's a positive thing about that blood test. Nevertheless i'm so scared right now, and i can't tell my story to no one except here on this messageboard. Wednesday I'll know my result.
I'm still doubting, I don't know what's the smartest thing to do. Man up and do a test or just go on with life. One question of mine hasn't been answered if a condom would break or tear would I have noticed or seen it? I was very carefull and I'm almost certain the top of my penis never was exposed, (in other words: it was always in the condom) But still there's some doubt because this question was never answered.
thx
thx
Your sex was protected,you never had a risk of hiv infection and you can relax now.I concur with gumm_BIH.
Thank you for your answer. I appreciate it. If other people still want to comment I would be happy to read some advice. I'm really trying to live my life in the good way. I just have to learn to cope better when luck turns against you.
I understand but I just didn't know it was relevant. In case you are wondering I did do some routine testing when I was in that five year relation just to be sure. Like I said I'm a scared person and I was STD and HIV free. I'm only worrying myself because of my encounters with prostitutes (wich was a first time ever, during end 2010 beginning 2011) not because of my relationship with a girl I loved very deeply, staid faithfull to and had a normal healthy relation. Hope you understand my viewpoint as I understand yours
You need to understand that we (from our perspective) can divide people only into two categories:
those who have unprotected vaginal and anal sex - testing required
those who have protected sex - not require testing
sex workers, escort, cousins, grandmothers, children - we simply do not care.
All subjective and other decisions are up to you.
those who have unprotected vaginal and anal sex - testing required
those who have protected sex - not require testing
sex workers, escort, cousins, grandmothers, children - we simply do not care.
All subjective and other decisions are up to you.
what do you mean? If you mean the girl I stayed with for five years? Offcourse it was unprotected in such a long term relation but she was also my first sexual encounter ever. I was kinda late in that regard, I have no doubt everything was safe and ok during those five years.
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