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Calming Nerves before testing.
In advance of my upcoming test, I wanted to air out my torrid sexual history and hope to get some kind of risk assessment so I can enter my test with a little more peace of mind.
Having read just about every article on this site thus far, I wanted to go over my experiences, and what this site says and get some clarification.
Let me start by clarifying that I am a straight male. That being said, becoming bored with common sex practices I started to dabble a little bit into some experimentation with other men. It started out with me visiting adult book stores/theaters to watch and masterbate to porn. Then I would enjoy men watching me, them lusting after me turned me on even more. That was usually where it ended. However, from time to time (maybe a dozen or so times over the next 5 or 6 years) I would give oral to other men. I was always super nervous and never during any of these visits did I do it long enough for them to ejaculate in my mouth, or shortly afterward. These were the initial experiences that I am worried about. After reading on this site the article Dr. Hook and Dr. HHH have written, and the long article that NurseGirl wrote, about how giving oral is of no risk, I felt a little better. But then I read something Dr. Sean Cummings wrote where he retracted that statement saying he had patients himself whom contracted HIV just from giving oral. So the two contradict each other so a little clarification there would be helpful as I’m now freaking out again about this.
I less frequently over the same time period would meet guys online. I would only respond to profiles that listed their HIV status as negative, and was pretty through with my screening of them. The first guy I was with, didn’t use a condom, though he showed me his results from his last screening and he was clean, I still talk to him from time to time now and he’s still clean. That was around 6 years ago or so. The only other time that I had a “risky” encounter was with a guy I met online, again, screened thoroughly before hand, and have confirmed at his most recent test that he was clean. While we doing it, I had pulled off of him, and then he was masterbating and ended up cumming. I didn’t know it at the time, but the condom had stayed inside me for about an hour or so. Knowing he was clean, and then having him verify for me 3 months later, I wasn’t so much worried about it. The 3 other times I had been a receptive bottom, were all no fail condom sessions where the guy didn’t come close to ejaculating inside me and they all had disclosed their clean status before meeting me.
Where my concern comes into play is about 4.5 months after that last experience with the condom happened, I was away for work, and part of my job is showing clients a good time. I was drinking to excess most nights, not getting much sleep, and even took a recreational drug which I hadn’t done since I was 20. I came back from that trip with a case of Tonsillitis. I went to the er, they gave me Pennicilin and some precrptions for the fever I had, and sent me home, describing it as an upper respitory infection in multiple locations. The next day I wasn’t feeling any better, and me being in patient, I went to the doctor on the paperwork from the ER that they had recommended. Not knowing about my abnormally large tonsils I’ve had since I was a child, or about this crazy trip I went on, she said that I needed IV antibiotics and that she wanted to admit me straight to the hospital for them. When I mentioned the sore throat (which it doesn’t take much to get my tonsils inflamed) and the fever, she checked for a rash (which I didn’t have) and asked about HIV testing. I told her it had been awhile. That was the end of that. I went to the hospital, and after receiving the IV antibiotics, and some steroids, I felt like a million dollars. But I am freaking out, because the doctor had asked me about HIV testing. I followed up with my primary doctor, and he said it was absurb for her to ask me about that, without asking about my sexual history, and that my symptoms wouldn’t indicate HIV in any way shape or form. He said that he wouldn’t even recommend testing given my limited exposures, and that we can wait and do it for peace of mind at my next appointment which is coming up in about 3 weeks. Having read a million posts on this site, and hearing about everyone elses stories, I wanted to put mine up and see what you guys think.
Having read just about every article on this site thus far, I wanted to go over my experiences, and what this site says and get some clarification.
Let me start by clarifying that I am a straight male. That being said, becoming bored with common sex practices I started to dabble a little bit into some experimentation with other men. It started out with me visiting adult book stores/theaters to watch and masterbate to porn. Then I would enjoy men watching me, them lusting after me turned me on even more. That was usually where it ended. However, from time to time (maybe a dozen or so times over the next 5 or 6 years) I would give oral to other men. I was always super nervous and never during any of these visits did I do it long enough for them to ejaculate in my mouth, or shortly afterward. These were the initial experiences that I am worried about. After reading on this site the article Dr. Hook and Dr. HHH have written, and the long article that NurseGirl wrote, about how giving oral is of no risk, I felt a little better. But then I read something Dr. Sean Cummings wrote where he retracted that statement saying he had patients himself whom contracted HIV just from giving oral. So the two contradict each other so a little clarification there would be helpful as I’m now freaking out again about this.
I less frequently over the same time period would meet guys online. I would only respond to profiles that listed their HIV status as negative, and was pretty through with my screening of them. The first guy I was with, didn’t use a condom, though he showed me his results from his last screening and he was clean, I still talk to him from time to time now and he’s still clean. That was around 6 years ago or so. The only other time that I had a “risky” encounter was with a guy I met online, again, screened thoroughly before hand, and have confirmed at his most recent test that he was clean. While we doing it, I had pulled off of him, and then he was masterbating and ended up cumming. I didn’t know it at the time, but the condom had stayed inside me for about an hour or so. Knowing he was clean, and then having him verify for me 3 months later, I wasn’t so much worried about it. The 3 other times I had been a receptive bottom, were all no fail condom sessions where the guy didn’t come close to ejaculating inside me and they all had disclosed their clean status before meeting me.
Where my concern comes into play is about 4.5 months after that last experience with the condom happened, I was away for work, and part of my job is showing clients a good time. I was drinking to excess most nights, not getting much sleep, and even took a recreational drug which I hadn’t done since I was 20. I came back from that trip with a case of Tonsillitis. I went to the er, they gave me Pennicilin and some precrptions for the fever I had, and sent me home, describing it as an upper respitory infection in multiple locations. The next day I wasn’t feeling any better, and me being in patient, I went to the doctor on the paperwork from the ER that they had recommended. Not knowing about my abnormally large tonsils I’ve had since I was a child, or about this crazy trip I went on, she said that I needed IV antibiotics and that she wanted to admit me straight to the hospital for them. When I mentioned the sore throat (which it doesn’t take much to get my tonsils inflamed) and the fever, she checked for a rash (which I didn’t have) and asked about HIV testing. I told her it had been awhile. That was the end of that. I went to the hospital, and after receiving the IV antibiotics, and some steroids, I felt like a million dollars. But I am freaking out, because the doctor had asked me about HIV testing. I followed up with my primary doctor, and he said it was absurb for her to ask me about that, without asking about my sexual history, and that my symptoms wouldn’t indicate HIV in any way shape or form. He said that he wouldn’t even recommend testing given my limited exposures, and that we can wait and do it for peace of mind at my next appointment which is coming up in about 3 weeks. Having read a million posts on this site, and hearing about everyone elses stories, I wanted to put mine up and see what you guys think.
Best Answer
I'm not sure I follow you on the contexualising of other people having much greater risks? Could you expand upon that?
And I guess, most of my fear and anxiety came from not being able to really believe that oral sex poses such a small/no risk. But then if the only real way to spread is from unprotected receptive anal (bottoming) and I did that once with a guy whom I know for a fact was negative, and then had a slip up with a guy who I am very confident wasn't, that really puts my mind at ease.
Jason
And I guess, most of my fear and anxiety came from not being able to really believe that oral sex poses such a small/no risk. But then if the only real way to spread is from unprotected receptive anal (bottoming) and I did that once with a guy whom I know for a fact was negative, and then had a slip up with a guy who I am very confident wasn't, that really puts my mind at ease.
Jason
Hi Jason,
No worries, I look forward to reading your negative result :)
Just to contextualise the point about other people having much greater risks, I do understand that it does not take away from your fear and anxiety, I just hope it helped to put it into perspective, I sincerely do expect your result to return negative and there are many many people who could follow your great example of safe sexual behaviour.
Best Wishes
James
No worries, I look forward to reading your negative result :)
Just to contextualise the point about other people having much greater risks, I do understand that it does not take away from your fear and anxiety, I just hope it helped to put it into perspective, I sincerely do expect your result to return negative and there are many many people who could follow your great example of safe sexual behaviour.
Best Wishes
James
James,
I really appreciate your well thought out and through response! You are 100% right when you say guilt plays a huge part in my anxiety. I know that my limited risk exposure probably pails in comparison to a lot of the men in the community who practice little to no safety or caution when it comes to sex, I merely wanted to know what it was like out of curiosity, and all of those situations happened after more than a few round of drinks. The fear and anxiety started after the bout of Tonsilitis which was 4 and half months after the last exposure, and then as you know, when you start googling symptoms it's always cancer or HIV. So I started to panic a little bit. And to be honest I was more worried about the random oral encounters than I was the protected anal, even with the one screw up. But like I said, I still talk to both of those guys online, they are still active in the community, so I would be hard pressed to believe they would continue to hook up with guys, and mislead them by telling them they were negative when in reality they are positive. A friend told me the other day that those guys are also just as worried about being positive as I am, and are almost assuredly taking better precautions and getting tested a lot more regularly than I am. So that helped. But thanks again James. I'll be sure to let you know when I get my test results back.
Cheers,
Jason
I really appreciate your well thought out and through response! You are 100% right when you say guilt plays a huge part in my anxiety. I know that my limited risk exposure probably pails in comparison to a lot of the men in the community who practice little to no safety or caution when it comes to sex, I merely wanted to know what it was like out of curiosity, and all of those situations happened after more than a few round of drinks. The fear and anxiety started after the bout of Tonsilitis which was 4 and half months after the last exposure, and then as you know, when you start googling symptoms it's always cancer or HIV. So I started to panic a little bit. And to be honest I was more worried about the random oral encounters than I was the protected anal, even with the one screw up. But like I said, I still talk to both of those guys online, they are still active in the community, so I would be hard pressed to believe they would continue to hook up with guys, and mislead them by telling them they were negative when in reality they are positive. A friend told me the other day that those guys are also just as worried about being positive as I am, and are almost assuredly taking better precautions and getting tested a lot more regularly than I am. So that helped. But thanks again James. I'll be sure to let you know when I get my test results back.
Cheers,
Jason
Just realized how much I wrote! wow. Anyway, from reading here, I'm pretty confident that the only way you can get it is with unprotected anal insertion. And that, if I'm correct, it would only be a 1% chance even if the person was HIV+, in my case, the two "exposures" I am confident that the guys didn't have it. I'm not too far off base here am I?
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Well I must say that you do have a very good way of detailing your past, I would suggest that part of your fear is maybe a little guilt but only because elf the 'what if's'.
HIV is easier to spread man to man, that said, it is still a fairly tough virus to transmit and with the limited number of exposures plus the precautionary measures you took, I would fully expect your result to be negative.
The issue surrounding oral sex is that many people who have multiple partners are not good with keeping the tack of the dates...
For example, if a man caught HIV but tested negative due to the window period, then net on to have oral sex and no anal / vaginal sex but then tested a month later, the positive result would be potentially pinned on the oral sex, not the penetrative sex which is where it would have come from.
I met some amazing people years three years ago when I was really worried, it opened my eyes to what a 'risk' is, - I had no idea that some men go to saunas and sleep with five men in a night, this is a risk as the person telling me said they were all u protected... When you put this up against your slight risk, it quantifies it to next to zero.
I would suggest the immediate thing to do is to take a 4th generation blood test, this will give you absolutely cincusive results from 28 days... Yours will be Negative I am certain.
In term sof the healthcare professional discussing a HIV test, this, although maybe not required, is great practice, he more people that get tested and diagnosed the better as it stops HIV being spread if precautions are taken, I would always advise a routine test wherever you have the chance if you are sexually active so the original advice makes good sense to me.
As I mentioned, I a. Sure your result will be negative, take the test and get the reassurance you nee.
Kudos for the condom usage too buddy!
Please come back and tell us when you get your Negative result :)
Best Wishes
James