Condom Broke Whilst Having Sex With Prostitute

[stupidstupidman]

I am a 34 year old hapily married man with a fantastic wife and 2 kids.

My wife is the greatest, but last night I got tempted into going to a brothel to see what it's like.

I ended up going with a Romainian girl and she gave oral sex (unprotected) and then we had full sex.

However the condom broke, I realised this after about 30 seconds and withdrew. She got a new condom, I put it on and then I finished.

She says that she has an AIDS test every 3 months and she is negative. But I am not sure.

I am a very stupid man, I do not understand why I did it and I WISH I could turn back time. I am kicking myself today. I feel guilty as sin and pray to be forgiven.

What are my chances? I want to tell her to protect her but she may leave me and if not probably NEVER forgive and trust me again.

We have sex quite regular (without protection) and will know something is wrong if I don't want sex. I really do love her very much. I will NEVER ever do this again! What do I do?

Please help this stupid-stupid-man.

[Teak]

Well all I can say is use a condom or don't have sex with your wife until you've had and STD panel and HIV test done. More than likely you didn't contract HIV but don't take a chance with your wife.

[ECN44120]

The chance for one unprotected vaginal sex is 1/2000 if the other partner is confirmed to have hiv, since she says that have been tested and until know always negative it would be even lower, anyway the only thing you can do now it waiting for the test, at 6 weeks you`ll have a 95% accurate result an then at 3 months for a conclusive result, about what to do with your wife is really up to you, the best thing would be telling her what happen and to avoid having sex or using a condom for any penetrative sex with her.

Good luck the odds are really big in your side.

[alienshadow]

you need to come clean man you had a risk and you dont want to put your wife at risk neither

[stupidstupidman]

Thanks everyone for the feedback.

I have been utterly traumatised by the experience. I havn't been sleeping, sweating, constantly beating myself up for being SO stupid, permantly thinking about it and feeling guilty guilty guilty!

I have seen the doctor and am going for a test in a couple weeks. He says this is all I need(?), but I'm thinking about another test at 3 months. My wife thinks I am having a problem (pains) with my testicles. I do not want to hurt or lose her and if we have sex I have told her that doctor says we must use a condom until testing is complete.

I am doing this because I really love her and I DO NOT want to expose her or ruin her life for MY stupid mistake. I also really really don't want to lose her or my family. If I get this chance, I vow I will NEVER again do this and be faithful to my wife always.

Please wish me luck, from a stupidstupidman!

PS: I am circumsized, does this help my chances?

[ECN44120]

Yes it does help to be circunsized, it lower the risk, but not to zero,

Good luck.

[worried826]

Youre not stupid, youre just a guy. Guys like hookers, lol. Woman have their vices too, that doesnt make them stupid.

Try to chill out some, the chances that you caught HIV are so low, especially since your exposure was only about 30 seconds.

You guys would hate to be in my shoes. Multiple unprotected sex with multiple women (not hookers) in the last year.

[stupidstupidman]

Today is Saturday 17th May.

I have chilled a little. Can focus a bit more and trying to live normally. Still very worried though.

How long can the HIV virus live staying exposed to air? My worry now when the condom broke, we changed it for a new one then finished. This took about 20 seconds to change (I think). I wonder if the virus was already on my penis, then I put a new one on wouldn't it be trapped giving a higher chance of infection?

I am also having 'clod-sweat' sleeps since the 1st night and my poo is not solid, but could it be because I have a permanent worried/guilty feeling in my gut? I hear these can be symptoms of infection!

I keep praying. I wish I could turn back time.

[ECN44120]

We`ll keep praying, hiv is not infectious outside the bosy, anyway dont waste time thinking about symptoms just read al the forums answers to symptoms, they are meaningless, just try to calm down until you get your innitial 6 week test, good luck

[stupidstupidman]

Today is Sunday, I have been pretty good today, but the anxiety is coming back slowly.

I have stopped the cold sweats, but I am still having runny poo's, but not diahorrea.

Still haven't had sex with my wife (with condom), still feeling too guilty (although she wanted yesterday). I am usually highly sex'd, but cannot even think about having sex with anyone or even look at a female.

10 years ago it wouldn't have bothered me so much. But now I have a family and close friends that like my wife will think I am a total dirt-bag if all came out.

I pray I am negative for many reasons, my family, our friends and of course my life. It is just too risky nowadays to mess around, it is DEFINATELY NOT worth it, for 20 mins! What was I thinking!!

I go for a test on the 26th, the results take 10 days, wish me luck. I am planning another at 3 months. FM I am nervous!

I am a very stupid-stupid-man!!

[worried826]

Forget taking a test that takes 10 days to get back, go get a rapid test at a place like plannned parenthood, the results only take like 30 minutes, that way you can be done with it.

[LIZZIE LOU]

the 26th will only be 12 days since your exposure !!!!!!!!!!!

[stupidstupidman]

Monday 19th today.

Not feeling too bad today, still feeling guilty and praying. At least my 'stool' wasn't runny today, I think it is because the feeling in my stomach has eased up.

I am still praying by myself for forgivness and for this chance. Apart from you guys God is the only person I can talk to about what I've done. Funny how you always turn to God when you need him...

I am English, but am living in Spain, I don't think the doctor I saw was very clued up about HIV and he says the laboratory test that will be done will be 100% accurate. I doubt it.

I have to wait 10 days as they don't seem to have the 'quick tests' here, it has to get sent away to Barcelona. I can get the quick tests from the UK, but it wouldn't look good in the post box and my wife finding it.

If this test is negative I am going to have another done at 3 months, if it is positive I may as well walk in front of a bus... I am disgusted with myself!

I had sex with my wife today, with a Durex condom. It was good (better than a *****) but I didn't feel the same and didn't feel like I deserved her.

Anyone got a time machine?

[LIZZIE LOU]

i dont know what else we can tell you to ease your mind...the facts have been laid out for you :)  10 days from exposure is toooooooooo early to test.

you might want to use a feature that is available on this site.  go to "my medhelp" at the top of the page.  click on "journals".  this is a place where you can post and talk about your feelings and fears.  you will get some feedback from there.

[worried826]

You got issues man.

[LIZZIE LOU]

bump

[viv_xyz]

I am 25 years old and I also did sex with one sex worker and condom broke during sex. That was on 17 May and I need to get tested too after 6 weeks. She says that she is safe, but I don't believe that. Now I also have to wait for 6 weeks. Some say 1 month of wait. What is the accuracy in 1 month and 6 weeks?

[snippets69]

Your issue is guilt.  Not HIV.  Women in "modern" country brothels are regularly tested and use condoms almost without exception.  The chances you got HIV from 30 seconds of unprotected sex after a condom broke with someone who regularly uses condoms are 1 in multiple 10's of millions.

You don't NEED to tell your wife.  That is ******** advice.  If it's a one time incident and you're truly sorry for what you did, you need to chalk it up to experience... Eat your guilt and move on with your life.

viv_xyz - this is thread hijacking... Start your own thread so we can try and keep confusion to a minimum.

[Insina]

I can feel with you as I did an even more stupid mistake although having a really fantastic relationship. Yes, I was smashed drunk when it came to my exposure, but that shouldn't be an excuse.

My advise for you: Tell your wife! I decided to do so and it gave me great relieve. Not regarding my anxiety, but at least I can look into the mirror again. And I don't feel so extremely lonely anymore.

If you really wanna prove (God or yourself or the one who you love) that you have learned your lesson, then start today. Be a better person than before and don't cheat on your wife again by not telling her the truth. It's hard, I know. But she should be aware of the risk she has if you two have sex, and I am sure if she knows about your problem she will give you the support that you certainly need.

I told nobody about my problems and it almost killed me because I just couldn't stand the pressure anymore to behave like normal. Then I decided to tell my family and my wonderful gf and although I can't say that they were delighted, they never blamed me. Instead they supported me and I can even say that both the relation to my parents as also the relation to my gf has much improved over this crisis. If my final test result will be negative what I pray for then I will ask my gf to marry me. After all these terrible months I found out that I can't find any better one to spend my life with.

Well, you have to decide for yourself. But from my own experience I recommend you to tell your wife. Such a crisis can be also a very big chance.

[snippets69]

Exactly my point.  You told your wife for your own selfish reasons... To relieve your guilt and anxiety,  because you couldn't handle it.

If you've "learned your lesson", there's no reason to tell her.  Go through the pain of the guilt like a man and be a better husband from now on.   Telling her at this point will only breed mistrust and you could possibly lose her.  One things for sure you would never gain the same level of trust again.  We all make mistakes.  Learn from it and move on.

[Insina]

I think it has nothing to do with being a real man or not. It's not a shame not being able to handle it, it's rather normal.

It seems that we have a different understanding of trust. To my mind a lie is never the right basis. And as you say: We all make mistakes and we have to learn from them. Moving on with another lie might be not the right start if you are really serious about that. But, well, everyone has to decide for himself. Just talking about my opinion and experience.

[snippets69]

He has nothing to gain and everything to lose by telling her. You told because you couldn't handle the guilt and anxiety from your stupid act.  It was selfish reasons, not because it was a lie and she deserved to know.  Get real with yourself.

[Insina]

Trust me, during the last months I got extremely real with myself.

Anyway, we have different opinions which is okay. So no need for further discussion.

[stupidstupidman]

Hi viv_xyz, snippets69 and Insina.

Thanks for your posts.

Viv_xyz, I know how you feel man, it is utter sh1t, but let me give you an update of my progress.

My incident happened last Wednesday night (14th May). I felt like sh1t man and was going to tell my wife (due to guilt and fear), I came SO close.

On Thursday I told her my t*e*s*t*i*c*l*e*s were hurting (they were a little), and on Friday I told her I'm going to see a doctor (still hurting).

I went to the doctor (36 hours after exposure) and told him my problem. I told him I was stupid and I f*u*c*k*e*d up. He understood. I asked him about PEP, I even printed the documentation out. He didn't think I needed it. 'WTF!' I thought.

Anyway, he said I must go for a test on the 26th (this Monday) coming?? I said 'Is that all I need?', he said 'Yes' (I don't think the docs here in Spain are as clued up, I am English living in Spain). The test takes 10 days to come back!

So my story to my wife is a possible infection/virus/or worse and I must have a test, but until then we must use condoms. She is ok with this. Obviously I don't want to risk my wife and the 1st test I think is too soon, so I am going to have to tell her that the test in inconclusive, 'I may have something' and I need further testing in 6 more weeks.

Yes, I know it is lies and feel guilty about it. But lies to protect her and our family (and of course my own self). You don't know my wife and she will never ever trust me again, I am her 'world' and she will probably not even be able to look at me, and I don't blame her.

It has taken me years to gain her trust, and I WILL destroy it and our family if I told her. I have no other option. This is the only thing I could think of. But I hope and pray that I am given a chance and to be able to lay the incident to rest and never do it again.

I have learnt a lot from my mistake, and snippets is right, I have to take it like a man and live with it.

I am coping a lot better now since I have been talking to a couple people from this site  as they are experiencing similar.

My advise if you can, do NOT tell your wife, most people will destroy what they had. I am not a lier, but in this situation I have to. MOST women will NOT understand, sorry, but that's the facts.

At least I have not just said 'Ah, I'm probably ok' and continued to have unprotected sex with my wife (I've had a vasectomy) potentially exposing her. Imagine if I was infected and passed it on to her? That would be the 'pits'!

So, for now, everything is ticking along... Am I on borrowed time? I don't know yet. I may still have to bite the bullet. I hope and pray everyday I am NOT HIV and I can 'forget' about this whole nightmare, but I've got to wait.

It doesn't seem like I have caught anything else STD related (nothing unusual yet) and apart from the first few very disturbing nights (probably down to guilt and fear) I have been healthy, but I'm not counting my chickens yet.

Thanks everyone for your feedback and advise, it has really helped this past week and I wish everyone in my position the very best, and to LEARN from your mistakes.

NEVER AGAIN - StupidStupidMan

[Brad_]

Im with snippets. If you truly learned your lesson then the damage has already been done and since the lesson is learned there is no need to even tell the woman. All that will do is make matters worse. Its not like telling is going to change your HIV status or something.

[snippets69]

You have kids also.  If this is a one time mistake you need to eat your guilt. If it's something you plan on doing again, that's a different story.  

Let go of your stress a little man.  The chances you have HIV are so slim it's ridiculous (30 second condom break w/someone who uses condoms and tests regularly??)... Do you worry about lightning hitting you twice on your way to work?  That's about where you're at man.

[Wear/a/Jimmy]

Google DNA PCR regarding HIV testing....  

I had a similar experience.  Good luck to you, & I advise you not to tell you wife, if you do, and she stays with you, you will never live it down.  

[J_friend]

I think Snippets69 has a VERY solid point.  I used to think differently - I used to think that "telling everything" was the right thing.  However, it truly CAN be selfish.  If you really KNOW in your heart that you ****** up ... then deal with that pain as opposed to "feeling so relieved" because you dumped in on someone else.

Sure, I know we all respect honesty, and I think being honest is crucial.  However, I truly like what Snippets said - it's YOUR cross to bear - your the one who messed up.  Why give your wife the TONS of pain you were carrying around.  Do something extra nice each day for a year - apologize to her in your actions.  The whole "letting it all out" confession just doesn't seem as real and honest to me as it used to.  Maybe I'm getting older and bitter. :)

[stupidstupidman]

Yes I totally agree with you guys. In this case, confession isn't the way to go.

If you bought a 50" Plasma TV and a state-of-the-art home cinema system on credit card then that is something to 'confess', this just isn't.

That is why I have taken such great actions to avoid telling her and also to protect her.

I am doing ok now, I've chilled out A LOT since last week, and have actually realised how important my wife and family are to me, so I am treating them all a little kinder (I wasn't bad anyway but I appreciate them more).

Thanks for your words guys.

[stupidstupidman]

Hi All,

Just an update.

I went for a test (It was only 11 days after exposure) and it took 10 days to come back.

It was a 'proper' blood test that checks for type 1 and 2 HIV, as well as Syphilis and Ghonorrhoea.
It came back negative, VERY negative in everything.

My 'score' was 0.10 wich is 'way normal', normal is between 0.10 and 0.90. Intermediate is between 0.90 and 1.0, anything above 1.0 you have to worry about.

I got a 'proper report'.

The 'testing lady' said I can have another later after another month but in her opionion the result would have been a lot worse and I have nothing to worry about.

So I may go for another test but to tell you the truth I am feeling perfectly fine and no symptoms. I like to 'think' I am clear.

What do you think?

[stupidstupidman]

Sorry, I made a mistake. Normal is between 0.00 and 0.90, but everyone has some score.

[LIZZIE LOU]

WHOOOOA NOW!!!!!!  what kind of test did you have?  

[SCAREDTODEATH39]

do not tell your wife to satisfy your selfish desire of forgiveness you sissy. just tell her you dont feel well or some other line of **** and get tested. beleive it will hurt her beyond belief.

[LIZZIE LOU]

news flash!!!!!!

not all men cheat on their wives.

[Teak]

Quit posting on this forum. You don't have any idea what the hell you're talking about. You don't have to have other STD's to contract HIV. You've been reported to MedHelp.

[distant]

IMPULSIVE

I HAD SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH A PROSTITUTE AND THE CONDOM BROKE I ONLY REALISED IT AFTER MY ORGASM AND NOW SCARED STIFF . I HAD THE FIRST TEST DONE AFTER 3 DAYS
AND IT CAME CLEAR BUT I BELIEVE THIS IS THE WINDOW PERIOD AND AM GOING FOR A PCR TEST NEXT WEEK FRYDAY
13 DAYS AFTER BEING EXPOSED . THE ANXIETY HAS CREPT IN WITH GUILT.CAN ANY BODY OFFER ADVICE

[Teak]

First off take the caps off. Second it's to early to test. Third PCR tests are not approved diagnostic test. IF you need to test early test at 6-8 weeks post exposure and then at 3 months to get your conclusive test result.

[zacharry]

i also had sex with a prostiute, very run down secret brothel, chinese immigrant girl,brothel doesnt look legitimate at all, this was nearly 18 months ago, i stupidly like a coward did nothing about it i was only 21 and careless.  Just recently i started having unprotected sex, the girl in question told me she hasnt had sex in a year, i dont know if this is true, but stupidly believed her and we had unprotected sex on two seperate days. The second day after i came inside her pulled my penis out and it was covered in her blood, she told me afterwards she was on her period, she was laughing then apologised for not telling me. I left her and havent had sex with her since, but she told me she only slept with one guy previously, they togethr 3 yrs always had unprotected sex did weird things involving urinating on each other, he even gave her a child. She told me she stopped taking the pill also. I have a rash on my penis it goes from the tip to the end, its dark and in a straight line. my penis always really itches, I'm also circumcised. please help this stupid idiot i'm going to get tested,  should i be worried?

[zacharry]

when had sex with prostitute the condom broke  

[LIZZIE LOU]

please copy and paste your question in another thread...start your own.

[baggio10]

Geez, nice to see that the prostitution business is doing so well :S

[CHITOWN123]

*** that man. Don't tell your wife shyt unless she is GOD. Most people say honest is the key to a good relationship but I bet if they partner or spouse tell them that they have HIV or AIDS, that rule simply goes out the freaking window. Look I am only responding because I feel the same as you. I have prayed and repented and worship God for these past days and will continue to do so. Look honestly there are some things that only your wife can know and there are things that only God should know because nobody or sometimes people might not be able to handle the truth even though they say they can but that a chance you take of losing your reputation as a loving husband, friend, and father. If you think your wife can handle it than tell her. These people on this thread don't know you wife like you do. Just keep praying and thanking God for Jesus and that He died for your sins. I am going to buy this test online from this site, I have been talking to this guy for the past 30 minutes. Hope this helps. http://www.hivkit.info/index.html

[Teak]

Don't pull up old posts and make replies. This thread is 8 months old and dead.

[CHITOWN123]

ay I new to this man. but thanks. I didnt see the dates. thanks for the heads up

[nursegirl6572]

Okay.....not only is this thread OLD, but also...we do not judge people here.  The nature of this forum beings MANY a story of infidelity and then some.  It isn't our job to play "conscience police".  Keep your comments to yourself!

[Mitch82]

This is an HIV prevention Forum not a place to condemn others for their actions, your advice is pretty much a flame

[Patricius]

the guy made a mistake and is not proud of it. i wouldnt admit it to my wife either and i am not married.  i would just pray that i wouldnt put myself in such a stupid position again and develop a temporary E.D. to avoid any kind of sex for a few months until the testing is complete. Just cos he cheated , doesnt mean he doesnt love his wife. How did the guy test out in teh end anyway?

And Teak  - I want you to explain about the PCR - it may  NOT be a CDC approved diagnostic tool, ie it will will not show Antibodies , which provide the clinical evidence of having contracted a virus (in essence having fought and defeated it, HIV being an exception amongst viruses as it is "unbeatable") however PCR DNA, testing for the actual genetic material of the virus in  is used in blood donations and the porn industry - now we know the risks of the extremely promiscuous porn actors and we know the aftermath of the blood for haemophiliacs disaster in the UK some years ago.So why would they have this in place now, considering the expense of each test?Why is it that the PCR DNA test , which is widely used in the period of initial /acute infection, not a diagnostic tool? Why does it even exist? Why do some doctors say that at 4 weeks if you have both a neg pcr dna and and a neg anti 1/2 test then you cannot be infected? Pls explain this, seperate thread if you like.

[Teak]

MOVE ON...