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Contemplating suicide from Hiv Anxiety
by scared004, Nov 08, 2009 10:39PM
Initially I really wanted to post this for H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D. because he answered a lot of peoples questions with reassurance.
I am a Male and 26 years old and freaked out.
I left to a trip to Asia for a month. I went to a couple places in Asia. On my 3rd week (Auguest 26, 09) I got to Thailand. We landed in the evening and practically went straight to a hip hop club. I hit it off with a girl we drank a lot and we went back to my hotel. I was very drunk and had unprotected intercourse with her twice on the same night. We woke up around the same time in the afternoon and she said she had to go home. She asked me for money. I freaked out. All this time, I thought she was a regular girl but now I realized I had unprotected sex with a worker. My heart sunk... For the remainder of my trip, I panicked everyday. My stomach started making noises, I felt depressed, headaches and just generally sick. I kept looking for things that were wrong with my body. But I was unsure what to look for and everything and anything could have been an issue to me at the time. I couldn't wait to get back to the states to get checked out. On September 9, 09 I went to the Parent Planned hood, 15 days after I had unprotected sex. I knew little about hiv and any type of STD's. I went online and went through many websites to find out symtoms of HIV. I did not have a fever, no swollen lymph nodes, no rash.
Anyways, On September 9, 09 I got myself tested for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea and HIV. The HIV result was given to me in 5 minutes. I was Negative. The Dr. told me that to be sure I would have to come back 3 months from when I had unprotected sex. I was a little worried but non the less, still happy that the result came back negative. Eventually Chlamydia and Gonorrhea were negative because they never called me.
2 months after I got a cough and my stomach started grumbling again. I went online and went straight to HIV symtoms and other peoples thread. I went back to the Parent Planned hood and they said that the could not give me another HIV test until 3 months has passed. After they refused to give me a test, Ive had a lot of symtoms to believe I might have HIV. (BTW I went online to check for symtoms everyday) I dreaded waking up everyday in case something new maybe wrong with me. It started with the cough and growling stomach. I started having gas both farting and burping. It went away. I had a headache for almost a week. I cant tell the difference between a fever or a headache. Im not sure if I have swollen lymph nodes since everything online says you will not know for sure. But I do feel like I have "something under my armpit". I really am not sure of these symptoms because Im not in pain or agony. The only thing that hurts are my headaches. I think my tongue has white blemishes. I cant tell since I am a smoker for 10 years and I think my tongue was somewhat white but I think it is more white now. I do have neck and back pains. They arent really pains, but I think they cramp up. I slept over someones house and that day when I went back home I had rash on my behind. It went away after 2 days but I think they are still there. I might have more but anyways, I dont know what to do with myself these days. I really am scared and have contemplated suicide by driving my car into a side divider at ridiculous speeds. I was coming home one time after a club and drinking alcohol to get my mind off things, but when I got on the freeway I had suicide thoughts and drove as excessive speed and closed my eyes.
I have always been a well rounded person and liked by all people. I am going through this by myself because I am too embarrassed to tell anyone. I have a million more things I would like to say, but this is getting ridiculousy long.
Am I going crazy? I read a million blogs and threads and it may all be Anxiety. ...i dont know what to do with myself for 3 weeks.
I am a Male and 26 years old and freaked out.
I left to a trip to Asia for a month. I went to a couple places in Asia. On my 3rd week (Auguest 26, 09) I got to Thailand. We landed in the evening and practically went straight to a hip hop club. I hit it off with a girl we drank a lot and we went back to my hotel. I was very drunk and had unprotected intercourse with her twice on the same night. We woke up around the same time in the afternoon and she said she had to go home. She asked me for money. I freaked out. All this time, I thought she was a regular girl but now I realized I had unprotected sex with a worker. My heart sunk... For the remainder of my trip, I panicked everyday. My stomach started making noises, I felt depressed, headaches and just generally sick. I kept looking for things that were wrong with my body. But I was unsure what to look for and everything and anything could have been an issue to me at the time. I couldn't wait to get back to the states to get checked out. On September 9, 09 I went to the Parent Planned hood, 15 days after I had unprotected sex. I knew little about hiv and any type of STD's. I went online and went through many websites to find out symtoms of HIV. I did not have a fever, no swollen lymph nodes, no rash.
Anyways, On September 9, 09 I got myself tested for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea and HIV. The HIV result was given to me in 5 minutes. I was Negative. The Dr. told me that to be sure I would have to come back 3 months from when I had unprotected sex. I was a little worried but non the less, still happy that the result came back negative. Eventually Chlamydia and Gonorrhea were negative because they never called me.
2 months after I got a cough and my stomach started grumbling again. I went online and went straight to HIV symtoms and other peoples thread. I went back to the Parent Planned hood and they said that the could not give me another HIV test until 3 months has passed. After they refused to give me a test, Ive had a lot of symtoms to believe I might have HIV. (BTW I went online to check for symtoms everyday) I dreaded waking up everyday in case something new maybe wrong with me. It started with the cough and growling stomach. I started having gas both farting and burping. It went away. I had a headache for almost a week. I cant tell the difference between a fever or a headache. Im not sure if I have swollen lymph nodes since everything online says you will not know for sure. But I do feel like I have "something under my armpit". I really am not sure of these symptoms because Im not in pain or agony. The only thing that hurts are my headaches. I think my tongue has white blemishes. I cant tell since I am a smoker for 10 years and I think my tongue was somewhat white but I think it is more white now. I do have neck and back pains. They arent really pains, but I think they cramp up. I slept over someones house and that day when I went back home I had rash on my behind. It went away after 2 days but I think they are still there. I might have more but anyways, I dont know what to do with myself these days. I really am scared and have contemplated suicide by driving my car into a side divider at ridiculous speeds. I was coming home one time after a club and drinking alcohol to get my mind off things, but when I got on the freeway I had suicide thoughts and drove as excessive speed and closed my eyes.
I have always been a well rounded person and liked by all people. I am going through this by myself because I am too embarrassed to tell anyone. I have a million more things I would like to say, but this is getting ridiculousy long.
Am I going crazy? I read a million blogs and threads and it may all be Anxiety. ...i dont know what to do with myself for 3 weeks.
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Well if you really want another test before the 90 days visit the link it should show you other HIv testing facilities.
www.hivtest.org/
You are almost done with your time if it was on the 26 of August this year. You made it this far what is alittle more right.
Heck I had my encounter on the 1st of Sep. I am still waiting for my news