Deserved....

This is killing me. I feel im losing everything. Someone help me.... plz.... ive lost all hope.....

[RainLover71]

What's wrong? Please explain your exposure and why you are feeling this way.

[Godsmercyforme]

i had unprotected sex. i feel so ashamed.

[RainLover71]

When? and please just calm down.We are here to help you.

[Godsmercyforme]

november 14 2011. i cant take it anymore...

[Vance2335]

Come Feb 14th you can have an antibody test that will be conclusive. At this point you can test and it would be unlikely to change between now and then. So go and test.

[Teak]

3 months post exposure and you can obtain your conclusive test result.

[Hobby10]

Calm down.  Relax breathe.  Mid February should giv u conclusive result if u want to test for HIV.  U can't go by symptoms.  They can mean all sorts of things frm anxiety to a virus of some sort.  Try to relax.  

[Godsmercyforme]

ive tested at 4 6 8 weeks. i just feel i dont have the strenght to do it one more time. ive failed GOD and my daughters. i feel its going to change at the 12th week. i deserve it.... i cant eat, work, all i do is stare at the ceiling
in my room. ive lost 15 pounds. my daughters dont deserve a ***** of a mother... i dont want to sound drama queen but it is how i feel... my life its over

[Teak]

God didn't have anything to do with you having unprotected sex, that was your decision. Yes you are sounding like a drama queen.

[RainLover71]

You haven't failed anyone and we are all human.You have 3 negative test results under your belt which is excellent and you can expect a 4th negative result.Just have that test and then you can put this all behind you once and for all.Your life is not over,it's just starting,be there for your daughters and in time you will feel so much better.

[Godsmercyforme]

i expected that answer Teak... i just cant Rainlover i have noone to talk to about this. Only online people i dont know. This is eating me inside out. Someone out there must understand how i feel. i didnt post this to gain attention... i just dont have anyone. But i guess some people dont understand that. I cant do it again i just cant...

[Teak]

Unlike others here I've lived with HIV over 27 years so I do understand, but I won't buy any excuses.

[Hobby10]

I knw what it's like to worry.  And I knw what it's like to b a mother.  Forgive yourself.  We are all human.  It's not good for kids to see u all stressed.  Test at 12 weeks.  I'm not a dr.  But doubt it will change.  Most importantly forgive yourself.  Pray meditate whatever helps.  Talk to a counselor or pastor and forgive yourself for being human.  And u got us.  U aren't alone. Really.  

[Godsmercyforme]

Teak: didnt u feel scared? ive been in this forum for 2 months i know ur story... do i have hope? i aint making excuses i know what i did why do u think i feel i deserve it?...

[Teak]

The times are different then when I was diagnosed. There was only one ARV medication and it was killing people faster than AIDS. There is always hope. Get your conclusive test result.  

[Godsmercyforme]

thanks hobby 10. i guess my fear is that it can change at 12 weeks. everytime i get up to d it i get chest pain, fast heartbeat, vomit ect... and theres also the money thing i cant even afford a question to one of the doctors here... ive thought about ending it all but im just to coward even for that. the thought of seeing disapointment in my babies eyes just .... i cant do this i cant

[Teak]

Seek professional mental help or contract the crisis hot line.

[RainLover71]

With 3 negative test results already,the chances of you having HIV are close to zero.You don't need to end anything,you have so much to live for.

[ichele2727]

I messaged you so if you need to talk :)

[Godsmercyforme]

rainlover do u think so... really???? i was raised in a country (puerto rico) that teaches that u just have to look at am hiv person and ull get it. i funny thing is i dont even know if the guy has it or not... i just dont know what to do.

[Godsmercyforme]

rainlover do u think so... really???? i was raised in a country (puerto rico) that teaches that u just have to look at am hiv person and ull get it. i funny thing is i dont even know if the guy has it or not... i just dont know what to do.

[LIZZIE LOU]

kindly move along...you do not have a hiv concern

[Godsmercyforme]

yeah i didnt have the guts to post before i had sex on nov 14 and ever since thwn ive been reading this forum like the bible. i didnt dare post till today. i did it cause i cant take it no more. im a 35 year old woman from davenport florida i hage 3 daughters ages 16 11 and 6 dont do this my credibility is all ive got left.

[RainLover71]

Just get tested at 12 weeks and put this all behind you.That's really all that matters.

[Godsmercyforme]

i just wanted hope. im a mother. of all people i though lizzie would understand me...

[Godsmercyforme]

plz

[Teak]

There is nothing more to tell you. You were advised when to obtain your conclusive test result.

[Godsmercyforme]

i know and thank u Teak all thats missing is courage.  this is so difficult but i understand is my fault and none other. i cant do it.... god help me

[Teak]

Don't even want to hear I can't do it.

[Godsmercyforme]

what else can i say?.... its the truth

[Teak]

You have been given your assessment. It's up to you now and we are not a psychological counseling center.  Next time before you have unprotected sex use your own comment, " I can't."

[Godsmercyforme]

total truth i give u that... im hopeless

[Hobby10]

Focus on the things u can control.  Things like being the best mom u got in u.  And if u are worried about HIV just get a test.   But don't base your life around it.  It's probably more likely u could get hit by lightning than u got HIV.  But I'm not a dr.  I'm just trying to show care and support and help ur worry.  Get a friend or neighbor to go w you if your anxiety is too high.  Your kids need you and that should b your number one focus.  Really.  All the best to u.

[Godsmercyforme]

my babies have/will always be my #1 priority. i aint making excuses but i just dont know what got into me. i just want to b given one oportunity so i can continue to b what ive always been.... a good mother... thats all i want... GOD HELP/FORGIVE ME thank u that a total stranger takes time to write words of encouragement to me means so so much...  

[Ohohohoh]

God has nothing to do with HIV.

[Godsmercyforme]

God CAN do miracles... thats all im saying i just wish i get mercy from him... ive got nothing else to hope 4....

[Hobby10]

If u were talkin to me--- your welcome.   I was trying to change or help ur focus.   B happy.  Take care.

[Ohohohoh]

There are a lot of worse things than HIV. Many of which are much more probable. The idea that god picks which people he saves from infection is offensive towards those infected.

In regards to HIV:
Science will save you. Not religion.

[Godsmercyforme]

i never meant ti disrespect any1  any person with hiv has my admiration but i know me i would loose it and couldnt handle it... i just asking  HIM for a second chance. i know who can save me and who cant i respect ur believes if thats what u think/believe its ok by me....

[RainLover71]

Many posters come to the forum and say the same thing because they have such a fear of the virus and it's anxiety driven,I don't think the OP has set out to offend anyone or been rude,I believe she is afraid and is praying to god for her test to be negative which I'm sure it will be.Put yourself in her shoes,she has daughters and is feeling the pain and guilt of having unprotected sex.

[RainLover71]

"In regards to HIV" Science will save you not religion? Well if that's the case then we should all be listening to what the expert doctors here at medhelp have to say about modes of transmission and shorter window periods because they base their advice and information on scientific facts.

[Hobby10]

I agree with rainlover71.  I don't think she is trying to be rude or cruel to anyone.  I think she is scared and part of the fear I think is guilt ridden.  Fear can make people do and say things that might be construed as offensive.  No offense to anyone ----- just saying.  

[Emily_MHModerator]

Hi everyone -

This thread is now closed.  

Godsmercy (and others struggling with suicidal thoughts) - please visit our Depression Community for some good support - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Depression/show/57

Let's all remember that we are a support and info site, and fighting doesn't support that mission.  If you have a problem with another member, either ignore them, let one of the moderators know, or use the Report feature.

Emily

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