Different Oral scenario!!

Hello Doctor,
I am going to make this quick as I know you are busy. I am 34 heterosexual male living in the US. I tested -ve for HIV conclusively through a blood test at my family doctor together with negative results for all STDs in 8/2009. The reason I was tested is because I had a failed condom incident for a few seconds and 6 months later I was diagnosed with Molluscum. I was seeing a dermatologist who froze those nasty things. I froze my last one which was at the base of my penis and the next day I had protected vaginal sex and unprotected oral from a "friend with benefits" (the spot were the pimple was frozen wasn't completely healed..Since I am a little paranoid, I asked her to get tested. I know she is not promiscuous and no history of drug use , and she never dated an iv drug user (according to her) and from what I know she hasn't dated or had sex in almost a year so I was her first since that time. Her tests were all negative for HIV and all STD (I saw the results with my  eyes). I also want to mention that I asked questions about her sexual history and asked her directly if she is aware of any hiv or std and if she got tested and she said she got tested after her last bf and was -ve for everything!
I stopped seeing her soon after, that was September of 2009 . I have been abstaining from sex since then and stopped dating because I was afraid to catch something. I am now in the process of dating someone and was wondering if I need to be tested over the last encounter before I can enter a relationship. My mind tells me not to worry since the previous intercourse was protected  and she tested negative,however my paranoia tells me what if she was lying about the last time she had sex and that she was in her window period. She is a white female with a college degree and a pretty decent girl, I know her for a while. Please advice as to whether testing is medically warranted in my case or shall I move on.
Thanks,
Worried!

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Welcome to our Forum.  My response to you will have 3 components, a congratulation, a bit of chastisement, and a recommendation.  

First the congratulation.  I'm pleased that you are comfortable talking with partners bout your own STD history, as well as theirs, and your commitment to safe, condom protected sex.  If everyone did this here in the U.S. we would not have the highest rates of bacterial STDs (gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis) of any nation in the developed world.  it is failure to have discussions of this sort, and to get partners treated when it is needed that fuels our alarming STD rates.  I wish more people would take your approach and I encourage you to keep it up.

Now to chastise you a bit.  Part of your question is based on the assumption that your friend/partner might have been lying to you. Shame on you- it that a basis for friendship (with or without benefits)?  Most people tell the truth and unless she or others have given you a reason to not believe them, my advice is to believe them until there is reason not to.  Relationships- friendship, other- should be based on mutual respect/trust until persons prove themselves to be untrustworthy.  Going through life with the assumption that others are not telling the truth is not a very nice way to live.

Now to my advice.  You don't mention whether you and/or your prior partner were monogamous during your relationship or not but it seems that this was probable unless you have firm evidence that this was not the case.  In addition, your vaginal exposures were protected and you both had negative tests for STDs, including, I presume HIV.  In this setting concerns about the possibility that your partner might have been in the "window" period are misplaced - this is a rare event, particularly if you and your partner don't have multiple other recent partners and, for that reason, there is little chance that you have an STD that you are carrying into your new relationship.  Thus, from this perspective there is little reason to suggest that you get tested EXCEPT for the fact that it might be a good way for you and your new partner to establish a foundation of mutual trust and respect as the relationship goes forward.

I hope this mixture of philosophy and advice are helpful to you.  EWH

[worried1942]

Thank you dr. for ur reply. To clarify those 2 point; we were both monogamous while being together (I know that as she is in love with me and wanted to take the relationship to the next level), both my tests and hers included HIV. So to sum up, she got tested after we have been together and got her negative results for all STDs and HIV (I saw the results with my eyes), and my only exposure with her was protected vaginal and unprotected insertive oral (with an open skin area at the base of my penis.

I read in the HIV international forum that insertive oral is a NO RISK for HIV and the guys on aidsmeds say the same thing and they base that on studies performed according to them. Not to mention that I asked Dr. Bob and he said that testing is not medically warranted based on all the info.

So to sum up, you told me to test just to enter this new relationship on a foundation of trust but you don't think I will have any bad news with my results , did I get that right? Thanks again for all your help.

[worried1942]

I also forgot to mention that I went to my family doctor today and I got tested for all STDs and HIV and I dont get the results for a few days. My anxiety level are sky high and I am not sure if I have a reason for that or is it my irrational fears. My doctor said don't worry but again he didn't even listen to what I told him regarding my exposure. I would appreciate a final reply with an honest opinion based on your experience and the facts I have presented.
Thanks again doc.

[Edward W Hook, MD]

I am confident that you are not at risk and do not pose a risk to your partner.  My suggestion regarding testing was based on the assumption that neither of you had been tested.  Knowing that you have, you need not pursue further testing and you need to believe the negative test results I am confident you will receive.  EWH

[worried1942]

Thank a lot doctor for your reply. I don't want to be like one of those annoying people but I think you misunderstood my reply. Let me break it down briefly.

1-I have tested conclusively -ve for HIV and STD on 7/2009.
2-I had protected vaginal and unprotective insertive oral (with open skin area in base of penis) 3 or 4 times in 8/2009.
3-She got tested in 8/2009 for HIV and STDs, all negative and I saw the results with my eyes.
4-We were both monogamous during that time.
5-She said she hasn't had sex for almost a year before we been together, she also said she tested after she broke up with her last bf in 2008
6- Today I got tested at my doctor's for HIV and STDs, results pending.

Thanks again  for everything and this will be my last comment until I come back with my results!

[Edward W Hook, MD]

You have it correct. There is no need for me to repeat myself.  EWH

[worried1942]

Hello again doc, just wanted to let you know that my doctor's office called me today and told me my HIV and STD tests came back negative. Thank you so much for everything.

Do I need to do anything else? Do you think it could be a mistake from the lab? (they send blood work to quest diagnostic), please respond.

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Time for you to move on.  No need for further testing.  Believe the results.

Last answer. EWH