HELP PLEASE

Dear Doctor HH,

I don't really know where to start I am both an emotional and physical wreck after quite frankly making the biggest mistake of my entire life.
I have been faithfully martried for 7 years to a wonderful woman and have a beautiful son, last Thursday whilst my wife was out of the country with my son I
ended up on a night of absolute drunken madness and ended up going home with a sex worker (female) and had vaginal and oral sex without protection, I dont know the
status of the female, when I woke up it was as close to being in hell as I can imagine and the last 5 days have been the
longest of my entire life, I have not stopped crying with fear, guilt, ashamedness as I truly do love my wife. From a medical perspective what are my chances of picking up
HIv and STds, also I had a blister on my mouth which makes me worry more. I cannot tell my wife as my marriage will be over but I just need some medical opinion to assist me in what
I need to do next, help please I just dont know where to turn...my wife is back next week, my friend recommended taking Azithromycin and Doxycycline to eradicate most
STD as I have been experiencing slight burning on my penis, I know you dont have much time for anxiety storys but I just dont know where else to turn

[Teak]

3 months is when you can obtain a conclusive negative test result. You'll need to also get an STD panel. The clinic will advise you when you can test.

[oldskool80]

Yupp...
as per recommended by Teak...

HIV by 3 mnths..
Herpes 1&2 by 4 mths..
Chlamydia & Gonorrhea by 1-2 weeks..
Syphilis by 6 wks...

Or join STD forum for more info...

[Souldetsroyed]

Thanks guys I appreciate the time you put into responding....Think I will go for a test in 6 weeks and then 3 months for everything

Today I don't feel much better, I dont think my life will ever be the same and I know its all my own fault, drunk or not I have crossed a line and I used to think I was a decent person now I know that will never be... I cant believe I risked so much happiness, love and support for a 10 minute drunken and stupid desire. I have had to lie to my wife again to say I am suffereing testicular pain and am going to see the doctor on Friday, after that I will deliver another lie saying that the Doctor recommended wearing a condom for a few months... I hate it, really I do but the alternatives do not bear considering as my life would be over and I just dont want to take any chance giving my wife anything... I truly hope that I can come out of this learning to be a better man, husband and father but it just seems so bleak at the moment.

I am sorry for filling up these forums with my huilt and sadness but I just don't have anyone to talk to, my own fault again I know. Can anyone tell how exposed or what chances/risk I am in?

Once again thanks for taking the time to read and share my pain even though I prob don¨t deserve any support

[nursegirl6572]

First of all....relax.  You know what you did was wrong, and now you simply have to deal with it (which you are).  I do not condone your behavior whatsoever, but in the grand scheme of things..it is NOT the end of the world.  Most importantly...you are making sure that you are not putting your wife at risk (which you need to consistently do throughout the 3 month period until you get your conclusive results)

Even IF your partner was infected....there is no guarantee you will become infected.  A risk is a risk...just follow up with a full std panel at the appropriate time, and protect your wife by either abstaining completely from sex, or by using a condom CONSISTENTLY.  

As for the guilt and shame....you have to come to terms with that...and if need be, you may need to talk to a professional about it.  Just do NOT get yourself into a rut with the mindset that you will end up infected as some kind of "punishment".  That is ridiculous, and sadly a lot of people end up thinking that way when they are riddled with guilt and anxiety.  

Test at 6 weeks, that will give you an EXCELLENT indication of your final outcome...and then be sure to follow that up with a final test at 3 months post exposure.

As for other STD's...the risk is unfortunately much higher for most (than HIV).  Go to a clinic and find out what precautions you need to take and when you need to test.  Do NOT try to self-medicate based on something a friend told you.  IF you should end up testing POS for another STD (again, not HIV)...you will be prescribed the proper medication regimen.

Good luck.

[Purple82]

Hi Soul,

I agree with everything nursegirl said.  First of all, calm down.  We're all human and we make mistakes.  I applaud you for feeling bad about it, realizing how much you love and appreciate your wife, and that you are being careful not to put her at risk.  That says much more about your character than one drunken mistake, as horrible as that mistake may have been.  Think of it this way - there are guys out there who cheat without remorse, and don't worry about using a condom ever and give their girlfriend/wife an STD or HIV.  It happens.  My bf cheated on me more times than I even know about I'm sure, and I doubt he ever used a condom.  He never felt bad, never told me the truth, and it took one of the girls telling me for me to find out.  Now I have to worry about whether he gave me something.  Guys like that are the true sleazeballs.  

I read a post by a doctor on this site, saying that the rate of transmission for HIV (for vaginal sex) is about 1 in 2,000 times.  That doesn't mean it couldn't happen the first time, but even if she had it doesn't mean you contracted it.  The only other one I would worry about if I were you is herpes, as there is no cure. There are drugs though that would reduce the chance you could pass it to your wife.  Most other STDs are treatable.  So even if you DID get something from one encounter, chances are you will be ok :-)

Relax, take a deep breath.  You'll be ok.

[Souldetsroyed]

Nurse Girl and Purple

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my problem, I do really appreciate it. I dont expect any of you guys to be impressed with how I behaved but hearing small crumbs of comfort is very helpful to me as just getting through each day at the moment is difficult. I really will try to take your advice, I hope I can stay strong enough to get through with all the lies about condoms, going for the test etc and come out the other side with another chance of being with my fantastic wife and be able to spend time with my son every day, thats the worst thought, losing all of that. I will be sure to let you guys know how it goes and once again thanks for your kind heartedness.....just one last question I heard about a HIV Duo test that is around 99% conclusive after 28 days, is this right???

[Souldetsroyed]

Also Purple I forgot to say... I hope that you will also be in the clear for everything

[Purple82]

Thanks soul :-)  Haven't seen any physical symptoms of anything yet, so hopefully I'll be alright.  

I hope everything comes out in the clear for you also.  I haven't heard of a 28-day test for HIV, but I don't really keep up on those things :-).  In 2000, I worked as a preschool assitant.  One day we were playing in the park, and one of the kids came running up to hand me something they found on the ground.  It was a needle, and it poked into my finger.  I had a MAJOR freakout.  I was sitting on the park bench waiting for the director to come and take me to the hospital, squeezing my finger and praying I didn't just get infected with HIV or hepatitis or something.  This little autistic kid came and sat next to me, silently for a while, then put his hand on my knee and looked at me and said "it's ok."  It was so cute, and did make me feel a little better :-).  Anyway, my whole point of this story is that in 2000, the wait time for a conclusive result was 6 months.  I had to keep going back to the hospital every month for 6 months for blood tests.  Now I find out from this site that it's 3 months.  I wouldn't doubt if they've come up with a test for 28 days.  

Good luck, let us know how things turn out :)

[Teak]

No a DUO Test is NOT 28 days. The window period of DUO test is the same as all other tests. 3 months for a conclusive negative test. A DUO may detect a week earlier than a standard 3 generation test.

[Souldetsroyed]

Hello Teak, Purple, Nursegirl and Oldschool

Just wanted to let you guts know that today I took the HIV Antibody Rapid Test at a clinic and a Rapid Syphillis (syphilis) test. I was lucky enough to receive a negative on both counts, this is now 19 weeks post encounter and I was told by the nurse today that these results are conclusive. I followed this up with a Chlamydia and Gonnorea urine test and will receive the results in two weeks, in addition the nurse recommended I need a Hep B test but claimed I dont really need a Herpes 1&2 test?

Just wondering your thoughts guys? As its the rapid test would you recommend another test at 6 months? Also what about Hep b and Herpes?

Anyway I just wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart, just for listening and offering honest advice, I have managed to keep this huge mistake from my wife whilst consistently using a condom and I am beginning to forgive myself by trying to be a better husband, most of all I've just learned a really hard lesson and am so grateful to receive today's positive news.

Hope all you guys are keeping well, thanks again....

[LIZZIE LOU]

your test was RELIABLE and CONCLUSIVE, proving that you do NOT have hiv.