HIV fear

Okay. I have never done this before. Hi I am a married mother of two. My husband and I have Ben together for 6 years and I love him dearly. He is in the army. And my first and only love. I have always coped very well when he was gone. But in December of 2011 my grandmother passed and I was very close to her. She raised me on her own. After she passed I lost control and started popping pills and drinking very Heavly. I went to a weed party with a bunch of my old high school friends. Smoked some weed, pooped some pills , and drank a personal bottel of tequila. The next thing I know is I'm laying on a bed I didn't know and one of who I thought to be my closest friend was between my legs. I don't know how I go out of the apartment but I did. I went to the doctor and they said I had chlamydia. That shook my world even more. I told my husband and we are trying to work through it together. I took the HIV test at 6 weeks. It came back NEGITIVE. But I'm still sooo scared I have it. I can't stop looking on the Internet about it. I can't stop crying or praying. My hair is falling out and it's making me sick. I don't know what to do.  Please tell me what I should do?

[RainLover71]

Test again at 3 Months for a conclusive result.The 6 week negative result is excellent.

[Whattoday_please]

Thank you. This is soooo scary. All I can think about is my 5 month old and 3 year old. My husband and marriage. It's driving me sick.

[RainLover71]

We are human and we all make mistakes,you can't be so hard on yourself.A negative at 6 weeks is 99% accurate so the chances of you turning positive at 3 months is close to zero.

[Hobby10]

I don't believe anyone is perfect.  You can't turn back time like a Cher song and it sounds like you want to keep the family together which I commend u for.  Grief can really mess with people in different ways.  Some people isolate some people party---- it's always easy to look back and say why did I do that or if only I hadn't drank so much etc.......... It's like trying to get toothpaste back in once it's squeezed out.   U can't go back so focus on positive loving supportive moves in the direction of your family.  And forgive yourself.  If you can truly forgive yourself the fear of HIV may leave entirely.  And listen to Rainlover he's very smart.  Best wishes.  I was trying to help your guilt and worry.   Hobby10

[Whattoday_please]

Thank you guys so much. I made some terrible choices. And I just want all of this to be over. You guys have no idea how much this has helped me. I really need this. Thank you. Thank you soooo much

[Hobby10]

Your very very welcome.  Don't worry.  It's hard to accept but we can't change the past.  The hope should b we do better.  And sometimes even that is hard.  Try to avoid negative and self righteous judgemental people for awhile and do things that help u relax and feel better about u.  Love you.  Forgive you.  It might be the best gift u could give to your family.  Glad u sound better.  Hobby 10

[Whattoday_please]

I can't even think about forgiving myself. I'm so guilty about putting myself on that situation. Harming my family. My husband. I just want it to be over.

[S_Griff]

Sorry to hear your having a hard time! Your being too hard on yourself which shows you have a conscience, which is a good thing! You cheated so if you love your family it's gonna hurt for some time unfourtunatley. Marriage is hard its somthing we have to work at if it was easy there wouldn't be so many divorce attorneys! Lol just keep your head up and show your family how much they mean to you that should help keep your mind occupied until 3 month mark! Chances are he didn't have HIV most people don't! As rain lover said a 6 week neg is a decent indicator of your status ! The fact that you were honest is important! Has your husband forgiven you? If so move on the best you can and stay off Internet your mind will manifest every symptom there is, which is really only the anxiety! It's crazy the mind can work against you! My wife has forgiven me for my mistake and the guilt is still killin me! Keep your head up girl and focus on your family!!  

[RainLover71]

I will say it again,a 6 week negative is 99% accurate.The chances you will turn positive at 12 weeks/3 Months is close to zero.

[Hobby10]

What;    I hope u are feeling better.  Wishing u all the best.