How to ask someone to take a test?

[Leedsio]

My final HIV test (unless I get exposed to it in future) falls next monday, but I've agreed today with a long time friend to have a baby (obviously only if I get a negative), but I want to ask her to test too not that I don't trust her but I want to be 100% sure of her health. I don't want to insult her so does anyone know how I could ask her politely?

[HSci34]

I agree. You can say, "Look, I went and got tested to make sure I was not putting you in any danger, do you think you could do the same for me?" =)

Being honest with the person you want to have a child with is the way to go.

[Xhost]

My thought on this is that you are going to be having a baby with this person. It is entirely reasonable to ask and expect someone with whom you will be engaging in unprotected sex with to take a test. Heck, this should reassure her, in some way, about *you*.

If asking her to test is going to ruin your friendship, I do wonder about the having a child together part. It would seem, given the level of commitment that you are both seeking, this should be a fairly trivial request. And, if she knows you as well as you think she does, she will understand *why* you are asking, and hopefully not automatically assume it is a reflection of how you think about her. Getting a test is for both of you.

[Leedsio]

If this is any use for anyone to suggest how I could ask she asked me if I've always used protection etc so I think she must have concerns too, but I don't want to offend her and lose her friendship when she's my best friend.

[Leedsio]

and we would both be raising the child.

[Leedsio]

The tests are free as well.

[Leedsio]

I haven't told her I'm going for a test. If I get a negative on Monday I'm going to tell her I had a test for her health and baby's health and try and someway ask her to take one, but I don't want to seem rude. In all honesty I don't think she has any chance of HIV or any other STD but I want to be 100% sure because we would be having unprotected sex. I don't want to offend her though

[Xhost]

This is one of the most interesting questions I've seen in a while. And, I am quite interested in reading the many responses you may receive.

With that said, I would imagine that you might simply define an HIV test as one of the parameters of the "deal". You two, you say, have been friends for a long while. So, is she aware that you are anxious about things such as this? If so, you might just simply ask her with the explanation that it isn't the fact that you feel that she may actually have an STD (and, if you are going to ask her to test, ask her to get the whole panel), it's just that, well, you would feel better based on your own past experiences and present feelings if she would agree to do this.

Personally, asking for a test, and taking one yourself, does not seem to be all that unusual. You will be engaging in unprotected sex with this person, so, you know, it's the smart thing to do, for both of you. One way to sweeten the deal is to offer to pay for the tests, of course, and to be there with her when she does test. If her reaction to being asked to take a test is not optimal, well, you may want to question whether you two should be having a baby together in the first place.

Of course, the other option, if she will be raising it alone, is to go the artificial insemination route, which is common enough. No worries for you, in that case.