I cheated on my fiance one as a couple and once as my fiance

Question

Wow... All I can say is that I never needed advice more in my life than at this point. I am 24 years old. I met my fiance exactly a year ago and we were friends at first. I was just getting over a relationship where the man broke up with me after me moving halfway around the country for him. I met my fiance 3 months after the breakup. To be honest, I only liked him as a friend at first then I started to fall for him. He is the sweetest man ever, treats me like gold values me and is everything I could ever want.../ BUT there is always a but huh...In the area of sex he cannot last or fulfill me sometimes. I have been trying to be so supportive of him in that area even though I get frustrated. After 4 months of dating I went on a trip with an old friend. We were childhood friends and I ended up sleeping with him. we used protection and it meant absolutely nothing to me. I felt horrible for what I did. My flesh made me feel as though I were not thinking and I just wanted to feel wanted. I have issues with that. I came back and literally forced myself to forget it happened. My heart was not in it in any sense of the word. I have never done anything to hurt my fiance than what he doesn't know.... he thinks I am perfect.. I do everything in the world for him because the fact of the matter is I do love him and I want to be there for him forever... I just don't know if this is possible now. Wait.. it gets worse. :(  months passed by... I stayed faithful I never wanted anything with anyone else.. I was on cloud 9 happy with him. I was thinking of ways to help him in school, and he is ilegal so I knew that being married would help him finally become legal and work legally. It's hard to believe but this man means everything to me. So last week.... The worst thing ever happened. I know feel doomed.,. gulity is an understatement and I don;t know what to do... I am so crushed. Last week I asked my fiance (we have been engaged for 6 weeks) if he wanted to do it in the back deat of my car. I love sex and I have a stronger drive then him. He declined me. I felt horrible, unwanted and went to see a friend of mine to go bowling. It happened . The whole time I knew I should turn around but me desire to be satisfied was uncontrolable. After that me and my fiance saw a sex therapist. I realize just how much a really love hime more than ever... He doesn;y know and has told me several times that he would not forgive cheating. So now,,, I am truly lost, scared, guilty, regretful, and every other feeling that can come from holding in a lie from someone who loves me and I love. I am one hundred percent sure I want to be with him forever.... I can control myself knowing what I want and being able to express feelings to him so that he can keep me satsfied. The other friend mean nothing and let me stress nothing to me at all. Here comes a huge catch. we got legally married yesterday without him knowing what I did. I did this to help him become legal if not I should have waited until out covenant marraige next year// What should I do? I am being pulled both ways... #1 learn from this, forgive myself and start new now that we are married and make a vow to myself and God (which I have done) to never do this again ever... for as long as we live.. But can that work? Will the guilt eat me a live and not let us have the realtionship I have always wanted with him? #2 Tell him what I did.. I know he will leave me, he will never look at me the same or realize and beileve that it was a problem I had that I have dealth with, that I love him and that I want to make it up to him by laking him the happiest man on earth and I know I can... I really do it every day. #3 walk away and end it without telling him why so It doens't really hurt him.. I don't want to hurt him or myself anymore but more HIM. this is the worst feeling in the whole world. Please someone help. I am at odds with the toughouest decision  I have ever made. We are legally married now.. Help please. Shold I get in annulled without telling him? Is there still time? 
Thank you... from the bottom of my heart

peekawho · Answer

Get therapy by yourself, and confess only to the therapist.  You will not help your husband at all by telling him of your indiscretion.  Though you will feel better if you tell him, it will probably destroy his life as he knows it.  You will also give him the gift of mistrust for any and all future partners he may have if he choses to end the marriage of this.

But...if you feel this is and may become an ongoing pattern (and it sounds like it certainly could be) then you DO need to go WITH your husband to a therapist and talk about what happened, and what you can both do in the future.  And if you should even remain married, if this scenario is likely to happen repeatedly.

longone · Answer

Ahh go ahead and tell him, see if he can take it. Why not? Who knows, maybe the worse thing that could happen is he only treats you like silver instead of gold

143pez · Answer

I am sure it wasn't for that. This is what makes it so hard. I feel like an evil person and that he deserves better since he treates me like gold. Can I ever truly forget and forgive myself and have a true lasting relationship from this point on without telling him? It will kill him crush him in more ways there one if I do.

longone · Answer

Yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Maybe he just married you to become legal. Don't mean to be harsh but it happens. Oh well, it will work out, after all, its only sex.

143pez · Answer

I apologize. Thank you for the input. Sincerely
Anonymous

vols_29 · Answer

Look your human do not tell him the truth! Make up for it by being a very good wife! This happened before you were married. Dont let it happen again. If you love him dont ever cheat on him again! This is your one time get out of jail card! However this is HIV forum. So your questions arent really HIV related. However I wish you the best of luck

snippets69 · Answer

This is the HIV forum.

But if you truly want to stay with this man, and your cheating was a one time occurrence, you must eat your guilt.  Because that's what it is...Guilt. And it's yours to bear.