I need rational insight!

People! Please help me. I'm going out of my mind with worry, I'm convinced that I contracted HIV. On May 29th 2008 -- almost 9 weeks ago, I had protected oral/vaginal with a CSW. I insisted upon using my own (newly purchased) condoms as opposed to the one she had brought along with her. BUT I have a few doubts which are really KILLING my mental state of mind (can't sleep, can't eat, and weird symptoms showing up now), I need a third party perspective to explain to me if this is just all in my head or am I actually in trouble?!!!

(1) I wasn't fully erect when she placed the condom on me just before vaginal sex, but she put it on me anyway and gave me oral sex for a bit. Once it was up, we had vaginal sex for a short while (can't remember how long). After sex though, I remember the condom being a little rolled up at the base of my ****! DOES THAT MEAN I WASN'TT PROTECTED? And her oral sex could have damaged my condom right?

(2) Up till recently I was 100% sure the condom never broke because it seems fine when I looked at it after intercourse, but then abruptly YESTERDAY, all of a sudden I got a feeling like there's a faint chance that I might have heard something like a "pop" sound during sex but just didn't pay attention :-(, everything in my head is so confusing man!, I don't know if this is my mind playing tricks on me or an actual subconscious memory! The only one thing I can confidently 100% vouch for SURE IS THAT AFTER THE VAGINAL SEX I LOOKED DOWN AND THE CONDOM LOOKED NORMAL AND WAS FITTED LIKE A GLOVE ON MY PENIS STILL. I've been on this forum for ages now, and I keep seeing conflicting information, on one hand there are people who say condom can break without knowing (in fact there's one guy who say he contract HIV from broken condom he didn't know about = Worried93???!!!?), BUT then a lot of others claim that you would know for sure because a ripped condom look like a "hula skirt". What is the real deal, is this all in my hed? If my condom looked normal & fine after sex, can I confidently assume it didn't burst? What if it burst in a way that wasn't noticeable to my eye when I observed it after sex?, that's possible right? Please people help me, am so worried :(

(3) I touched her clit for a few seconds during sex, what if some of her vaginal fluid come into contact with my finger or mouth later? I am so scared, I'm the only son in my family and have old parents who are relying on me, I swear I won't go back to a CSW after this ever, but I just am worried that I am going to get it now! Please someone help me out and tell me what's wrong??!!!?? You guys are great for doing what you do!        

[Teak]

1. You were protected and had no risk
2. had the condom failed you would have known without a doubt.
3. No risk.

[DubDish]

I know Mr. Teak is considered extremely knowledgeble here, but please can he or anyone address my three concerns in more detail. This was my first time with a CSW. No disrespect to anyone, but what if my condom burst but it still looked fine when I saw it after the vaginal sex? I mean, there can be instances where condoms break, but don't look like a skirt or ripped rag right? Up till like yesterday, I was so sure the condom never broke but all of sudden I seem to think that there might have been a 'pop' sound that I didnt pay attention too. I freaked out when I read Worried93's posts, it scared the **** out of me. The only thing I can fall back on is if the condom looked fine and was seemingly still well fitted on my penis, I'm 100% in the safe as far as breakage is concerned. Is this a logical process of thought? Do I need testing Teak?  

[DubDish]

Can someone please comment?

[DubDish]

Guys I really hate to pester, and the reassurance I've received so far is really nice, but can someone please elaborate on what Teak has said. I saw a post where Teak mentioned that if a person isn't absolutely sure if his condom broke or not, he should get tested, does this apply in my case? granted I looked at the condom after intercourse and noticed it to be looking fine? Can I then assume that the condom did not break 100%?  

[aak001]

If i was you I would listen to Teak. He told me that i had no risk when i first came to this forum and I wish I did listen to him from day one insted I waited for 19 weeks after exposure to got tested and turned up to be -ve as he told me. If your condom has failed I am sure you would have noticed as Lizze always says it peels like a banana and Mr. Willy would have been expoused. if you still have doubts in your mind then just go test, a test result is always better than trying to diyagnoos your self by symptoms.

[DubDish]

I understand what you mean when you say symptoms mean nothing in regards to ARS, and surprisingly the symptoms I had didn't really worry so much initially since I figured most of them were coincidence but apparently over time my worry has gotten the best of me man! Would you reckon I need testing for any reasons asides from reassurance? As in is there any actual need to test? My symptoms initially included a really runny nose thus a lot of phlegm, a pretty persistent on & off cough, reddish 'rash like' patches on my front torso region, itching/tingling/burning sensations all over from time to time, and when I use to come out of the shower I noticed that I when I rubbed my chest area slightly vigorously, flaking of skin would occur which really freaked me out since I know that that's also a symptom of HIV. To make matters worse, 9 weeks out I noticed really dry 'chapping' fingers, like the lower segments of my fingers on the palmside are like a tad dry and flakish, not severe but when I scratch it, it seems to be really dry. That's gotten me in a fix since I heard that chapping hands and skin are, once more a symptom of HIV. I keep telling myself I have no risk as I type this, but since these so-called symptoms aren't so run of the mill for me, i.e haven't ever had them before this, it seems like too much a coincidence that I have all this stuff only because of anxiety. Then again they say the mind is a powerful thing, but I don't know which is which. Being petrified to go and test is also not really helping the matter. I'm going nuts people, please help me.
  

[aak001]

i had the same doubt my self the only thing that calmed me down was picking my self up and going to the hospital a testing. my knees were hurting so much during the time i was waiting for the results but when the doctor told it was -ve I cried like a baby and it took a heavy burdn off my shoulders. So my advice is just go and test now you say yiou are in the 9 th week after the exposure its going to be a very good indication. Its going to be -ve just go a test. hiv is very hard to get if you had unprotected vaginal the chances are 1/2000 ( dont get me wrong it sometimes happens from the first time so always keep protected) you had a condom on so your risk is something like 1 in a trillion thhier is a higher chance of the sun expoloding tonight than you being +ve.

[DubDish]

Thank you so much man. That really helped. I'm going to work up the courage to go and test now. I appreciate all the advice.

[Teak]

Seek professional mental help with your phobias of HIV. You were never at risk of contracting HIV.

[DubDish]

Apologies for my mental state of mind Teak, guess I'm just not as smart as you all when it comes to matters of HIV. I've been told I need mental help since I was 12 for my worrisome nature, reckon I'm just stupid. Once again pardon my irrational behavior.

[DubDish]

I can't be sure, but if the escort licked my ear for a bit with her tongue, does that put me at risk? I don't think there are any cuts on my ear, but I know that ear tissue is membranous which poses a risk right? Anyone? Isn't that the same way HIV infects penile foreskin? So that means her licking my ear was a risk right?

[Teak]

If it's not unprotected vaginal or anal sex or not by sharing works with other IV drug abusers then it's not a risk. PERIOD.

[DubDish]

So Teak, If I remember the condom looking normal in shape as opposed to a 'peeling banana', and recall seeing the escort rolling it off me with relative ease after intercourse; it's 100% safe to assume the condom didn't break right?

[Teak]

Correct and to add that the escort would have freakout on you had it failed.

[DubDish]

I've been scanning through this forum since May now Teak, and by far you truly are the most knowledgeable person here in matters of HIV, thank you for knocking some sense into me. Also I just noticed that you recently turned 53 (correct me if i'm wrong), in which case; Belated warm wishes are in order.  

[DubDish]

Out of curiosity, I've noticed the doctors say it on here, as well as some of the regulars that itching isn't a symptom of ARS & more likely a sign of anxiety. Is that true? Weird thing is that I'm having these burning sensations from time to time on my extremities (hands, fingers, legs, calves) and they itch periodically as well. It's easy to say that my mind is playing tricks on me, but I've never had these sensations before. Meanwhile I also feel a scratchy throat come on infrequently ever since the incident. Granted I had no risk, but is there a possibility that seroconversion could manifest in the 9th week after a possible exposure?

[nursegirl6572]

Granted I had no risk, but is there a possibility that seroconversion could manifest in the 9th week after a possible exposure


Read that sentence you wrote a few times.  It doesn't make sense, and your anxiety is showing bigtime.  You cannot have a "No risk" situation and a "possible exposure" with seroconversion.

Accept what everyone is telling you, that you are fine...and move on with your life.  As soon as you do, and the anxiety goes away...so will a LOT of the symptoms, you'll see.

[DubDish]

You know, I wish it were that easy, I swear there are times during the day that I actually feel I've left all this anxiousness behind finally, but yet I seem to have that tiny doubt at the back of my mind about how that condom may have broke and I didn't notice it. The rational side of me dictates that I would've recognized it broken after the intercourse IF IT IN FACT WAS BROKEN. Strangely enough after intercourse, I even remember it looking fine and her rolling it off for me, yet there's this disconnect in my mind where I can't seem to convince myself that this was evidence enough that it DID NOT BREAK. I mean, till about the 7th week, I was absolutely 100% sure it never broke, and then with all these anxieties running through me, recently I came to a conclusion that I actually may have heard a faint noise during sex which I didn't pay enough attention too, but then there's the fact that when I looked at the condom after sex it looked fine, granted I didn't actually investigate it with my own hands, but it seemed to be in shape & fitted properly. Are you guys saying that there's no way a condom can merely burst at the top and still remain intact all the way along the shaft? Or something ambiguous like that? I mean IF IT DOES FAIL, does it always look like there's just the rim and nothing else but a skirt around your penis?    

[nursegirl6572]

I know it is not that simple...that is anxiety for you.  I've dealt with it (non HIV related) for pretty muich all of my life.  Your mind plays tricks on you...and then you convince yourself of things that are not rational.

As for the condom issue...if she "rolled" it off of you, then there is absolutely NO way the condom broke, period.

Try to focus on getting some help for your anxiety....and the rest will follow.

[DubDish]

So wait, when condom's do fail, they're not rolled off? I don't get it. How does that work?

[peekawho]

When condoms fail, there is a gigantic rip and your penis is sticking out of it.  Its not subtle.

[nursegirl6572]

*sigh*

When condoms truly FAIL, there is nothing left to "roll off" is what I meant.

Your condom did not fail, and you did not have a risk.

[DubDish]

Alright, also just thought I'd run it by you guys for future reference; Does condom effectiveness vary country from country? I mean I had this incident in Thailand, purchased  the condoms there from a pretty decent pharmacy, they were by a recognized reputable 'global' brand and were stated as extra lubricated. All the boxes have "100% electronically tested" on em' these days. I checked the expiry date on em' as well, but noticed something slightly disconcerting; they were manufactured by Thailand and imported by Singapore. No racial insinuations or anything, but do you reckon condom reliability could suffer dependent on where they're being produced & manufactured? I mean quality control & testing procedures may not be as stringent in developing countries right, as opposed to fully industrialized places? Any insight on this?    

[Teak]

* Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to action by MedHelp. Conclusive negative results or a no-risk situation will be based up the criteria MedHelp’s doctors. Action will be taken as follows:
    * After excessive posting, a warning will be issued by MedHelp
    * Continuing to post regarding the negative result / no risk situation will result in a 3 day suspension
    * Continuing to post upon your return will result in a permanent ban.

[DubDish]

I think you're being slightly unreasonable Teak, I merely need to ascertain my degree of risk on all bases in this situation. Anyhow I now have a new & valid concern that I'd like to highlight within the description of my incident which I SINCERELY BELIEVE PUT ME AT RISK; albeit low, but definitely not zero anymore. I have reason to believe that my condom failed, and due to slippage it was not apparent to me when I looked at it. I need your advice.

1. First off; You mentioned that when a condom fails it shreds, then please explain to me how there was a recent entry on the forum by Rodolphe_frenchguy titled 'Hole found in condom' in which he mentions that there was indeed merely a hole in his condom and no 'shreding' as such?.

2. I now realize that there was a slight amount of slippage at the base of my penis, and when slippage occurs the condom's tip becomes lose on the penile head to an extent correct? Now I'm sure there was slippage because about an inch at the base of my penis wasn't covered, now in this scenario if my condom broke it wouldn't be all that visible right? Since to begin with it was slightly loose at the head because of slippage, logically the condom's tip would merely just hang there due to gravity, and would be rather non-apparent to my eye if indeed a failure did take place. Keep in mind guys that I never actually checked the condom with my own hands after intercourse, I merely I saw and it looked normal to me but it had slipped slightly and the condom at the tip of my penis was slightly loose, therefore I can't really be sure that it didn't fail. In this light I need testing don't I Teak?
    

[Teak]

You've been reported, enough is enough.

[DubDish]

I had 2 valid concerns, and you reported me. This is a HIV prevention forum is it not Teak? What was so wrong about my 2 questions above?

[DubDish]

If not teak, can someone else please share their opinion on the above 2 concerns I have. I honestly feel that the condom slippage could've led to breakage that wasn't apparent to me when I saw the condom after intercourse.

[nursegirl6572]

You are driving yourself nuts.  If you SAW the condom after intercourse, then it didn't fail.  You're now "what iffing" yourself to death.  If there had been "slippage" at the base of the penis...there would still be no risk.

If you want to test...go ahead...we cannot possibly tell you any differently what we have been trying to tell you.

Go get tested at 12 weeks, and then report your negative result.  And seek some help for the anxiety...that is the BEST thing you could do for yourself.

[DubDish]

Guys, I'm freaking out. This is my 10th week since the CSW encounter and I've got these pimple-like formations on my tongue, they look like little red bumps a lot like zits except they're the same amount red as my tongue. They're mostly towards the back of my tongue with a few sprinkled here there at the front as well. When I examined it closer with a torchlight I realized that there's even a red spot at the back of my upper palette slightly above my uvula. This is really freaking me out, is this HIV associated thrush or canker sores? I do have a white tongue in the mornings but it usually goes back to normal after I've brushed my teeth. Guys please help me, this is really starting to freak the **** out of me, I've been sifting through the forum about condom breakage, and back in 2007 some of the regulars on this forum like Xhost stated that for people who aren't that experienced with condoms, it's pretty difficult to figure out if they broke or not, and it can be missed even if it looks normal. I can't sleep, eat, or literally function anymore thinking about this, I will test at 12 weeks but that not till another 2 weeks still, and these thoughts are killing me..    

[ven321]

Hi DubDish,

I am in the same Situation as You are and the same Symptoms as You have been experincing Sorethroat, Malaise , White Tounge which will be there in the morning but goes off after Brushing, SomePimples like Red at back of Throat, which I have only one at the moment..even I am experincing the same stress, I had Protected Vaginal sex with the Condom and I am sure condom never failed till end of the sex and the lady has rolled of very carefully..but still now I am not sure why did I experince all this symptoms??

I have 3 Test at 3,5,8th weeks all are negative... We need to get Tested at 12 weeks for Our final results of Life, till than keep Calm and need to hold our nerves..

Btw, I had a exposure on 25th May'08 which is earlier than I guess and You had It on 29th May'08, how could u say Its 10 weeks now?? I guess Its been only 9 weeks after the exposure.

Dont worry god is great and we would here our results in our favour.

[LIZZIE LOU]

VEN321 / DUB DISH

MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!

NEITHER OF YOU HAD A RISK.  TAKE YOU CONCERNS TO EITHER THE ANXIETY FORUM OR THE OCD FORUM.

[DubDish]

At least you've had the guts to test, I'm petrified to go anywhere near the testing centre. I can't bear to imagine me being positive with my parents still around looking towards me for support in their later years, I don't know what I'll do. Can these formations on my tongue be fueled by anxiety Lizzie? And are these called Canker Sores or Thrush? In your case Ven321 if you're 100% sure that your condom never failed, then I reckon you're completely in the clear, however in my case I never physically inspected the condom after intercourse, I merely assumed it was fine as it looked in shape and well fitted, there was an amount of slippage at the base of my penis and I know that's not a risk, but I'm freaked cause I can't be sure that IF IN the case my condom did rupture, that it would be visible to my observation after intercourse, all the knowledgeable people on here keep saying a broken condom always looks like a peeled banana or a hula skirt, but i've also seen post here that state for inexperienced condom users who're just unlucky sometimes end up with a failed condom that they can't visibly observe...Scary **** indeed, I've no choice to just wait for week 12 now and hope for the best.

[LIZZIE LOU]

* Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to action by MedHelp. Conclusive negative results or a no-risk situation will be based up the criteria MedHelp’s doctors. Action will be taken as follows:
    * After excessive posting, a warning will be issued by MedHelp
    * Continuing to post regarding the negative result / no risk situation will result in a 3 day suspension
    * Continuing to post upon your return will result in a permanent ban.

[ven321]

Dub Dish,

Now You are making me scared..As this is the first time in my life I am having sex with a Girl, I have tried it because I want to know, what needs to be done after getting married in terms of Sex..Inexperinced about condom u mean will never now If it is Failed or not?? now It is making hell lot of Scared..I would have never prefered in going to SW, but my friends has Pushed me to have experince..I wanted to be Virgin untill i get Married I am from very good Family.. If any of my Fmily knows this I went for HIV Test..I cant Imagine the Sitautaion at the moment..By God Grace I am HIV Negative till end of 8 weeks Test and would hope the same at my 12 weeks test.

To tell you much confident is that the Girl whome I had sex with the same girl my other friend also had sex even he is for First time having Sex, but he is lucky that  he hasent experinced any Symptoms till now.

Symptoms are killing all times and my stress level is very High now. But I am confident enough to see the condom was intact till end of Sex and It was on my penus till she removed from It..

I belive in God and he would definetly help us.

Fingers Crossed and waiting to complete 12 weeks , which is more than 3 weeks Left from now.

[Teak]

You've been reported to MedHelp.