Aa
Losing it
I'm losing control, I cant focus on anything put my error. I'm certain I have got HIV. I feel like I'm close to suicide.
I just wanted to update everyone that may potentially read this thread. I received my test results back today - both my urine and blood tests came back clear. My HIV RNA pcr test also came back clear at a completely normal level. I know I'm not completely clear as yet but I have a weight lifted off my shoulders and feel much better. My advice is to get tested and learn from your mistakes. Stay safe everyone and god bless.
Why would you kill yourself when God would told that you were among the healthiest person on earth? Then you would see how stupid you were. DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE. I have been there too. Once you found out that everybody was right and test negative, you will cry and laugh at yourself, or probably found out how chicken you were. Lol. I said all that to myself. Take care my friend.
Dont worry its only uphill from now. You have been in the darkest most scary place that you could be. You have ridden the storm and came out the other end. You are brave for that.
Think about it how many people have these extreme manifestations of fear and phobia.
only people that have been in accidents, stabbed shot at, held in gunpoint. But they experiance them only for a few moments. We are experiencing them 24/7 from the moment we wake up they are there. So you can really do this..... it only will get better and i know it will get better cause ive been there. I DONT WONT TO HEAR ANY OF THE SUICIDAL ********!!!!!!! sorry for cursing but you have to understand that you have the power to control your mind. It may take time but YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!
Realistically anxiety probably will be an issue for you as it is for me for some time.... but only as long as you allow it...... I some times get caught in this way of thinking like last week when i learned that i am hsv1 positive (herpes).... and i am having some trouble dealing with.... but as long as i dont panic i am happy...... =]
you can get rid of anxiety for ever...... ohhhh and please get some hobbies and distract your self from thinking too mush empty your mind....!!!!!
Think about it how many people have these extreme manifestations of fear and phobia.
only people that have been in accidents, stabbed shot at, held in gunpoint. But they experiance them only for a few moments. We are experiencing them 24/7 from the moment we wake up they are there. So you can really do this..... it only will get better and i know it will get better cause ive been there. I DONT WONT TO HEAR ANY OF THE SUICIDAL ********!!!!!!! sorry for cursing but you have to understand that you have the power to control your mind. It may take time but YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!
Realistically anxiety probably will be an issue for you as it is for me for some time.... but only as long as you allow it...... I some times get caught in this way of thinking like last week when i learned that i am hsv1 positive (herpes).... and i am having some trouble dealing with.... but as long as i dont panic i am happy...... =]
you can get rid of anxiety for ever...... ohhhh and please get some hobbies and distract your self from thinking too mush empty your mind....!!!!!
Thank you so much for all of your responses. Last night was the lowest point of my life. I know I'm far from being over my fears but today I'm feeling more rational and I thank you again for your kind words. I'm happy I didn't do anything stupid last night. I feel I'm punishing myself for a mistake. I truly regret what I did. I can't wait to put it all behind me and move on. Anxiety is still going to be an issue for me but I hope I can now find some context for it.
Hey i wanted to answer your question in person. Thats why i am writing this message.
You see my friend you and me like most of the people in this forum that post in the HIV forum are what a psychological evaluation. describe as worried wells. There is nothing wrong with you, nothing physically or mentally. You do not suffer of any illness, mental or physical. The only thing that you suffer from is anxiety. Inappropriate anxiety that is. The anxious moment of you thinking that you could have come in contact with HIV ( which is probably one of your phobias) sparked and anxious moment which triggered your anxiety levels to rise. This response is called "flight or fight" response. During high anxiety your mental patters change and you gat caught in a "what IF" type of thinking where you defy logic and you perpetuate illogical ideas. like you if you do this all the time neurons form and connect with these ideas and become obsessions. This empowers this bad mental habbit until there is nothing else to think about.
these are the bad news!!!!
Now the good news are that YOU can stop this.
YOU can stop this mental habit by disempowering the thoughts that you have about your phobias!!!!!
there are many ways to do this like Cognitive behavioral therapy
or other methods!!!!
Please contact me and send me a message on my profile and i will provide you with the information you want and need in order to defeat this terrible state of mind!!!!
How i know it will work????
I know because i was once like you.... i was paranoid about HIV i had feelings of losing control going insane even suicide. And now i have stooped panicing and recovered most of my lost old way of thinking.
You see my friend you and me like most of the people in this forum that post in the HIV forum are what a psychological evaluation. describe as worried wells. There is nothing wrong with you, nothing physically or mentally. You do not suffer of any illness, mental or physical. The only thing that you suffer from is anxiety. Inappropriate anxiety that is. The anxious moment of you thinking that you could have come in contact with HIV ( which is probably one of your phobias) sparked and anxious moment which triggered your anxiety levels to rise. This response is called "flight or fight" response. During high anxiety your mental patters change and you gat caught in a "what IF" type of thinking where you defy logic and you perpetuate illogical ideas. like you if you do this all the time neurons form and connect with these ideas and become obsessions. This empowers this bad mental habbit until there is nothing else to think about.
these are the bad news!!!!
Now the good news are that YOU can stop this.
YOU can stop this mental habit by disempowering the thoughts that you have about your phobias!!!!!
there are many ways to do this like Cognitive behavioral therapy
or other methods!!!!
Please contact me and send me a message on my profile and i will provide you with the information you want and need in order to defeat this terrible state of mind!!!!
How i know it will work????
I know because i was once like you.... i was paranoid about HIV i had feelings of losing control going insane even suicide. And now i have stooped panicing and recovered most of my lost old way of thinking.
Remember this is the HIV Prevention forum, maybe transfer to the HIV Anxiety forum going forward, or indeed the main anxiety one. But anyway...
I have some knowledge of what you're going through because I have had bouts of anxiety and depression at various points.
You have said it yourself: "irrational fear".
What I would recommend for you is to listen to some kind of relaxation recording where someone talks you through the process of relaxation itself. There are some on You Tube, some really good ones you can download for phones, and I'm sure iTunes has some. Try and get one which is going to help you get to sleep as well, because it is late and staying up all night fretting is only going to make you more anxious. I have one with a chap with a broad Scottish accent on my phone - you might actually be able to understand what he's saying! (haha)
If you can't use or find anything like that then search out some tips on relaxing yourself, just google anxiety and relaxation. But most importantly get yourself into a more relaxed state and get some sleep. Provided you've locked your doors and windows, turned off the gas, put out any cigarettes, and don't live directly under a busy flightpath, I'm pretty confident nothing can hurt you tonight. HIV certainly isn't going to.
Of course these terrible thoughts are going to keep popping into your head, you have begun to build up a habit of it, and have convinced yourself you have HIV. That's how anxiety works. Listen to what everyone is telling you, you had no risk of catching it. Every time your mind throws another 'what if' at you take a deep breath and remember you were not at risk. Say it again: not at risk. Replace the negative thought with a positive one, and each time be aware of calming down and relaxing yourself. Your mind will keep trying, you must keep countering it. Try and clear your mind and get some sleep. You can sleep confident you do not have HIV, as you were not at risk.
By all means get tested in due course for HIV if that is all that will convince you and put your mind absolutely at rest (although no one here would say you need testing). You can have a DUO test at 28 days (available for free on the NHS), and again at 3 months if you want that closure, but you can expect a negative result from your no risk exposure.
As I say, I would not continue this line on this particular forum, as this is not the place for it, you have had your assessment and this forum's job is done.
I have some knowledge of what you're going through because I have had bouts of anxiety and depression at various points.
You have said it yourself: "irrational fear".
What I would recommend for you is to listen to some kind of relaxation recording where someone talks you through the process of relaxation itself. There are some on You Tube, some really good ones you can download for phones, and I'm sure iTunes has some. Try and get one which is going to help you get to sleep as well, because it is late and staying up all night fretting is only going to make you more anxious. I have one with a chap with a broad Scottish accent on my phone - you might actually be able to understand what he's saying! (haha)
If you can't use or find anything like that then search out some tips on relaxing yourself, just google anxiety and relaxation. But most importantly get yourself into a more relaxed state and get some sleep. Provided you've locked your doors and windows, turned off the gas, put out any cigarettes, and don't live directly under a busy flightpath, I'm pretty confident nothing can hurt you tonight. HIV certainly isn't going to.
Of course these terrible thoughts are going to keep popping into your head, you have begun to build up a habit of it, and have convinced yourself you have HIV. That's how anxiety works. Listen to what everyone is telling you, you had no risk of catching it. Every time your mind throws another 'what if' at you take a deep breath and remember you were not at risk. Say it again: not at risk. Replace the negative thought with a positive one, and each time be aware of calming down and relaxing yourself. Your mind will keep trying, you must keep countering it. Try and clear your mind and get some sleep. You can sleep confident you do not have HIV, as you were not at risk.
By all means get tested in due course for HIV if that is all that will convince you and put your mind absolutely at rest (although no one here would say you need testing). You can have a DUO test at 28 days (available for free on the NHS), and again at 3 months if you want that closure, but you can expect a negative result from your no risk exposure.
As I say, I would not continue this line on this particular forum, as this is not the place for it, you have had your assessment and this forum's job is done.
Thank you for your response. Everytime I start to calm down I get another irrational fear and I jump to the what if and worst case scenario. No idea how I'm going to make it through the weekend let alone until I could be tested negative.
You had protected sex, protected fellatio, and performed unprotected cunnilingus, which for the purposes of HIV means you were not at risk.
But even looking at the reverse side of the coin, i.e. worse case scenario and she had HIV and you weren't protected, the chance of actually catching it from a single exposure would have meant the odds were still very much in your favour. But most people in the UK, including sex workers, do not have HIV anyway.
But that is immaterial, you were not at risk from the exposure you described, it was safe sex with regards HIV.
Teak is right, your problem is rooted in anxiety, stress, and possibly guilt, and has nothing to do with HIV. You need to tell yourself that, break out of this cycle of negative thoughts, and move on. If you are unable to do that yourself then seek professional help, you do not have to deal with your anxiety alone.
In terms of your immediate situation, you need to put thoughts of suicide away. You are fine. Take deep breaths and put HIV out of your mind. There are relaxation resources on the internet, you tube, iTunes, whatever, and your online time will be better served by using those rather than spending any more time concerning yourself with HIV. Every time the thought enters your mind that you have HIV immediately remind yourself that you had no risk.
Do not let any more of these fearful thoughts enter your mind tonight, you were not at risk from that exposure.
If you feel unable to help yourself tonight then may I suggest you call someone rather than entertain any more thoughts of suicide.
If you have a friend you can discuss this with, trust, and can help you I suggest you do. Otherwise here are some numbers you may find helpful (all are 24hr):
Samaritans: 08457 90 90 90
The Sexual Health Line: 0800 567 123
NHS Direct: 0845 46 47
Please calm down. You are not at risk of HIV from the episode in the massage parlour in Edinburgh you recounted in your other post.
But even looking at the reverse side of the coin, i.e. worse case scenario and she had HIV and you weren't protected, the chance of actually catching it from a single exposure would have meant the odds were still very much in your favour. But most people in the UK, including sex workers, do not have HIV anyway.
But that is immaterial, you were not at risk from the exposure you described, it was safe sex with regards HIV.
Teak is right, your problem is rooted in anxiety, stress, and possibly guilt, and has nothing to do with HIV. You need to tell yourself that, break out of this cycle of negative thoughts, and move on. If you are unable to do that yourself then seek professional help, you do not have to deal with your anxiety alone.
In terms of your immediate situation, you need to put thoughts of suicide away. You are fine. Take deep breaths and put HIV out of your mind. There are relaxation resources on the internet, you tube, iTunes, whatever, and your online time will be better served by using those rather than spending any more time concerning yourself with HIV. Every time the thought enters your mind that you have HIV immediately remind yourself that you had no risk.
Do not let any more of these fearful thoughts enter your mind tonight, you were not at risk from that exposure.
If you feel unable to help yourself tonight then may I suggest you call someone rather than entertain any more thoughts of suicide.
If you have a friend you can discuss this with, trust, and can help you I suggest you do. Otherwise here are some numbers you may find helpful (all are 24hr):
Samaritans: 08457 90 90 90
The Sexual Health Line: 0800 567 123
NHS Direct: 0845 46 47
Please calm down. You are not at risk of HIV from the episode in the massage parlour in Edinburgh you recounted in your other post.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the HIV Prevention Community
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.
Can I get HIV from surfaces, like toilet seats?
Can you get HIV from casual contact, like hugging?
Frequency of HIV testing depends on your risk.
Post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) may help prevent HIV infection.
