Aa
A
A
Close
568470 tn?1222631255
Losing my mind thinking i got HIV!
Hello,

I was just wondering if you could help me cool my nerves. I recently (4 weeks ago) had unprotected sex with my boyfriend of 1 yr. I know it was wrong, got caught up in the moment, etc. Anyways he lives in the caribbean and i live in the states. When i got back home i started hearing stories from people who know him there saying that before i knew him how he has aids and he was admitted into a mad house because he couldnt deal with it. I asked him about the stories, he refuses to talk about them. I asked him if there is any chance he could have aids he said no. I asked if he has ever taken a test, he said never. I asked him if i am the only girl he has ever had sex with w/o a condom he said No, that there was a girl before me and he never wore condoms while with her. They have a 2yr old together and im still hearing that he has been sneaking around with her still, sex without condoms. When she had the child, wouldnt the doctors have told her she had hiv or anything like that? Ok, im losing my mind! Neither one of them has ever taken a test! I remember before going to be with him last month i went to the doc and took a test, checked for std's the works and i proved to be ok. I remember asking him to do a test as well, he said it would cost $90 and he didnt have that kind of money and that he was healthy. Anywho now that im back home i have been reading up on the signs of hiv and i swear to god i have all of them! I don't know if i'm making myself crazy or what but my thoart is abit sore, a bit of a burning feeling, same with my tongue. I feel tired, i urinate often, i have a shakyness in my hands, lost of appetiate, i cant sleep, i have 2 small cuts inside my mouth, swollen lymp, when i move my neck left or right it hurts abit, i even have some serious stomach pains, so bad i had to go to the emergency walk in, its like a tight squeezing feeling, a bit crampish...the list goes on. I did a std test recently and it came back with nothing, i was relieved but they said to wait 3 months before doing a hiv test...i can't wait that long!!! Anyways my family doctor did a hiv test on me anyways but im afraid the test will show im negative if i am positive. I just need some piece of mind. I know i shouldnt have done it w/o a condom but i read somewhere that if i have a cut in the vagina or anywhere near there i can get the virus that way. I dont have any cuts down there! I asked him if he released inside of me he said yes, but im on the pills so i wasnt worried about pregnancy. Now im worried that his semen may be carrying hiv and it has been passed on to me. Whats scares me the most is that to this day i ask him to please go and get tested, he refuses and says its a waste of time he is healthy. I keep telling him he can feel healthy and has no signs but infact the virus could be inside. PLEASE HELP! I don't know what to do. I cant focus, i even took time off work because i can't focus on the job, this is all i think about and i just need some facts on what we did and based on our history if we both will be ok. I am still waiting on my test results for HIV and i know if its negative i will have to do a second one and im not looking forward to that. Any advice on what i can do? are these signs real and mean something or am i making myself go crazy? based on his history is there a chance he could have aids and since he never took a test doesnt know his status? Any info or advise you can give me would really help because im not to clear on how u can get hiv, i never thought about it and now here i am obsessed thinking i have it night and day!!!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
99 Answers
Page 5 of 5
568470 tn?1222631255
*sighs*

Aight i thought i could deal with this but im slowly losing my mind. I cant focus on anything. I haven't had a good night sleep in years it feels like. I can't eat. I just munch on stuff like grapes, chips, haven't had a good meal.Lastnight i was up thinking "what if the results come back positive, how will i deal with it?" I thought for sure i would go in isolation, i might quit my job because my energy level wouldn't be good, i would lock off friends, family, everything! I'm a designer, i sew and sketch outfits on the side and take part in fashion shows. I would give all that up. My heart just wouldn't be in it. I would cry myself to sleep EVERY NIGHT. Then i thought of even taking my own life. I don't want to be living HIV POSITIVE. Sad, but if this is my faith because i made a stupid big mistake, i don't want to live, my joy would be gone.

Then i thought, "what if the test came back negative, how would i deal with that?" First off i would jump for joy! Reclaim my life back thats has slowly withered away. I would lock off having sex for a year. And if i do get involve with another man i am asking them str8 up "have u ever took a hiv test, what is your status, do u mind taking or showing me your most recent hiv/std test results.?" And i know these men will think im crazy, but i'd rather be safe than sorry. I don't ever wantta feel this way again. I would start walking with condoms because i was depending on my boyfriend to have 1 and he didnt. But if my test comes back HIV NEGATIVE i will be greatful and learn from this horrible experience and always, ALWAYS protect myself!

This thanksgiving weekend is not enjoyable for me. It's like im here, but not here. Trying to help my mom in the kitchen with dinner and im so clumpsy, deep in thought, its obvious to everyone something is up with me.
I have these symphtons:
Feelings of panic, fear and uneasiness
Uncontrollable, obsessive thoughts
Ritualistic behaviors, such as repeated hand washing
Problems sleeping
loss of appetiate
Cold or sweaty hands and/or feet
Shortness of breath
An inability to be still and calm
Dry mouth
Numbness or tingling in the hands or feet
Nausea
Muscle tension all overrrrrrrrrrr
Dizziness (can't stand up for long to do anything)
Light headed
Constant urinating

Which all leads to Aniexty. I also think i might be anemic because my monthly cycles only last 2-3 days! Though i like the lessen days i know something is not right there. I have the other signs as well, i am constantly feeling cold, tired.I just wished the rapid test didnt put my mind in this state, this waiting game.

I welcome your feedbacks and suggestions as to how i can get through this waiting period without completly losing my mind. Whats my bright side to all this? Any hope i can look forward to having a negative test result?

Continue to pray for me

~momonie
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
186166 tn?1385262982
i find your first paragraph very offensive!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
568470 tn?1222631255
Wasn't trying to offend anyone! Everyone deals with this issue different. Some are strong and some like myself are very weak! I was only saying in a nutshell  i would be  devastated and depressed. Maybe i wouldn't go as far to take my own life but i'd feel like i died inside and have a hard time living a regular life. I'm not saying people currently living as HIV POSITIVE are dead, i'm saying they are stronger than myself and i know they went through the shock and toughened up and said "you know what, this is not the end for me, i can still live my life." I just dont see myself saying or doing that. I respect their drive,strenght.

ONCE AGAIN, PLEASE TRY AND UNDERSTAND ME, NO OFFENSE INTENTED!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
momonie, my heart goes out to you, i have experienced the full blown scare of hiv before. it actually started this past december and last until a test i had done at the first of february... this test was 6 months after possible exposure and came back neg.. but wow .. the symptoms i experienced before the ned result were SO REAL. i promise you i feel your pain. actually i would like to give you my e mail so you can e mail me personally cause i would LOVE to help someone through exaxctly what i went through. i believe my story would give you lots of hope.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
So you're saying your life isn't worth living? We can't change that for you. You might try professional mental heath care.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
568470 tn?1222631255
My current situation is driving me insane
I can't eat, can't sleep, got a lot on the brain.
I walk in darkness longing to surface up to the light
Trying to maintain positive thoughts, this battle I must fight
Not knowing is nerve racking, knowledge is the key.
Regretting what I’ve done was too blind to see.

I WANT TO LIVE!

Triumph over these days!
Lesson learned, I will protect myself ALWAYS!
I've become weak and weary
Scared and constantly lonely
I pray to god for forgiveness
My anxiety has overtaken me
Drowning in my tears because each day I am faced with fears
Laughter, joy, my happiness escaped from my grasp
Replaced with frowns, filled with sorrow, how long will I last?
I no longer recognize the woman in the mirror
Who once sailed on cloud 9 now has dropped to a zero.

I WANT TO LIVE!

I was wrong, still i've gotta be strong!
Must make it through this situation, buckle up, each night I pray
Must live and learn from the outcome when I am faced with my results that day.

Written By: Momonie


Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I wish I could give you a hug.  You mentioned Thanksgiving weekend so you must be in Canada.  Also you mentioned before you had  blood drawn for an Hiv test.  You can only wait it out now and hope for the best, pray and do whatever to take your mind off of it for now until you get your results back.  Please, don't chicken out and not return for your results.  Take a friend or family member with you and go and find out your results.  No matter what it is, you will get through it with the help of others.  I know the test center will be there for you also.  I wish you the best and my heart goes out to you becasue I have been through this before.  We all make mistakes.  Mine was learning I had a right to say no and I didn't owe a man anything just because he was nice to me and took me out to dinner and spent money on me.  I learned the hard way, sometimes that's what it takes.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
568470 tn?1222631255
I had decided that i was gonna tune it all out. I been feeling really tired and weak lately.
I went to bed around 10pm and woke up in a sea of sweat around 12:15am. I was soaked right through to my bra i had to remove my clothing and change. I couldn't sleep after that and here i am writing. I now feel abit chilly. I can't go back to sleep now. I remember seeing it somewhere that night sweat is a sign of HIV. I don't have a fever, and my room is not hot. I never sleep and sweat this much before EVER! 8 more days til i get my results....o god help me
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
568470 tn?1222631255
yes, i could use a hug. your so lucky u got through this and your negative! i would like to know more about your story, pls note me your email.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
568470 tn?1222631255
Tomorrow i get my results....*crossing fingers* will let you all know no matter what
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I'll be thinking of you.  Take deep breaths and try to stay calm and hope for the best. I hope your eating better and resting more.  Most likely you will be negative and you can move on.  You'll see, you will have a new start on life.  Remember this experience and know that no risk is worth it.  Stay strong.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I will pray for you Miss. I'll have you in my thoughts and pray for you to be negative. I'm sure if we all pray for each other, it definitely helps.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
568470 tn?1222631255
Tuesday Morning i recieved a call from the health center saying my results as in and that i needed to come in.
I had planned to go and get results no matter what but i chickened out and got scared.
didnt go.

Wednesday, same phone call again, i need to come in to get my results because they are concerned about me. Said to myself i was gonna go in, chicken out, didn't go.

Thursday, got the call again, told them upfront to tell me the results over the phone, they said no they can not and that i had to come in. Aight i said **** it, im gonna go in.
When i got there i started looking around for fire trucks, ambulances, etc because i told them if the results was bad i was gonna go NUTS! Didn't see none of those things so i entered the building. I will never forget that moment for as long as i live. I head my footsteps, i heard my heart beating, i head myseld beathing in and out, i heard the clock ticking on the wall, i heard the secretary writing in a notebook, i mean EVERYTHING WAS SO NOTICABLE to me.

The nurse greets me and says "Did you come alone?" i said yes she says "I thought you would have came with a friend, you know for support" i said no
She said ok. At that point i started freaking out. Wondering why she said i needed support, it was gonna be a positive result.

We go in the room, myself and 2 nurses. They sit me down and start asking how im feeling, how i've been coping, etc. I started crying and crying. And then they said RELAX, THE RESULTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE!!!! I dropped to the floor and continued crying. I felt so light and sooooo glad! I asked them why the heck did they have to act like i was positive, why did they make it look so bad. I could sue!! lol.

Anyways, they gave me some #'s for therapy and some books to read about how to not be depressed and how to really lift up my spirits. Their main concern was that i was suicidal and depressed and they wanted me to get HELP!  They educated me on hiv and how to avoid this situation again in the future. I confirmed if i needed to test again in december they said NO, unless i go out and do the same ****!

When i left that place i went to the food court in the mall and PIGGED OUT! I had NY FRIES, A DOUBLE WHOPPER W/CHEESE, PIZZA A LARGE ICE TEA. I mean i had to eat and that meal was well deserved. People was looking at me saying "omg is she eaing all that food" HELL YEA, IM HIV NEGATIVE BABY!!!

I just wantta say, this has been a leaning experience for me. BE SAFE, DON'T LOOK UP THE SIGNS OF HIV CUZ THEN U WILL HAVE THEM ALL!

I thanks YOU ALLLLLL for your support, your comments, notes, prayers. I will keep in touch and pray for you all.

*EXHALING*

Thank u god, i have my life back!!!!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
That's AWESOME!!! and here I am losing my mind over a No Risk situation because of all my "symptoms".
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
186166 tn?1385262982
isnt it amazing how powerful the mind is?  wish everyone would believe us when we tell them that!

will80...move on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Awesome!!! I'm happy to hear that, enjoy your life to the fullest young lady and remember not to waste the chance that you're given.
Woooo Hoooooo!!!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I am very happy for you.  God bless you take care of yourself.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
great, happy for you, was your test at 3 months?
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Im glad you got a negative test


is dry throat a sign of HIV... my throat isnt sore its just dry and I get a little hot at night and I also have these tingles in my body... mostly my hands... I get tired early also....I wanna take an HIV test ASAP but  I know I have to wait three weeks (had sex 4 days ago... first timer)
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
565873 tn?1216962334
yeah boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God for our results!!!!!!!!!!!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Girl, I am glad for you. I was praying for you. Please take my advice and don't EVER, EVER  sleep with someone of unknown status.
By the way if you plan to sleep with this guy again even if it is soon please let him get tested because your results don't mean that he is ok.
God is good.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
YAAAAAAAAY!!!!  YIPPEEEEEE!!!!

Remember to stay safe, stay well.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
568470 tn?1222631255
yes, i tested first at 3 weeks then tested again at 3 months! So i am good!

Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
568470 tn?1222631255
I had those exact signs, i was told it was anxiety but u should take a test for your own sake, knowing your status will help.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
568470 tn?1222631255
oh no no, me and him are over! His mom called me to tell me he had to take a blood test after all because he is opening a resturant on the island and a blood test is a MUST, they look for hep b, c and hiv and all this other stuff...she will keep me posted on his results. Because it's true, i could be safe but it doesn't mean he is.

Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
"Don't take a rapid test if you are on antibiotics, or battling the flu or you're anemic, or have a viral infection/virus, the test picks up alll this stuff and gives a reaction making u think you are positive,"

That's not true at all. MOVE ON..
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Well don't give out false information. You would not have wanted anyone to do it to you.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
If I take a oral rapid test at about 5.5 weeks and have what I hope is just a regular old cold and sore throat I dont have to worry about those things making the test positive? I should seriously stop reading because all it does is make me worry even more...just when I think I am over this is pulls me back in...
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
* Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to action by MedHelp. Conclusive negative results or a no-risk situation will be based up the criteria MedHelp’s doctors. Action will be taken as follows:
    * After excessive posting, a warning will be issued by MedHelp
    * Continuing to post regarding the negative result / no risk situation will result in a 3 day suspension
    * Continuing to post upon your return will result in a permanent ban.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
641304 tn?1434546692
l am so happy for you,you are brave that took the test,l have been depressed for long about HIV risk and never dared to test.Now l have an intensive pain on the neck and a sore throat that has been there for long.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
568470 tn?1222631255
Ok i'm back

never thought i'd be back on this site but maybe i'm losing my mind again..

remember i tested negative last year oct but since june2009 til nowsept  2009 i have been having some serious illnesses. I called the clinic and asked if there was any way i could have tested too early...they said they dont know and that i was suppose to come back 3 months after my recent hiv test...but i was sooo happy to get a negative result i never went back! Now i have...

-night sweat
-diarhea
-loss of memory
-shakyness
-blurry vision
-thrush/yeast infection (lasting since june!)

Now i went to test for the vaginal irritation and the doc said it came back normal but because it lasted so long i did some research and told my doc i think its thrush/yeast so now im treating it with a cream.

The diarrhea comes on and off but when it does it wakes m e up in the n ight and i am greeted by sweat. I sweat sooooo bad i have to change my clothing. This has been goin  on since end of september. And my room is freezing i'm not sure how im sweating, i never have before.

So i went on the net and narrowed my signs down to diabetes or hiv.

Tuesday oct 27th i took a blood test for the diabetes plus a nother hiv test.

N ow im waiting and losing it allll over again!

Can anyone tell me if i tested too early?? and what are the chaances of me being negative then and positive now???

I remember it was a rapid test i did but it came back neither negative or positive so they took blood from me and sent it out. I was told by my doc that i had a viral virus but when  u check it out a viral virus is simliar to hiv and the two get m ixed up m any times.

anyways someone pls HELP me get myself together....

Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
568470 tn?1222631255
also frequent urinating
thirsty

but it could be me on these meds that im on for antidepressant or the h1n1

anywho will keep u posted either way
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
* Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to action by MedHelp. Conclusive negative results or a no-risk situation will be based up the criteria MedHelp’s doctors. Action will be taken as follows:
    * After excessive posting, a warning will be issued by MedHelp
    * Continuing to post regarding the negative result / no risk situation will result in a 3 day suspension
    * Continuing to post upon your return will result in a permanent ban.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
186166 tn?1385262982
STOP with the "internet diagnosing".   you are not a trained professional and cannot diagnose yourself over something you read on the internet.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
When are you expecting the results back?
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
568470 tn?1222631255
2 weeks
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I trip over the fact that I'm experiencing lipoatrophy. and this symptom is the worst hiv symptom that you can ever have. My legs that I once had is slowly gone. When I wash my face, I can feel the fullness being gone. My arms don't feels the same way... My limbs fat is gone. Still 35 pounds over weight. When I first noticed these symptoms, I didn't know what it was. I went to get a physical and the doctor called me and told me that I have a low white blood cell count and she wanted me to come in for hiv testing. I looked up hiv online, and I ran into lipoatrophy. Fat-loss in the face, buttocks, legs and hands. specially the limbs, and the flu like symptoms, the fever, the nightsweats or any of these symptoms can't top this. There is no other medical condition online that does has the same kind of fat loss. I was going crazy, but thanks to people here who place me at no risk. Which relaxes me... but the lipoatrophy hits me everyday, and I'm so scared of testing because of this reason. Worst symptom of all hiv symptom. No other medical condition causes this problems, and so hard to deal with.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Your problems have nothing to do with HIV.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
186166 tn?1385262982
"I trip over the fact that I'm experiencing lipoatrophy. and this symptom is the worst hiv symptom that you can ever have."

DO WHAT?????????????????

Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
480448 tn?1426952138
Good Lord, no more drama.....

Your test was conclusive...move on.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
... is there any other causes of lipoatrophy?  Everything is connected hiv and lipoatrophy.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Some people are not meant to be happy in this world... no matter how good person they are or try to be. Things just keep falling down on them. I was the most safe person out all my friends. I had friends that hooked up with tons of chicks always without protection and nothing happens to them. I keep seeing my cheeks - temples, big legs that I once had, butt and arms shrinking to fat-loss - while I'm overweight. It's so hard to look at everyday, and knowing there is only one cause to this kind of body change. I reflect back to couple years ago... when I had an episode of drenching nightsweats... flu like symptoms and didn't know what the cause was and weight loss. After two weeks it disappeared and I let go of my diet because I was scared of the weight-loss. I didn't even know what ars was at the time - but it all makes since now. Last August I had a ringworm look-alike rash in the back of my tight... December 25 hives look-alike rash on side of my body. Feb.Fat loss.  Than a low white blood cell count and that led me research about hiv and I soon as I saw lipoatrophy - it all made since, I had developed this sorta fat loss without knowing the cause was. Dr. Gallant says that you can't get lipoatrophy without medication, and hundreds of other drs say that you can.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
186166 tn?1385262982
STOP HIJACKING OTHER PPL'S THREADS.

YOU WERE NEVER AT RISK FROM HAVING PROTECTED SEX.  I DONT CARE WHAT KIND OF SYMPTOMS YOU ARE IMAGINING YOURSELF HAVING...NO RISK IS NO RISK.

KINDLY MOVE ALONG...YOU DO NOT HAVE A HIV CONCERN.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
You know aids is no death sentence in the western world I know people who were died on the doorstep to death and now have kids aids free . With new drugs out now almost all children can be cured of HIV ! And if you are in a position like stepping on a blood filled needle you go right to the er and they put you on anti retro viral cocktail and almost all HIV infections can be stopped at there starting point ! Kill the beast in its crib
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
What happened finally? ..you didn't post the test results..hope you r doing well
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
3147776 tn?1349200103
Hi  - this thread is 5 years old.  It is unlikely the member is still in the forums.  If you have a question of your own regarding risk for HIV, please use the "post a question" button at the top of the page to ask.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
waaaaaaal im so into ur past situation right now and i tested negative after three months bt im now waiting for 6 months and its really freaking me out..... help me and im feeling all those symptoms u were having
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
start your own thread
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Help me please. Going carzy it's been 8 months. Fa me
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Start your own thread please
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
This discussion was closed by the MedHelp Community Moderation team. If you have any questions please contact us
A
A
HIV Prevention Community Resources