Losing my mind thinking i got HIV!

[momonie]

Hello,

I was just wondering if you could help me cool my nerves. I recently (4 weeks ago) had unprotected sex with my boyfriend of 1 yr. I know it was wrong, got caught up in the moment, etc. Anyways he lives in the caribbean and i live in the states. When i got back home i started hearing stories from people who know him there saying that before i knew him how he has aids and he was admitted into a mad house because he couldnt deal with it. I asked him about the stories, he refuses to talk about them. I asked him if there is any chance he could have aids he said no. I asked if he has ever taken a test, he said never. I asked him if i am the only girl he has ever had sex with w/o a condom he said No, that there was a girl before me and he never wore condoms while with her. They have a 2yr old together and im still hearing that he has been sneaking around with her still, sex without condoms. When she had the child, wouldnt the doctors have told her she had hiv or anything like that? Ok, im losing my mind! Neither one of them has ever taken a test! I remember before going to be with him last month i went to the doc and took a test, checked for std's the works and i proved to be ok. I remember asking him to do a test as well, he said it would cost $90 and he didnt have that kind of money and that he was healthy. Anywho now that im back home i have been reading up on the signs of hiv and i swear to god i have all of them! I don't know if i'm making myself crazy or what but my thoart is abit sore, a bit of a burning feeling, same with my tongue. I feel tired, i urinate often, i have a shakyness in my hands, lost of appetiate, i cant sleep, i have 2 small cuts inside my mouth, swollen lymp, when i move my neck left or right it hurts abit, i even have some serious stomach pains, so bad i had to go to the emergency walk in, its like a tight squeezing feeling, a bit crampish...the list goes on. I did a std test recently and it came back with nothing, i was relieved but they said to wait 3 months before doing a hiv test...i can't wait that long!!! Anyways my family doctor did a hiv test on me anyways but im afraid the test will show im negative if i am positive. I just need some piece of mind. I know i shouldnt have done it w/o a condom but i read somewhere that if i have a cut in the vagina or anywhere near there i can get the virus that way. I dont have any cuts down there! I asked him if he released inside of me he said yes, but im on the pills so i wasnt worried about pregnancy. Now im worried that his semen may be carrying hiv and it has been passed on to me. Whats scares me the most is that to this day i ask him to please go and get tested, he refuses and says its a waste of time he is healthy. I keep telling him he can feel healthy and has no signs but infact the virus could be inside. PLEASE HELP! I don't know what to do. I cant focus, i even took time off work because i can't focus on the job, this is all i think about and i just need some facts on what we did and based on our history if we both will be ok. I am still waiting on my test results for HIV and i know if its negative i will have to do a second one and im not looking forward to that. Any advice on what i can do? are these signs real and mean something or am i making myself go crazy? based on his history is there a chance he could have aids and since he never took a test doesnt know his status? Any info or advise you can give me would really help because im not to clear on how u can get hiv, i never thought about it and now here i am obsessed thinking i have it night and day!!!

[desperateone1]

girl i feel you, I'm in sort of the same situation and its been 4 weeks for me too. About 34 days today.  I took an hiv test on friday, came up negative dr. hook said i should be fine being that most tests come back positive in that time frame.  I have to take another one in three months and i am scared.  everyday i feel the symptoms, well just the rash, i start to itch everywhere when i'm panicking.  I hope God forgives me for the mistake I did.  i have been praying and have so much faith.  All I can say to u is pray...I'll pray or you too.

[Teak]

You could have left aout half of the drama. You did put yourself at risk. You need to test out to 3 months post exposure to obtain a conclusive negative result.

[momonie]

Thank you girl, i am a witness that prayer changes things so thank you much. Congrats on a negative hiv test, i would be screaming for joy right about now!

[momonie]

see how much i have on my mind? i couldnt even leave out the drama man. I know  i put myself at  BIG RISK! thats why im losing my mind cuz no matter how i think i keep thinking bases on the situation and his history and his beahaviour it could be that he has hiv and he's scared to talk about it or was afraid to tell me. But that's just wrong to put my life at risk by not telin me. Im gonna wait the 3 months and do a test, i might not even do it because i know i can't live with hearing "you are hiv positive" i would run out in the street right then and there. Gosh, im losing it again!!!

[desperateone1]

i feel the same way, right now I just called my boyfriend to tell him that we need to break up.  I cheated on him because i felt like we were gonna break up anyway.  we were having problems.  anyway the condom broke and I am freaking out.  I know i'm not pregnant but I am scared of this HIV Sh**.  I called him at work and said we need to talk and that is best to break up.  I am so ashamed and the worst is yet to come, a big fight, and then waiting three months , is gonna really stress me out.  I just feel so bad for my kids if I do have HIV.  I dont know what i'm gonna do.

[stressed123]

hey girl, i know the feeling. most of us have got caught up in the moment and truly regret it. its life and it happens but if your results come back fine after 3 months, then from now on be careful and practice safe sex!

[MGM007]

could any1 please help me out, im goin crazy. i need somes advice right now.
please check it out.
please
"Could this be????? Help me pleaseeee" is the title

[desperateone1]

WHAT HAPPENED?  WHAT ARE U TALKING ABOUT?

[momonie]

yea if my results are negative i am turning into a nun!!! I cant deal with stress like this man, im gonna lock off sex for like a year or something cuz even if i do it with a condom i still think some messed up ish so i dunno man

[kmh504]

momonie, desperateone can we have a woman's support group! lol we are all experiencing the same anxiety lol

[kmh504]

and sressed123! lol

[momonie]

anyways, i got my results back today and im NEGATIVE for everything! I feel good yet i still feel iffy like i have something. Reason is cuz i took the test 4 wks after unprotected sex and everyone said i should wait 6 wks or 3 months so i dunno. Its still good to know the results came back negative but now i have to take another test. My doc says i dont have to its up to me because 4wks is good enough to see if i was infected. If im not, whats all these weird signs and sick feelings i;ve been having? Im so stresseddddddd...i dont know if i will take thest test again, i feel good lingering on this NEGATIVE  results for now....

[Teak]

Get your conclusive test at 3 months post exposure.

[momonie]

Great...so i gotta do another one...*sighs* so u saying this test i just took proves nothings?

[snippets69]

It's extremely promising, and it's EXTREMELY rare for a test result to change from a positive to a negative after 4 weeks. At least 90% of positives will have turned positive by now.  Combine that with the chance you got HIV if he DID have it and the chances he actually had it puts you at .0000001 chance of having HIV. That's 1 in 10 MILLION.  I doubt you're that lucky.

[snippets69]

sorry...not enough sleep last night...that's "...change from a negative to a positive...".

And the last sentence should probably read "I doubt you're that UNlucky"

[Teak]

The only way to get a conclusive negative result is to test at 3 months post exposure. There are NO tests approved to give one a conclusive negative result any earlier.

[Teak]

The manufactures labels all say three months and CDC guidelines say three months. Get your facts straight if you are going to give people advice.

[snippets69]

My facts are straight... That's what I was saying..Their guidelines all say 3 months... If it really took 3 months..they would say 6 months.. Read and comprehend before you reply.

[Teak]

Like I said get your facts straight when advising people.

[snippets69]

Read and comprehend before you reply...Nothing I said was false.  The truth is that if it REALLY took HIV 3 months to show up...It wouldn't say 3 months...They would say longer...That's just the way Government and big corporations work to cover their ***** etc... If you can't see that or believe that.. I feel sorry that you've been blinded.

[Teak]

Oh so now your a conspiracy theorist? Just keep with the facts on this forum and not your opinions.

[snippets69]

It has nothing to do with conspiracy theory.  That's the way companies work and there's nothing wrong with it.  I feel sorry you're so nieve to believe everything written on manufacturer's labels.

Teak auto-reply engaged...laughin.  

[Teak]

So now you have decided that you are more educated than the manufactures and the FDA on there tests? Thanks for the laugh.

[snippets69]

Not more educated Teak me boy.  Never said anything about being more educated than the manufacturers.  Thanks for the laugh over your misinterpretation. They are actually quite shrewd to over estimate the time to seroconversion.

Fact: people don't turn from negative to positive after having a 6 week negative.

Teak auto-reply........Engaged.

[Teak]

Snippets you don't work in a testing center so you have no proof other than what you read off the forum to know if people have tested positive after 6 weeks. I know people that tested positive after a 6 week negative. So like I said before get your facts straight.

[scaredkitten]

Hi,
Do you people who tested positive after 12 weeks negative???

[scaredkitten]

I mean do you know people

[momonie]

Im debating if i should go take another test...i mean end of month is coming up soon and thats when they said to come.....im really debating cuz i really dont wantt know. I feel like sticking to the first results they told me...negative, i am gonna flip if i go back and hear..positive, so im debating....

[LIZZIE LOU]

4 weeks is too early for a conclusive result!!

[desperateone1]

well i spoke to Dr. Edward, you can go to my profile to see my posts.  I took a test at 4 weeks and again at 6 weeks, they both came out negative.  Dr. Edward said that I should be fine.  My three months is up and I too am scared to death to take another test.  But I will maybe next week.  But if you want, read my post and take what u feel is comfortable. I feel alright about it but still a little worried.  When i take the test i will move on.

[desperateone1]

This window period drama is in debates and it goes different state to state..  In some states a 6 week test is conclusive. Then there are some websites that say the reason they say 3 or 6 months is that most people don't remember the day they were exposed.  So they want to make sure they can have ppl come get tested between these months to have a more so conclusive result.  Then there are those who continue risky behaviors even if they did know the exact day of exposure.  So this is why they say 3 to 6 months.  I had a doc tell me a year is conclusive.  Thats just scary!  So  theres no definite answer. Just get tested at least twice a year just to be safe (every 6 months)

[timelord]

Everyone, please read the guidelines to HIV testing. The FDA and CDC state 3 months conclusive. Teak and Lizzie Lou have told you correctly.. Go to any other reputable site and they will tell you the same..Dr. Bob over at thebody says the same thing as well...  3 months/12 weeks is considered conclusive and definitive. I know that back when I was afraid, I wanted to know all I could and wanted to speed up the process.. but unfortunately, this process has a time limit. Anyway, in roder for peace of mind, get a test at 3 months and be finished. If I could go back, I would have only tested one time at the 3 months mark and been done with it. Then, there would have been less testing anxiety. Anyway, for the health of others and your own health, please test at 3 months..

[beachbumz2]

So the CDC is wrong about oral sex and right about the testing window?? Correct me if i'm misunderstanding something here.

[momonie]

Anyways, i cant wait till october to go take a test. I spoke to my ex in st kitts and he belives he doesnt need to go take a test. Infact anytime i mention test, doctors he hangs up the phone on me. He said we should stop taking to each other because if i find out i have something im gonna blame him and he doesn't want that. This makes me more scared! I think he's hiding something. He keep tellings me he's fine, he's healthy, and don't need to go see no doctor. He told me that a year ago he got really sick. He felt really really hot 1 min, and the next he was freezing cold! He was given meds for it but took too much and overdosed, he pased out from it. I don't know what kinda sickness causes the body to act that way. I checked online and all i found was maleria. To make a long story short, he has cut me off completely. He said i took a test in july and it was negative so that means he's safe also...i told him it doesnt work like that he has to do his own test!!! So i cant wait no more im going next week thursday to do a test at the hassle free clinic, i will get a result right away and can get my life back on track. I cant sleep, cant eat, cant focus, this guy just wont open up to me about his sexual history. I was exposed in june and im gonna take a test next week september wheather its early or not I CANT KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS!!!

[Teak]

Quit harassing the guy. It's as much your fault and it's time you take the blame. You've been advised of when you can get a conclusive result. There is nothing more we can say.

[momonie]

uuummmm teak....im not harassing him. I just asked him his status and he flipped out. To me anyone who flips out or don't wantta talk about their status is scared and is hiding something. I know im to be blamed in this as well, but it takes two to tango and i don't like feeling empty and alone. You should be able to sit and talk to your partner about this matter without any problems if they care about you.Basically i need reassurance and to set my mind at ease, so that's what im seeking.And once i get it and im ok and happy with the results im converting to being a nun...lol

thanks

[Teak]

It only takes one to insist on the use of a condom.

[momonie]

Aight...panic attack again!

Yesterday i went to see my doctor who called me in. I did some blood test and a throat culture test around begin of september.

He says "your blood work came back and we found a virus"
HEART RACING FAST, ROOM SPINNING
i'm like "what kind of virus?" like what the ****, how u just gonna say "virus" like that after i tell u i think i have hiv.
"Oh it's nothing, its a viral infection, a viral virus"
"meaning what?"
"Just something in the air, you may have inhaled, or drank contamanated water, could be from using a toothbrush that has bateria on it, its a flu like virus, that why your throat is sore and you have muscle aches."
STILL BREATHING HARD, AND PANICKING
"ok, so it has nothing to do with hiv?"
"NO! We did that test on you already, i told you your fine you dont need to do another one and your fine."
"So how do i treat this viral infection/virus?"
"Just drink lots of juice/water, eats lots of fruits, rest, just relax, it will go away on its own, no biggy, antibioctic cant help this, come back and see me in 1-2 weeks"

ANYWAYS...i left and came home. Sat my *** on the net and searched around. I didnt sleep good lastnight because i found some stuff that shook me up. It said that HIV symphtons are often mistaken for a viral infection! They both have the same signs and im thinking how did i get this?

Everyone at work is coming down with something, ppl are coughing, sneezing, all this ****. The girl that sits next to me has Bronchitis, im thinking did i get this from her? But come on, who wouldn't feel this way. Im trying to think clear and positive that im ok that im just freaking out but man o man am i losing it over here!

Anyone shine some light on this for me, viral infection, go look it up, you'll see its gonna mention HIV somewhere along the line. I trust my doc and all but he scared me when he said "YOU HAVE A VIRUS!" like what the heck, i could have kicked his *** for saying it like that, so now im freaking out....

Poor me

[momonie]

and yes, wednesday...tomorrow im going for a rapid hiv test, It will be 3 months then! i need to know whats up man!

[momonie]

today i went to take a rapid hiv test. friggin big mistake! the results was a "maybe". the test had 2 dots, 1 at the top very noticeable and then there was a very faded, veryyyyyyyyyyyy fadeddddddddddd dot below it. i couldnt see the dot they had to point it out 2 me. anyways they said its not a yes or a no, im in a grey line. i totally broke down crying
they thought i was gonna kill myself or something. im losing it BIGTIME now, cause they took blood from me for another test which takes 1-2 wks, like i can wait that long! I told my friend and she says the test picked up on my viral infection....do u think so?

anyone took a rapid test b4? pls shine some light as to how it works cause im feeling worst than how i started

but yea send me yur advice n input

~monie

[siteheld]

I feel your pain. I heard it picks up on other infections but I don't much about this. I also read that pregnant woman sometimes show up positive even though they are really negative. So this is proof that it does pick up on other things. i am not an expert here.
I was also in a similar situation in the Caribbeans too. I live in the States and went to visit home. Fortunately, I refused to have sex before a HIV test but we did deep kiss.
He did agree to get tested. He came out positive but I honestly believe that he did not know his status.
I was worried about the kiss but the nice people on this site helped me out. I did not believe when they said that I would be ok. I am ok .
I will pray for you tonight because I feel your pain. Please keep up updated because I personally are worried about you well being. Let hope and pray for the best.

[LIZZIE LOU]

this is not unusual on a rapid test.  

[baba491]

you should ask your doctor if there is any other disease apart from HIV that can cause all those symptoms....
and please tell me what you gonna do supozing you find out u are positive coz am also in ur situation but in my own case i also took my partner for the test an we was negative but i still had d symptoms. dont really know wat to if tested positive in my next test...
nd yeahhh.... please ask the doctor if there is anythin a person can take or do in his window period suppozing he gat HIV and the test cant show it.

1 love

[momonie]

im so sad, so depressed, i didnt eat today and i ignore all my calls. my mom is starting to worry about me, i cant talk 2 her because she has much on her mind, she is studying for a nursing exam coming up.

i didnt go in to work 2day...i couldnt, i talk on the phones all day, so i knew i was gonn break down

thank  u all for your inputs but i feel like a lost cause. the rapid test is killing me.
i just dnt understand y it showed 2 dots...1 dark and noticiable and the other below it light and faded, very hard to see, almost invisible!

saw my doc today, told him my experience with the rapid test and how results looked. he quickly did some blood work for another hiv test.,....greatttttttt, now i have 2 test out there. he said the rapid test is more of an antibiotic test, its a screening, so more than likely the light dot picked up on your flu......

to be honest, the fact that the test showed a light dot makes me feel like its positive, why would it even show?

anyway im asking for more inputs and please continue to pray for me.
the clinic i took the test at has me on a sucidal watch. they call every min, has this lady come to my house, my mom thinks she's a counsellor

have 2 wait till oct 24 to find out my status...the waiting i think will kill me b4 then...i want my life back, this is nerve recking, i cant focus. i lost 5 pounds....stressed, no yearnin for food, just longing for a 100% NEGATIVE result



man o man

[mistake428]

You have to chill with the drama!!!
you will be fine I'm sure if it was a true positive by three months it would not have been a faint line...it would be a FORSURE positive line...

in a few weeks you'll have your neg. result but the drama is going to kill you before HIV does. You have to learn how to relax

[chai2]

I can't help but to feel so sorry for you because of your great fear and stress.  I know how it can be gripping.  I have prayed for you and will continue.  I know that has helped me in the past and also having others to talk to.  I would trust your doctor and what he said about the very faint dot being because of your flu virus.  The test can cross react with other viruses.  -Chai2

[momonie]

Thanks Guys! I think his website is awesome! I wake up everyday looking forward to reading what you all have to say and im always greatful for some great responses that helps me to keep my mind focus and that all is still well with me.

I read lastnight on this site the following:"False positive RAPID TEST results can occur if someone is tested right after events that temporarily stimulate the immune system, such as viral infections or immunizations. They could also occur because of lab error, or because of the test's very high sensitivity, discussed below.
seroconvert."

Which is my case, i feel like my test showed up the way it did because of my viral infection.

To Mistake428, yea, i dont like drama, i really have to chill out i know, your right. Im gonna pull it all back from here on out and just pray for the best.

Thanks again, i will let you all know my results Oct 24th

~monie

[baba491]

good luck...
we should all pray 4 each other...

[momonie]

*sighs*

Aight i thought i could deal with this but im slowly losing my mind. I cant focus on anything. I haven't had a good night sleep in years it feels like. I can't eat. I just munch on stuff like grapes, chips, haven't had a good meal.Lastnight i was up thinking "what if the results come back positive, how will i deal with it?" I thought for sure i would go in isolation, i might quit my job because my energy level wouldn't be good, i would lock off friends, family, everything! I'm a designer, i sew and sketch outfits on the side and take part in fashion shows. I would give all that up. My heart just wouldn't be in it. I would cry myself to sleep EVERY NIGHT. Then i thought of even taking my own life. I don't want to be living HIV POSITIVE. Sad, but if this is my faith because i made a stupid big mistake, i don't want to live, my joy would be gone.

Then i thought, "what if the test came back negative, how would i deal with that?" First off i would jump for joy! Reclaim my life back thats has slowly withered away. I would lock off having sex for a year. And if i do get involve with another man i am asking them str8 up "have u ever took a hiv test, what is your status, do u mind taking or showing me your most recent hiv/std test results.?" And i know these men will think im crazy, but i'd rather be safe than sorry. I don't ever wantta feel this way again. I would start walking with condoms because i was depending on my boyfriend to have 1 and he didnt. But if my test comes back HIV NEGATIVE i will be greatful and learn from this horrible experience and always, ALWAYS protect myself!

This thanksgiving weekend is not enjoyable for me. It's like im here, but not here. Trying to help my mom in the kitchen with dinner and im so clumpsy, deep in thought, its obvious to everyone something is up with me.
I have these symphtons:
Feelings of panic, fear and uneasiness
Uncontrollable, obsessive thoughts
Ritualistic behaviors, such as repeated hand washing
Problems sleeping
loss of appetiate
Cold or sweaty hands and/or feet
Shortness of breath
An inability to be still and calm
Dry mouth
Numbness or tingling in the hands or feet
Nausea
Muscle tension all overrrrrrrrrrr
Dizziness (can't stand up for long to do anything)
Light headed
Constant urinating

Which all leads to Aniexty. I also think i might be anemic because my monthly cycles only last 2-3 days! Though i like the lessen days i know something is not right there. I have the other signs as well, i am constantly feeling cold, tired.I just wished the rapid test didnt put my mind in this state, this waiting game.

I welcome your feedbacks and suggestions as to how i can get through this waiting period without completly losing my mind. Whats my bright side to all this? Any hope i can look forward to having a negative test result?

Continue to pray for me

~momonie

[LIZZIE LOU]

i find your first paragraph very offensive!

[momonie]

Wasn't trying to offend anyone! Everyone deals with this issue different. Some are strong and some like myself are very weak! I was only saying in a nutshell  i would be  devastated and depressed. Maybe i wouldn't go as far to take my own life but i'd feel like i died inside and have a hard time living a regular life. I'm not saying people currently living as HIV POSITIVE are dead, i'm saying they are stronger than myself and i know they went through the shock and toughened up and said "you know what, this is not the end for me, i can still live my life." I just dont see myself saying or doing that. I respect their drive,strenght.

ONCE AGAIN, PLEASE TRY AND UNDERSTAND ME, NO OFFENSE INTENTED!

[graceofgod14]

momonie, my heart goes out to you, i have experienced the full blown scare of hiv before. it actually started this past december and last until a test i had done at the first of february... this test was 6 months after possible exposure and came back neg.. but wow .. the symptoms i experienced before the ned result were SO REAL. i promise you i feel your pain. actually i would like to give you my e mail so you can e mail me personally cause i would LOVE to help someone through exaxctly what i went through. i believe my story would give you lots of hope.

[Teak]

So you're saying your life isn't worth living? We can't change that for you. You might try professional mental heath care.

[momonie]

My current situation is driving me insane
I can't eat, can't sleep, got a lot on the brain.
I walk in darkness longing to surface up to the light
Trying to maintain positive thoughts, this battle I must fight
Not knowing is nerve racking, knowledge is the key.
Regretting what I’ve done was too blind to see.

I WANT TO LIVE!

Triumph over these days!
Lesson learned, I will protect myself ALWAYS!
I've become weak and weary
Scared and constantly lonely
I pray to god for forgiveness
My anxiety has overtaken me
Drowning in my tears because each day I am faced with fears
Laughter, joy, my happiness escaped from my grasp
Replaced with frowns, filled with sorrow, how long will I last?
I no longer recognize the woman in the mirror
Who once sailed on cloud 9 now has dropped to a zero.

I WANT TO LIVE!

I was wrong, still i've gotta be strong!
Must make it through this situation, buckle up, each night I pray
Must live and learn from the outcome when I am faced with my results that day.

Written By: Momonie

[chai2]

I wish I could give you a hug.  You mentioned Thanksgiving weekend so you must be in Canada.  Also you mentioned before you had  blood drawn for an Hiv test.  You can only wait it out now and hope for the best, pray and do whatever to take your mind off of it for now until you get your results back.  Please, don't chicken out and not return for your results.  Take a friend or family member with you and go and find out your results.  No matter what it is, you will get through it with the help of others.  I know the test center will be there for you also.  I wish you the best and my heart goes out to you becasue I have been through this before.  We all make mistakes.  Mine was learning I had a right to say no and I didn't owe a man anything just because he was nice to me and took me out to dinner and spent money on me.  I learned the hard way, sometimes that's what it takes.  

[momonie]

I had decided that i was gonna tune it all out. I been feeling really tired and weak lately.
I went to bed around 10pm and woke up in a sea of sweat around 12:15am. I was soaked right through to my bra i had to remove my clothing and change. I couldn't sleep after that and here i am writing. I now feel abit chilly. I can't go back to sleep now. I remember seeing it somewhere that night sweat is a sign of HIV. I don't have a fever, and my room is not hot. I never sleep and sweat this much before EVER! 8 more days til i get my results....o god help me

[momonie]

yes, i could use a hug. your so lucky u got through this and your negative! i would like to know more about your story, pls note me your email.

[momonie]

Tomorrow i get my results....*crossing fingers* will let you all know no matter what

[chai2]

I'll be thinking of you.  Take deep breaths and try to stay calm and hope for the best. I hope your eating better and resting more.  Most likely you will be negative and you can move on.  You'll see, you will have a new start on life.  Remember this experience and know that no risk is worth it.  Stay strong.  

[extremelyafraidman]

I will pray for you Miss. I'll have you in my thoughts and pray for you to be negative. I'm sure if we all pray for each other, it definitely helps.
Good luck and keep us posted!

[momonie]

Tuesday Morning i recieved a call from the health center saying my results as in and that i needed to come in.
I had planned to go and get results no matter what but i chickened out and got scared.
didnt go.

Wednesday, same phone call again, i need to come in to get my results because they are concerned about me. Said to myself i was gonna go in, chicken out, didn't go.

Thursday, got the call again, told them upfront to tell me the results over the phone, they said no they can not and that i had to come in. Aight i said **** it, im gonna go in.
When i got there i started looking around for fire trucks, ambulances, etc because i told them if the results was bad i was gonna go NUTS! Didn't see none of those things so i entered the building. I will never forget that moment for as long as i live. I head my footsteps, i heard my heart beating, i head myseld beathing in and out, i heard the clock ticking on the wall, i heard the secretary writing in a notebook, i mean EVERYTHING WAS SO NOTICABLE to me.

The nurse greets me and says "Did you come alone?" i said yes she says "I thought you would have came with a friend, you know for support" i said no
She said ok. At that point i started freaking out. Wondering why she said i needed support, it was gonna be a positive result.

We go in the room, myself and 2 nurses. They sit me down and start asking how im feeling, how i've been coping, etc. I started crying and crying. And then they said RELAX, THE RESULTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE!!!! I dropped to the floor and continued crying. I felt so light and sooooo glad! I asked them why the heck did they have to act like i was positive, why did they make it look so bad. I could sue!! lol.

Anyways, they gave me some #'s for therapy and some books to read about how to not be depressed and how to really lift up my spirits. Their main concern was that i was suicidal and depressed and they wanted me to get HELP!  They educated me on hiv and how to avoid this situation again in the future. I confirmed if i needed to test again in december they said NO, unless i go out and do the same ****!

When i left that place i went to the food court in the mall and PIGGED OUT! I had NY FRIES, A DOUBLE WHOPPER W/CHEESE, PIZZA A LARGE ICE TEA. I mean i had to eat and that meal was well deserved. People was looking at me saying "omg is she eaing all that food" HELL YEA, IM HIV NEGATIVE BABY!!!

I just wantta say, this has been a leaning experience for me. BE SAFE, DON'T LOOK UP THE SIGNS OF HIV CUZ THEN U WILL HAVE THEM ALL!

I thanks YOU ALLLLLL for your support, your comments, notes, prayers. I will keep in touch and pray for you all.

*EXHALING*

Thank u god, i have my life back!!!!

[Will80]

That's AWESOME!!! and here I am losing my mind over a No Risk situation because of all my "symptoms".

[LIZZIE LOU]

isnt it amazing how powerful the mind is?  wish everyone would believe us when we tell them that!

will80...move on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[extremelyafraidman]

Awesome!!! I'm happy to hear that, enjoy your life to the fullest young lady and remember not to waste the chance that you're given.
Woooo Hoooooo!!!

[Alex7777]

I am very happy for you.  God bless you take care of yourself.

[mark670]

great, happy for you, was your test at 3 months?

[ebonybrown2]

Im glad you got a negative test


is dry throat a sign of HIV... my throat isnt sore its just dry and I get a little hot at night and I also have these tingles in my body... mostly my hands... I get tired early also....I wanna take an HIV test ASAP but  I know I have to wait three weeks (had sex 4 days ago... first timer)

[desperateone1]

yeah boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God for our results!!!!!!!!!!!

[siteheld]

Girl, I am glad for you. I was praying for you. Please take my advice and don't EVER, EVER  sleep with someone of unknown status.
By the way if you plan to sleep with this guy again even if it is soon please let him get tested because your results don't mean that he is ok.
God is good.

[chai2]

YAAAAAAAAY!!!!  YIPPEEEEEE!!!!

Remember to stay safe, stay well.  

[momonie]

yes, i tested first at 3 weeks then tested again at 3 months! So i am good!

[momonie]

I had those exact signs, i was told it was anxiety but u should take a test for your own sake, knowing your status will help.

[momonie]

oh no no, me and him are over! His mom called me to tell me he had to take a blood test after all because he is opening a resturant on the island and a blood test is a MUST, they look for hep b, c and hiv and all this other stuff...she will keep me posted on his results. Because it's true, i could be safe but it doesn't mean he is.

[Teak]

"Don't take a rapid test if you are on antibiotics, or battling the flu or you're anemic, or have a viral infection/virus, the test picks up alll this stuff and gives a reaction making u think you are positive,"

That's not true at all. MOVE ON..

[Teak]

Well don't give out false information. You would not have wanted anyone to do it to you.

[ease_my_mind]

If I take a oral rapid test at about 5.5 weeks and have what I hope is just a regular old cold and sore throat I dont have to worry about those things making the test positive? I should seriously stop reading because all it does is make me worry even more...just when I think I am over this is pulls me back in...

[Teak]

* Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to action by MedHelp. Conclusive negative results or a no-risk situation will be based up the criteria MedHelp’s doctors. Action will be taken as follows:
    * After excessive posting, a warning will be issued by MedHelp
    * Continuing to post regarding the negative result / no risk situation will result in a 3 day suspension
    * Continuing to post upon your return will result in a permanent ban.

[zarazara]

l am so happy for you,you are brave that took the test,l have been depressed for long about HIV risk and never dared to test.Now l have an intensive pain on the neck and a sore throat that has been there for long.

[momonie]

Ok i'm back

never thought i'd be back on this site but maybe i'm losing my mind again..

remember i tested negative last year oct but since june2009 til nowsept  2009 i have been having some serious illnesses. I called the clinic and asked if there was any way i could have tested too early...they said they dont know and that i was suppose to come back 3 months after my recent hiv test...but i was sooo happy to get a negative result i never went back! Now i have...

-night sweat
-diarhea
-loss of memory
-shakyness
-blurry vision
-thrush/yeast infection (lasting since june!)

Now i went to test for the vaginal irritation and the doc said it came back normal but because it lasted so long i did some research and told my doc i think its thrush/yeast so now im treating it with a cream.

The diarrhea comes on and off but when it does it wakes m e up in the n ight and i am greeted by sweat. I sweat sooooo bad i have to change my clothing. This has been goin  on since end of september. And my room is freezing i'm not sure how im sweating, i never have before.

So i went on the net and narrowed my signs down to diabetes or hiv.

Tuesday oct 27th i took a blood test for the diabetes plus a nother hiv test.

N ow im waiting and losing it allll over again!

Can anyone tell me if i tested too early?? and what are the chaances of me being negative then and positive now???

I remember it was a rapid test i did but it came back neither negative or positive so they took blood from me and sent it out. I was told by my doc that i had a viral virus but when  u check it out a viral virus is simliar to hiv and the two get m ixed up m any times.

anyways someone pls HELP me get myself together....

[momonie]

also frequent urinating
thirsty

but it could be me on these meds that im on for antidepressant or the h1n1

anywho will keep u posted either way

[joggen]

* Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to action by MedHelp. Conclusive negative results or a no-risk situation will be based up the criteria MedHelp’s doctors. Action will be taken as follows:
    * After excessive posting, a warning will be issued by MedHelp
    * Continuing to post regarding the negative result / no risk situation will result in a 3 day suspension
    * Continuing to post upon your return will result in a permanent ban.

[LIZZIE LOU]

STOP with the "internet diagnosing".   you are not a trained professional and cannot diagnose yourself over something you read on the internet.

[hypocsl]

When are you expecting the results back?

[momonie]

2 weeks

[Could_this_be]

I trip over the fact that I'm experiencing lipoatrophy. and this symptom is the worst hiv symptom that you can ever have. My legs that I once had is slowly gone. When I wash my face, I can feel the fullness being gone. My arms don't feels the same way... My limbs fat is gone. Still 35 pounds over weight. When I first noticed these symptoms, I didn't know what it was. I went to get a physical and the doctor called me and told me that I have a low white blood cell count and she wanted me to come in for hiv testing. I looked up hiv online, and I ran into lipoatrophy. Fat-loss in the face, buttocks, legs and hands. specially the limbs, and the flu like symptoms, the fever, the nightsweats or any of these symptoms can't top this. There is no other medical condition online that does has the same kind of fat loss. I was going crazy, but thanks to people here who place me at no risk. Which relaxes me... but the lipoatrophy hits me everyday, and I'm so scared of testing because of this reason. Worst symptom of all hiv symptom. No other medical condition causes this problems, and so hard to deal with.

[Teak]

Your problems have nothing to do with HIV.

[LIZZIE LOU]

"I trip over the fact that I'm experiencing lipoatrophy. and this symptom is the worst hiv symptom that you can ever have."

DO WHAT?????????????????

[nursegirl6572]

Good Lord, no more drama.....

Your test was conclusive...move on.  

[Could_this_be]

... is there any other causes of lipoatrophy?  Everything is connected hiv and lipoatrophy.

[Could_this_be]

Some people are not meant to be happy in this world... no matter how good person they are or try to be. Things just keep falling down on them. I was the most safe person out all my friends. I had friends that hooked up with tons of chicks always without protection and nothing happens to them. I keep seeing my cheeks - temples, big legs that I once had, butt and arms shrinking to fat-loss - while I'm overweight. It's so hard to look at everyday, and knowing there is only one cause to this kind of body change. I reflect back to couple years ago... when I had an episode of drenching nightsweats... flu like symptoms and didn't know what the cause was and weight loss. After two weeks it disappeared and I let go of my diet because I was scared of the weight-loss. I didn't even know what ars was at the time - but it all makes since now. Last August I had a ringworm look-alike rash in the back of my tight... December 25 hives look-alike rash on side of my body. Feb.Fat loss.  Than a low white blood cell count and that led me research about hiv and I soon as I saw lipoatrophy - it all made since, I had developed this sorta fat loss without knowing the cause was. Dr. Gallant says that you can't get lipoatrophy without medication, and hundreds of other drs say that you can.

[LIZZIE LOU]

STOP HIJACKING OTHER PPL'S THREADS.

YOU WERE NEVER AT RISK FROM HAVING PROTECTED SEX.  I DONT CARE WHAT KIND OF SYMPTOMS YOU ARE IMAGINING YOURSELF HAVING...NO RISK IS NO RISK.

KINDLY MOVE ALONG...YOU DO NOT HAVE A HIV CONCERN.