Magnetic and Worried

Hi Dr.,

You recently answered a question for me about possibly being a magnetic couple. I'm fairly confident that I am negative, at least for now, Rapid, Elisa, NAAT all negative at 5 weeks- though I will continue to be tested.

Anyway, as I said in my previous question, my boyfriend was diagnosed with HIV on May 20th. I love him and want to be with him and be strong for him. Most of the questions on this site involve sex, as HIV is a "sexually" transmitted disease.

My question is this: What are the chances of transmitting HIV infection from living with an HIV positive person? He has/had a pretty high viral load, though it is likely on the decline. How risky is it when we:

1) Closed-mouth kiss on the lips
2) He lays his face on my bare chest
3) I hold him - clothed
4) I kiss his body (not genitals, mostly his trunk)
5) We use the same bathroom and sleep in the same bed
6) He cooks for me
7) I do the dishes (I kinda hope I can tell him this is HIGHLY risky behavior :-)
8) We hug

I am trying to be strong for him and I love him, but in the back of my head all of these non-sexual questions come in to play. I'm worried that somehow I will contract the virus from living with him.

Also, do you know of any books/resources that talk openly about being in a magnetic relationship aside from sexual risk factors? I want to continue to show strength for him but sometimes I get anxious about these low-risk exposures.

Thank you for answering my question,

Magnetic and Worried In LA

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

Welcome back to the forum.  However, you did not need to start a new thread.  Dr. Hook undoubtedly would have been happy to reply on the previous one.

Let me start with congratulations for your empathy and understanding.  Your partner is a fortunate guy indeed.  And further congratulations for a level headed approach to understanding and dealing with the risks of HIV transmission in this circumstance.

The 8 scenarios you outline are entirely without risk of HIV transmisison.  Transmission of HIV to household partners simply does not occur, assuming they are not also sex or needle-sharing partners.  There also is no risk from sharing toilets, showers, towels, kitchens, eating utensils, etc.  Should your partner cut himself or otherwise get blood in the environment, you should use care in clean-up (and preferably use latex gloves). Don't share razors or toothbrushes.

Of course the risk will come if and when you decide to resume an overtly sexual relationship.  At that time, the risk will depend on his viral load and whether he is taking anti-HIV drugs.  Even with those things, condoms should be routine for vaginal or anal sex.  But the specific details about these things should come not from this or any other distant online source, but from your partner's HIV health care provider.

This is not a sexual counseling service and I have never heard the term "magnetic" relationship, so I have no other advice for you.  There likely are AIDS support services in your area that might give advice directly or could refer you to an appropriate counseling service.

Good luck--  HHH, MD