Man this place is dead tonight!

Has most everyone given up their fears, and out partying or what?  Good for you!!!

[bigdummy]

I know what you mean. I posted a question over on the std forum and it still hasn't been answered. Tonight i've started to get scarred cuz of the sore muscles in my armpits. I don't know what the person I was with did to me, but there is something seriously wrong with me. I'm always thirsty as well. And my neck is stiff. Teak just said that hiv medication is almost $70,000 a year, that then depressed me. The Dr. got mad at me and told me to stop posting anxiety driven replys in the Dr. forum. Today has been another difficult day. NOw the back of my head is hurting. It's like I'm fine one minute and then scarred and want my mother the next. I can't even look at a woman walking down the street right now.

[bigdummy]

now its taking you forever to keep a conversation going in your on forum. I'm going to go get some sleeping pills. I need rest.

[farfromperfect]

Check this out.  Its from anxietycentre.com.  I think this is your problem.  I wish I had your exposure.  I would be cool as a cucumber.

Common Anxiety Symptoms
Here are some of the many symptoms associated with anxiety disorder (because each person has a unique chemical make up, the symptoms and their intensity will vary from person to person).

The Member's area of this website contains explanations on what causes many of these symptoms and why they occur:

Body
Burning Sensations throughout the body
Chronic Fatigue
Electric shock feeling
Excess of energy, you feel you can

[bigdummy]

Ok after reading that, I may have a case of that as well. I just wish people didn't have to worry about this disease, and other deadly diseases. We spend billions of dollars on wars and going up into space, scratch that trillions of dollars, and we still can't cure hiv, cancer, and other diseases or make a car that doesn't look funny drive on water or some other free source of energy. And the healthcare system is a big joke.

[farfromperfect]

For me its not the fact that this disease opens you up to OI's that will take your life (we all got to go sometime).  Its more of the fact that I don't want my wife to find out what I did.  I still want to be her hero, even though she hates the way I act since I have been in this depression.  Of course, a cure for HIV would be wonderful.  Lets throw in cancer while we are at it.  I just want to be around to take care of my family.  At one time I was a really honorable man. I hope to have a chance to get back to that state.  
I agree with you about the money we allocate for superficial things as opposed to curing this disease.  I have heard it said, that chronic illness is a majorly profitable industry for producers of drugs. Perhaps this encourages less emphasis on cures and more on the production of drugs that prolong.  What do I know? Im just an idiot that fell victim to bad judgment.  

[bigdummy]

I just want to have a family someday. For me and my son to do the things that me and my father didn't do. Regardless of my risk, I'm really scarred and this episode I've had has opened my eyes on life and whats really important. Sex isn't good enough to put your life in jeopardy, and in your case your family life.
I just want to find the right woman, settle down and start a family.


Also I don't judge my risk by wearing a condom or not, I've been judging it by the person I had sex with. This woman is easy and I knew it. She's been with many men, and I knew that too. She seems to be careful, but who can tell. When I got sick this past week it made me start to think of all this and bought my fears to light. I just want to make it out of this ok. And I hope you and others make it out , and the people with this disease continue to fight maybe one day there will be a cure.

[farfromperfect]

Hey here is how my crazy mind works.  Everyone gets caught up in statistics and odds.  I like the odds of 1/2000 but for some reason, I don't put much faith in them.  So, I woke up this morning, went outside and some loser had thrown an empty beer box in my yard.  It pissed me off.  I remembered that it had happened before one time.  So in my state of depravity, I did some calculations.  I have lived in my home for 10 years (a little more but we will say 10).  Before yesterday there has only been one morning that I woke up to find an empty beer box in my yard.  365 x10 = 3650.  (1/3650) x 100 = a .027% chance that I will wake up to find a beer box in my yard.  Thats a pretty darn low percentage chance, but yesterday morning, there it was.  
Crazy huh,  I know I need to get back in therapy.  I really can't afford it, and when my therapist told me that testing at 6 months was a good idea, it pretty much pushed me away from the idea of it.

[bigdummy]

Now that just scared me as well. Thank you for that.

Thats also what I've been saying odds have a funny way of working aginst some people instead of for them.


I just talked to the person who I'm suspicious of, and the odds are she's is an ok person and I don't have anything to worry about. But I'm betting that she's a quack job who is capable of anything. My judgement was horrible.

[farfromperfect]

I know what you mean.  The one I was with was a total dog, and very slutty.  I don't know what I was thinking.  And now she is burned in my memory.  For 4 and a half months, she has been on my mind every day.  I hate her.  I know Im just as much to blame as her, but I didn't give her anything, of that I am sure.  This is why I decided to never drink again.  

[farfromperfect]

tested at 3 months.  That was a month and a half ago.  I won't be able to test again until 6 months.  

[bigdummy]

4 months? Then you should be ok as far as HIV is concerned.


I'm not feeling better about the situation, I'm just trying to get myself to deal with it better where I'm not acting like a crazy man on an internet forum.

[farfromperfect]

I am glad you are starting to feel better about the situation.  

[farfromperfect]

Testing,  Just trying to figure out the changes that were made to the forum.  It seems like it changes the order of posts to put the most recently responded one on top.  

[peekawho]

Yep, I think it's bumping them to the top with each new reply.   Notice you can hover over some of the names and see their profile, too?

[farfromperfect]

Yes, I noticed that too.  You were the first one I saw. I don't like this.  It has moved a post from march up to the top.  Crazy.

[peekawho]

Did the march post have new comments on it?  

[verystressed07]

hi, i posted a message for you about a month ago. just want to let you know that my husband got tested this week at 12 weeks and 6 days at a free HIV clinic and he was negative. Teak and Mike said that the Oraquick test was accurate, Dr. H has said that as well so I believe it. I'm still a bit nervous thinking of those rare cases but over all, I've moved on. Besides, at the labor/delivery unit they'll test me again as standard procedure. After all the research I've done in the past 3 months, I think you can expect a negative test. I even did research in thebody.com and Dr. Bob even says that 12 weeks is conclusive unless the sexual partner was HIV pos. or you have any other health conditions that suppress your immune system. In my case, the woman my husband had an affair with had reassured him twice she had no STDs.

[alone and scared]

I tested negative at 16 weeks.  However, the person I think I may have had intercourse with is HIV positive.  I was drinking and blocked out.   I did not find out there status until after the potential incident.  My body keeps having these crazy symptoms.  I want a family some day.  You know, I just wanted to let my hair down for once.  I thought my boy had my back. After all, he basically begged me to go and to drink.  I have given up drinking since my incident. I have realized he is no friend. However, I have forgiven him, the person who has potentially put me at risk and most importantly, myself for this incident.  If my body could just get back to the way it was before Feb 2007, I would never again complain about my weight, my noise, my acne or any of my physical attributes.   When I think about it, the symptoms I am experiencing are not implicit of HIV.  As a matter of fact, all the people that have responded who are HIV positive said they never had any of these symptoms.  So again, that leads me to ask the question, what is going on with my body?  and why did it occur right after taking my vacation to Santo Domingo, where I do not recall much of the first few days of the trip?  Only the next two months will reveal my true status. Hurry up six month mark.  Hurry up!

[Teak]

You had a sixteen week test that was negative, which was conclusive. You don't need to test further. You're negative.

[alone and scared]

Thanks Teak,

I think I am on the edge of a nervous break down.  I will seek professional counseling as well as spiritual counseling.  I always have been the go to guy.  I guess that is where the pressure is building up. I need to comfort those issues. I just want to sell everything and quite my job, move to Florida and rest......