Mental Help for HIV

[Johnnycomelate?]

I believe that several of you have sought help from a Psychiatrist or Psychologist for you HIV anxiety.  Obviously, if you have read my posts, you know how far out of the "window period" I have repetedly tested NEGATIVE.  How do you find a mental health professional that is up to date on HIV?  In other words, how is he/she going to convince you that you don't have HIV is he/she doesn't really no for sure himself/herself?  Wouldn't the professional have to first convince you that they are qualified beyond a shadow of a doubt to give you a 100% answer to your dilema?  If anyone can help me with this, I'd appreciate it.

[worriedtongue]

johnny,

how far have you tested out?

[dobber21]

Johnny,
the only person who can allow you to let this go is you. All the counsellor can do is help you find the root of your irrational fears. They are very good at doing that.

There is something else behind your anxiety over HIV. Ask yourself honestly, which would be worse, having HIV or a life governed by the fear of it? I think the latter is far worse and that's why I'm battling it out with a mental health professional. Its' hard but progress is being made.

Most people with fears regarding HIV will go to a session or two with a counsellor, see that progress is slow and give up. This is the worst thing to do. Therapy takes time and does work.

Try it:)

[Johnnycomelate?]

My possible exposure was on Nov. 12, 2005.  I didn't get sick until middle of March 2006.  I had no fear of contracting HIV before I got sick.  My first test was March 21, 2006 HIV 1&2, Syphillis, all the Hep's, chlymidia.  All negative, of course.  I have tested via oraquick advance, blood drawn ELISA, and the latest, HOME ACCESS a total of 15 times, at least once a month.  My last negative test was Feb. 20, 2007.  Just over 15 months post possible exposure.  These damn symptoms are the only reason I keep doing it.

[worriedtongue]

johnny - your symptoms are anxiety driven - there is no way in hell you have anything more to worry about - stop wasting your money on testing - see a doctor about your mental health but just move on - it's not hard!

[Johnnycomelate?]

Thanks, my problem is that I would have a really tough time seeing a professional without my wife knowing.  Obviously I haven't told here what's going on, nor will I.  We have the same GP, so I can't talk to him about it either.  I just have to rely on ALL those negative test results.  What kills me is when you are in the clinic, you read those pamphlets that tell you about HIV/AIDS, and the last statement is "few people will never develop antibodies to HIV".  That statement is always on my mind.  I believe though, that if you did not develop antibodies, you would become very ill, very quickly.  Like if you didn't have antibodies to fight the common cold, you would probably die within a few weeks.  It makes sense that your body would have to try to fight off any virus you were exposed to.

[eaman]

You should call your insurance company and ask what type of conseling they cover.  You need it in a bad way.  In my lei-opinion you have an OCD thing going on here.  I am not sure how and if those overlap with your phobia.  But that is all it is.  Stop torturing your self.  Call and get help NOW so you can enjoy the rest of your life.  You know it seem's crazy, but testing that often almost seems like you are not satisfied until you get a +.

[worriedtongue]

johnny - i feel for you man - but your just extremely guilty - that's all it is - you don't need a professional really - just accept you are ok and get on with life with your wife and kids.

it's the guilt that you are really suffering from - in which case - why don't you come clean with your wife - i don't recommend it as you are negative now and can put this behind you but if you cant you are going to affect your family even more.

[Johnnycomelate?]

I know it sounds like that, but believe me, I don't want a +.  It's these damn symptoms.  Oh and by the way, I forgot to mention....I developed eye floaters a few months ago...a lot of them.  No one on this forum has really mentioned them, and I believe they acually are something that MAY be associated with much later stage HIV or AIDS, but none less, I have them.  Probably another thing brought on by anxiety.  I also know that eye floaters are common and that just about anyone can look up and see them.  Maybe my sub-concious is putting them in my direct vision.

[dobber21]

What kills me is when you are in the clinic, you read those pamphlets that tell you about HIV/AIDS, and the last statement is "few people will never develop antibodies to HIV".

That's just not true, pamphlet or no pamphlet. If you weren't in a position to be able to develop antibodies beyond 3 months, you would know about it.

Well I honestly think the only way out of this for you is to deal with your guilt. You were unfaithful to your wife. You made a mistake. You've gotten away with that. Everyone knows that except you. If you have time for all these tests, you will have time for therapy. It can even be done over the phone.

And, failing that, have a PCR test. I know it's not recommended but if you've gone down the road of 'what if I never develop detectable antibodies' that might be the only way out of this.

It won't resolve your mental issues though

[worriedtongue]

I'm beginning to think people like johnny are spammers and fishing for reaction to theri comments.

I don't want to believe it becuase you did give veryveryworried1234 and uniden a hard time but at the same time I just can't imagine their are people out there that suffer this much from irrational hiv fears, especially after so many tests.

It's so abnormally crazy that I have to conclude you are spamming. That's how crazy you sound johnny.

[Johnnycomelate?]

I'm going to tell you guys something that'll make you laugh at first, then probably puke when you think about if for a minute.  About 5 months after I thought I was infected, my wife had a horrible bout of diarreah for about 2 weeks, that was it.  About 4 months later, she had extremely sore muscles that lasted 3 days and two huge canker sores (one on each side of her tongue).  Of course I had to some way get her tested.  So I called out Life insurance agent and raised our coverage.  This of course included HIV testing.  This was in late September of '06.  Negative, of course, for both of us.  This is where it gets kinda sick.  I, the freak, needed a second opinion.  So about a week and a half ago, my wife had just started her period.  When she threw her tampon out, I went through the trash, found it (with rubber gloves on of course) and squeezed some blood out of it onto the sample card on a HOME ACCESS test.  Sent it in and guess what?  NEGATIVE.  We have had sex so many times since my possible exposure, even once during one of her periods.  Logically, I'm IN THE CLEAR.  Are you guys vomiting yet?

[dobber21]

No I'm not vomiting. But I am feeling very sorry for you.

You have massive psychological issues. Massive, massive psychological issues. You poor guy.

Why are you worried about HIV? Even if you had it - WHICH YOU HAVEN'T- it really would be the least of your worries.

Seek help immediately if not sooner, for the sake of you and your relationship with reality. I really amn't trying to be mean, but you seriously need urgent care

[worriedtongue]

Now I know you must be spamming freak!

[Johnnycomelate?]

That's the last thing I am.  I am a responsible, educated man who acted irresponsibly.  I am not fishing for anything.  If you've noticed, I never give advice or try to diagnose symptoms.  It is true, I have been hindered by this situation for a long time.  It really kind of pisses me off that you would say that about me.  I don't even think I have ever asked anyone on this forum for advise with the exception of Teak, and that was about immunosuppression.  I have been completely truthful about everything I have posted.  Do you really think I'd post a disgusting story about myself if I expected an answer like that from you?

[dobber21]

Everyone's entitled to their opinion Johnny. Worried thinks your lying, I don't know why you'd bother being offended by this. You have other things to be occupying yourself at the moment. Like your mental health. See a psychiatrist:)

[Johnnycomelate?]

Let's just go ahead and end this thread.  It's so far off from the first question I asked.  I guess I did ask for advice.  Anyway, thanks for your input, and thanks for listening.  Scared and obsessed? Yes.  Spamming freak? No.  Liar? No.

[worriedtongue]

I don't think you're lying and I like you johnny but I added that comment becuase of how ludicrous your story sounded but i do believe that you just have to get over this. it's easy - believe your tests live life and your symptoms will go away.

[Johnnycomelate?]

Thanks man.  Look, I know how damn ridiculous I sound.  I know how much of a freak show that whole "period" story make me look like.  I just want closure.  I appreciate you taking the time to write.

[dobber21]

Amen