Aa
Mixed Status Question: Lizzie Lou
Hi Liz...
Happy New Year first of all. I don't know if this will come across as a question or what.... Maybe just a train of though that you can comment on, but its on my mind and this was probably the best place to talk about it.... Also, the only place I could talk about it. I think you may remember a post I did a while back abount Mixed Relationships and Prevention. In it I talked about my HIV Positive friend.... A lot of people said that it was not such a good idea and maybe I should have listened and cut her off, but of course I did not. You mainly said that it took a "Special Person" to be with someone who is HIV Positive.... Well, I'm not "with" my friend, but I think the situation worked the opposite way that some people thought it would.... I actually started to like her more by continuing to talk to her....
Its hard to think of the risk, because I know that their is never 100% certainty in any form of prevention, but everything about her is so beautiful that its hard not to want to be there for her in every way.... Including more than a friend.... I'm not talking just about sex, but of course if we become more than friends that would come up. I finally talked to her on the phone today.... She asked if I'm not bothered that she is positive and I said "No" However, I think I may have missed my chance to state my case.... I'm usually not good at speaking with people.... I'm always better at writing my thoughts down..... Sometimes I'm not even so good at that.
Anyway, she is more afraid of how her status will effect me than I am.... I'm sure that's because she's dealt with it first hand and where she lives, there seems to be a lot of rejection.... She told me that she could not get a good job because of her status. She does not really want to pursue anything because we're mixed status (I've not gotten my 3 months results back yet, but I think they will be negative. The nurse said if they were positive I would have received a call by now... Its been almost 3 weeks since I took them).... I know I should just give up, but silly me cannot stop thinking about her.
I know that there is probably no advice that you can give.... I just don't want her to completely pull away now.... She mentioned last night that since I'm negative I no longer need to chat with her, but I do not want her to think that way. In your experience, have you met many other Mixed Status couple besides your son and his wife? And do you think its possible there is a way that she will open up? I guess maybe with time....?
She told me not to try to follow her road, which I of course do not intend to do, but maybe I can help to change her road a little bit and make it easier.... I don't know.... There are so many variables.... On the one hand..... I could end up being paranoid like you all have mentioned.... Or I could cause her paranoia in worrying about infecting me and if it doesn't work, I could waste a lot of time she could have spent with someone else who is positive.... Time is more of the essence for her I think and I wouldn't want to waste it for her, but at the same time, the selfish part of me would like to spend it with her.....Is that wrong?
She said "If only you were positive." Then she said that she is Happy that I am negative and that it is so hard for her.... She told me to find someone here.... Maybe I shouldn't say all of this because more than you will read it....
Anyway, I will end there for now. I suppose there is not much I can do except be there and show that I will be there for even with a 100% negative status.... Maybe that is what she is more afraid of. That I've accepted her only for now and will reject her later.... I know that she also fears infecting me, but if she infects and I then reject her for it.... I suppose that is an even bigger fear. I would never do that, but I can only imagine what it must be like for her.... I've never faced rejection for something I couldn't help and that is hard enough on its own.
I will just continue to be there and maybe it will turn out that I met her for some other reason. Everything seems difficult in the beginning, but time always reveals..... Thanks for any thoughts you give.
Happy New Year first of all. I don't know if this will come across as a question or what.... Maybe just a train of though that you can comment on, but its on my mind and this was probably the best place to talk about it.... Also, the only place I could talk about it. I think you may remember a post I did a while back abount Mixed Relationships and Prevention. In it I talked about my HIV Positive friend.... A lot of people said that it was not such a good idea and maybe I should have listened and cut her off, but of course I did not. You mainly said that it took a "Special Person" to be with someone who is HIV Positive.... Well, I'm not "with" my friend, but I think the situation worked the opposite way that some people thought it would.... I actually started to like her more by continuing to talk to her....
Its hard to think of the risk, because I know that their is never 100% certainty in any form of prevention, but everything about her is so beautiful that its hard not to want to be there for her in every way.... Including more than a friend.... I'm not talking just about sex, but of course if we become more than friends that would come up. I finally talked to her on the phone today.... She asked if I'm not bothered that she is positive and I said "No" However, I think I may have missed my chance to state my case.... I'm usually not good at speaking with people.... I'm always better at writing my thoughts down..... Sometimes I'm not even so good at that.
Anyway, she is more afraid of how her status will effect me than I am.... I'm sure that's because she's dealt with it first hand and where she lives, there seems to be a lot of rejection.... She told me that she could not get a good job because of her status. She does not really want to pursue anything because we're mixed status (I've not gotten my 3 months results back yet, but I think they will be negative. The nurse said if they were positive I would have received a call by now... Its been almost 3 weeks since I took them).... I know I should just give up, but silly me cannot stop thinking about her.
I know that there is probably no advice that you can give.... I just don't want her to completely pull away now.... She mentioned last night that since I'm negative I no longer need to chat with her, but I do not want her to think that way. In your experience, have you met many other Mixed Status couple besides your son and his wife? And do you think its possible there is a way that she will open up? I guess maybe with time....?
She told me not to try to follow her road, which I of course do not intend to do, but maybe I can help to change her road a little bit and make it easier.... I don't know.... There are so many variables.... On the one hand..... I could end up being paranoid like you all have mentioned.... Or I could cause her paranoia in worrying about infecting me and if it doesn't work, I could waste a lot of time she could have spent with someone else who is positive.... Time is more of the essence for her I think and I wouldn't want to waste it for her, but at the same time, the selfish part of me would like to spend it with her.....Is that wrong?
She said "If only you were positive." Then she said that she is Happy that I am negative and that it is so hard for her.... She told me to find someone here.... Maybe I shouldn't say all of this because more than you will read it....
Anyway, I will end there for now. I suppose there is not much I can do except be there and show that I will be there for even with a 100% negative status.... Maybe that is what she is more afraid of. That I've accepted her only for now and will reject her later.... I know that she also fears infecting me, but if she infects and I then reject her for it.... I suppose that is an even bigger fear. I would never do that, but I can only imagine what it must be like for her.... I've never faced rejection for something I couldn't help and that is hard enough on its own.
I will just continue to be there and maybe it will turn out that I met her for some other reason. Everything seems difficult in the beginning, but time always reveals..... Thanks for any thoughts you give.
"Are you for real" should have been "Are you for real?" (with a question mark).
Hi Lizzie,
I just want to say thank you once again for at least taking the time in spite of what you were going through just to inform me that it might be a while before you could answer my question. I've still not gotten my 13 week test.... I didn't want to call the clinic again, plus I'm not as worried. I cannot really change the result no matter what it is.... Maybe too I just feel pretty confident now that it will be negative.... Usually, I'm right when I feel like this.... That deep down gut feeling that goes beyond any surface doubt tells me that I'm negative..... Anyway, for what I really came to write.
I talked to my friend and simply told her how I felt. Its the first time I've done that without writing some form of overly deep or ambiguous poem.... I told her that her status did not bother me and that in spite of our mixed status I still liked her. I also told her that I understood her fear of rejection and that I would never do that to her and no matter what her decision was about us, I would still like her and will continue to want to be there for her.... Her response was "Are you for real." with a smiley face followed by "I'm just too happy."
Thank you once again not only for your posts to me, but for all of the posts that you've made to this site that I was able to read. I've learned so much in the last 3 almost 4 months and I'm honestly happy for this experience despite the initial panic I went through.... If none of this had happened, I would have never met her and I would have never been here with this new perspective on life. I do not know what the future holds, but as always I'm looking forward to it.
I just want to say thank you once again for at least taking the time in spite of what you were going through just to inform me that it might be a while before you could answer my question. I've still not gotten my 13 week test.... I didn't want to call the clinic again, plus I'm not as worried. I cannot really change the result no matter what it is.... Maybe too I just feel pretty confident now that it will be negative.... Usually, I'm right when I feel like this.... That deep down gut feeling that goes beyond any surface doubt tells me that I'm negative..... Anyway, for what I really came to write.
I talked to my friend and simply told her how I felt. Its the first time I've done that without writing some form of overly deep or ambiguous poem.... I told her that her status did not bother me and that in spite of our mixed status I still liked her. I also told her that I understood her fear of rejection and that I would never do that to her and no matter what her decision was about us, I would still like her and will continue to want to be there for her.... Her response was "Are you for real." with a smiley face followed by "I'm just too happy."
Thank you once again not only for your posts to me, but for all of the posts that you've made to this site that I was able to read. I've learned so much in the last 3 almost 4 months and I'm honestly happy for this experience despite the initial panic I went through.... If none of this had happened, I would have never met her and I would have never been here with this new perspective on life. I do not know what the future holds, but as always I'm looking forward to it.
Ok thank you..... I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter in law..... My mom lost my sister the same way....
Thank you and take care...
Rowshan.
Thank you and take care...
Rowshan.
i just wanted to tell you that i am not ignoring your post.
my daughter in law...who was 5 months pregnant...suffered a miscarriage a couple of days ago. i am not in the best frame of mind right now...but i will definitely try and take some time soon to respond to your post, ok? if it gets bumped way down and i forget about it...please bump it back up for me in a couple of days.
kim
my daughter in law...who was 5 months pregnant...suffered a miscarriage a couple of days ago. i am not in the best frame of mind right now...but i will definitely try and take some time soon to respond to your post, ok? if it gets bumped way down and i forget about it...please bump it back up for me in a couple of days.
kim
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the HIV Prevention Community
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.
Can I get HIV from surfaces, like toilet seats?
Can you get HIV from casual contact, like hugging?
Frequency of HIV testing depends on your risk.
Post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) may help prevent HIV infection.
