Oral Sex and HIV between 2 Woman

I thought oral sex was suppose to be 'safe sex'?  If not then why are we not being informed to use a condom for that practice too?  
About 3 months ago I had unprotected oral sex with a co worker of mine.
There was no blood involved, no visable sores and I'm really just so scared now that I might have contracted HIV through this exposure.  Is it possible?  And if so, how?
Thank you
Kelly

[WorriedKelly]

Sorry I also wanted to mention that I'm from South Africa were HIV is more prominant and do all new cases of HIV infection include mouth problems?

PLEASE HELP ME .... going out of my mind with worry!

[Teak]

It's not a risk for HIV, but if you and your partner are bisexual, it's possible to contract other stds and pass them to each other.

[WorriedKelly]

Thank you for your comment Teak, I really appreciate it.
So basically what you're saying is that I shouldn't be concerned about HIV through oral sex between two woman, even though I'm from South Africa and also because there was no blood or sores detected.
Has anyone ever been infected this way?  And if so, how would they?

[WorriedKelly]

Forgot to add that I'm married and she is gay, so we have both not slept with any other man prior to this happening .... what time of stds could you get from oral sex between two woman?  I feel so ashamed and guilty that I don't know what to do anymore.  I've never cheated on my husband, so I feel sick to my stomach.

[Teak]

No, you shouldn't be worried about oral sex between two women or a man and a woman. As for the STDs, I recommend that you go to the STD sight a view them. Since your partner does married women there is a small risk.

[WorriedKelly]

Thank you Teak for your help, honest and support!
When you say 'small risk' does that include HIV or only STD's?  What are the main ones that can be transmitted through oral sex between 2 woman?
I've had a sore mouth now for a couple of weeks and I'm not sure if that is related to the incident.  I've been to my local dentist about a week ago and she couldn't pick up anything abnormal there.  I've got a couple of bumps on the upper and lower back gums - she couldn't see anything but I can feel them with my tongue - is this an HIV symptom?

[Teak]

Only STDs.

[WorriedKelly]

So basically what your saying Teak is the problems I'm having with my mouth at the moment - even though a dentist couldn't detect anything could be an STD and not HIV?  

[guiltnworry]

Not HIV, because you had no risk.  Period.  If you had a problem in your mouth, your dentist would have detected it.  STDs like herpes can still be transmitted via oral sex, as can a few others, but NOT HIV!

[WorriedKelly]

Thank you for your posts .... really has put my mind to ease slightly :)
So HIV is not a risk from oral sex and if there was something terribly wrong with my mouth, surely my dentist would have picked it up.  Maybe this is all due to the stress I'm having at the moment or maybe associated to smoking?
Does herpes transmit via oral sex and what would the symptoms be and look like?  And what others are we talking about?

[islandfever]

At one point in high school I lived with my legal guardians... who were both lesbians. Recently I talked with them about HIV when I came out to them. They told me that HIV transmission through their kind of sex is impossible, except if they shared sex toys after depositing vast amounts of liquids on them.

[WorriedKelly]

Thank you for your post.  
Well I guess it's safe to say that I should be okay then!
There were no toys involved .... no blood .... I was more on the receiving then giving end ... and I think our mouths were in reasonable condition that there was no sores or blood involved.
This is all so scary and every website you visit says on one hand yes, it is risky or no it isn't risky ... you just don't know who to believe anymore.  I mean afterall why are they saying it is risky but then not informing us to use condoms for oral sex??

[WorriedKelly]

Okay guys .... now I'm really WORRIED!  My husband has increased our life insurance and the nurse is coming today to take both his blood and mine for the HIV test.  I'm going out of my mind, but also happy that I can probably put this whole nightmare behind me - wether positive or negative.  Please all pray for me that all will be okay and I can walk away a happy woman!

[HansrowSenoj]

Hey, Kelly, just wanted to say good luck. View this as a good thing... I'm sure you couldn't have contracted HIV through oral, thats like getting HIV from eating.... (Impossible). From what I've read saliva works against HIV, so that's already one form of protection right away. Worry is natural, but you really do have nothing to worry about.

Your whole fear may just be a part of your guilt over cheating on your husband manifesting itself in what may be the most horrible way of him finding out.

[p.Toole]

can we manifest swollen glands?

[WorriedKelly]

Thank you for your comment HansrowSenoj.
I suppose you're right but the worry and I guess the guilt is enough to drive you insane.  I'm just praying for the best and hoping that all is okay.
I've read on the internet so much about HIV through oral sex and I just hope that what everyone here has been telling me is the honest, to goodness truth and I can finally get on with my life.  The guilt is killing me too as I've never been with anyone else since school but my husband.  Is this what is going to kill me - one stupid night with a female?  Boy, do I hope not!

[HansrowSenoj]

In a way I know what you mean. I'm 24 and I was a virgin until September 19th, which was when my scare happened. I had unprotected sex with someone.... It didn't last long... Only 30 seconds I suppose, but I find myself hoping that one stupid indiscretion hasn't ruined the rest of my life. I swore to wait til I was married and just gave in to temptation that mistakenly went too far. I really don't want that to  be it.... In my case I don't know what it will be, but in your case, I'm confident you have nothing to worry about. Read all of the posts by the doctors on this site and you'll get more reassurance. Also, you could ask the lady you were with if she knows her status and how recently she was tested. I just read an MSNBC article about HIV in South Africa shortly before reading your post, so I can understand your worry. 12% of 47million is a lot.

[WorriedKelly]

OH MY GOSH .... now you've got me even more worried .... 12% of 47 million is so many!  Hopefully, I hope not to be the next statistic!  They say oral sex between two woman is safe as you're only really been exposed to saliva ... there was no blood involved, didn't notice any sores and to be totally honest, I was more on the receiving then giving end.  Do you think this still warrants concern?
HansrowSenoj, I wouldn't stress out too much about your exposure .... 30 seconds isn't too long and I'm sure and praying that you'll be okay too.
I did ask the lady in question and she assured me that I've got nothing to worry about as HIV isn't transmitted that way.  She's also a lesbian who has never been with a man and doesn't do drugs either.
GOSH ... I am so scared that I feel like running a mile!

[HansrowSenoj]

Maybe you should run a mile. I love cycling and I've hardly been on my bike since all of this started. It usually takes my mind off of everything. I don't want to become another statistic myself. 30 seconds is short, but she did something that I fear may have cut or possibly torn some skin on my p3nis while she was rubbing me. I read that the opening didn't really have to be that big for HIV to pass through. The cut doesn't even have to be visible (not to scare you). Again, as said by one of the doctors on this site, saliva inactivates HIV, so you have nothing to worry about. She told me that it only hurt because it was my first time, but pain, in my opinion equates to injury. I'm a bit more scared because I got what the doctors I went to here diagnosed as Urinary tract infection a week afterward, but Dr Hook on this site said sounded more like Gonorrhea as men do not get UTI. Any other STD could have increased my chances.... If I got one of them in 30 seconds, its possible I could have got HIV too.

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj .... I really feel for you my friend and I'll be praying each day for you that all is OK!  I'm sure you be fine though, so please .... I know how hard it is ... try and get on with life in the meantime.  I must say, I have good day and I have bad days, but I always try to look on the positive side that all will be okay and I can eventually put this nightmare behind me.  Did you not use a condom?  And when is the next time that you have to test?  Being a virgin, you would possibly have a bit of pain the first time you have sex ... I know I did!
I keep having this nightmare that the nurse has taken both my husbands blood and mine - calls us in to tell us the bad news ... I think then, I will die as this is not how I wanted things to come out in the open about my infedality to my husband.  I really do love him dearly, I have two wonderful children who I absolutly adore but please DEAR GOD, I hope I'm okay!

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj .... I really feel for you my friend and I'll be praying each day for you that all is OK!  I'm sure you be fine though, so please .... I know how hard it is ... try and get on with life in the meantime.  I must say, I have good day and I have bad days, but I always try to look on the positive side that all will be okay and I can eventually put this nightmare behind me.  Did you not use a condom?  And when is the next time that you have to test?  Being a virgin, you would possibly have a bit of pain the first time you have sex ... I know I did!
I keep having this nightmare that the nurse has taken both my husbands blood and mine - calls us in to tell us the bad news ... I think then, I will die as this is not how I wanted things to come out in the open about my infedality to my husband.  I really do love him dearly, I have two wonderful children who I absolutly adore but please DEAR GOD, I hope I'm okay!

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj .... I really feel for you my friend and I'll be praying each day for you that all is OK!  I'm sure you be fine though, so please .... I know how hard it is ... try and get on with life in the meantime.  I must say, I have good day and I have bad days, but I always try to look on the positive side that all will be okay and I can eventually put this nightmare behind me.  Did you not use a condom?  And when is the next time that you have to test?  Being a virgin, you would possibly have a bit of pain the first time you have sex ... I know I did!
I keep having this nightmare that the nurse has taken both my husbands blood and mine - calls us in to tell us the bad news ... I think then, I will die as this is not how I wanted things to come out in the open about my infedality to my husband.  I really do love him dearly, I have two wonderful children who I absolutly adore but please DEAR GOD, I hope I'm okay!

[WorriedKelly]

I actually got quite worried about the whole thing and posted on the medical forum for there advise and believe it or not this is the response I received:

Most websites take conservative positions:  if there is any theoretical risk, it is listed, often without qualification to put the real risk in context.  Sometimes it is because the people writing the information don't have a sophisticated understanding; other times it's an intentional, lawyer-driven CYA attitude.

Sexual transmission of HIV between women is rare; the vast majority of HIV infected lesbians have had high risk sex with men, injection drug use, etc.  Oral sex is zero to low risk and to my knowledge has never been proved to occur by cunnilingus, in either direction.  Whatever risk there is undoubtedly is elevated in the presence of oral lesions or inflammation, but elevating a virtually zero risk really doesn't mean anything significant.

Your risk of sexual acquisition of HIV is higher in South Africa than in most industrialized countries--but it comes from your heterosexual relationships, not an occasional lesbian one.  Your symptoms don't suggest HIV, and if a dentist can't see anything wrong, most likely nothing in fact is physically wrong.  

If you remain nervous, feel free to have an HIV test; you can expect negative results.  In the meantime, if you haven't done so, ask your co-worker whether she has HIV.  If she says no (and doesn't seem evasive), that will be reassuring.

And I'm guessing, but if he is the expert in this field then I really having nothing to worry about even with the exposure, symptoms, location ... etc.
I suppose I'll know in due course what my results are and praying each day for a happy one!  
Hope you all have a wonderful week-end and will chat again on Monday!

[Teak]

Go back and reread all the replies that was given to you. You were told early on that you didn't have a risk.

[WorriedKelly]

Thank you Teak and with the good doc's comments too, I'm going to try and put this nightmare behind me.  I'm going for an HIV test next week for insurance purposes, so hopefully all will be okay!

[islandfever]

Kann jy afrikaans praat? Ek is nee baie goed nee, maar ek probeer. I used to live in Cape Town and even Joburg briefly, and both of my real parents are from South Africa. I really think you're worrying for no reason though, and you're upcomming test will be fine. Of course though, the anxiety will not go away until you take the test, so good luck until then! I understand how you can be very nervous about HIV in South Africa though, it's a really sad reality over there.

[islandfever]

Kann jy afrikaans praat? Ek is nee baie goed nee, maar ek probeer. I used to live in Cape Town and even Joburg briefly, and both of my real parents are from South Africa. I really think you're worrying for no reason though, and you're upcomming test will be fine. Of course though, the anxiety will not go away until you take the test, so good luck until then! I understand how you can be very nervous about HIV in South Africa though, it's a really sad reality over there.

[islandfever]

Kann jy afrikaans praat? Ek is nee baie goed nee, maar ek probeer. I used to live in Cape Town and even Joburg briefly, and both of my real parents are from South Africa. I really think you're worrying for no reason though, and you're upcomming test will be fine. Of course though, the anxiety will not go away until you take the test, so good luck until then! I understand how you can be very nervous about HIV in South Africa though, it's a really sad reality over there.

[islandfever]

Kann jy afrikaans praat? Ek is nee baie goed nee, maar ek probeer. I used to live in Cape Town and even Joburg briefly, and both of my real parents are from South Africa. I really think you're worrying for no reason though, and you're upcomming test will be fine. Of course though, the anxiety will not go away until you take the test, so good luck until then! I understand how you can be very nervous about HIV in South Africa though, it's a really sad reality over there.

[islandfever]

Kann jy afrikaans praat? Ek is nee baie goed nee, maar ek probeer. I used to live in Cape Town and even Joburg briefly, and both of my real parents are from South Africa. I really think you're worrying for no reason though, and you're upcomming test will be fine. Of course though, the anxiety will not go away until you take the test, so good luck until then! I understand how you can be very nervous about HIV in South Africa though, it's a really sad reality over there.

[islandfever]

Kann jy afrikaans praat? Ek is nee baie goed nee, maar ek probeer. I used to live in Cape Town and even Joburg briefly, and both of my real parents are from South Africa. I really think you're worrying for no reason though, and you're upcomming test will be fine. Of course though, the anxiety will not go away until you take the test, so good luck until then! I understand how you can be very nervous about HIV in South Africa though, it's a really sad reality over there.

[islandfever]

Kann jy afrikaans praat? Ek is nee baie goed nee, maar ek probeer. I used to live in Cape Town and even Joburg briefly, and both of my real parents are from South Africa. I really think you're worrying for no reason though, and you're upcomming test will be fine. Of course though, the anxiety will not go away until you take the test, so good luck until then! I understand how you can be very nervous about HIV in South Africa though, it's a really sad reality over there.

[islandfever]

Kann jy afrikaans praat? Ek is nee baie goed nee, maar ek probeer. I used to live in Cape Town and even Joburg briefly, and both of my real parents are from South Africa. I really think you're worrying for no reason though, and you're upcomming test will be fine. Of course though, the anxiety will not go away until you take the test, so good luck until then! I understand how you can be very nervous about HIV in South Africa though, it's a really sad reality over there.

[islandfever]

Kann jy afrikaans praat? Ek is nee baie goed nee, maar ek probeer. I used to live in Cape Town and even Joburg briefly, and both of my real parents are from South Africa. I really think you're worrying for no reason though, and you're upcomming test will be fine. Of course though, the anxiety will not go away until you take the test, so good luck until then! I understand how you can be very nervous about HIV in South Africa though, it's a really sad reality over there.

[islandfever]

Kann jy afrikaans praat? Ek is nee baie goed nee, maar ek probeer. I used to live in Cape Town and even Joburg briefly, and both of my real parents are from South Africa. I really think you're worrying for no reason though, and you're upcomming test will be fine. Of course though, the anxiety will not go away until you take the test, so good luck until then! I understand how you can be very nervous about HIV in South Africa though, it's a really sad reality over there.

[HansrowSenoj]

Hi Kelly, I haven't been on here that much so I'm just replying to your post. I will recieve the results of my test on Monday. I really hope they will be negative, however, I've already come to terms with the possibility that it could be positive and I honestly feel that I can live with that. In a way it will force me to pursue some of the goals I was too afraid to pursue before. In fact I've already started to do that, so negative or positive, this has been an eye opener on how much of my life I've allowed to pass me by, because of how easily everything was going for me. Having HIV will mean I will have to work that much harder for everything so that people won't look at my disease, but my ability in spite of. My only fear is telling my family. I fear that even more than the disease itself. I still live at home and constantly worry about the possibility of infecting them somehow. Even though I know that worry is premature, because I haven't gotten my test results yet.

With the post from the doctor that you have above and the posts from everyone else, I hope that you're more at ease now.... Have you thought about telling your husband? Being a guy myself, I do not think he would take infidelity with another woman as such a huge betrayal. At least I don't think I would. That may ease some of the guilt as well.... being able to talk about it. I'm sure he loves you as much as you love him, so you can work it out.

And just to sidetrack.... Teak, if I do test positive, how easy is it to get Insurance with HIV? I want to wait for my results before jumping so far ahead, but jumping and thinking too far ahead has always been my biggest flaw. Too bad I didn't think about a condom.

Also, in terms of medical treatment, where is the best place to live? I live in the Bahamas, but I'm not sure what our treatment is like here for HIV victims.

Thanks for any advice.... I will post my results on Monday.

[WorriedKelly]

islandfever ..... hoe gaan dit?
Sorry, my Afrikaans is shocking too - I'm a really english maisie here!
Thank you for you post and I'm praying to God that all will be in my favour and everything will be okay.  I've just received a post for a cyberdoc on mweb and now she tells me that oral sex is risky sex so you never know who to believe!
In a way I'm glad I'm going for the test to hopefully finally put this nightmare behind me once and for all and to be able to get on with my life.  HIV is very scary here in South Africa and you hear more and more people living here with it.  You often wonder .... how did they contract the virus - was it through oral sex or?   Just not sure anymore.

HansrowSenoj .... not sure if it's Monday there yet, but PLEASE let me know as soon as your results come in.  I'm praying for you my friend and I'm sure all will be okay.  I've wanted to tell my husband for ages now about what happened, but I'm not sure he'll understand.  Hopefully he won't have to learn from a positive HIV test what I did.  I feel so guilty and ashamed that I can't even look him in the eye any longer.
Take care and will cht later

[Teak]

Your problem is guilt from having had oral sex with another woman. You cannot contract HIV from oral sex. See a mental health professional to get over your guilt of having sex with another woman. No one here can help you deal with your guilt issues.

[WorriedKelly]

I know Teak that alot of this has to do with guilt, but also concern that the one mistake I made in my life is going to cost me my life, the lose of my husband and children.  I had a response from another doctor in South Africa who now tells me that HIV is transmitted through saliva .... so you can imagine the worry that is going through my mind at the moment.  My husband went for his HIV test today, so hopefull all is well.

[WorriedKelly]

Does anyone know how long it takes to get your HIV test results back?  My husband had his blood taken yesterday and I'm having mine done tomorrow.
Just need to be ready for what ever comes!

[allthesigns]

It depends on where you had the testing done.  It can take anywhere from 4 days to two weeks.  You should contact the place where you were tested to find out.  

[WorriedKelly]

Thank you allthesigns.  It was done wih my insurance companies pathologist.
They come out to your place of work and take the blood there.  I'm so scared and really not sure how I'm going to get through the week!

[HansrowSenoj]

Hi Kelly. My test should have come back today or yesterday since its now 1:00am here, but they did not. Has me wondering, but in a way its calmed my nerves. I'm really afraid to pick them up, but I have to know what the results are. At first I thought I could easily deal with it, but as I drove to the clinic today and thought about all of the implications of a positive result, I realised it would be much harder to live with than I thought. However, many people live with it everyday, so what makes me so special.

I don't know how long your tests will take, but mine were supposed to take a week. I'm praying for you as well and hoping the best for you and your husband. Perhaps, you do not have to tell him, but you must find a way to forgive yourself. I found that was a part of my problem initially as well.... Forgiving myself and feeling I had let down the standard that people had of me.

Well, hopefully, I will get my results tomorrow and return to this site with a negative result. I'm trying not to become to hopeful, but hope is all I have.

Take Care.

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj .... here's praying for us both my friend!
They're coming to take my blood tomorrow and my husband had his done yesterday.  I suppose if my insurance company comes back declined ... then I definatly am HIV positive.  I'm so scared that I feel ill!  Please keep me posted and I'll be crossing my thumbs for both of us!

[HansrowSenoj]

Thanks. I took an HIV test at 4 weeks post exposure for my insurance, but I haven't heard from them since. That should have took one or two weeks... Its been almost four weeks now, so I don't know what that means, but I hope that no news is good news. I feel they would at least call me in if my test came back positive. However, the lady who I applied with knows me and may be afraid to tell me that I'm positive.... I don't know, but I doubt that's it. I just choose to take it as a good sign.

I hope all goes well with your test tomorrow and that your company keeps you more informed than mine has kept me. I suppose I will call them to see if I was approved or not since my first payment should be this Thursday. I cannot wait to be over with this whole ordeal.

Good Luck and Goodnite.

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj .... as far as I know if you were positive, your insurance company would have definatly come back to you and it would have been declined.  I know that is how it works here in South Africa.
Just had a call now from the Lab to tell me that they are coming here today to take my blood - I'm so scared that I feel ill to my stomach.
Here's praying for both of us!

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj .... just wanted to find out if you had any news yet?
They've just been to take my blood and I feel sick to my stomach ..... here's hoping for a good week with no bad report backs!

[HansrowSenoj]

Hi Kelly,

     Unfortunately, I've not gotten my results yet. When I first called today they had not arrived yet. The second time I called the clinic, they were there, but I was told I would have to get them tomorrow anytime before 12:30pm. I'll have to go there before work if I really want them. I don't think I could wait another day.

     Like you said, I think my insurance company would have called me by now if my test had come back possitive. My insurance company used a saliva test at 4 weeks. I don't know how reliable that is. I had to place this cloth like thing that was attached to a white stick under my tongue until the end of it turned blue. I suppose if that was negative I stand something of a chance.

     I'm sure that whatever happens tomorrow will completely change my life. I intend to make whatever the result is a change for the better. I honestly do not want to disappear as just another statistic. However, I'm of course hoping for the best!

     When will you get your results back? I'm almost as anxious to hear yours as I am to hear mine... Although, I feel a bit more confident about yours than I do about mine.

    Will keep you posted.... Be strong!

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj .... I know this waiting is killing me too!  Talk about prolonging things .... but also I suppose 'no news is good news, hey'  Not sure about the time difference, but I'm sure you'll find out tomorrow, so please keep me posted and I'm praying for both of us.  I'm sure you're going to be fine!
Be strong and don't stress too much - should be telling myself that too, hey.

[HansrowSenoj]

Hi.... Yes you should be telling yourself that as well.... And let us hope that no news is good news. That has always been my motto and its been good so far.... I hope it stays that way. I'll get my test tomorrow and needless to say, I will be ecstatic if its negative. my friend said that she was clean, but she has a pretty decorated sexual history. I'm not completely aware of all of it and can go mostly by what I've heard, but I hope that means nothing in this case. On top of being infected I don't really want to have to tell someone who may be unaware that they are infected and infected me. I can't even imagine the emotional stress. Its one thing to stress over it and try to mentally prepare yourself for weeks, compared to hearing it out of the blue, when you didn't expect it at all.

Praying for neither of us having to inform anyone of anything!

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj
I can honestly say that I think if you're friend said there is nothing to worry about, then you should be okay.  As Teak and the rest of the posts say here ... the HIV virus is very hard to transmit so I'm sure you're going to be fine.
I know all this worry is too much to bear, but maybe in the end we will both come out feeling as if weights have been lifted from our shoulders and if it doesn't turn out positive we can start the treatment early as needed.  I'm just praying to God that all is okay, as I don't want to loose my husband and children over a silly mistake I made.  I feel so guilt and ashamed that I can't even look him in the eye any longer.  Boy, do I wish this nightmare was over!
I keep waiting at the phone for a call saying that they'd like to see us in their office ... if that happens, I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to cope with it.
Really need a shoulder to lean and cry on at the moment .... feel totally distraught!

[HansrowSenoj]

Hi Kelly,

     Hopefully, I can be a virtual shoulder.... At least in way of support. I'm going for my test in another hour. I really hope that all will be great. I have looked at the bright side of all the paranoia and testing so early and yes we will be able to start treatment earlier. I guess that is a good thing. I've been wondering why some people seem to die so soon from HIV and other live so long. I suppose it has to do with outlook and optimism as much as with the nature of the disease in the persons system. I really intend to to look at any potential scenario with as much optimism as possible.

     I know that its harder to do in your situation.... Having not only yourself, but your husband and children to worry about. I'm confident you won't lose them under any circumstance. I keep feeling like I failed everyone, so I can understand the guilt as well. I cannot imagine how this would effect my mother who has been sickly since I was a boy. I don't think I could ever tell her if I were positive. I know that would probably be wrong to do, but it is what I would have to do. I couldn't watch her go through that knowing its my fault.

     I pray strength for both of us. My next post will contain my results.... Wish me luck and take care...

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj ... thank you for your kinds words.  It's been really great chatting to someone who's in the 'same boat' so to speak.  It's honestly what I craved for as I was a total nerves wreck before all the kind words and compassion were spoken here.

GOOD LUCK .... MY FINGERS ARE CROSSED and I'm sure you'll come back tomorrow with a NEGATIVE result!  
As much as we try to blame ourselves for what we've done .. I guess you can say that we are all human and often make mistakes in life.  It not only makes us stronger people but emotional fit too.  What ever the outcome is, you have to tell your mom (I know she's not well) but you're going to need all the support, family and close friends to help you through all of this.
I think if my test does come back positive ..... I'm going to run away and hide, as my husband will probably kill me anyway!  

Take care my friend and bring back that negative test for me tomorrow

[HansrowSenoj]

Hey Kelly!!

     I bring you good tithings.... My HIV Antibody Test was Non-Reactive.... as in NEGATIVE!! I could ask for nothing more. With my insurance test (assuming it was negative too) that makes one 4 week and one 7 week negative. The nurse said that I could come back at a later date and retest if I wanted to, which I think I will just to put my mind more at ease, but I am really excited about this. I feel like I was given a new lease at life.

     I know that realistically, I had no reason to fear HIV, because I had no reason to believe that the person I was with was positive, but then you never know. Also, my exposure was so short, that it could have easily been passed off, but fear is a strange thing. It is really irrational. Like you said, I would have had to tell my family eventually, but I am glad that I do not have to. I can just move on and make better decisions in the future. This has really forced me to evaluate and make some real decisions about my life. It has also shown me what is really important and what I value most in life. For that reason I'm glad for this experience.... And Hey, I got to meet you.

     Now that I've received one bit of good news I'm praying for another and looking forward to hearing of your negative test result. I would say that if you had to run away, you could run here to the Bahamas, but I'm hoping you won't have to do anything but enjoy the rest of your life with your husband and your children....

     Thank You for your support and hopefully we will keep in touch beyond this experience.... I will definitely stay posted.

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj .... THAT IS SUCH WONDERFUL NEWS ... I WANT TO JUMP UP AND DOWN FOR YOU!  
See, you had nothing to worry about my friend and this just proves it.  I'm really glad that we got chatting and I must say that I'm not sure if I would be able to make it through the week without anyone to talk too.  Just be careful now and don't ever put yourself in a position were you end up back here worried.  I think what everyone here is saying ... use condom for any sexual activity and there won't be a need for concern.

I still haven't got my results back yet and I'm really starting to worry!
My husband had his test on Monday afternoon and I had mine done on Tuesday ... it's now Thursday morning and we've heard nothing!  Do you think this is a need for concern.  Going out of my mind with worry.

Would love to stay in touch and who knows ... I might have to fly away to the Bahamas to run away from my husband, but I'm praying that this will all be okay and I can lead a normal life once again with my family

[HansrowSenoj]

Hi Kelly,

     Since you only took your test on Tuesday, I don't think there is any cause for concern being that its only Thursday. Also, I'd think that "no news id good news" since you say that the insurance company usually calls right away and declines you. I really am praying for you and hoping that you make it through this. I have all the confidence that you will. I guess it may take a week to get your results back.... I don't know why it has to take so long, but after all the waiting the relief will be that much greater when you get back your negative.

     In all my searches through the net these last weeks, I've seen no evidence whatsoever of transmission between two women. In fact transmission seems most prevalent in gay men. So the odds are most definitely in your favour....

     I have to go now, but will be back later to check for the GOOD NEWS! :-).

[WorriedKelly]

I don't know what I'd do with all the positive (excuse the pun) and caring remarks you've made the last couple of days HansrowSenoj.  I'm just hoping that the test result has come in to the insurance company by now and that nothing is wrong.  Talk about surfing the web .... that's all I've done the last couple of weeks.  Trying to find out everything about HIV, how it's transmitted and oral sex between two woman.  There are so many conflicting reports, some saying it is and some saying it's not, so that's why in a way, I'm glad that I've eventually had to take the test and put my mind and fingers (from surfing the web) a rest.
It's 4:30pm now on Thursday afternoon - no news and I'm on my way home.
Hopefully tomorrow will be D Day and I'll get some good news.

[HansrowSenoj]

Hi Kelly,

     Just stopping in to see how things are going with you. I noticed on my "NEGATIVE" thread that you said you were heading home and would post again on Monday, which makes me guess that you post as work, so you won't get this until Monday. Anyway, I don't know how much I have to say beyond just wanting to remind you that you aren't alone. I'm completely confident that you will get a negative result. I think worry is probably one of the worse feelings to endure. Its always with you.... It never leaves you.... It even nags your sleep. And then too it carries so many other emotions with it. I can't tell you not to worry, because I know how I felt before my negative. Even now, I find myself hoping that I didn't receive a false Negative. However, I'm trying to push those thoughts aside.

     After waiting so long and then finally having sex, it still feels like a presence that won't leave me. I guess some of it has to do with my upbringing.... Actually, most of it has to do with my upbringing.... I just don't feel as "clean". Maybe that even compounded my feeling of contracting HIV.... LIke your guilt is compounding yours. The truth is that nothing you can do or will do will change the love that your children have for you. Even when they are teens and you feel like they hate you because its so hard to tell the difference, they will love you and then eventually grow out of it and more than love you, they will come to appreciate you. Your husband will love you too.

     I learned today that one of my coworker's father contracted HIV from his second wife. Even though he knew she was sick and that she gave him the virus, he still loved her and spent his money on her medical bills until she died.... I'm certain that your husband will continue to love you.... Especially since your results will come back "Negative".... Try not to let this all compound itself so much.... That itself will make things much worse.

     I must go now.... I'm back to doing what young folks do.... I'm on my way to a party.... ;-). I don't drink though, so I don't think I'll be doing anything foolish. I'm really looking forward to your result though, and praying for the best. I think sometimes  its eaier to think the worse, because hoping for the best would just be too painful "if" the worse happened. We do that even when the worse is improbable.... Here's to hoping for the Best!!

[WorriedKelly]

Good Morning HansrowSenoj
Thank you for your post ... only received it this morning.  Yes, I'm normally only online at work, so I don't usually check my mail during the week-end!
Must say that this week-end seemed to drag on and the fear was just too much to bear.  I kept thinking .... PLEASE, don't let Monday come in fear of what might come.   I'm still waiting for my results, but Teak said it could take up to two weeks to receive them ... talk about anxiety and emotions that are going through my mind.
I hope what you're saying is true ... that my husband and children will still love me regardless.  It would be very difficult though, as I'm not sure how he'll get through it or manage that I probably infected him.  Gosh, I feel like running away from this nightmare.  I'm hoping to get them this week, so please cross thumbs for me and say a little prayer.

Don't worry about your results - YOU'RE NEGATIVE!  Just get on with life, enjoy it and just be careful.  I fear for my son's safety as he's at the age were he'll probably be expierementing with sex (16 years old) and I have no idea what to tell him - what is safe and what isn't.   I think I've brought him up in the right way that he won't try it until much .... MUCH later.
Anyway, have to get down and do some work (as hard as it is) but will chat again a little later.

[WorriedKelly]

Hi Guys .... well it's been almost two weeks now and I've had no reponse to my HIV test done for insurance purposes.  Do you think all is okay if they haven't contacted me yet?  Going out of my mind with worry .... when the phone rings, I want to dive under my desk!

[rohit_786]

Is there any way you can contact them by yourself rather killing yourself with this waiting thing, i know it is hard but if you don't call them or don't find a way to contact them  you will be adding more anxiety . Atleast you did the hardest part to perform blood test , look at me i am struggling with myself gathering courage for last 2 years to go to lab and perform test so i can kill my never ending anxiety. Now that i stop taking Cymbalta i feeling terrible all kinds of symptoms started to appear if you search those symptoms all are HIV symptoms or could be with drawal symptoms . So far i am able to manage to stay away from cymbalta but God knows how long i can stay away from it  or may be end up doing suicide..

I am praying for you every day , you will be negative.

[HansrowSenoj]

Hi Kelly,

     My insurance company hasn't contacted me yet either and its been four weeks. I think its probably a good sign that they haven't contacted you, because it means that there were probably no concerns. Who knows, they may contact your husband and tell him that you were approved for the high amount. The longer they take to contact "you" personally, I think, the better. The fact that they haven't yet is probably good news.

     I'm sure if you showed up positive, they would have made some effort to contact you by now. Like I said, they would have a responsibility to inform you as soon as possible especially if your husband came back negative. They would have to ensure that you didn't infect him. However, if all is well, there is no need to contact you, because eventually you will contact them when its time to pay.... Beyond that I supposed they feel they don't have to expend their energy to call all of those who are approved, when they could spend it informing those who were declined and need to be informed of their status.

    Consider this a good sign..... Especially, after three months.

     Good night and good luck. I'll be praying for you!!

[WorriedKelly]

Thank you guys for your posts .... it sure does makes things seem a little easier to deal with and the anxiety seems to calm down abit too.
I'm sure if there was something wrong with my husbands test, they would have called him already or myself.  I've heard nothing more, so as you say 'no news is good news'  In terms of contacting them directly, I wouldn't have a clue on who or where I should call them, so I guess I just have to sit it out and wait.
It would be a wonderful Christmas if all is okay and I can get on with my life.
HansrowSenoj, how are you doing otherwise?  Since your test came back negative .... why do you still come to this site?  I know I wouldn't if mine did - too many emotions and fears.
Chat later
and thans for the prayers.
Kelly

[Teak]

You've had time to go get yourself tested using a rapid test several times over and collecting your negative result. You didn't have a risk, but I guess this forum is your only form entertainment.

[WorriedKelly]

I'm sorry you feel that way Teak and believe me this is the last place I want to be.  I live on a farm in the middle of no where, so it's not so easy to just 'pop out and get a rapid HIV test done'  I come here because of my concerns, worry and I guess for abit of emotional support - is that too much to ask for?

[WorriedKelly]

I'm sorry you feel that way Teak and believe me this is the last place I want to be.  I live on a farm in the middle of no where, so it's not so easy to just 'pop out and get a rapid HIV test done'  I come here because of my concerns, worry and I guess for abit of emotional support - is that too much to ask for?

[Teak]

It's to much to ask for when you never had a risk to begin with. Don't talk about living in the middle of no where, I live in the middle of farming area. Don't tell me they don't have a health department or doctors that you could have went and have taken your test.

[WorriedKelly]

Thank you guys for your post.
I'm still waiting for my test results and since the insurance company hasn't come back to me as yet with any bad news - I'm taking it that all is okay.  Praying everyday for a good outcome to all of this.
You say that I had no risk, but why is oral sex regarding as no risk?  Sorry, trying to understand all of this.

[HansrowSenoj]

Hi Kelly, how are you? Have you taken a test besides the insurance test? I think that since they haven't called thats a good sign, but because they aren't calling and probably won't call if you are negtive, to alieve some of your worry you should either call them or try taking a test on your own. I know that you say you live far out, but it should be possible to find somewhere to take a test.

I think that its been long enough so I'm sure all is fine with your test at the insurance agency. I'd just try to take the other one to confirm for yourself the results. I'm waiting to take my second test. I still have at least three weeks to go, but I feel that due to my exposure another test is warranted. After that I will be done with this. Waiting on the insurance company isn't the best way to go since they probably won't get back to you. If I had waited on mine I'd still be waiting.

Anyway, I'm still praying for you. You'll get through it unscaved I'm sure.... But the test, like I said, is a good idea if you can get to take it on your own.

[gaza2010]

Hi there,

I've spoken to a friend of mine who is in the insurance industry and he said that if a blood test comes back possitive for HIV, they should let you know or if not, they will inform you that your application was denied.

Did you insurance get approved? If so, you have nothing to worry about, but I do agree with the others that you should go out and have a rapid test. I'm also in South Africa and have had many! You will have results in 20 minutes - and there is pre-counseling which I find very helpful! Sure you must have heard of VCT? Voluntary Testing & Counseling?? Where in SA are you? Check out http://www.healthinsite.net/health/HealthProfile.dll/eCareGeneral?wid=12&sh=10&tp=1 for a list of VCT sites. There is generally a clinic in every Public University where these tests are done - and they are free, however, private clinics charge up to R25 a test and around R102 for an ELISA test - but then you can wait up to 3 days for a result depending how close you are to a lab.

I too am very confused as to why oral sex poses no risk? But from what I can gather:

1. The receiver is only exposed to saliva - so therefore same risk category as wet kissing - virtually none
2. The giver only faces a "THEORETICAL" risk i.e. the virus is transmitted when an infected fluid (semen, vaginal excretion & blood) enters the blood stream of another person. However, in reality, reports (and from what I read there are very, very few) of those who claim they were infected solely via oral sex are considered inaccurate as it is very likely that other, more riskier activities are not reported at the time. I believe the infection rate of oral sex is 0.01 in every 10 000 (or is this 0.1 1000?) - either way, it is still zero............

Perhaps someone can back me up........

Look I too engaged in what others call very low risk/no risk activities but there is still nothing as reasurring like a negative test result formed before your eyes! I tested negative at 6 weeks & 10.5 weeks and my 12 week/84 day mark is next Monday. I'll keep you in my thoughts although I'm really sure are fine.....but believe me, get the test..........

[WorriedKelly]

Thank you both for all the information and posts - it really does ease my mind quite drastically.
I suppose everyone here says that HIV isn't transmitted via oral sex, but you keep wondering in the back of your mind if it couldn't be done.  My insurance company hasn't come back to me as yet and I've heard nothing about being denied insurance, so I guess that is good news.  I had the test done almost 3 weeks ago, so I'm guessing that there should be a result by now and they'd let me know if there was a problem.  Really strange though, as what do they call you and say there's a problem - then you know for a fact that it could only be for the HIV test and you know then that you're positive, so I wouldn't need counciling.  I jump everytime the phone rings and want to hide under my desk.
Gaza2010 .... what part are you from in South Africa and what was your exposure?  I live on the outskirts of Durban.
HansrowSenoj, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about - you've already had one test done and it's negative, so I'm sure you're going to be just fine.
Prayers are with you both and please say a little one for me that I hear nothing!

[gaza2010]

Well, what I got up to is considered as "safe" and I walked away from it ok, but then my mind started ticking. Long story short, I received unprotected oral sex as well as received a hand job, but before all this, the dude I was with masturbated and after rinsed his hand from semen. My concern is 1) When he rinsed his hand, semen mixed in the water ran into my eyes, moth etc (we were in a shower) and 2) What if his hand was not 100% rinsed off of his semen when he touched my penis!

The doc here said risk is "virtually non-existant", the Gay/Lesbian expert at Health 24 said "I need to relax" and the Health 24 Sexologist said "no, no, no risk - and I have AFRaids, not aids", BUT I still can't let things go!

I tested at 6 weeks and 10.5 - both neg. and next Monday I'll test again.

There is a New Start clinic in DBN. The one here in JHB is great - all is confidential, no names policy if you wish. RESULTS IN 20 MINUTES! And you can specify if you want an

Commercial City, 16th Floor
40 Commercial Road,
Durban
www.newstart.co.za

You will probably get a call saying declined and only if you enquire will they give the exact reason - not that you have to worry.

I prefer the VCT route, just because their counseling is great - before the test they ***** your exact risk and put you at ease for the test. The test can take anywhere from 10 to 15 minutes to form, and while you wait they will chat with you etc - and they do 2 differnt tests for elimination purposes!

[WorriedKelly]

gaza2010, thank you for the information and encouragement.
I think I'm just going to sit it out and wait for the insurance company to come back to me - afterall, they would contact me if there was something wrong and would decline my insurance too.
I know it's tough, but I guess I just have to hang in there.  It's been 3 weeks now, so surely they would have let me know by now if there was a problem.
Where in South Africa are you from?  I think they are right - you have nothing to worry about either.
It's strange though how our emotions run wild with us and especially reading some of these posts - boy, did I think I was the only paranoid one here :)

[gaza2010]

Hehe......no, I to am very paranoid, perhaps borderline OCD!

Yeah, 3 weeks is a long time and a blood test would have been done ages ago....you've made 3 weeks, I'm sure you can make it a few more days!

I'm in JHB.

I think deep down I know I'll be ok, but I don't want to give myself a false sense of security either. I also want to go work in the Uk for a bit and don't want to leave without knowing I'm 100% ok!

[HansrowSenoj]

Just wanted to write you and say that I went into my insurance company yesterday to pay someone else's insurance and decided to ask about mine. Turns out I was approved and my insurance is due on the 30th. They never even called to tell me. So, with that said, I hope that eases your mind even more.... No news = Good news!

Later.... gotta run.

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj .... you see, I told you that you'd be okay - CONGRATS!
I still haven't heard anything from my insurance company, so I'm trying to get on with life day to day and just simply try and put it out of my mind.  I'm sure if something was wrong, they would have contacted me already .... don't you think?  Eases my mind abit knowing about yours, but still you'd think they would at least contact you and let you know either which way.
GAZA2010 ... my old home town - how is good, old Joeies?
I guess you can say that both of us are ready to be committed?
I'm sure we're both going to be fine, so don't stress out to much and get that test done as soon as possible.  Must say, I put this aside for far too long and the only way is to go and have it done - afterall, even if we are .... we can start treating it properly.
Good luck and you're in my prayers.

[ExtremeStress]

are you paying them for life insurance.

[WorriedKelly]

ExtremeStress .... not sure what that comment is meant to be, but hopefully not a mean one as we are all in the same situation here and would like abit of compassion!
  

[ExtremeStress]

No! I am asking if you have begun to pay a premium. They would have notified you if you were positive and you wouldn't be paying a premium same with health insurance as well.

[ExtremeStress]

I give mean comments only to irrational people with a great deal of repeated anxiousness/stupidity. Sincere questions with real fears I am sympathetic.

[WorriedKelly]

ExtremeStress .... The premium is only due at the end of the month and I only took the HIV test 3 weeks ago, so I haven't heard anything as yet and nothing has come off my account either.
Hence, the reason for my concern ..... not irrational, but emotional at the moment I guess, but I would really love to know either which way so that I can basically just get on with life!  Is this not a "Sincere questions with real fears I am sympathetic"
  

[HansrowSenoj]

Hey Kelly,

     Just like I thought.... and think I said in a post somewhere above, my insurance agent finally contacted me today.... "Why?"  Because the payment is due. I think I did say that they probably wouldn't contact you until its time to pay.... Lol.... When they need the money. I guess it could be reassuring, but it still only amounts to a 4 week negative. I'm waiting for my 12th week to really break out the champagne. I wish I had just got the girl to go with me. It would be too difficult to do that now that I'm back to work. The clinic closes at 12:30 and they stop taking blood for test at 11:00 at the hospital. Testing her would at least conclusively give me some answer before 12 weeks.

     Anyway, just thought I'd give you that bit of information.

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj .... I'm sure that even a 4 week test would ensure that you're fine!
I guess I have to wait until my broker contacts me for the premium - only then will I know if all is okay, I suppose!  I don't understand, why they just don't put you out of your misery once and for all.
This would be the best Christmas ever if all was okay ..... when do you have to take your 12 week test?  Mine would be four months, so I'm sure that would definatly either be a positive or a negative indication.

[HansrowSenoj]

Coincidentally, December 11th, which is my 25th birthday will be 12 weeks to the day of my incident. However, I will take my test the week after, so that I can enjoy that week without worry. Our Christmas Party for work is that week and I'm going to it with the girl who is semi responsible for the emotional turmoil that lead to all of this. I really didn't want to go with her and tried to avoid the reason why by saying I was afraid to ask her because she might say no. So my coworker, who is her best friend and the reason we met decided to  play match maker.

My coworker wants her to come to have fun, but I know I still like her so I didn't really want to go through all that again.... She's too hard not to like.... Plus it will just be too much of a reminder.... My "exposure" didn't actually happen with her.... If it did, I wouldn't be worried, but she is still part of th reason I made such a stupid decision. I must not be built for relationships or something, because they never work for me.

[WorriedKelly]

HansrowSenoj  ... I'm sorry to hear that, but you mustn't put your emotions for this girl that you really like because of something as silly as this.  I'm sure you're going to be 100% fine, so don't stress and try to enjoy life.  I'm trying to do the same too - trying to put this nightmare out of my head and enjoy my family and friends again.
Take care and will chat soon
Kelly

[gaza2010]

Went to the Doc today for an ELISA test. I know that it's a few days away from my 12 week mark (03/12) but the Doc on Health 24 said that an ELISA will be accurate at this time. Eish, I'll get my results tomorrow......freaking out here!

[WorriedKelly]

Just wanted to let you guys know that I've still had no feedback as yet on my HIV test.  It's almost four weeks now, so surely they would have called if there was a problem?

[rohit_786]

Can you not check status of your life insurance ?. If they approved you for life insurance then must be a policy established by now. I don't think it is healthy to wait for 4 weeks for result and just do nothing , i would be bananas by now :-)..

[ExtremeStress]

call them if you are still worried.

[WorriedKelly]

Not sure if this means anything, but I've just received my insurance policy in the post.  
Do you think that all is okay then and my test was negative.  I mean, they wouldn't insure me if I was HIV positive ... would they?

[WorriedKelly]

Not sure if this means anything, but I've just received my insurance policy in the post.  
Do you think that all is okay then and my test was negative.  I mean, they wouldn't insure me if I was HIV positive ... would they?  I looked through the whole policy document and no where is it mentioned that there is an exclusion because I'm positive.  Really confused now!

[ExtremeStress]

No they wouldn't insure you if you were positive, that would be like gambling on a sure thing!!!! Hate to put it that way. Secondly you went down on a girl (no risk). It all points to negative. You should just contact your provider, and ask them where you can hear/get the results of all tests. They will give it to you. It is time for you to move on and have a Good Holiday Season.

[WorriedKelly]

ExtremeStress .... I think you're right - I need to put this behind me and get on with life.
My insurance broker is actually a friend of the family, so I don't really want to contact him as he'll ask questions .... etc.
Not sure what to do or who to call?

[ExtremeStress]

Just nonchalantly ask him who the medical evaluator was, because you needed to give them a call to insure you gave correct information Ex. family history, husband/your social, anything. You could also say you wanted to call them and check the cholesterol level the detected because you are curious due to your father having high cholesterol. Anything would work where he wouldn't question you. Regardless you are insured meaning you don't have HIV, but if still scared come up with an excuse to find out all results. The examining company is obligated to send you this information if asked.

[tonypham]

i just tested this afternoon... 12 weeks +4 days...and the result is negative

my health couselor said that i must have been over-scared for so long..actually i have very small change to catch the HIV ^^

all the best for the rest of you

by the way, if u need a real evidence, i will be the one who shows that: a 8 week negative does NOT change to positive at 12 weeks .

GOODLUCK everyone

[WorriedKelly]

Thank you for your comments.  Just spoken to my insurance broker's secretary and she mentioned nothing to me about their being a problem with the policy.  When I asked her, she said that it's up and running and inforce, so I guess I'm in the clear then?

Going to get on with my life now and enjoy it.  Thank you all for your kind words, compassion and support!  Wishing you all the same results and luck for the future!

[ExtremeStress]

don't enjoy it so much your policy gets used!!!!!!!!!

[WorriedKelly]

don't enjoy it so much your policy gets used!!!!!!!!!  .... MEANING?

Well .... the policy will only get used when I die, so until then, I'm going to enjoy my life and get on with it!