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Oral sex between two woman
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Oral sex between two woman

Please can someone help me.  About 6 months ago I had an encounter with another lady.  We had oral sex - both giving and receiving.  There was no blood involved, but not sure about other bodily fluids.  Is this a risk for HIV infection and do you think it warrants an HIV test?
Tags: Oral, test
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219662_tn?1223862160
No risk and no test necessary
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you for you comment and taking your time to answer me.  Do you honestly feel that this doesn't warrant an HIV test?

I have had a few weird symptoms lately and I'm really starting to get worried:

Sore mouth, but no visible sores or marks in the mouth
Headaches
Always tired
Rash on the upper left side of my body - not raised, about 4 circular red marks.

What do you think this could be?

Scared
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Avatar_m_tn
Absolutely nothing serious and certainly nothing related to HIV. Go get a test to prove it.
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Avatar_n_tn
The "always tired" and "rash" can be contributed to anxiety. Woman to woman sex is probably the safest sex you can have according to some studies I have read.
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219662_tn?1223862160
Your symptoms do not suggest HIV at all.
Your risk was as close to zero as it gets.
You are obviously concerned, so just go and get a test to get it out of your mind.
Expect nothing but a negative result.
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you all for your positive and informative responses.  I can't begin to tell you the stress that I've been putting myself through the last six months.  I've spent hours, weeks and months on all the HIV websites, checking myself for symptoms and going out of mind thinking I've got this and I've got that!
There are alot of websites conflicting one another, saying yes oral sex is a form of transmission and no it isn't.  You just don't know what to believe anymore.  I suppose if it was a form of transmission they'd be telling you not only to use a condom for sexual intercourse but oral too.  I'm hoping that i've got nothing to worry about.  Are there any websites outlining forms of transmission?
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79258_tn?1190634010
The CDC lists the risks of various forms of transmission. Giving a blowjob to someone you know has HIV is about a 1 in 20,000 risk; receiving a blowjob from a known HIV positive person is about a 1 in 20,000 risk (hypothetical only--they are only guessing based on other statistics). Cunnilingus isn't even listed. Women who have sex with other women are really only at risk from any male partners.
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79258_tn?1190634010
whoops, that should say giving is 1 in 10,000, receiving 1 in 20,000.
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you for the information.  Does it not mention anything about cunnilingus?  I always thought there was a risk from oral sex on another woman.  If only I'd have know this before this happened, I wouldn't have tried it!  I live in South Africa were the AIDS stigma is really quite bad and the thought of being HIV positive is driving me crazy.  Do you honestly believe that I've got nothing to worry about?  I've been on all the AIDS websites and there are so misleading on if it's safe or not.  If a woman to woman transmission does happen - how would it happen? I've heard of pre-***, but that's only happens to a man - sorry for the ignorance, but I'm quite naive when it comes to things like this!
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79258_tn?1190634010
Nothing about cunnilingus at all.

It sounds like you're really worried about this, so why not just get tested for your own peace of mind? Then, if this feels too risky for you, you can always use a cut-open condom or dental dam for cunnilingus in the future :-)
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Thank you Monkeyflower, I really do appreciate all the time and effort you've spent on answering my questions.  With all the experts that I've spoken to they have said that's it's really not a concern about oral sex between woman and HIV.  It does worry me, but I'm really not any where close enough to go and have the test done.  Just hoping that all is okay and I need to try and get this out of my mind and on with my life.  The lady that I was with has said that I've got nothing to worry about as she has been tested 9 months before she was with me.  Boy, do I feel so naive and stupid!
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Avatar_n_tn
Please can somone give me there advice if they have any medical background!  Please read all my posts and let me know what your honest opinion is - if this activity warrants an HIV test or not?

I've had quite a few symptoms lately and I'm really starting to get worried:

Mouth pain - no visible bumps, lumps or marks
Headaches
Always tired
Rash on the upper left side of my body - not raised, about 4 circular red marks
Runny nose
Bad, dry cough for the last week

Not sure if this all boils down to the flu or if it's something more serious!  It's been 9 months now since my incident!
PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE ME MEDICAL ADVICE URGENTLY!
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Please will someone help me with abit of their medical background - need urgent advice as I'm going out of my mind with worry!
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Teak, please can you give me your honest opinion on my situation.  If you think this warrants an HIV test or not?
I really don't know who to turn to anymore and would really appreciate all your help.

Many thanks and God Bless
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Avatar_m_tn
I can tell you from experience that though you my hear comforting words from some of the folks here you're feeling of comfort won't last long. The best thing for you to do is find a place that does rapid HIV testing and go and get it out of the way today. You're in a good place unlike some of the other folks here. You're 9 months past you're incident so you're negative result should immediately make you feel better without any further need for worry. Just go get it done.
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Thank you for your post.  I know it makes me relieved for a little while reading the responses and I'm not even sure from what they've told me that I actually need to go and have it done.  I'm also not too close to any testing centres in my area so it's quite a difficult situation.  
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219662_tn?1223862160
I agree with Cjplus.
While you clearly don't need a test from a medical perspective, this is the only thing that will make you move on.
Don't make a big deal out of it, just get it done, you'll feel better.
Once your anxiety is gone maybe your symptoms won't bother you as much.
It's recommended that everyone gets tested once every few years anyway.
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Avatar_n_tn
The reason you cannot find information on hiv transmission and cunnilingus (or woman to woman transmission) is because it does not happen.  If it did, you would have no problem finding info on this very subject.  Transmissions claimed to have happened by female/female sex, upon further investigation, did not.  These woman were having casual sex with hiv pos men or participated in other high risk activities, non of which are cunnilingus.

Forget about it, stop searching the net (it's now called "cyberchondria") and forums.  They only fuel paranoia.

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Hi Dumbo, thank you for your post .... it's really help me try to put this encounter behind me.  I know they say that woman to woman transmission rearly occurs, so I need to put this past me.  If you don't mind me asking, but have you got any medical background to support this?  I really appreciate all the info you can give me. I know is easier said then done to go and have the test, but I'm not really close enough to to and have it done and just need to know if this one time thing warrants and HIV test?
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Teak, please can you have a look at the posts sent through to me as well as mine and let me know what your honest opinion of the whole situation is?  I would really appreciate all the help and information you can give me.

Many thanks and God Bless
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Avatar_n_tn
Nothing more I can say other than you do not get hiv from situations like you describe.  

You said my post helped put this behind you but then your next post asks for more reassurance.  You won't let it go until you test obviously.  My thoughts are you are feeling uncomfortable having had sexual relations with same gender, something which maybe you have not done before.  I would not say guilt, but maybe you are unsure of your feelings.  It's not really over HIV.

This is probably your biggest mistake:

"I've spent hours, weeks and months on all the HIV websites, checking myself for symptoms and going out of mind thinking I've got this and I've got that!

I do not have a medical background nor does anyone on this particular forum.  If you want /need a medical professional to answer then post to Dr. H in his forum.

good luck.
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Thank you for your post, I really do appreciate it.  You're probably right saying that the guilt lies with having relations with the same sex and not HIV.  This happened one foolish night of having too much to drink and landing up in bed with a collegue of mine from work.  I suppose the guilt comes from that as you see I'm married to a man for the last 19 years and I've never cheated on him and never been with a woman before either.  I do feel dreadful and I suppose you right in saying that I should just go and have the test done.  What goes through my mind constantly is how stupid I was in letting it get that far and what if's!!  I live in South Africa, so to pay for the medical advice from Dr H on this site it's quite expensive.  Although I've read all of his responses regarding oral sex and that it's not really a risk ... it still concerns me and brings up alot of unanswered questions.  I know Teak is involved in the medical field, so this is the reason why I put the question forward to him.  Hoping that he'd be able to give me some medical advise on his opinion about getting tested and if the situation that I had warranted it.
I do thank you for your time and hope that I can get past this once and for all!
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79258_tn?1190634010
Teak will probably answer you. But if you read any of his posts, you'll see that he also believes oral is no risk. I think you're just trying to justify your fear of getting tested. You weren't at any risk, but it's clear that you won't be able to let this go otherwise. GO GET TESTED ALREADY. You'll be negative.

And just fyi, Dr. Handsfield is an internationally known and respected infectious disease expert. He's currently doing research and work in Africa. He's written hundreds of articles and a textbook. He's no slouch. You can trust what he says.
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Monkeyflower and Dumbo, I want to thank you for taking up your time to help me out here.  I've now come to realise that I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole hill.  Dumbo, thank you for the website address, will go and have a look at them.  Wishing you both well and thanking you once again!
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Avatar_n_tn
As I have stated before. You had the safest form of sex you can have except masturbation. You couldn't get hiv from oral on another woman. Forget it, put it out of you mind. It doesn't exist. Suck all the ***** the want. You might get herpes or hpv, but that is about all you'll get. Move on with your life.
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THANK YOU ALL for your positive responses and putting my mind to rest.  Do you know if there are any documented cases of HIV transmission from woman to woman?  And if so, what was the reasoning behind it?  I think the only thing for me to do is try and put this past myself and get on with life.  So, would you all agree that I've got nothing to worry about and shouldn't even worry about getting an HIV test?
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This is what someone passed onto me - any idea if this is true guys and what your opinion on this would be:


Symptoms or the lack of symptoms mean nothing where hiv is concerned. As you did not have a risk for hiv infection, your symptoms could not possibly have anything to do with hiv. If they persist, see your doctor. Going down on a woman - cunnilingus - is NOT a risk for hiv infection. It is the cervicovaginal fluid, which is more of a thick mucus than a fluid, that is infectious and you won't get anywhere near this during cunnilingus. The fluid that a woman produces when sexually excited comes from two glands on either side of the vaginal opening and have not been show to be particularly infectious, rather like sweat or tears.

Plus, saliva contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

You did not have a risk for hiv infection. If you cannot bring yourself to believe us, go test and collect your negative result. A test now will be conclusive.
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Avatar_n_tn
What we have all been telling you.  No Risk!  Negative!!!
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Avatar_n_tn
you are obviously never going to believe anyone here or anywhere else that you had no risk no matter how many times you get told.

You keep saying you are putting it to rest but you do not and contnue to come here.

The simple answer for you is to go test, get your negative result, and never come here again as you will eventually start to doubt your definitie negative result from this non exposure.
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I probably do need to see a counsellor for the guilt but as far as the HIV testing, fears I think all of you have put my mind to rest!  I think you are all doing a wonderful job helping people in need and from me, I just want to thank you!  You're all in my hearts and prayers.
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Michelle
How often have you had sex with another woman? It isn't really any of my business, but you sound like this was your first time. My guess is that you wanted to try another woman for a while and when you did you felt guilty. Don't waste your time with guilt. Find yourself a steady girlfriend and get used to the pleasure of another woman.  The symptoms you described have more to do with stress than with any std. I had sex in 2005 and got strep throat 3 days later my mind started playing tricks on me and I had every symptom under the sun. It was just anxiety(stress and worry). Once I got a negative hiv test in early 06 I was back to normal.
Our society makes people feel guilty about having sex just for the good feeling it gives us. Nature makes it feel good religion and other superstitions brainwashes us into believing that sex is bad. Guilt is a worthless emotion.
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Hi Michael
Yes, this was my first time with a woman.  Went to a work function, got a little out of hand and landed up in bed with a collegue of mine.  This is something I deeply regret as I'm happily married to a man for the last 19 years.  I've never cheated on him, so this is really dragging me down.  I suppose the guilt is making me believe more and more that I've asked for it and need to deal with it.  With all the posts that I've received, they keep telling me that I've honestly got nothing to worry about regarding HIV transmission from woman to woman.  Could I be the first statistic?
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No~  HIV can not survive long outside the body and saliva deactivates it as well.  Five point to consider:  1.  Can not survive outside the body. 2.  The first effect air has on it is to take away its ability in infect. 3.  The moisture you feel and taste while performing Oral on a woman does not contain the virus. 4. Statisitcally your partner probably didn't have HIV.  5.  It has never been proven that HIV can be transmitted via felacio on a woman.  You are negative no what ifs and or buts about it.  Unless you have had another exposure you have not listed here....You are negative!!!!  Thanks God, donate to those less fortunate and move on...be happy..Its allowed!!
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Avatar_n_tn
Joke around with your husband about the idea of you and another woman and see how he responses.
Since the woman was a collegue of yours can't you talk to her?
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Thank you Scared and Micheal.  The only exposure I've had is this one encounter with this lady I know.  I've spoken to her a couple of times and she has ensured me that I've got nothing to worry about.  I guess I just need some reassurance here too.  If woman to woman transmission happened - how would it?  Sorry for all the questions, but I've only ever been with my husband and really quite naive when it comes to things like this.  My husband would first of all kill me if he knew I cheated on him - even if it was with another woman.  I thank you both for all your time and hoping what you've told me is a fact and I'm not the first statistic.
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188761_tn?1320166132
1.Practically,oral sex is no risk.
2. WTW transmission, doesn't happen that way.
3. Get some counseling
4. Move on
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Avatar_n_tn
Thanks Mike, but a few questions:

1)  You say 'practically' - what does this mean?
2)  How does woman to woman transmission actually happen
3)  Will start counselling soon
4)  Trying to move on .... THANK YOU
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Hi all .... I'm sorry to worry you again but I've got a few symtoms (symptoms) that I'm worried about now and need your advice:

1)  Sore neck on the right hand side - can hardly turn my neck
2)  Tongue and Palatte feel sore and mouth feels really dry
3)  The rash that I spoke about earlier on hasn't gone away yet
4)  Headaches
5)  Tired all the time

PLEASE .... are these any to be concerned about?  Are they not a symptom of ARS?
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Avatar_m_tn
I got an experience with some sex workers in Hong Kong We used condom and for blow job as well. I remember touching her vagina then stick my fingers to my mounth.
Do you think I may be infected? Because It has been two weeks passed I got a slight fewer and night swetting going on about 3 days.  
It scarez me. I wen to take HIV test. It was negative. Off course it was too early I know. But how can I be sure. I didn't tell my wife yet. If I am infected I don't want to give it to her.
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Since it has been 6 months that is more then enough time for a 100% accurate test. So to get over your anxiety go get tested. Personally I DON'T think you need testing, but it would help you relax. I had my test done by a service on the net which uses testing labs by Lab Corp. One of the biggest and best testing centers in the USA. They don't ask questions. Cost about 130.00 but if you are still having anxiety over this it would be worth it. You can also go to your city's health dept and get tested for a lot less sometimes it is free, but they ask questions. I can't remember the name of the testing service but look on the net it was called "advance testing service" or something close.
Lab corp is the lab there is also Quest labs they do the blood work, but you make the appointment over the phone, pay by credit card, than call in a week to find out that you are negative.
Your symptoms you posted don't mean ****. 99% of people with ars have fever,
dirrerha, and other very strong symptoms not a sore tongue. Also symptoms don't wait 6 months to show up. They happen within 2 to 4 weeks and last about 2 weeks they NEVER wait 6 months.
Your symptoms are NOT symptoms it is your mind playing tricks on you.
The lady you had sex with says there is nothing to worry about. So don't worry about it, but if that is not possible than go get tested. It will be negative.
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Thank you for your comments.  If these are not symtoms (symptoms) of HIV, then I have no idea what they are.  I'm really nervous about going for the test, but I know this is the only way to put my mind to rest.  I've read numerous websites on HIV transmission through oral sex between woman and not one of them say it's not a risk - just a theoratical risk.  What does this mean?  Have their been reported cases of HIV through oral sex between woman?  I showed this friend of mine this rash I have and she said she thought it was a fungus?  I've had no diaraha, fever just sore neck, nauseaous, rash and sore mouth - are these symtoms (symptoms) of HIV?
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Thank you, but it's all so worrying!  Just wanted to find out if there has ever been documented cases of HIV transmission via woman to woman and by oral sex?  Isn't vaginal fluids a high risk for transmission?
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Avatar_m_tn
Your question has been asked and answered REPEATEDLY. You are WELL beyond the 'window period.' If you are still (unwarrantedly) concerned, go get a test. You have NO excuse not to if you placed yourself at risk (which you did not). Get a Home Access test if you are that worried.
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Thank you Jaguar.  I suppose it's always good to hear that I didn't expose myself to a risky enounter.  Unfortunatly were I live in South Africa there is no home access tests.  The only way to be tested is to go to one of the clinics.  I really need to try and put this behind me though.  Any suggestions?
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Avatar_f_tn
yes...as everyone has already SUGGESTED a million times...go get tested.
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Thank you sweetnss .... I know that's the only way and a pray everday that all is okay and I can get on with my life.  There's not too many testing centres in my area, so I'm going to have to research on where to get tested.
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I saw your question and there should be no reason you have HIV but get tested anyway. if you don't mind me asking what made you have oral sex with another woman
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There is no reason for her to test. All she is doing is going back and forth from one forum to the other asking the same questions.
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I want to thank you for your comments and I'm sorry if I seem like 'such a worry wart' but it really scares me that the one time I cheat on my husband and with a woman, I might have contracted HIV.  I hope you understand and please show me a little patience and understanding as I'm sure some where down the line you also felt the same way as I do!
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one question

when testing for hiv/aids ..blood sample

does it show only for that or other sort of diseases like syphilis or chalmydia ......????

do you need to take a spefic test for that

anyone who knows please answer
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173692_tn?1371540094
Stick to one thread you have already received the answers to that question.
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I want to thank you for your comments and I'm sorry if I seem like 'such a worry wart' but it really scares me that the one time I've ever cheated on my husband and with a woman, I might have contracted HIV.  I hope you understand and please show me a little patience and understanding as I'm sure some where down the line you also felt the same way as I do! GUILT AND WORRY!
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Michelle, no I never felt the guilt and the worry. When I contracted HIV there was no name for it, nor was there a cause, nor was there medications. It's been almost 30 year since the impact of the disease and it really baffels me that people today still don't know the way HIV is transmitted.
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Teak, please understand that my heart goes out to you and I really do symphathise .... I'm just really, REALLY scared and have no one else to turn too.  I live in South Africa were HIV is rife, but alot of us are uneducated on how it's transmitted.  This is why I'd like to know more so that I can protect myself, my husband and basically get on with life.  I know everyone says 'just go and have the test done' but it's not as easy as that as testing centres are not readily available in my area.  Any expertise advice and help would gladly be appreciated.
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173692_tn?1371540094
Don't feel pity for me. I contracted it when no one knew how it was transmitted. You've been given the facts not only here but on AidsMeds now if you can't believe those facts there is no reason to discuss it any further. Go take a test at any health center collect your negative result and be done with it.
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Thank you Teak .... I do appreciate your advice and concern.  If this is the case, then why did I get this message from Andy telling me that it is a risk?


Im sorry for contactibg you in this way but I understand what you are going through because of the lack of official stats relating to HIV transmission through oral sex.

What I can say is that I am appalled at some of the responces and will be making my own views very clear indeed.

Firstly, if you are worried about contracting this virus you should get tested , it really is as simple as that, especialy because you have stated that your partner has admitted to seeing men as well. Secondly, I will tell you that just because there are very dubious stats regarding HIV transmission through Oral sex IT DOES HAPPEN. Yes the risks are very low and but there are risks and I can say this because I know.

I was infected by performing oral sex on my g/f at the time. The things we did not know about are the things we did not know about.

We used to "freshen up" beforte sex, we would both brush our teeth, and all that, now as you know if your brush to hard, your gums can bleed, also, we found that the way that oral sex is carried out can have an impact,, as can the level of virus in the partners blood at the time, my g/f had a high viral load at the time, and because im not fussy about getting a mouth full (sorry for the crudeness) the oppertunities for infection are there.

I hope that you understand what Im saying, PLEASE take what is said in these forums as advice, as far as Im aware, no one in here is a trained HIV specialist, so why certain people are saying it cannot be caught from "going down" on a female amazes me.

I was diagnosed in 2005 and I can say for sure that this is the way I caught it because I knew my g/f was poz at the time and we made every effort in what we knew to practise safe sex. I NEVER PENETRATED HER WITHOUT A CONDOM.

Please see your doctor and get tested, once tested you should be offered councilling this is the time to ask any question you may have and the experts will be able to tell you the reality of your question, "risky" yes, but very very low, but still possible.

I hope I havent scared you with this mail but i would rather you knew that it is possible from some one who knows. ANYONE  that says NO  it cant be passed that way is wrong.

If you want to chat more please just get in touch,, all the best

Andy
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173692_tn?1371540094
He says he's infected. How he got infected is questionable at the most. He can say what he wants. But scientific studies refutes him. We apply information based on scientific studies, not peer review.  
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Hi Teak,
I suppose he could say that he was infected this way as many people don't only practice oral sex but have intercourse too.  I'm hoping that this isn't the reason why he got infected and I can put my mind to rest and believe that I'm safe.
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It's ashame that people can't admit their real risks, but you will have that. Some people are to ashamed to admit it.
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Heavens no I don't think that is how he contracted HIV if he even has it. I doubt that you will ever see him back on the forum.
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Thank you Teak.  
So do you think this is not how he contracted HIV and that I still have nothing to worry about with regards to transmission of HIV through woman to woman oral sex?
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That's what I'm telling you.
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It's really sad in a way that people are not truly honest about how they actually contracted HIV .... it gives us false hope and untrue figures.  He really gave me quite a scare and made me doubt everyones ability and information here on Medhelp and Aidsmeds.  Basically what you're saying Teak is that there is no reason for me to pursue this matter any longer as my risk for contracting HIV from one sexual encounter with another woman is not risky at all and no need for me to test?
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A BIG THANK YOU TEAK and I'm sorry if I kept going on about this and if I've been an absolute pain!
Will try and get through this and get on with my life.
Take care and God Bless you for all the wonderful work and advice you're giving.
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NOW I'M REALLY CONFUSED!!  This is the report back I got from the CDC on oral sex and HIV transmission.  I thought they were the experts on HIV and transmission but everyone here keeps telling me that I've got nothing to worry about.  You're responses would be great!!

Thank you for contacting us with your follow-up questions.  
Yes, it is possible for either partner to become infected with HIV through performing or receiving oral sex. There have been a few cases of HIV transmission from performing oral sex on a person infected with HIV. While no one knows exactly what the degree of risk is, evidence suggests that the risk is less than that of unprotected anal or vaginal sex.  Please see this CDC web site about women who have sex with women and HIV http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/women/resources/factsheets/wsw.htm.

I do not have a medical background.  Please see your doctor about testing.  Here is a good site regarding testing: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/testing/qa.htm.

Please see our web site, www.cdcnpin.org for further information.  If you have further questions, please contact the CDC Information Line by email at ***@**** or by phone at 800-232-4636.  

I hope this is helpful.  Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.  


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That's the same thing you can read off their website, word for word. Which doesn’t tell you that the only information that they have is from peer surveys. They don't tell you about all the studies that contradict them. That’s like contact an HIV hotline those people read from books that most are even outdated. Now you can sit around and worry about this all you want. You can go collect your negative result and be done with it. It's up to you.
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Thank you Teak .... I really started getting worried and thinking 'just maybe' I've contracted HIV!  I'm sure they have to say that to cover all their bases.  Are you in agreement with everyone else that there is absolutly nothing to worry about regarding transmission of HIV between two women - no blood involved?
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Who is this Andy?  Andy Velez??  He says he got hiv from performingoral on a woman??

And he is giving advice to people?  Of course he is lying.

Michelle,
Whoever this Andy is forget him.  He is not being truthful.  He has had other risks that he is not saying.  And maybe, as Teak says, he may not even have HIV.  It was wrong for him to write you this way and was to simply scare you.  I have read many of Andy Velez's posts, he seems ok so I do not think it is him.

I am going to go read Aidsmeds and find your post there to see who this is.

That said, for God's sake you have some serious problems.  This forum is doing nothing for you.  GO TEST FOR GODS SAKE!!!!!! JEEZUZ.

YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV!!!!!! PERIOD!!!!!END OF DISCUSSION!!!!!

Your worry is not HIV, it is that you "cheated" on your husband.  HIV only comes to mind because you care about your husband and do not want to "infect" him because of your actions, even though you could not infect him because YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV!!!!
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No it was not Andy Velez. That matter has been taken care of.
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PLEASE go and get a test already. Seriously. Even though there doesn't seem to be ANY medical reason for you to do so.

I'm going to say that again, there seems to be NO MEDICAL REASON TO TEST. None, zilch, nada.

However, you're investing a great deal of time, energy and anxiety in your internet search for *answers* that are being given to you over and over again, to no avail. If you were to get tested, you could let go of all of this anxiety. Imagine how wonderful that would feel and then just go DO IT.

As for the CDC, of course they are going to cover their asses. They can't very well say "absolutely NO risk," and then have 1 of a billion people turn up with it now can they? Your odds of getting hit by lightening are likely greater than your risk of getting HIV from going down on a woman.

I don't know this Andy person, have never heard of him, and yet still I think he's full of ****. Homosexuality and bisexuality may have become somewhat more acceptable in females (and likely only because heterosexual men like to watch it). However, men still get a totally raw deal and it's not a huge leap of imagination to acknowledge that people would lie to escape the stigma and risk of admitting to having sexual relationships with other men. That's why there is so much variance in all of the studies you find - self report measures are always a bit sketchy and people want to appear "good" on them, so the tendency is to deny all sorts of risky behavior.

I've had both long and short term relationships with men and women all of my life, and I've never ONCE worried about contracting HIV from being with a woman. STDs? Sure. HIV, no. It simply doesn't happen.

After having said all of that, I still do strongly believe that at this point you should be tested. For your own mental health. Just do it, Michelle, you'll feel so much better after you have *proof* that you can't vascillate over. Then you can begin to get on with your life and deal with your feelings over having been with someone other than your husband.
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"I've never ONCE worried about contracting HIV from being with a woman. STDs? Sure. HIV, no. It simply doesn't happen.

What are you smoking? That is one big fallacy that you better get educated on. You can't be for real. I don't even believe you made such a remark.

  http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/women/resources/factsheets/women.htm
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Teak, I think you've said going down on a girl carries no risk...
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(orientated is a woman).
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Excuse me? Yes, of course women can get and spread HIV. That wasn't my point.

The chances of contracting HIV from getting or receiving cunnilingus is negligible - to - zero. With the exception perhaps of the mysterious "Andy" and his letter claiming doom by going down on his gf, I've never even heard of one case where a woman has gotten HIV by going down on another girl (or by having said girl perform oral on her).

Therefore, when I have sex with a woman - which (since I am a woman) always includes some combination of hand/mouth coordination and use - I don't walk around afterwards in fear of having contracted HIV.

Now...if some elaborate and unforeseeable scenario unfolded where perhaps a grenade fell on me while I had my head between a girlfriend's legs and my jaw exploded, and the bone fragments cut through her skin and she bled on my partially destroyed face...or maybe if she got her period while I was fingering her and I had just sliced my hand while cutting a bagel, well then you could be absolutely certain that I would have some serious concerns and definitely get tested at 12 weeks.

But concerns about cunnilingus or hand play with a clean partner who has no bleeding or open wounds when I have neither of those things?

No. I'm not losing sleep over it.
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Thank you all for your kind words, compassion and reassurance you have all shown me.  It really is quite difficult when you get conflicting reports like this one saying on one hand yes it is risky and on another hand no it isn't risky like the post I received from Andy (and no it wasn't Andy Velez)  He's been absolutly wonderful and has not only been very caring, but understanding man too.  I know deep down, I'm probably not infected by HIV and then this creeps into my head when someone as cruel posts these comments to me.  You just don't know who to believe.  I know this statistics are from the USA, but what about South Africa, as that is where I'm from?  I suppose the guilt is making me feel even worse and maybe I should just go and have the test done, put this all behind me as a fantasy I've lived out and enjoy my life.  Rapirod, I read the fact sheet that you Jaguar83, but it also states that HIV transmission through woman is more risky if they're injecting drugs, so if I've never done anything like this before then obviously I should be okay?  

This is what someone posted to me:
If you read the cdc report that the respondent links to you can see it says:
- here are no confirmed cases of female-to-female sexual transmission of HIV in the United States database
- Of the 534 (of 7,381) women who were reported to have had sex only with women, 91% also had another risk factor—typically, injection drug use.  So assuming all of this - no drug injection, no blood - NO RISK?

I really do value all of your comments - helps me sleep a little easier at night and not feel too guilty when I look into my husbands eyes!
A BIG THANK YOU TO YOU ALL!
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Hey Michelle -
I'm glad that you are sounding/feeling a bit better. I continue to think that (a) you need to get a test - purely for your own sense of well-being and further (b) you need to get a test so that you can then begin to process the anxiety/guilt you have over having been with someone other than your husband.

That's really the issue here, you know? You infringed upon that trust and now you seem stuck in a place where all of your energy is being diverted to the fear of having contracted something (that is almost impossible given what you've shared) instead of the equally difficult task of examining yourself and your own behavior and finding a way to mediate and forgive that transgression. You said that this encounter happened 6 months ago. It's time to move forward chica, get tested and then work on the deeper issues that are disturbing you regarding what happened and "why." For what it's worth it's possible your husband would be far more willing to forgive an encounter with a woman...but who knows? I'm more concerned about you forgiving yourself and getting back to your life, and your marriage and identifying any areas of that relationship that might need some heartfelt effort and examination in order for you to be more peaceful and happy.

As for the CDC stats - remember, many people who are IV drug users or engaging in other risky behaviors are not going to tend to be completely forthright on response for a multitude of reasons - fear of stigma, denial, etc. In addition, female to female sexuality is broad and encompasses many situations.  Some of which are far outside of the realm of what *most* of us find enjoyable/erotic. If a partner is biting to draw blood, etc., or one of them is inserting their entire hand into the other and running the risk of tear/abrasion - well then sure, I suppose it's conceivable that they could then infect each other...but more mainstream activities between women only? I can't see that happening.

All of life contains "theoretical risks," but that doesn't mean that these things actually occur. Although I agree that sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the "maybe," and "what if?" pattern of thinking, especially where there is guilt involved (as too often there is where sexuality is concerned). I get weekly to biweekly infusions of a plasma product for the past 10 years. "Theoretically" there is a risk of HIV or Hep infection with each infusion, yet NO ONE has contracted either thing from that med since 1987. Did I worry about it? Sure. For the first few times and then I realized that "theoretical risks" are ridiculous conjectures. Every time we walk out of the house we run the risk of being hit by a car, or falling and breaking our skulls. But we don't sequester ourselves in our beds because of it.

And the likelihood of either of those things is higher than the probability of you catching AIDS by having oral sex with a woman, or me catching it from my meds.

Get tested sweetie, and move on. Do it for yourself. You deserve the peace of mind.

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I like you orientated; you are brash and to the point. And when you said getting or receiving did you mean *giving* or receiving cunni?
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Just get tested!!!!  There is nothing wrong with what you did.  You explored some fantasy with another woman.  Big deal.  Tell your husband, he will probably want to watch next time..... :)

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Thank you orientatedx3, Jaguar83 and Dumbo for your comments and reassurance - it's so nice to see there are people out there that care and are willing to share their expierences, fears and hopes.  I suppose what it boils down to is probably guilt for doing it and not the HIV scare as much as I think it couldn't or shouldn't really happen.  When this encounter happened ... I'd had far too much to drink, one thing lead to another and since I've never been with a woman - the fantasy was quite overwhelming and I was so naive at the moment.  What kept going through my mind was that I wasn't cheating on my husband with another man and this is something I've wanted to try for a very long time and I really didn't think HIV was a concern.  Hence that I never used any dental dams for oral sex.  Then a week later I read that someone had contracted HIV through oral sex and my mind went into overdrive and fear.  I love my husband dearly ... often wish I could turn back the clock and everytime I look at him, I feel totally desparate and sorry for what I've done.  Unfortunatly he's quite the possesive type, so I'm not sure he'll take to this encounter in a happy way!  I know this is something I'm going to have to work through - both the fear, guilt and love but it is so difficult when I look at him and think 'what if!'

With everything that I've read, I know it's on a theoratical risk but do you really know if there have been any documented cases of HIV transmission via oral sex between two woman?  And I'm not talking about in the USA as I live in South Africa?  I appreciate all your help guys and the time you take to answer all my questions.
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Shut up and get tested. Stop posting here until you do. You're repeating the same things over and over and over again and it obviously isn't working for you. Confessing to a bunch of worried wells is not your answer. Frankly, that's grreat that you love your husband so much or whatever but it doesn't mean anything to this forum. Get tested, tell your husband, get the F on with your life.
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Thanks for you honest advise and I'm going to try and get tested as soon as I can - just need to find out where they do it as I'm quite isolated here were I live.  I'm sorry to keep going on and on about this, but I guess I keep looking for reassurance that all will be okay!
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what was the outcome of the test?
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what was the outcome of the test?
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Who you talking to? Look at the date of this thread.
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to the original poster.. most of these people or these forums dont ever post what the test results were..
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They aren't going to post 4 years later either.
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