Overwhelmed with fear

[WorriedMama929]

I totally realize that the only way of knowing 100% is to be tested and I am trying to work up the courage. The fear for me is beyond numbing. About 9 years ago I was in a long lasting relationship with someone who I later found out had gone to prostitutes. He was not a drug user but had had sex with prostitutes. Although he was older, I was young and honestly (stupid as it may be) my only concern was ending the relationship and I had never been tested for HIV. Fast forward 5 yrs later, I got married (to someone else obviously!) and shortly after got pregnant and gave birth to a healthy baby girl, still never had a concern. Fast forward 2 years later I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. After I had him I had an icky eczema like rash on my scalp and when I looked online I found what it was called and  it had mentioned it was common with people who have hiv. Now I totally realize that 90% of aliments also say this but it got me to worrying and I googled other symptoms and it spoke of how shortly after getting HIV you get fever, night sweats, swollen glands etc. I have been worried sick since then because it made remember that when I was with that guy 9 yrs ago that I had gotten really sick with a bad fever, tired, badly swollen neck glands and night sweats.(at the time I thought it was just sore throat and I had an infected tooth) I have been left paralyzed in fear.

We recently found out my husband is being deployed with the military and I have been under so much stress and I started to break out in this eczema like rash again. (my scalp, my forehead and in between my fingers) I am so scared. I know I need to find the courage to go get tested, I am just so scared. There has not been a day gone by that I do not worry about this for the last two years. I know my husband is hiv negative because he is tested with the military. I do not believe I was never tested while pregnant because I never had to sign a consent form for it. I have spoke to my husband about my fear and I think he thinks I am over reacting. I do not even want to go to the doctors for little things like that rash because I so scared.

I am so sorry if this is rambling, I am just terrified. I have lived with this fear for 2 yrs now and I cannot even sleep at night worrying. I have tried to build up the courage a dozen times to buy a test and I crumble every time. I would be so grateful for others opinions and experiences. Thank you so much for your time.

Do the symptoms that I have sound like something that someone with HIV would have after 9 yrs? P

[me21ddd]

We're glad to hear that.

[WorriedMama929]

I just wanted to say thank you for the advice you all gave. I got my test results today. I am HIV negative. :)

[Teak]

No longer do you have to sign a consent form. Verbal is sufficient.

[WorriedMama929]

To the best of my knowledge I do not think the state I like in does mandatory testing when pregnant, I had looked it up before when I was first worried. And since I never signed a consent form I assume I hadn't. I guess I could call my midwife and ask if I was tested. Thank you all so much for your input. I sincerely appreciate your time.

[kumar007]

you definitely would have been tested while you are pregnant..its common procedure

[WorriedMama929]

I know I just need to take the plunge and buy a test. I have tried so many times, but my fear over comes me. With the stress from the deployment I have had the dry blotchy skin on my face and some on my scalp and it just start the terrible, terrible cycle of fear again.

[Miguel513]

Trust me theres nothing more scary than not knowing where you stand. Im sure you're 100 neg! Get a test and you know I am right!

[kumar007]

it is a common procedure to be tested for hiv while being pregnant..i am sure your doctor did it as a routine blood test along with others

[Teak]

NO.