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Please help me assess my risk. Sick with worry! - Teak Etc..
Dear All, I would be immensely grateful for any advice you can give with regards to my HIV risk assessment, as I am scheduled for an HIV test in 5 days time and am just so sick with worry and fear over possible exposures over the last 3.5 years.
My last checkup was in May 2011 for which I was negative. Since then I have acted totally out of character, had an issue with alcohol which I have given up now, and went through a divorce in 2011 so I was in a very bad patch in life till recently. I feel TREMENDOUS guilt and anxiety over my behaviour and am feeling nothing short of terrified over my upcoming test. Can barely function and so not proud of my actions.
Here is what has happened since then over the 3.5 years, if you can kindly address each "exposure" would be appreciated. I always used Trojan Ultra Thin condoms and never had any sores or visible STD symptoms on my penis (uncircumcised).
1. Had condom protected sex with two girls I met at a bar in Bangkok. I do not think they were prostitutes as such, they seemed normal. With one of them I had unprotected blow job. I checked the condoms after they were not broken and cleaned up after.
2. Had protected sex with a girl I knew, but the condom broke and I replaced it right away. She said she was clean and in 6 months she took up job in Dubai where they test for HIV and was clean, so I guess no issue there.
3. Had sex with condom with about 7 escorts (saw a few of them a couple of times) in Dubai over the next two years, few of whom I met at some upscale bars. Condom was always used and intact at the end of the session, but I did receive unprotected oral from some of them. They said they were clean but who knows right.
4. Back in Bangkok I engaged the services of two CSW I met who seemed upper class, on Russian and one Thai. Used condoms for both and were intact. With the Russian I was so drunk by the time we got home at 1 PM that I went to sleep and woke up and then had sex with her with condom but unprotected oral with ejaculaton in her mouth. I asked her if we had sex at night and she said no as I couldn't get an erection which would make sense at my level of intoxication. With the Thai CSW we had condom protected sex and she seemed to keep checking to make sure the condom was intact she was worried of it breaking. But to my horror I noticed that she just got her period and there was blood on the condom and around genitial area, so I carefully took off the condom in a tissue. Then the CSW said she was sorry and took a tissue to clean my penis (after condom was removed) and I think the tissue had a few drops of blood from my groin area and told her STOP! The tissue touched the tip of my penis, do you think I could have been infected like that from the tissue paper if the blood was slightly fresh there? I immediately went to the shower and cleaned myself off taking care not to let any blood touch my penis. I asked her if she was clean and she said she was and gets tested every 3-4 months, she was from Singapore on visit to Thailand.
5. Next year I dated a few girls in Dubai and always used condoms which didn't break. They did unprotected oral on me and I did unprotected oral on them as well. They said they were clean when asked.
6. Last year on a trip to Bangkok again (bad idea), I had a curiosity to be with a TS and ended up going to a bar, not drunk, and took one for 1/2 hour. She showered and then we both put on condoms and gave each other oral. This is was my first and last time with a TS. I never came and she didn't have a full erection but she came anyhow. The condom tasted awful (was first time) and then she came.. Still bad taste there and then we cleaned up and I left. No anal or anything. Later I was thinking what if the taste was her cum or something, I was thinking as I was sucking and stroking her penis maybe the cum leaked down and then came on my hand and into my mouth as I was finishing stroking.. Is there a risk here if her ejaculate got into my mouth this way? Mind is really going haywire with thoughts and scenarios...I didn't have any sores or anything and reasonable gums.
I know the only way to know is to test which I am doing but I just need your advice on risk here as I am going crazy with fear, have been seeing Aids movies, reading all over the net etc. Just a sorry state of affairs.
Not that it means anything but I never had any ARS symptoms in the last 3.5 years and my health is good in general and I rarely get sick.And luckily my condoms never broke. But still scared about chances of catching HIV and the unprotected orals I received from women and gave them, and the TS as well.
I also have another question, if a CSW takes ejaculate in her mouth does it mean she is likely infected? Lot of them use condoms but some don't use condoms when doing oral which scared me as well.
I would appreciate anyone who can reply with my risk assessment, I am going crazy and where I live I cannot discuss this with anyone :(
Thank you in advance, and I learnt my lesson esp about alcohol as I blacked out a few times but luckily never woke up with anyone and was clothed.
My last checkup was in May 2011 for which I was negative. Since then I have acted totally out of character, had an issue with alcohol which I have given up now, and went through a divorce in 2011 so I was in a very bad patch in life till recently. I feel TREMENDOUS guilt and anxiety over my behaviour and am feeling nothing short of terrified over my upcoming test. Can barely function and so not proud of my actions.
Here is what has happened since then over the 3.5 years, if you can kindly address each "exposure" would be appreciated. I always used Trojan Ultra Thin condoms and never had any sores or visible STD symptoms on my penis (uncircumcised).
1. Had condom protected sex with two girls I met at a bar in Bangkok. I do not think they were prostitutes as such, they seemed normal. With one of them I had unprotected blow job. I checked the condoms after they were not broken and cleaned up after.
2. Had protected sex with a girl I knew, but the condom broke and I replaced it right away. She said she was clean and in 6 months she took up job in Dubai where they test for HIV and was clean, so I guess no issue there.
3. Had sex with condom with about 7 escorts (saw a few of them a couple of times) in Dubai over the next two years, few of whom I met at some upscale bars. Condom was always used and intact at the end of the session, but I did receive unprotected oral from some of them. They said they were clean but who knows right.
4. Back in Bangkok I engaged the services of two CSW I met who seemed upper class, on Russian and one Thai. Used condoms for both and were intact. With the Russian I was so drunk by the time we got home at 1 PM that I went to sleep and woke up and then had sex with her with condom but unprotected oral with ejaculaton in her mouth. I asked her if we had sex at night and she said no as I couldn't get an erection which would make sense at my level of intoxication. With the Thai CSW we had condom protected sex and she seemed to keep checking to make sure the condom was intact she was worried of it breaking. But to my horror I noticed that she just got her period and there was blood on the condom and around genitial area, so I carefully took off the condom in a tissue. Then the CSW said she was sorry and took a tissue to clean my penis (after condom was removed) and I think the tissue had a few drops of blood from my groin area and told her STOP! The tissue touched the tip of my penis, do you think I could have been infected like that from the tissue paper if the blood was slightly fresh there? I immediately went to the shower and cleaned myself off taking care not to let any blood touch my penis. I asked her if she was clean and she said she was and gets tested every 3-4 months, she was from Singapore on visit to Thailand.
5. Next year I dated a few girls in Dubai and always used condoms which didn't break. They did unprotected oral on me and I did unprotected oral on them as well. They said they were clean when asked.
6. Last year on a trip to Bangkok again (bad idea), I had a curiosity to be with a TS and ended up going to a bar, not drunk, and took one for 1/2 hour. She showered and then we both put on condoms and gave each other oral. This is was my first and last time with a TS. I never came and she didn't have a full erection but she came anyhow. The condom tasted awful (was first time) and then she came.. Still bad taste there and then we cleaned up and I left. No anal or anything. Later I was thinking what if the taste was her cum or something, I was thinking as I was sucking and stroking her penis maybe the cum leaked down and then came on my hand and into my mouth as I was finishing stroking.. Is there a risk here if her ejaculate got into my mouth this way? Mind is really going haywire with thoughts and scenarios...I didn't have any sores or anything and reasonable gums.
I know the only way to know is to test which I am doing but I just need your advice on risk here as I am going crazy with fear, have been seeing Aids movies, reading all over the net etc. Just a sorry state of affairs.
Not that it means anything but I never had any ARS symptoms in the last 3.5 years and my health is good in general and I rarely get sick.And luckily my condoms never broke. But still scared about chances of catching HIV and the unprotected orals I received from women and gave them, and the TS as well.
I also have another question, if a CSW takes ejaculate in her mouth does it mean she is likely infected? Lot of them use condoms but some don't use condoms when doing oral which scared me as well.
I would appreciate anyone who can reply with my risk assessment, I am going crazy and where I live I cannot discuss this with anyone :(
Thank you in advance, and I learnt my lesson esp about alcohol as I blacked out a few times but luckily never woke up with anyone and was clothed.
And how about the tissue paper with blood touching my penis? Worried about that too
hi Vance thanks for your reply. The broken conform girl is negative confirmed. You don't see any risk from other exposures even if the ts ejaculate got in my mouth .. Probably didn't but still ... Thank you so much
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