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Possible HIV Exposure - Need Some Advice
by Marins, Jul 26, 2007 11:47PM
Two nights ago I engaged in the most riskiest of HIV transmission acts (I am a male and my partner is too). I received unprotected anal sex. Forgetting about how that came about, since I can't change it, of course thinking about the general risks it has had me stressed out since then.
Some more information and background:
When I had my first M2M experiece, I was at as close to 0% risk as possible, but the following 2 weeks I was very stressed out. As time went on, it went away, and about 7 months later I had an HIV test (I did not have sex with any partner during that time) and it came back negative, which at that time I expected.
About 2 years ago I went through a similar situation where I gave oral to completion for the first time. And just as I mentioned previously, went through the same stress, went about 8 months without sex with a partner and tested negative which by that time is what I expected.
Which leads to now. I had unprotected anal sex (receiving). Now we had talked about sex, stds, hiv, etc. and assuming he was as honest with me as I was with him there was no risk. But that's the problem, and just like my other two episodes, I was told the same thing, specifically my partner was clean, std free, hiv negative, and recently tested (I do understand the window so even a recent negative test is not 100% accurate of someones status). After the episode we talked some more and at least I was told what I wanted to hear, meaning based on his history, sexual activity, testing status and frequency, etc. there is nothing that alarmed me or should make me thing otherwise - except how can I trust he was being honest? Specifically, he is divorced (a few years ago), 3 children, he is not out (like me) and he is an oral top. He does not (from what he said and what we did) let a guy *** in his mouth and does not receive anal, so it does appear he is safe in his exposure. But he did give me anal and enjaculated while in there. I have no reason not to believe his status, etc. but again, there is no way to be certain.
So I am going through the same emotions as my first episode and at this point I am very hopeful that my test will come back negative, but this is where I am looking for advice.
1) Let's assume he was HIV+. What is the real risk / statistic that based on a single encounter I would become positive? I have done a lot of searches on the net and come up with a ton of answers, and most, that seem to be factual based so to speak are several years old. So I really would like to know the worst case scenario.
2) I have had the antibody test and always waited at least 6 months since that seems to be the end of the window in the worst case (last tested negative in June, last sexual encounter with a partner was November 2006, so enough time had passed to be confident of my results). I know there are RNA/DNA tests - but what is the earliest I can get tested, what specific test would I need, to be as close to 100% certain I do not have HIV?
3) Along the same note as the last question, what is the earliest I can get tested for the more common STDs to make sure the results are 100% accurate? I know they would not guarantee an HIV result, but from what I have read, if all STD tests come back negative, it is in my favor, in that my chance of having HIV is lower. And the opposite is true in that if I have an STD the odds are not in my favor in regard to my HIV status. But again, I know STD results don't indicate HIV results but does give a general idea.
Now the guy I had been with, and we spoke quite a bit since then, keeps insisting and assuring me he is 100% clean, it was totally safe, I have nothing to worry about and as I was initially looking for, he is looking for a mutual (exclusive) sex partner and wants that to be me. He also said if he knew how much this would have affected me he would have used a condom the first time and would be more than happy to use one going forward. Now I have no honest being with him again, despite my feelings, and I am not sure what to take about his comments, because again, he could just be telling me what I want to hear to get me back to his place.
So I am not expecting a magic answer that will tell me if I am positive or not, but I am looking for sane advice to understand what the real possibilities are, how much risk I put myself at, and most importantly how soon can I get both STD and HIV tests and be confident with those results.
Some more information and background:
When I had my first M2M experiece, I was at as close to 0% risk as possible, but the following 2 weeks I was very stressed out. As time went on, it went away, and about 7 months later I had an HIV test (I did not have sex with any partner during that time) and it came back negative, which at that time I expected.
About 2 years ago I went through a similar situation where I gave oral to completion for the first time. And just as I mentioned previously, went through the same stress, went about 8 months without sex with a partner and tested negative which by that time is what I expected.
Which leads to now. I had unprotected anal sex (receiving). Now we had talked about sex, stds, hiv, etc. and assuming he was as honest with me as I was with him there was no risk. But that's the problem, and just like my other two episodes, I was told the same thing, specifically my partner was clean, std free, hiv negative, and recently tested (I do understand the window so even a recent negative test is not 100% accurate of someones status). After the episode we talked some more and at least I was told what I wanted to hear, meaning based on his history, sexual activity, testing status and frequency, etc. there is nothing that alarmed me or should make me thing otherwise - except how can I trust he was being honest? Specifically, he is divorced (a few years ago), 3 children, he is not out (like me) and he is an oral top. He does not (from what he said and what we did) let a guy *** in his mouth and does not receive anal, so it does appear he is safe in his exposure. But he did give me anal and enjaculated while in there. I have no reason not to believe his status, etc. but again, there is no way to be certain.
So I am going through the same emotions as my first episode and at this point I am very hopeful that my test will come back negative, but this is where I am looking for advice.
1) Let's assume he was HIV+. What is the real risk / statistic that based on a single encounter I would become positive? I have done a lot of searches on the net and come up with a ton of answers, and most, that seem to be factual based so to speak are several years old. So I really would like to know the worst case scenario.
2) I have had the antibody test and always waited at least 6 months since that seems to be the end of the window in the worst case (last tested negative in June, last sexual encounter with a partner was November 2006, so enough time had passed to be confident of my results). I know there are RNA/DNA tests - but what is the earliest I can get tested, what specific test would I need, to be as close to 100% certain I do not have HIV?
3) Along the same note as the last question, what is the earliest I can get tested for the more common STDs to make sure the results are 100% accurate? I know they would not guarantee an HIV result, but from what I have read, if all STD tests come back negative, it is in my favor, in that my chance of having HIV is lower. And the opposite is true in that if I have an STD the odds are not in my favor in regard to my HIV status. But again, I know STD results don't indicate HIV results but does give a general idea.
Now the guy I had been with, and we spoke quite a bit since then, keeps insisting and assuring me he is 100% clean, it was totally safe, I have nothing to worry about and as I was initially looking for, he is looking for a mutual (exclusive) sex partner and wants that to be me. He also said if he knew how much this would have affected me he would have used a condom the first time and would be more than happy to use one going forward. Now I have no honest being with him again, despite my feelings, and I am not sure what to take about his comments, because again, he could just be telling me what I want to hear to get me back to his place.
So I am not expecting a magic answer that will tell me if I am positive or not, but I am looking for sane advice to understand what the real possibilities are, how much risk I put myself at, and most importantly how soon can I get both STD and HIV tests and be confident with those results.
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As far as testing, you may want to test at 6 weeks and then confirm at 12/ 13 weeks.
Good luck!
But I still can't help but think about the overall risk and some of the what-ifs (i.e. he is positive and just not telling me, he is positive but doesn't know, etc).
He even made a comment to me, that I later verified indicating that is someone knowingly has HIV and does not disclose this to a potenital partner and/or does not do everything to protect against transmission, at least in my state, it is a crime and punishable by law. I never heard of that but thinking back to him just mentioning it also puts me a bit more at ease that he really is being truthful with me.
STOP COMING HERE. Stop coming to any website that has anything to do with HIV. Stop reading about it. You will gain NOTHING. There are people trapped here (by their own paranoia, guilt, fear, and anxiety) and cannot move on with their lives despite testing. Some are too afraid to test.
They post every day the "what ifs" and the "buts". Its a sickness.
Take a test at 6 weeks, if you want. You should be highly encouraged. Take another at 3 months--it will be conclusive and you can trust that result 100%. Thats all you can do. And use condoms for anal sex. Don't beat yourself up, don't give in to the fear and paranoia that accompanies having and enjoying sex.
STOP READING ABOUT HIV AND STOP COMING TO ANY HIV RELATED WEBSITE. Don't give me any "It helps my anxiety". Its like scratching poison ivy...it feels good for a minute, but makes the ugly rash spread and worsen.
Best of luck. I hope you listen to me.
Plus, I have no life. *winks*