Posted this on a forum before I realized I really just want to hear what you have to say.

11 days ago I had sex with a married man in an open relationship.  I am in one, as well.  I had a prescheduled physical with routine testing scheduled five days later.   I had made sure more than once that he was wearing a condom--but last night one came out of me!  ACK!!!  After my original heart failure and freakout I contacted him--and he was somewhat evasive about when the thing came off (so long dude).  I also found out that unlike many within the community that we mingle, he has NOT had regular testing, though claims to donate blood and to have had a limited number of partners over the past several years.  I insisted that he go to his physician and get tested IMMEDIATELY, but in the meantime, I am terribly concerned about STD risks.  I have an IUD, but also always use condoms with other partners.  My husband thinks that he probably lost his condom after I squirted and then didn't have the sense to get another one back on.  Now I am thinking that I am going to have to be even MORE careful about my partners--and make sure that I see the condom at the end of the activities--just in case!

What is my risk at this point and is there anything more I can be doing?

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Welcome to the Forum.  I have reviewed your earlier interactions on the Community site and hope that my comments will add to them.  The key to open relationships is being truthful and acting responsibly.  The partner of concern is not acting responsibly, both in terms of the way he avoided your direct questions and the fact that he said he donates blood to get himself checked- donating blood for this purpose is an example of irresponsible, uncaring behavior.  I certainly would be most careful around him in the future.

As far as your risks, the issue is really whether or not the condom came off during intercourse or as he was exiting.  Odds are it came off during sex since it stayed in place.  When condoms come off as people exit, they tend to be found hanging half out-half in.  Given the questionable nature of this guy and that he condom most likely came off during sex, your best bet is to get checked, mostly for the "usual: STDs like gonorrhea, chlamydia and trich.  Syphilis as quite rare and unlikely.  HIV is more common but still unlikely but a test at about 8 weeks is probably a good idea.

Hope these comments are helpful to you.   EWH

[Usually_Careful]

Fortunately he is cooperating with getting tested from what I can tell, so hopefully I will have better answers sooner than 8 weeks from now.  Seeing as I know exactly where he lives and where he likes to hang out when he likes to socialize, he has a high incentive to cooperate.  Still, this has been a horrible experience and trust me, I will have nothing more to do with him after I have the results in my hands & trust me, I learned from this!  Hopefully nothing else bad will come of it and I will only have a very icky and scary memory and no other "souvenirs."

[Usually_Careful]

So far so good--but his stupid doctor told him that he didn't have to test him for chlamydia or gonorrhea, so I have no results for those and was unknowingly tested TWO DAYS inside the window--What the???

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Not sure what you mean that he was tested 2 days inside the window.  could you please clarify?  EWH

[Usually_Careful]

A related discussion, Two days was started.