If you believe you have been exposed to HIV and want help to judge your risk, would like advice about HIV testing, or have questions about the effectiveness of condoms or risks associated with specific sexual practices, this is the site for you.
1. I am the dumbest person alive
2. I made one mistake that I am never going to do again for the rest of my life, and I am also going to regret it until the day I die…here is the story (as brief as I can make it)….
I am a heterosexual male in his mid 30s, married for 3 years with no kids. I am well educated, and have always been the “smart one” when it comes to refraining from nonsensical activities. I am a resident of New York, and was out on the west coast (San Francisco) for business when I went to a “massage parlor”. Generally, I know that these parlors usually involve a massage (which is what I actually wanted) and (possibly) a happy ending (which I wouldn’t have minded, but honestly didn’t care either way).
Long story short, I get there, and things start getting interesting. I start getting a massage, and the girl start rubbing my stuff from behind, and then starts licking my anus. Obviously, it was arousing. The next thing I knew, I was flipped over and she was sucking me. Now, if you are a guy, and everyone knows as well as I do, it is extremely hard to stop someone that is doing that…however, I managed to stop it after about 10 seconds. The next thing I know, she puts a condom on, and jumps on top of me without asking (yes, I am telling the truth…however, I am not completely innocent, I couldn’t have easily stopped her….again, very hard to do). After about (I would say…30 seconds or so, I finished, inside her, with the condom on). Condom came off, I paid, I left…
After leaving, my guilty conscience started (as well as the fear of having contracting something). I then immediately went to the ER and told the doctor what happened. At that point, I was given some strong antibiotics and tested for Herpes, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and something else what I could not recall. (Just for the record, that swab they give you for the testing...Wow...that hurt like hell!) The doctor advised, however, that he could not test for HIV due to the fact that I would need counseling, etc.
A few days later, I called in for my tests, and everything was negative (thank God!). About 2 weeks (10 days) after the “contact”, I then took one of those take home HIV test…negative. The week after that (last week) I took one that my doctor administered (I was scheduled for my yearly physical anyway)…negative. It’s been about 24 days since my encounter, and I have not been able to sleep, and when I do sleep, I keep having nightmares about infecting my wife, ruining my life, and basically killing myself in the event that I have contracted a deadly which I could spread to my family from one stupid encounter that would never happen again!
I have had no symptoms since except for a small canker sore in my mouth, which has subsequently healed (I think it may have been a result of “pinching” or something during a dental cleaning).
So, now I spend all my times reading up on this, and everything I have done appears to be low risk. However, I can’t help but feel that I need to be punished for what I did, and I should not be allowed to get away with this. I should discuss with my wife, but I can’t let this once incident that I am never going to do again ruin the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. It’s also going to kill me if I have to wait another 6 months to “be in the clear” … At this point, I will be taking tests every week or so… Should I continue? When should I stop getting tested?
Please give one stupid individual some advice before I wind up doing something stupid….
While I know this is a very serious disease, I was “protected”, and I really hate my childhood inner city school public education and the media for making me paranoid…
As long as the condom was effective there was no risk and 3 mnths is conclusive not 6. Its understandable for you to be cautious, especially when you have another persons health in mind. You don't sound as if you had a risk, however condoms do not read to be 100 % effective all of the time, so while you are probably fine, without knowing how effective your condom usage was, I would only say you have a very low risk of disease.
Quote from BatsiTown: " I finished, inside her, with the condom on." He had no risk and didn't need to test.
Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Including HIV Infection, Latex condoms, when used consistently and correctly, are highly effective in preventing the sexual transmission of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. In addition, consistent and correct use of latex condoms reduces the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including diseases transmitted by genital secretions, and to a lesser degree, genital ulcer diseases. Condom use may reduce the risk for genital human papillomavirus (HPV) infection and HPV-associated diseases, e.g., genital warts and cervical cancer.
Laboratory studies have demonstrated that latex condoms provide an essentially impermeable barrier to particles the size of STD pathogens.
Condom breaks catastrophically. You will know if your condom fails as your penis will be barely expose where the condom splits to half. If there's a pin hole and etc... automatically the condom will split to half during sexual intercourse.
yes that maybe true but still it doesn't account for misuse even when they don't break, he asked if there was any risk........
condom use cannot provide absolute protection against HIV.
The surest way to avoid transmission of HIV is to abstain from sexual intercourse or to be in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who has been tested and you know is uninfected.
Even when no slippage or breakage is noticed a small percent of women still have detectable amounts of sperm inside them.
Condoms aren't even 100% effective when used perfectly and most people do NOT use them perfectly.
They are about 85% effective with typical use, there are many causes of condom failure and not only for catastrophic breakage.
I have become pregnant twice with condoms as my exclusive use of birth control!!
I am not going to continue this debate of cindom usage, this is an opinion forum and it is in my opinion from personal experience and fact that it not correct to say a condom provides somone to be completley risk free.
To the person asking the question, I am sure you are FINE, however is not a bad idea to cover yourself when in dount and you have a partner that is in the dark about your other sexual activities.So that s my OPINION. DONE
Now I am definitely confused. The anxiety over this is going to lead me to a mental breakdown and/or worse. I always understand that there is "some” risk regarding any inherently dangerous activity (ie, there is a one in 500,000 chance of dying in a motorcycle crash) and there is never 100% certainty with anything. What is done is done, and if one stupid mistake is going to ruin the rest of my life, then I'll have to handle it (although that would just be extremely horrific). Obviously, no matter how trusted the sources may be (and believe me, I do appreciate the help), I will not be happy untl I receive a test after 3 months, and (eventually after 6 months) telling me I am in the clear and I have nothing more to worry about.... that is just the person that I am.
However, what I really want clarification on is my CURRENT situation at hand, becuase I cannot reverse time and undo what has already been done. So, I guess what I want to know is 1) How accurate is a test after 4 weeks? 2) Is the fact that I have not shown any real symptoms to date a good sign? (ie. does this mean I have a, lets say 90% chance of everything being on the up and up; 3) Considering the fact that I am obsessing about this, is there any way that I can know, with 100% certainty of my condition without having to wait another 5 months? 4) Have there been any cases of anyone contracting HIV in this way? (Although I know that the data may be skewed in some way because others may not have been in this "exact" situation; and 5) If you were to bet on it/roll the dice, (and getting to the source) what are the probable chances that the prostitute would have been positive int he first place?
Thanks again for the help, and a Happy Thanksgiving to all! You know what I will be thinking about...
Hey , I am sorry you are confused but I am just trying to give you the facts and be honest. All you have to do is go to the CDC website and read about condom effectiveness or ask your doctor. You will see the same things I said. Many of my statements were from the CDC website. I want you to be safe thats all. sorry if some of the others feel its a malicious intent to mislead you. I have no reason for that.
I hear ya, no worries though. If the others had read what I said they would have seen I said if you used it properly you're ok, and its sounds as if you did! I was just trying to give you condoms facts. Sadly I can allow myself to get on debates and don't realize it might freak you out. But I understand sometimes you need what you need to get piece of mind and thats ok too! Very normal.Don't beat yourself up ,we all make mistakes.
Teak, I hate to keep harping on this, but I had another quick question. I have been anxious and depressed for days. Today, I feel like crap. I am getting numbness and tingling all over my body, and I was light-headed all morning (where at one point I thought I was going to faint at work). I’m also having hot flashes, but not really a fever. I have been taking anti-depressants (ativan/lunesta for sleep) for the last few weeks, and stopped over the last few days. I know that you said I was not at risk for HIV, and I can accept that; however, do you think that there could be any other STDs that I could have acquired that are causing these symptoms. I am also having difficulty concentrating, but there is nothing visible on my body to indicate anything (bumps, rashes, etc). Please advise. Thanks!
Here is a quote from Dr. Handsfield (STD Expert Forum):
"properly used condoms are probably just about 100% protective against gonorrhea, chalmydia, and HIV"
There is a VERY low risk for STDs that are transmitted by skin contact (herpes, syphilis). Please take further questions on STDs to the STD forum.
My final suggestion is that you seek a mental health professional to help you work through your guilt if you haven't already. Your anxiety over this situation is your primary health concern, not the negligible STD risk associated with condom-protected sex.
well, im in a similar situation as yours but i aint that innocent :(
why isnt anyone talking about the PCR DNA testing for HIV which can be taken after 28 days fro 99% accurate
at least a Negative result means 100% negative and out of danger, a positive may be a false positive with a chance of 1% but still we can count on the negative result, right ?
im planning on it but still weighing the options :|
The HIV-1 DNA by PCR test does not look for the antibodies for HIV but instead looks directly for the proviral DNA. The complex HIV-1 PCR test is 99% accurate at 28 days or more from a suspected contact or exposure. Some people may be detectable earlier. The HIV-1 DNA by PCR test has been an industry standard test in high risk professions for many years. This test may detect the presence of HIV before seroconversion. Turnaround time is typically 2-5 business days for the HIV-1 PCR. The HIV-1 Abs test is performed at the same time as the HIV-1 PCR test.
Yes you are totally missing something. PCR-DNA tests are not approved to diagnose HIV infection. These tests are used by physicians to monitor their patients who have already tested positive for HIV antibodies. Viral Load tests are very costly and have never been approved by the FDA for HIV status diagnosis because of the possibility of false-positive and false-negative results. Therefore, they should not be used to determine if one is HIV-positive.
you said the docs say
properly used condoms are probably just about 100% protective against gonorrhea, chalmydia, and HIV"
then why on the condom box does it say 4 out of 100 women get pregnant with condom use??
Is the sperm that gets you pregnant smaller than the viruses of these STDS and HIV??
Why on so many contraception educational info, theres a perfect use effective column and a typical use column?
Because sadly most people don't use them perfectly .
Anyway that just bothers me the whole 100% effective argument, I mean even the condom companies can't promise that and neither do most doctors or the CDC website!!!!
Effectiveness of Condoms---http://www.cdc.gov/condomeffectiveness/latex.htm
Transmitted Diseases, Including HIV Infection, Latex condoms, when used consistently and correctly, are highly effective in preventing the sexual transmission of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. In addition, consistent and correct use of latex condoms reduces the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including diseases transmitted by genital secretions, and to a lesser degree, genital ulcer diseases. Condom use may reduce the risk for genital human papillomavirus (HPV) infection and HPV-associated diseases, e.g., genital warts and cervical cancer.
Laboratory studies have demonstrated that latex condoms provide an essentially impermeable barrier to particles the size of STD pathogens.
I don't agree/disagree with either of you and I would say that you are both right. Companies can't make guarantees of 100%, because if there is a product failure, then they would be held legally liable in every single instance that someone got pregnant for making that representation. If a car company said “upon crashing, seatbelts will be 100% effective against fatal injuries” that is just too high of a standard to hold them to, and it would not give them any leeway for viable defenses such as improper use, etc. Thus, I think the statement that condoms are 100% preventive when “used correctly” is fairly accurate…however, since the only evidence regarding the use usually comes from the user and the partner (since no one else is present) then the user can always say “yep, used it 100% properly, and she still got pregnant” without any viable recourse from the manufacturer to rebut those allegations, it does not give them any flexibility.
Lavin raised an important point, if condoms can fail to prevent pregnancy in ways others than breakage, why wouldn't those ways could also allow for HIV infection?
If above true, what are the other types of condom failures apart from catastrophic breakage that would allow for HIV infection? I.e. small amounts of infected sperm passing through latex membrane and getting in contact with blood in vagina? or small amounts of infected vaginal fluids or vaginal blood passing through latex membrand and getting in contact with penis sores/cuts or urethra?
There is absolutely nothing mysterious about CORRECT condom usage that would NOT allow the risk assessors here to make a proper assessment. CORRECT condom usage essentially means absolutely NO PENETRATION without a condom and using proper procedures to prevent breakage or slippage (including upon withdrawal). With respect to the original poster's concerns, CSWs in massage parlors and brothels in San Franscisco are HIGHLY KNOWLEDGEABLE about proper condom usage. It is perfectly SAFE to assume that in the context of commercial sex work the condom was used CORRECTLY as the LIVES of these sex workers depends on that. And as condom breakage is HIGHLY NOTICEABLE to the wearer since condoms fail CATASTROPHICALLY, it is SAFE to assume that a condom remains intact throughout intercourse when no breakage is reported. An intact condom is 100% BIOLOGICAL EFFECTIVE against the transmission of HIV- the virus simply CANNOT penetrate an intact condom. Whatever your personal experience has been with condoms regarding pregnancy, it should not be used as a basis for advising others on their HIV risk.
Your general point that intentions for correct condom use don't always work out has some validity but for specific cases I don't think it's correct to suggest to somebody that their sex may have been unsafe when there is no evidence in their post to support that, and my concern about such unfounded assumptions is that they just creates unnecessary anxiety for the poster. The doctors on the HIV Prevention Expert forum recommend periodic (e.g. annual for most people) testing of EVERYBODY who is sexually active (even people who claim to consistently and correctly use condoms) to account for the issue that you have raised, but would never suggest that somebody needs to test over a specific incident of condom-protected sex.
"Yes, it is possible for either partner to become infected with HIV through performing or receiving oral sex, though it is a less common mode of transmission than other sexual behaviors (anal and vaginal sex). There have been a few cases of HIV transmission from performing oral sex on a person infected with HIV. While no one knows exactly what the degree of risk is, evidence suggests that the risk is less than that of unprotected anal or vaginal sex.
If the person performing oral sex has HIV, blood from their mouth may enter the body of the person receiving oral sex through
the lining of the urethra (the opening at the tip of the penis);
the lining of the vagina or cervix;
the lining of the anus; or
directly into the body through small cuts or open sores.
If the person receiving oral sex has HIV, their blood, semen (cum), pre-seminal fluid (pre-cum), or vaginal fluid may contain the virus. Cells lining the mouth of the person performing oral sex may allow HIV to enter their body.
The risk of HIV transmission increases
if the person performing oral sex has cuts or sores around or in their mouth or throat;
if the person receiving oral sex ejaculates in the mouth of the person performing oral sex; or
if the person receiving oral sex has another sexually transmitted disease (STD)."
Here is some quotes from the HIV Experts on medhelp
There is no debate (among experts) about the HIV risks associated with oral sex. The risk is so low that almost nobody who cares for HIV infected patients has ever had a patient believed to have been infected that way. Among experts, it's a semantic issue about using terms like "no risk" and "very low risk". There is no difference between my or Dr. Hook's use of "low risk" and other experts' "no risk".
"And oral sex is basically safe sex -- completely safe with respect to HIV and although not zero risk for other STDs, the chance of infection is far lower than for unprotected vaginal or anal sex. Please educate yourself about the real risks. If you stick with oral sex and condom-protected vaginal or anal sex, you have no HIV worries and very little worry about other STDs. " DR HANSFIELD
"I am sure you can find lots of people who belive that HIV is transmitted by oral sex, but you will not find scientific data to support this unrealistic concern..." DR HOOK
"HIV is not spread by touching, masturbation, oral sex or condom protected sex."- DR. HOOK
in the public HIV Prevention forum of MedHelp, TEAK and the other moderators maintain that oral sex in all forms is a zero risk activity. Would you agree with this assessment?
I TOTALLY AGREE / DR GARCIA
"The observation on thousand and thousand of observations is that HIV is not spread by oral sex (of any sort)." DR HOOK
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