So fu***** worried

Hi all, maybe some advice needed:

Had intercourse with S/W in spain 7 years ago(cheated on my girfriend)- protected. She gave me BJ with condom, and I changed condom a few times during sex(vaginal) I took a HIV test 4 weeks later, and decided the following:

you where protected - you didn't catch anything else, so stop worrying about HIV.

Than I met my fiancee, and we started having unprotected sex, and just about 6 week after the incident in spain, which I very much regret, I came down with the flu. Lasting 4-5 days, fever, and something I believe was a swollen gland on the right side of my neck(However I am sure that I had this gland for several years before as well.)(This was in the flue season.


Well, now I am a worried well case- was I the one out of 1000, and maybe more that got infected???

I do not dare to go testing, because I know I will kill myself if I am positive. This is not because of the desease, but because I cannot, repeat cannot fogive myself for passing something like this on to my girlfriend. Give me some comfort, advice anything here as this is eating me up. I perform poor at work, and I just decided to leave my employer for new challenges, and I know that I need to test myself before this, to be able to keep the job. However, reluctant to do so.Pls advice


???

[Teak]

If you aren't going to test, what is the purpose of you asking any questions? The only way to know your status is by testing.

[P1ddy]

Hi.

I am going to test, I just so very scared that I canot cope with positive results. My girlfriend does not deserve this, and I know I will live unhappy ever after a positive result. Getting tested in April, than I am 31, and I can say I have live a long enough life.

That is my problem, I would be "happy" if I was in a situation where I might be infected, and haven't infected others- For me this is a very dificult situation to be in, as there can only be one answer to the test- Negative- the pressure eats me up.