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Avatar universal

So scared about possible hiv symptoms

First, of all I'd like to thank all of the moderators here for all they do here.

I'm pretty much worried sick, and have been for 2 weeks.

I'm a gay 21 year-old male. Between early February and mid-March I visited a couple of gay bath houses while I was away. Twice in Miami, and once in Orlando. The first two times in Miami, I engaged in nothing more than petting and mutual masturbation. During the third visit in March, I was somewhat less inhibited and I made the mistake of going too far. I tried poppers for the first time, and I just wasn't thinking clearly at all. I engaged in mutual masturbation but refused oral sex to multiple men as I thought it was too risky at the moment.

I got a little comfortable with one of the guys and went back to his room, and after mutual masturbation, when I wasn't really thinking too much, one thing lead to another and we engaged in protected penetrative anal sex where I was receiving. I remember very clearly that he used a condom. I even remember that it being a blue condom. It didn't last very long as the whole time I was extremely uncomfortable with the whole situation. It couldn't have been more than a minute that went by before I stopped and left, immediately feeling regretful about the entire situation for a plethora of reasons. Worst mistake!!!

I've read several of the posts on this forum and realize that none of the activities I engaged in are considered high risk exposures since it was only mutual masturbation and very brief protected anal sex in which he did not ejaculate. What worries me the most is what came after I left.

Exactly two weeks later I got really sick, and thought it was just a virus that was going around town. One of the people I work with complained about being sick a few days before me, and I was told that another person I work with also got sick later on, so I assumed it was a common flu.

It started with a sore throat. The next day I had a HUGE headache all day. So bad, that I couldn't get out of bed. Then, I got a fever and extreme body pain for a few days. I couldn't even get out of bed. It lasted for about 5 days and went away after taking lots of pain killers for those 5 days.

Another two weeks went by during which I didn't really feel much like myself. I started to develop early signs of depression, and all of a sudden I started to worry. Every time I watched TV and the topic of HIV came up, I felt uneasy. Even the oraquick commercials felt like they were speaking to me. I became very weary of the whole thing. 2 Weeks after I got sick, during which I was still feeling somewhat fatigued (which I know can be caused by stress and anxiety), I decided to look up the symptoms of HIV, and became even more concerned when the symptoms I found about ARS, matched the symptoms I experienced two weeks prior.

Immediately I felt like my world collapsed. I couldn't eat, drink, think, or sleep that night. The next morning, I bought an Oraquick 20-minute home test from a local drug store and took it right away. The test said said it was negative, but I was still uneasy due to the fact that it was only the 4th week, and it is recommended to take the test at 6 weeks.

It's been 2 weeks since then, and I've gone through it all since then. I've developed severe anxiety about the whole thing. I can't function at all. I'm not the same person anymore. I had been lapsing in and out of mild depression for a few months anyway, but now with this concern it's gotten severe to where I've had suicidal thoughts. I've just had this feeling of doom in my stomach that I can't shake, and I'm too afraid to even go to a testing lab for fear of the results. :(((

I've been in a completely monogamous relationship for four years. I've been with only him sexually for all 4 years except for this recent incident. I have a huge fear that I could have affected my boyfriend even though we've only engaged in oral sex since the incident. But, now every time he mentions symptoms of even the slightest cough or that he's tired or anything I immediately freak out and assume the worst. :/

Every day has been a nightmare since. I keep feeling scared that somehow I got infected despite the low risk. It just feels like a giant punishment. Please help. What's the risk factor here?? Could this all just be anxiety due to the guilt I feel?
2 Responses
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Avatar universal
You never had an exposure and you didn't need testing. Had you had an exposure, the answers is no, the oraquick would not have been conclusive.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Teak, so you think I shouldn't even bother testing for hiv again? Should I consider the 4th week oraquick conclusive for this incident?
Helpful - 0
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