Teak, Mike_no and others please read, its not another question

[pecha]

Hey guys, I wanted to write just to tell a little about myself. Im 24 years old and I live in Phoenix AZ.  Back in 2003 I had a pretty crazy year I was having unprotected sex with a few girls I didnt really now.  I never really worried about HIV at the time, well about a year and two months after the last chick I had sex with I was watching tv one time and this thing came on about HIV and it got me thinking about that time in 03 with those chicks and I got really paranoid.  I was so scared and I actually convinced myself that I actually had HIV.  I sat there and worried about it for over a month and then I finally couldnt  take it anymore and I went and got tested. it came back negative and I was so relieved.  I felt brand new. Even though I new I was fine I became paranoid of HIV meaning that I wasnt doing anything to get HIV but like if I cut my finger on something ill freak out and start thinking stuff like what if somebody with HIV cut their finger on the same thing before me. I would worry about it for a few days and then I wouldnt worry about it anymore and I have been like that ever since.  So you can see with that amount of fear over 1 thing even though you know your not doing anything to get it will make you worry over nothing.  I can remember when I was younger I used to love getting scratched up and bleeding when playing ball, it made me feel like I was playing hard.  So that brings us to now. On march 7 when I saw that blood on my arm and jersey you can imagine how my head started spinning. its like I know there is probably no risk but its just hard not to believe otherwise. The biggest thing that plays in my head is what if there was a cut there I didnt see or something.  So then 20 days later after march 7 I went and got tested and it was negative.                                                                                                                                                                                                          

[mike_no]

Pecha,

If that's the root cause of your fears, as suggested by the others you should really see a counselor to get over your irrational fears because it seems that that you have developed a phobia, 'HIV phobia' and it's very necessary to eliminate it from your mind as it seems that you relate it to many day to day occurances, seeing a good counselor and strong determination would definitely help

You would also have to understand that a counselor can only show you the way but it's YOU who has to be STRONG enough from the within to tell your self that "I can't acquire the virus until and unless I indulge my self into high risk situations like unprotected vaginal / anal, share needles, unscreened blood transfusion etc" only    

[pecha]

I new the test was a little bit to early, So then exatcly a week later on april 3 I was playing again and at halftime I noticed I was cut on my pinky and it was bleeding. I washed it off then I put a bandaid on it then went back to the game.  After the game when I was home I noticed a small drop of blood on my jersey on the side where my hip is at and of course I freaked out and said what if that blood was somebody elses and what if it got into my cut.  Im tired of worrying about this stuff all the time and according to you guys im worrying totally over nothing. I just wanna get back to my life and know that I am totally healthy as far as HIV goes.  Its hard not to worry about it when I am a natural worrier as someone once told me. Its like I can take evryones advice and tell myself I was in no risk but its like I just dont believe it.