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Avatar universal

The After Life...

Dear Doctors,

Firstly, I really appreciate the efforts and contributions from all the Doctors/Friends on this HIV forum for the Worried Wells, or the sure-be-positive (like myself).

For the past 2 months (tomo is my 12th week) I've been reading this forum again and again, searching for symptoms or honestly, to find some momentary relief if you don't have one or two symptoms.  Rule is to GET TESTED but I will describe my case here, after coming to realize the facts that no one will confirm my -ve or +ve via symptoms.

1. My Exposure: condom broke while insertive sex with a CSW (she's from a prominent sex market in a developing country).  It may be have been ok but seemed faith decided not for me - while the condom broke, it caused the frictions and cuts (bleeding) on my penis. It was soaked with vaginal fluid.   I got chance to do PEP, but for some stupid reasons, I didn't.  That gave me 0.001% chance of a bail-out.

2. Symptoms (i describe them here just for medical purpose - I can't donate my body obviously, perhaps I can be name cased #1 in some medical paper: 5th weeks, I got sore throat only (well), but very severe.  It last (severely) for 7 weeks until today and no sign of subsiding. I lied to myself it was because of heavy drinking and smoking that prolonged it, but I knew deep inside as I endured heavier drinking and smoking than this. There are look-like big ulcers at the back of my throat, mingled with bumps (small lympho organs fighting infection). 2 weeks of antibiotics had no effect - suggesting virus infection. The two lines of my throat covered with white (look like candida).  Stabbing pain in both of my thighs for weeks (on and off - feel better if I stood and walked compared to sitting/lying).  I couldn't speak comfortably, and if I did, I saw a bright white mucus/or candida creeping up the swollen throat.  If I spit it out, it felt better.  My tongue looks like thrush (not spread to the cheek or upper-mouth yet) and OHL (same as pics on internet).  Cervical lymp glands (prominent on the right) - armpits/groins not yet.  The doctor at the polyclinic after checking my throat/tongue right away asked me to do HIV test (i refused as it's public and I may get deported if result was known).  He gave me nystadin - but so far no effect for 3 days.  I will go for anonymous test (as if it would change the outcome).  I talked a lot today, and my throat looked furnace-red and I felt so weak with the throat being scratchingly pain.  Not to mention I got one week of feeling someone strangling me at my neck below the Adam apple.  I would see an ENT doctor (for esophagus endoscopy) before my first HIV test at 13th week.  I have no fever (or the antibiotics suppressed it) and rash, no diarhea, no night sweats, or NOT YET.  But I knew something was wrong with my body (stellar immune before, fit as I jogged everyday - I still could now), and the polyclinic doctor's suggestion of HIV testing is at least 80% to the truth. I am preparing for the after HIV+ve life.

Thanks Doctors

The after-life..(for my fellows here)

I knew many of you guys here are in my situation, but as you can see from my exposure and so-called HIV differential symptoms, you can see how hopeless my situation is. How quickly life can reverse the course for me.  I am 32 years old, single, have a good job (just got a pay-rise) in a developed country and lovely family (my parents, my angelic niece and nephew).  I am the "white sheep" in the family - the first to get overseas scholarship and good jobs.  I was a conservative guy, 1st sex at 30 years old, proposed to a girl but she was not ready 2 years back. Now she's signalling acceptance and who I am NOW...

Now I am nothing but a despicable male....I contemplated suicidal thoughts, some will say it's selfish but I will kill myself if I transmitted this horrible diseases to them (my housemates, my family members) when i stayed with them.  I wish I could be to an isolated island where I still can live my life till AIDS called me without affecting anyone.  I can't talk to anyone, not my parents of coz.  The one I could share is my closest colleague but that would lead to me being jobless soon.  The stigma in Asia is huge and not so open-minded like in the US.  Before this I was a jovial active guy, now I lived like a dead-corpse - no smile nothing.  I stayed away from friends' activities and I think they started suspecting...

I am really devastated by the way I designed my own doom and the fear of infecting all my loved ones is larger than the fear of death...

I hope no one will be in my plight again.

22 Responses
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707563 tn?1626361905
This thread is now closed.

Please note that there are many other illnesses that can cause similar symptoms, including colds and flus, even acid reflux, and anxiety can produce physical symptoms. If someone has a sore throat for 2 months, it's time to see a specialist. HIV wouldn't produce symptoms like this for so long in a new infection.

Emily

******************  CLOSED THREAD  ******************
                  NO NEW POSTS, PLEASE



Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Am sorry to hear about that.  I only heard of false positive, but not false negative.

I am convinced +ve since my throat is considered death (plus some others - thrush/myalgia).  I used to have good immune system and never have a throat problem for more than a week, now it's 2 months and its peak was extremely severe. I couldn't talk and I knew physically my body doesn't lie.  I will test in the end, with a throat no longer mine.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You will test negative, but that does not mean you dont have an infection, i tested several months when i got your symptoms. tested negative but all the symptoms is still there and i have infected my wife and baby through breasfeeding. its either a new virus is around or the tests are no good
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes Lizzie, one more week to the mark.

What stroke me most (beside the horrible exposure) was the doctor's suggestion to make me test for HIV after checking my throat.  

I understand symptoms are not to rely on.
Helpful - 0
186166 tn?1385259382
your "symptoms" are NOT indicative of early hiv infection.

cut all the drama and test ! ! !
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
you are already at the 13th week if im not wrong. You should just get tested rather than going through the anxiety of not knowing.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
There is no reason for you to keep going over and over it. You have been advised multiple times when to test.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Dear Teak

I got a lot of respect for you after browsing this forum here for 2months.

My risk is very very high (I described above) and I will do a test soon.  

Could you let me have some moral support here since I have nowhere or no-one to go to?

With my heart and soul.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks Master

I started having a sore throat 4th week from infection (could be due to other causes), sometimes felt loss of energy for a second.  Then the sore throat worsened in 5th weeks combined with stabbing thigh pains/some lethargy.

I took antibiotics from 6th - 8th weeks but no help with the throat.  No sinus, no coughing, unnoticed fever (maybe antibiotics) nor rash.  

9th week, I got a feeling some one choking my throat (constriction of some tubes or the lymph nodes ring swollen).  It last for 1 week +.

11 weeks, I went to doctor for the sore throat, after checking esp the non-healing ulcer at the back of the throat, he suggested HIV test (I declined).  He prescribed me Nystadin (anti-fungal - which mean I got some kind of thrush there - my tongue looked like it).

12th week (today), my throat was still a sore-in-a-waiting to flare up.   I dared not talk since it will make it very painful.   The ulcer is still at the back of the throat (quite big), I guess a couple more are there making my throat painful when I talk.

I am seeing ENT tomorrow for esophagus check and plan to go to the test-day next week (13th week).

I stopped smoking/drinking for nearly 3 weeks, and the throat not improved, which kinda led me to the worst-belief.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
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Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
let me understand well...
you being having symptoms from the time of exposure up to 13 weeks later?
do you understand that hiv and aids are 2 different things?
hiv could give you symptoms at the beginning of the infection but then your body recovers as it does with most virus.
later in life is when aids developed and that's when all opportunistic infections comes raining.

but just like any other disease is not like you get it and then your done.

i can't assured this since i am not an expert nether i am positive.
but for what i read it's not like a chronic or debilitating disease some people goes for years with out even knowing they have it.
yet you say you being having symptoms for over 3 months?

stress on the other hand is nasty, stress is the type of disease that could kill you of something that you don't have.
i know the type of ocd that is running thru your head my story is very sketchy too and i keep thinking the same that i was exposed.

testing is the best you can do regardless of the out come regardless of the result you need to know not for then but for you.

hope the best for you you'll be fine if i cold give you a good advice don't share mouth to mouth things and try to stop smoking for a while your difference are down because stress i catch a mouth infection that is killing me because of this.
keep us update and if you can get a quick test.

you'll be fine i am sure.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Master,

I am glad you could get out unscathed, having the 2nd chance for the normal life (safer, of coz).

My very highly risk exposure (open wound soaked with v.fluid) - mean I'd get what she had (I respected her who earned the living in the most honest way).

The HIV-specific oral/throat manifestations + the doctor's initial verdict (to test me HIV) - already brought me to the knee waiting for the sword.

I'd really need a lot of strength to overcome the upcoming state of denial...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i know that feeling that you're going through i have the exact same thing going walking like the living death.
my mouth is killing me right now and i have no idea what is causing in it.
the doctors just look at me and tell me to eat yogurt is a viral infection or is related to the stomach.
but hiv is not.

i had body aches, night sweats anything that you can imagine.
i went and did a test last week, negative, i was surprised i really thought i was in.

symptoms will drive you crazy but not testing is even more unhealthy.
stress could be worst than most disease or drive you on to one.

stress is not only limited to the body it affect the brain too.
keep us up date
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes, thank you. I will have to get tested at 13th week (next week).  Terrified I am but I have to face it.

Life has been very kind to me so far, and hope it will still be so kind as to give me the strength to live on, no matter the outcome reveals.  And I pray to God for that strength as well.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well, I can tell you that by worrying about it, it  ain't gonna get any better. YOU MUST get the test done to get this over and done with. If you test -ve which seems most likely, you will be kicking yourself for living like a zombie for 2 months. Life's too short. You seem terrified of getting tested. Go ahead and do it. Period
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
How can a risk be increased? It can't.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Dear Ahabib

The condom here "increased" my chance of being infected as it broke and caused frictions/scratches on my penis - opening the door for the virus in the most generous way.  After reading the forum, I know exposure risk would be the first to access the situation.

The CSW was like a call-girl (not govt sanctioned-thus no check in place). I am sorry to say she looked like having been in the business for several years.  I hope she didn't have it, for my own sake, but if she did then poor both of us and our family..
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks again my friend...

I knew now every symptoms will point to HIV like other Worried Wells think.  But my throat is burning every minute and it took away my life seriously.  My body is fine, but the throat is killing me (2 months of salt gargle, lozenges, 2 weeks of antibiotics, nothing helped).  The big ulcer was there for 2 months and no foreseeable time when it will go away.  If my ARS/seroconversion was without the throat torture, life would have been not so miserable for me now - even with HIV waiting in the corner- couldn't talk for fear of sore throat.

I used to smoked and drinks heavily non-stop 2 weeks and my throat was as intact as stone back then so I felt something wrong afoot.

The fear of infecting others I meant could be possible via laundering machine, utensils, cups, or simply accident...

How can I exercise with care without being suspected....I wished I was born alone...

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. HIV cannot be self diagnosed. Plus what you're describing is a strange cluster of symptoms which is probably a usual viral infection. HIV is diagnosed at 6-8 weeks these days with a HIV antibody test which tests positive in about 95% of the people who have had proper exposure. To be absolutely sure, do an antibody test at 3 months as a minority may not have seroconverted for various other reasons. Its unfortunate that your condom snapped. For starters, you could have asked the CSW if she had HIV. There's a possibility you could have asked her to get checked and stop this misery you're putting yourself through. You don't say where in Asia you're from but these days most CSW get checked reuglarly for STDs including HIV. So it is unlikely she had it. Now your condom has snapped but it did offer you some protection compared to none. Plus compared to receiving unprotected vaginal/anal intercourse, being the insertive partner carries a much lower risk of acquiring HIV. There are way too many 'IFs' here and you have not acquired HIV from this. I am confident you will test negative. You are not gonna get HIV from this exposure  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You will test negative and then you will see that you stressed for nothing and you can't infect your family even if you had the virus--it is not transmitted from social contact.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you RainLover71.  

I'd do the test for the final nail on the coffin...

Just thinking of my risky exposure (the odd is like being hit by lightning and I got it), of the 2-month and counting-never-heal throat, of the candida thrush and the doctor's suggestion to do HIV test - I think my hand is 99.999% folded.

I've been starting to read HIV-positive stories to prepare myself, but the fear of infecting my love ones are killing me everytime I think about it. It simply agonizing...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You haven't even tested positive and you already assume you have HIV.Wrong.Take an HIV test at 3 months post--exposure and relax.You haven't infected any of your family or friends so stop worrying.
Helpful - 0
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