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To kekelow RE: your HIV phobia & your HIV+ sister
Kekelow, you're an intriguing case. Many of the folks here have little, if any, contact with known HIV+ people, and they think of HIV as the bogeyman, something that will hide under the bed and jump out and bite them when they least expect it.
You, on the other hand, are different. Your sister and her boyfriend (or ex, I'm not sure) have been HIV+ for nearly 20 years, are on meds, have high CD4 counts with undetectable viral loads, and can expect a normal lifespan (and an ultimate demise from something completely unrelated to HIV, like a heart attack).
I'd think that you'd be the resident expert and voice of reason, yet you seem to be as obsessive as the rest of us, if not more so.
So...
1) Have you been this way since your sister was diagnosed 19 years ago? Or is it more recent?
2) Do you live with her? If so, how long?
3) How does your sister handle your phobia and frequent testing?
4) Is there a particular reason that you are still phobic of 'blood on the toilet' and other exposures of virtually zero risk?
I hope you don't mind my questions. I'm just trying to understand.
You, on the other hand, are different. Your sister and her boyfriend (or ex, I'm not sure) have been HIV+ for nearly 20 years, are on meds, have high CD4 counts with undetectable viral loads, and can expect a normal lifespan (and an ultimate demise from something completely unrelated to HIV, like a heart attack).
I'd think that you'd be the resident expert and voice of reason, yet you seem to be as obsessive as the rest of us, if not more so.
So...
1) Have you been this way since your sister was diagnosed 19 years ago? Or is it more recent?
2) Do you live with her? If so, how long?
3) How does your sister handle your phobia and frequent testing?
4) Is there a particular reason that you are still phobic of 'blood on the toilet' and other exposures of virtually zero risk?
I hope you don't mind my questions. I'm just trying to understand.
I agree. Babies do not have HIV at birth. They may have virus present, and some will go on to eventually develop HIV, but it is not a complicating factor when they are born. It sounds like there was some other, very serious problem there.
I was just curious, and hope I didn't stir up painful memories.
I was just curious, and hope I didn't stir up painful memories.
I'm thinking you are right. Probably a number of things played into the role of the baby's death, HIV not being one of them. But at the time, I'm sure shock of it all muddied the water with what actually happened.
I'd just like to clarify, although most people here seem to understand already...
My intention in starting this thread was NOT to "out" kekelow or question her motives for being here. I just wanted to understand her situation since she has experience and perspective that few of us share.
kekelow - to your most recent question, it is fairly rare for HIV+ babies to die early on due to complications from HIV. For one, babies share their mother's antibodies for the first several weeks after birth, but they're not infected until birth (from mucous membrane exposure to blood) or after (from exposure to infected milk). The presence of antibodies helps the baby survive what would typically be ARS in adults.
That being said, if the baby had a serious, life-threatening complication (say, lung malformation) and/or was premature, then the viral infection might have played some part. Since your sister had lost one child to a congenital birth defect, I'd suspect that it played a large part in the loss of her second child. Very likely HIV was only a spectator.
And speaking of "the worst that can happen"...
I can only imagine the trauma and pain of losing a child, let alone two. I was never close to my father (we were very different people), but his sudden death wrecked me for a year, and there are still lingering emotional effects. If your sister could deal with that, I'm sure that HIV is a walk in the park by comparison. She (and her boyfriend, for that matter) must be a very strong person. We would all do well emulate her strength.
My intention in starting this thread was NOT to "out" kekelow or question her motives for being here. I just wanted to understand her situation since she has experience and perspective that few of us share.
kekelow - to your most recent question, it is fairly rare for HIV+ babies to die early on due to complications from HIV. For one, babies share their mother's antibodies for the first several weeks after birth, but they're not infected until birth (from mucous membrane exposure to blood) or after (from exposure to infected milk). The presence of antibodies helps the baby survive what would typically be ARS in adults.
That being said, if the baby had a serious, life-threatening complication (say, lung malformation) and/or was premature, then the viral infection might have played some part. Since your sister had lost one child to a congenital birth defect, I'd suspect that it played a large part in the loss of her second child. Very likely HIV was only a spectator.
And speaking of "the worst that can happen"...
I can only imagine the trauma and pain of losing a child, let alone two. I was never close to my father (we were very different people), but his sudden death wrecked me for a year, and there are still lingering emotional effects. If your sister could deal with that, I'm sure that HIV is a walk in the park by comparison. She (and her boyfriend, for that matter) must be a very strong person. We would all do well emulate her strength.
Thank you for your story.
If I could ask, how did your sisters daughter die at birth from HIV? I'd be extremely interested in knowing more about that, as I've never seen nor heard of that happening. I sometimes care for HIV+ mothers and their babies, so I'd be very interested in hearing about the situation.
Good luck to you. It sounds like you've been through the wringer.
If I could ask, how did your sisters daughter die at birth from HIV? I'd be extremely interested in knowing more about that, as I've never seen nor heard of that happening. I sometimes care for HIV+ mothers and their babies, so I'd be very interested in hearing about the situation.
Good luck to you. It sounds like you've been through the wringer.
Dobber,
I agree with you 100%. I hope things get better for you soon and that you can find closure. In my case, even though I had a somewhat risky single exposure (giving unprotected anal sex to a transsexual acquaintance), the counselor at the STD clinic here in Toronto (by the way, the most prestigious STD clinic in Canada) said that the chances of getting HIV from that single encounter were low. Add to that the facts that I have asked my acquaintance on 4 different occasions and she has reassured me that she is negative, that she had been tested one month before our encounter and that the result was negative, and that right after realizing the condom had slipped and I had ejaculated inside her she went really nuts and got really nervous and asked me to leave her apartment. I did not think much of the incident, probably because I was drunk. I called her the following to apologize for what had happened and to reasure her that I was negative (I got tested in the summer of 2005). She said she was clean too. However, 3 weeks later, I developed 10 huge and painful canker sores all over my mouth. They lasted 5 days. At the same time, I got a painful rash in my right hand (5 red spots) that lasted 7 days. This is what freaked me out and I started searching the web for possible causes. Bad idea ... HIV and ARS was written all over. Anyway, the counselor at the STD clinic refused to test me after 10 weeks and said to relax and wait for the 3 month mark (Feb 15). He asked me to come back after the 3 month mark to get a rapid test (it takes 20 minutes) which is supposed to be 99.95% accurate. He said that if what I described is the only exposure I had, he predicted the result will be negative. Man, I'm counting the days!!! As soon as I get the negative result (I'm trying to think positively here!!!), I will just move on without further testing.
Take care and stay safe.
I agree with you 100%. I hope things get better for you soon and that you can find closure. In my case, even though I had a somewhat risky single exposure (giving unprotected anal sex to a transsexual acquaintance), the counselor at the STD clinic here in Toronto (by the way, the most prestigious STD clinic in Canada) said that the chances of getting HIV from that single encounter were low. Add to that the facts that I have asked my acquaintance on 4 different occasions and she has reassured me that she is negative, that she had been tested one month before our encounter and that the result was negative, and that right after realizing the condom had slipped and I had ejaculated inside her she went really nuts and got really nervous and asked me to leave her apartment. I did not think much of the incident, probably because I was drunk. I called her the following to apologize for what had happened and to reasure her that I was negative (I got tested in the summer of 2005). She said she was clean too. However, 3 weeks later, I developed 10 huge and painful canker sores all over my mouth. They lasted 5 days. At the same time, I got a painful rash in my right hand (5 red spots) that lasted 7 days. This is what freaked me out and I started searching the web for possible causes. Bad idea ... HIV and ARS was written all over. Anyway, the counselor at the STD clinic refused to test me after 10 weeks and said to relax and wait for the 3 month mark (Feb 15). He asked me to come back after the 3 month mark to get a rapid test (it takes 20 minutes) which is supposed to be 99.95% accurate. He said that if what I described is the only exposure I had, he predicted the result will be negative. Man, I'm counting the days!!! As soon as I get the negative result (I'm trying to think positively here!!!), I will just move on without further testing.
Take care and stay safe.
Strata, i don't mind the questions. 1.No i havn't been like this since my sister was diagnosed.It stareded when i would call the CDC. One time a few months ago i was having proteced sex with this guy and his precum got on a cut on my finger that was a week old.I callded the CDC and they told me i was at risks and i needed to get tested out to 6-months.I called the CDC about the blood on the tiolet and one of the CDC persons said anytime blood gets on you there is a risks. Then another CDC person told me to get tested to make sure i didn't get infected from blood on the toilet. This is what stareded my real fear about the blood on the tiolet.I went to the Health Department and the man that was testing me told me that hiv does survive in the air, and if i had a cut on me i could get infected from blood on a tiolet.Then two other people at the same Health Department told me you can't get hiv from blood on the tiolet. 2.No i don't live with my sister, but i spend alot of time with her.3 My sister got angry at me for keeping on askeing her about the blood on the tiolet. She even took me to see her hiv specilists,becaues i was afaid. My sister got sick of me obsession about the blood, and she said she wanted noting to do with me. I told my sister i was sorry and she let me back in her life. This one guy told me i was paranoid and he wanted noting to do with me anymore.Because i would freak out even when we used condoms. 4.The truth is, i'v taking about three or four hiv test over blood.All the rest probably 12 have been really for real risks, like unproteded sex and it's weired, but i wasn't near as afaid and obsessed like the way i'v been over blood Also i'v only used condoms about 10 times in my life if that,and i'v never got hiv or any STD.And most of the guys i'v been with were players and they slept around with alot of women unproteded none of them have hiv. Now i will always use protection.Strata when it comes to blood i'm a freak anyway,i can't look when they take my blood it makes me dizzy.What i'm trying to say alot of my fear comes from calling the CDC,The Health Department, and hiv hot lines telling me ,oral sex is a risks to blood being on a tiolet. The information on risks is very confuision, who's not going to belive the CDC and the State Health Department if they tell them that they had a risks. Then some at the CDC said it's not a risks this confusion would drive anybody crazy.Srarta think about how crazy alot of us are on this website and others, who in their right mind would have unprotected vagina sex, anal, oral, fingering,and kissing and then turn around and start obessesioning about a hiv risks fancyed or real.Mentally and emotionally healthy people don't do this to themselves. How many people come on here in fear about a hiv risks. It makes me wonder why would we put are self at risks for hiv even if we really didn't have a risks, but we belive in are minds that we did.For example say i belive that oral sex is a risks, but i have unprotected oral sex and then i turn around and get terrified that i got hiv from oral sex. This type of behavier is not normal. It's like putting are self in a state of fear and panic. What i want to asks some of the people on here some times is, why do something that is going to make you terrified later and have to wait to get tested. And i aksed myself this when i would keep having unprotected sex with players.People come on here and they been then had unprotected anal, or vaganil sex and turn around and get terrified over it and i have done this to, but not anymore. It's just pure insantiy and i.v done it in the past over and over, again, but not today.I't really comes down to alot of us on here are suffering from something else and it manifests it self in the form of hiv fear and obession. Because as long as we obsess on hiv we don't have time to look inside of what is really going on inside of us and in are lives. I'm going back to cousnlor for my anixety and OCD. I'v had enough of this, and no i don't think you can get hiv from a tiolet seat,blood on a floor, oral sex,kissing, rimming, from giving someone a hand job or a blow job. I'm coming to my sinces. The more i feed into the fear of hiv the more my head will be able to tell me some crazy stuff about things that are not really risks at all. The real thing is we all are just afaid of death. My sister never talks about hiv and her boy friend niether.They just live and plan for there furtures, and niether one of them is afaid to die, and thats the big diffent between them and us.My sister is strong and she has alot of courage, she never complains about having hiv. She got hiv from a bi-sexual man. She lost her daugthr to hiv, she didn't even make it out of the hospital when she was born that hurts still today.Her boy friend got hiv from his ex- girl freind she was a world class sex worker.This is really helping me Strata geting all this out i feel like a big burden has been lifted off of me. Thank you strart for asking me these quistions. I'm going to go back to counseling and i wish you noting but the best on your test results.PEACE.
Thank you for taking the time to write such a thorough and sincere response.
I think the thing you need to keep most in mind is that HIV is NOT the worst thing that can happen to you; far from it (I know, it sounds odd to say). Just look at your sister and her boyfriend and realize that even IF you get infected someday, life will still go on. It be good for everyone on this site to have that perspective because it would help to forestall the panic we all seem to experience over infintessimal risks.
For example, in this day and age, I'd much rather be diagnosed with HIV than with pancreatic cancer. Yeah, with HIV there's the guilt issue ("Why did I do this to myself?") that doesn't exist with most other diseases. But at least with HIV I have a reasonable prospect of living to a ripe old age. Not so with pancreatic cancer or a host of other debilitating illnesses.
But, if we are so paranoid, why do we still engage in risky behavior? Good question. Most people I've met have a pretty heavy dose of hypocrisy in their lives, but, for most, it only rarely causes a problem. For example, the 'riskiest' behavior that most of us participate in is driving. But we all do it without so much as a second thought. Two years ago, I had a co-worker my age. He was young and fit, his career was on an upward trajectory, he'd just bought a house, and he had a stunning wife and two young children. One night on his way home, he was stopped in rush hour traffic when a car going the opposite direction tried to pass someone on the shoulder, fish-tailed on the gravel, and struck my co-worker's car broadside. The driver walked away without a scratch. My co-worker had the entire left side of his body crushed, from shoulder to foot, and he was in a coma for a few months. When he awoke, he had significant brain damage and will require care for the rest of his life.
And yet I still drive. And speed. Even in the rain. Statistically speaking, my chances of meeting an untimely demise are much more significant than from HIV, my recent oral exposure notwithstanding.
But we all have this illusion of control. My co-worker had it, too, probably until 0.05 seconds before the other car hit him.
With HIV, we here on medhelp have lost that sense (illusion or otherwise) of control, and we're ready for HIV to jump out and grab us. Is there a risk from getting HIV from pre-ejaculate fluid exposure to a week-old, mostly healed cut? Or from trace amounts of blood left on a toilet seat? Sure. Very few things (if any) are TRULY 0.00 (0 ad infinitum) chance. But the chance of transmission is the same as being hit by a meteor in your apartment, and we don't worry about that, do we?
I'm glad to hear that you are getting counseling for the HIV fears. I'm sure that it will improve your quality of life (and that of your sister!).
Cheers!
I think the thing you need to keep most in mind is that HIV is NOT the worst thing that can happen to you; far from it (I know, it sounds odd to say). Just look at your sister and her boyfriend and realize that even IF you get infected someday, life will still go on. It be good for everyone on this site to have that perspective because it would help to forestall the panic we all seem to experience over infintessimal risks.
For example, in this day and age, I'd much rather be diagnosed with HIV than with pancreatic cancer. Yeah, with HIV there's the guilt issue ("Why did I do this to myself?") that doesn't exist with most other diseases. But at least with HIV I have a reasonable prospect of living to a ripe old age. Not so with pancreatic cancer or a host of other debilitating illnesses.
But, if we are so paranoid, why do we still engage in risky behavior? Good question. Most people I've met have a pretty heavy dose of hypocrisy in their lives, but, for most, it only rarely causes a problem. For example, the 'riskiest' behavior that most of us participate in is driving. But we all do it without so much as a second thought. Two years ago, I had a co-worker my age. He was young and fit, his career was on an upward trajectory, he'd just bought a house, and he had a stunning wife and two young children. One night on his way home, he was stopped in rush hour traffic when a car going the opposite direction tried to pass someone on the shoulder, fish-tailed on the gravel, and struck my co-worker's car broadside. The driver walked away without a scratch. My co-worker had the entire left side of his body crushed, from shoulder to foot, and he was in a coma for a few months. When he awoke, he had significant brain damage and will require care for the rest of his life.
And yet I still drive. And speed. Even in the rain. Statistically speaking, my chances of meeting an untimely demise are much more significant than from HIV, my recent oral exposure notwithstanding.
But we all have this illusion of control. My co-worker had it, too, probably until 0.05 seconds before the other car hit him.
With HIV, we here on medhelp have lost that sense (illusion or otherwise) of control, and we're ready for HIV to jump out and grab us. Is there a risk from getting HIV from pre-ejaculate fluid exposure to a week-old, mostly healed cut? Or from trace amounts of blood left on a toilet seat? Sure. Very few things (if any) are TRULY 0.00 (0 ad infinitum) chance. But the chance of transmission is the same as being hit by a meteor in your apartment, and we don't worry about that, do we?
I'm glad to hear that you are getting counseling for the HIV fears. I'm sure that it will improve your quality of life (and that of your sister!).
Cheers!
Strata, kekelow, may I say you do great jobs reassuring people on this site.
Strata, I think you make a really good point that HIV is not the worst diagnosis that we can get as with the current treatments, there is the possibility of living a long eventful life. It reminds me of my best friend at school who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer when he was at university - he was dead within a year at the age of 22.
All of us on this Forum have taken greater risks than our exposures (or even only potential ones as is my case), but I'm not sure what drives us to concentrate on HIV. I do think part of it is the fact that having sex with some-one is a much more active and intimate process, while driving a car and being involved in an accident seems to be something we can blame more on some-one else. The relationship between HIV and sex means that it is something we can feel that much more guilt about and really blame ourselves for. I think counselling at least helps in finding out what we're really bashing ourselves over.
Anyway, I hope that everything turns out for the very best for both of you, because you do such a fantastic job on the Forum.
Strata, I think you make a really good point that HIV is not the worst diagnosis that we can get as with the current treatments, there is the possibility of living a long eventful life. It reminds me of my best friend at school who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer when he was at university - he was dead within a year at the age of 22.
All of us on this Forum have taken greater risks than our exposures (or even only potential ones as is my case), but I'm not sure what drives us to concentrate on HIV. I do think part of it is the fact that having sex with some-one is a much more active and intimate process, while driving a car and being involved in an accident seems to be something we can blame more on some-one else. The relationship between HIV and sex means that it is something we can feel that much more guilt about and really blame ourselves for. I think counselling at least helps in finding out what we're really bashing ourselves over.
Anyway, I hope that everything turns out for the very best for both of you, because you do such a fantastic job on the Forum.
Rocky,
Yeah aidsmeds.com is great.
I think we're all self-motivated being on here. I mean look at me, I've had my three month negative test and I'm still considering a six month test. But I've gone past the sleepless nights and the constant questioning. I'm in therapy, trying to get over all this. But I'm hoping that by being on here I can try and get through to others. I, like Strata, encountered very stupid people first off, and now am stuck with a fear that won't go away. I honestly believe if I'd heard the words 'There is very little chance you have contracted HIV' the first time I went to test instead of 'You've done the right thing because if you're positive at least you can get meds', I wouldnt still be having issues about this. I honestly believe that.
I don't really question anyone's motives for being on here - if it helps it helps. I'm just absolutely staggered that someone in Kekelow's situation could be so freaked out about such a non-event. Blood on a toilet seat?? We would all have HIV if that were the case. But I'm sorry that the situation exists and I hope we all find some peace out of this.
Cos it's no life, sure it's not??
Yeah aidsmeds.com is great.
I think we're all self-motivated being on here. I mean look at me, I've had my three month negative test and I'm still considering a six month test. But I've gone past the sleepless nights and the constant questioning. I'm in therapy, trying to get over all this. But I'm hoping that by being on here I can try and get through to others. I, like Strata, encountered very stupid people first off, and now am stuck with a fear that won't go away. I honestly believe if I'd heard the words 'There is very little chance you have contracted HIV' the first time I went to test instead of 'You've done the right thing because if you're positive at least you can get meds', I wouldnt still be having issues about this. I honestly believe that.
I don't really question anyone's motives for being on here - if it helps it helps. I'm just absolutely staggered that someone in Kekelow's situation could be so freaked out about such a non-event. Blood on a toilet seat?? We would all have HIV if that were the case. But I'm sorry that the situation exists and I hope we all find some peace out of this.
Cos it's no life, sure it's not??
I actually thought a baby had a good chance of not having hiv even even if their mother carried it. I heard that it can leave the babies body after they are born due to medications the mother takes while she is pregnant. Isn't that why they like to screen expecting mother's for hiv? To protect the baby? Anyway, I'm not sure if your sister lost her baby that way or not, but I feel for you Koek. You are strong & amazing. I'm glad you have embraced your fear of hiv. I think you will come out of this just fine. Maybe it's a calling for you; To educate people on hiv/aids on behalf of your sister & your fears.
That's why I'm so interested to hear what happened. Babies do not die at birth from HIV. It does not happen.
If it did, I'd be very interested to hear why and how. Perhaps Kek meant the baby was premature or some other cause of death.
I wish her the best.
If it did, I'd be very interested to hear why and how. Perhaps Kek meant the baby was premature or some other cause of death.
I wish her the best.
Peekawho, your right i never thought about it all these years, but when my sister's baby was diagnosed i belive it was 1988, thats when my sister find out she had it. I forgot though one of my sister's babies had died about ten years before from lung problems. He was in and out of the hospital for months and he passed away at five months.The docters told my sister that the baby died from hiv, but i think it was may be her babies lungs, because this run in are family. My other sisters baby died at 8-months from lung problems.I think the doctor told her from hiv complications, my sister was indenial when her and her baby was diagnosed, so i never got the full story on it, plus it was just a shock and to painful. But now since you aksked from all the stress of first finding out i don't think my sister understood much of anything at the time, her mind was just on hiv.She was in heavy dennial she told me the hospital had given her baby a blood tranfusion and the blood was hiv pos.I didn't know much about hiv at the time, so i just belived my sister,it was very hard for me to deal with.My precius niece probarly died from something else, and hiv may have made it worse is this possible Peekawho?If a baby is first born and they have heart or lung problems can haveing hiv cause there deaf sooner?Peace.
Rocky, don't speak when you don't know what the hell your talking about. I posted on aidsmeds.com under kekelow.It doesn't matter if a person really had a risks aren't it's the fear you don't know me or my life.Now pay attention, alot of people on this forum have already tested neg months or years ago and they still come here to help comfort people that are having fear and anixety about there hiv risks and test results, now askes yourself what the hell are you doing you.Peace.
Strata / Dobber,
Thanks a lot both for your input. I like Strata's questions to Kekelow. I have my doubts about Kekelow's true motives in this forum. Hopefully, he will respond soon to clarify. In any case, just be aware that it is normal for certain wackos to frequent these types of forums. I highly recommend www.aidsmeds.com. It is a site founded and operated by HIV+ people. They do an amazing job! In particular, one of its forums, labeled "I just tested POZ", gives you true testimonials of people who just found out they are HIV+ (there are new testimonials almost daily). Many testimonials describe ARS symptoms and timing as well as their risky exposures. Take a look at the site, it is highly educational. Take care and good luck.
Thanks a lot both for your input. I like Strata's questions to Kekelow. I have my doubts about Kekelow's true motives in this forum. Hopefully, he will respond soon to clarify. In any case, just be aware that it is normal for certain wackos to frequent these types of forums. I highly recommend www.aidsmeds.com. It is a site founded and operated by HIV+ people. They do an amazing job! In particular, one of its forums, labeled "I just tested POZ", gives you true testimonials of people who just found out they are HIV+ (there are new testimonials almost daily). Many testimonials describe ARS symptoms and timing as well as their risky exposures. Take a look at the site, it is highly educational. Take care and good luck.
Oh and by the way, your ID doctors are way off saying how copable HIV is. yes, that's true, but it's the wrong tack to take with someone who is still in the window period. The first doc who tested me told me saliva was infectious, and that HIV could penetrate condoms! She also told me I did the right thing in coming to get tested as the drugs available to me were very good. I went back six weeks later out of my mind after neverending night sweats and weight loss, and she told me she didn't really know an awful lot about HIV!!!!
I then went to a guy who knew lots and he told me I'd be fine. And I know I will. But I think the first experience you have with someone can send you off the rails.
You had a non-risk, as far as I can see, and should have been told that at the start. I'm sorry you had to deal with ignorance
I then went to a guy who knew lots and he told me I'd be fine. And I know I will. But I think the first experience you have with someone can send you off the rails.
You had a non-risk, as far as I can see, and should have been told that at the start. I'm sorry you had to deal with ignorance
Sorry I wasn't aware of your story. It seems like you've been through a lot. I would like to refer you to aidsmeds.com as they seem to know what they're talking about. They mention peer-reviewed studies where 19000 serodiscordant couples were studied and the only risk was oro-genital sex. Not one turned up positive. Not one.
Here are the articles:
Evaluating the risk of HIV transmission through unprotected orogenital sex by J. Romero and others
http://cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=13747753
Oral sex as a risk factor for HIV: a review of Australian data, HARD Conference, Sydney, 2000.
There are numerous studies.
Here's a link to the posting on aidsmeds.com that goes through them
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=458.msg29664#msg29664
I really hope that helps. To be honest, I'm shocked your doctor recommended PEP. I hope you're dealing with it ok.
I was negative at three months. I'm five months out now. I'll probably test again at six even though everyone tells me there's absolutely no need.
I sought therapy as you suggested to me and I'm doing better now. One way I've started looking at it is, I put a bet on my football team to come from a goal down to win by one goal in a game last saturday. The odds were 22/1. I know they were ridiculous odds, and ultimately I lost the bet. If I'd won, I would have been shocked. That's 22/1. My odds of testing positive at three months were approximately 1,000,000/1. At six they would be closer to a billion. No one I've talked to has ever seen a three month positive turn to a six month negative. No one. And I still worry about outdated CDC information.
I can tell you that the window period after PEP finishes is widely held to be three months.
It's 4.30am, go to sleep! I lost three months of shut eye and it has left me very sick. BTW I'm in Europe so it's morning here
If I can help at all please keep in touch. I am certain you will be fine. Read those peer studies, they HAVE to be reassuring:)
Here are the articles:
Evaluating the risk of HIV transmission through unprotected orogenital sex by J. Romero and others
http://cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=13747753
Oral sex as a risk factor for HIV: a review of Australian data, HARD Conference, Sydney, 2000.
There are numerous studies.
Here's a link to the posting on aidsmeds.com that goes through them
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=458.msg29664#msg29664
I really hope that helps. To be honest, I'm shocked your doctor recommended PEP. I hope you're dealing with it ok.
I was negative at three months. I'm five months out now. I'll probably test again at six even though everyone tells me there's absolutely no need.
I sought therapy as you suggested to me and I'm doing better now. One way I've started looking at it is, I put a bet on my football team to come from a goal down to win by one goal in a game last saturday. The odds were 22/1. I know they were ridiculous odds, and ultimately I lost the bet. If I'd won, I would have been shocked. That's 22/1. My odds of testing positive at three months were approximately 1,000,000/1. At six they would be closer to a billion. No one I've talked to has ever seen a three month positive turn to a six month negative. No one. And I still worry about outdated CDC information.
I can tell you that the window period after PEP finishes is widely held to be three months.
It's 4.30am, go to sleep! I lost three months of shut eye and it has left me very sick. BTW I'm in Europe so it's morning here
If I can help at all please keep in touch. I am certain you will be fine. Read those peer studies, they HAVE to be reassuring:)
Am _I_ obsessed about HIV?
I'm here, aren't I?
And I'm posting at 4:30AM...
What do you think? ;)
For me, the big problem is the waiting. As a quick recap, I had pre-*** exposure during receptive oral sex to a man who announced mid-coitus that he was HIV+. I started PEP (Combivir + Kaletra) 24 hours later.
My baseline Ab and PCR tests at 2.5 weeks were negative. The ID clinic doctors haven't helped matters by telling me how 'copable' HIV infection is now, instead of reiterating how low my risk was. Now I'm just waiting for the follow-up at 6 weeks... and then 3 months... and then 6 months. I think I'll feel much better at the 3-month mark, but it's a looooooong way off.
Anyway, one of the oft-recommended coping strategies is to volunteer, so I've decided to try to share what little I've learned by spending the wee hours of the morning reading dry medical literature on PubMed. I've found that it's very cathartic... and much better than lying in bed checking my temperature and lymph nodes.
A few of my favorite bedtime stories...
http://clinicaltrials.gov/show/NCT00131560
http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/InSite?page=pr-rr-05
http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/rr5402a1.htm
http://www.hivinsite.org/InSite?page=kb-07-02-02#S3.4X
http://www.getpep.info/feasibility_pep.pdf
I'm here, aren't I?
And I'm posting at 4:30AM...
What do you think? ;)
For me, the big problem is the waiting. As a quick recap, I had pre-*** exposure during receptive oral sex to a man who announced mid-coitus that he was HIV+. I started PEP (Combivir + Kaletra) 24 hours later.
My baseline Ab and PCR tests at 2.5 weeks were negative. The ID clinic doctors haven't helped matters by telling me how 'copable' HIV infection is now, instead of reiterating how low my risk was. Now I'm just waiting for the follow-up at 6 weeks... and then 3 months... and then 6 months. I think I'll feel much better at the 3-month mark, but it's a looooooong way off.
Anyway, one of the oft-recommended coping strategies is to volunteer, so I've decided to try to share what little I've learned by spending the wee hours of the morning reading dry medical literature on PubMed. I've found that it's very cathartic... and much better than lying in bed checking my temperature and lymph nodes.
A few of my favorite bedtime stories...
http://clinicaltrials.gov/show/NCT00131560
http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/InSite?page=pr-rr-05
http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/rr5402a1.htm
http://www.hivinsite.org/InSite?page=kb-07-02-02#S3.4X
http://www.getpep.info/feasibility_pep.pdf
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