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Unprotected anal sex
I was in a relationship for 1 ½ years with another man. We had frequent and intense anal intercourse. I was not the receptive partner. This man told me he was HIV- at the beginning of the relationship.
After noticing him having night sweats I suggested he get tested but he would insist he had been careful since he last tested with negative results then would say that he would get tested but didn’t. Then he developed shingles and continued to insist there was not reason to test because his brother who was straight had a history of shingles to and thought they were genetically predisposed. Finally I told him I would take him to get tested and he reluctantly agreed and said he had not gone when I suggested because he didn’t want to find out if he were positive.
He tested positive on a rapid saliva test and as soon as we stepped outside of the testing center he told me our relationship was over and that he was going home to kill himself. I insisted he stay the night with me and in hindsight saw this as manipulative. He also said we might as well have a clean break and end the relationship because if it continued I would always be worried about becoming infected. We continued the relationship and practiced safer sex with the exception of one night.
I did not want to abandon him but felt cheated in that before beginning this relationship took him for his word that he was negative. Not only was he positive but clinically he had AIDS. Prior to meeting him I had corresponded with many men who were interested in a LTR with me but who were positive. I am not able perform with condoms which seem to cause my erection to fail quickly.
I wanted to be supportive and see that he got treatment which he was able to tolerate. After he got treatment and was tolerating it I was going through a period of depression and in a discussion with where I told him I felt trapped by my job he asked if our relationship was adding to my depression. I told him I did not know what to do. I loved him but the situation was not what I was looking for when we met and I felt he had been irresponsible for not having kept up with his status. It turned out he had not been tested in 4 years. In further discussion I learn what he consider being careful was only having anal sex with guys who said they were total tops.
My question is how is it I continue to test negative 5 months after our last unprotected sex and after a year and a half of intense and regular unprotected anal sex? Now that he is in treatment and has an undetectable viral load would I be even less likely to become positive if we were to resume our unprotected sex? An HIV/AIDS counselor shared with me that he knew of some couples where one is positive and the other not but they are both taking antiviral meds as a prophylaxis for the negative partner.
After noticing him having night sweats I suggested he get tested but he would insist he had been careful since he last tested with negative results then would say that he would get tested but didn’t. Then he developed shingles and continued to insist there was not reason to test because his brother who was straight had a history of shingles to and thought they were genetically predisposed. Finally I told him I would take him to get tested and he reluctantly agreed and said he had not gone when I suggested because he didn’t want to find out if he were positive.
He tested positive on a rapid saliva test and as soon as we stepped outside of the testing center he told me our relationship was over and that he was going home to kill himself. I insisted he stay the night with me and in hindsight saw this as manipulative. He also said we might as well have a clean break and end the relationship because if it continued I would always be worried about becoming infected. We continued the relationship and practiced safer sex with the exception of one night.
I did not want to abandon him but felt cheated in that before beginning this relationship took him for his word that he was negative. Not only was he positive but clinically he had AIDS. Prior to meeting him I had corresponded with many men who were interested in a LTR with me but who were positive. I am not able perform with condoms which seem to cause my erection to fail quickly.
I wanted to be supportive and see that he got treatment which he was able to tolerate. After he got treatment and was tolerating it I was going through a period of depression and in a discussion with where I told him I felt trapped by my job he asked if our relationship was adding to my depression. I told him I did not know what to do. I loved him but the situation was not what I was looking for when we met and I felt he had been irresponsible for not having kept up with his status. It turned out he had not been tested in 4 years. In further discussion I learn what he consider being careful was only having anal sex with guys who said they were total tops.
My question is how is it I continue to test negative 5 months after our last unprotected sex and after a year and a half of intense and regular unprotected anal sex? Now that he is in treatment and has an undetectable viral load would I be even less likely to become positive if we were to resume our unprotected sex? An HIV/AIDS counselor shared with me that he knew of some couples where one is positive and the other not but they are both taking antiviral meds as a prophylaxis for the negative partner.
Consider yourself extremely blessed!! Depending on your fears of HIV, I would use protection with him from now on, you are lucky , but HIV can sill be transmitted with undetectable viral loads, so keep in mind you will be putting yourself at further risk if you continue an ongoing sexual relationship with someone HIV +, especially if its unprotected!!
The undetectable viral load occurred after one month medication. He is in a medication study with a new "Quad" pill, which is a combination of 4 meds which have been proven effective but not manufactured into one pill.
To answer sweetprince, I am certain he did test positive as I went with him. I have also been to the same rapid test site. When you get your results, and they are negative, you are in and out in minutes. He was detained for at least 20 minutes while 4 others came and went to get their responses. When I saw the expression on the woman who came to the waiting area to tell him hIs results were ready I had my first clue (she looked closed to tears) I have taken him to couple of his appointments for medical treatment.
As far as recent infection I tend to think this is not the case. First he said he had been tested within 2 years. The night he got tested they apparently had records of his last test being 4 years ago. This was at a time he was using meth.
I believe he broke up with me to save me from breaking up with him. I have tried to maintain friendship as I still love and care for him. He has a jealous streak which would make it hard for him to see me with anyone else. We are working through this.
To answer sweetprince, I am certain he did test positive as I went with him. I have also been to the same rapid test site. When you get your results, and they are negative, you are in and out in minutes. He was detained for at least 20 minutes while 4 others came and went to get their responses. When I saw the expression on the woman who came to the waiting area to tell him hIs results were ready I had my first clue (she looked closed to tears) I have taken him to couple of his appointments for medical treatment.
As far as recent infection I tend to think this is not the case. First he said he had been tested within 2 years. The night he got tested they apparently had records of his last test being 4 years ago. This was at a time he was using meth.
I believe he broke up with me to save me from breaking up with him. I have tried to maintain friendship as I still love and care for him. He has a jealous streak which would make it hard for him to see me with anyone else. We are working through this.
This can happen. You are at a lower risk by giving the anal sex, then receiving. Also I suspect by his symptoms that this might have been a more recent infection.
I believe that if you have an AIDS diagnosis that you will not be able to have an undetectable viral load. But if Teak reads this he can either confirm that or tell me I am wrong.
I believe that if you have an AIDS diagnosis that you will not be able to have an undetectable viral load. But if Teak reads this he can either confirm that or tell me I am wrong.
was he lying to you about his test so you can break up with him, or did you actually see a proof of him getting on treatment post his results?
I'm no expert on this, but I'm merely asking a question as having regular unprotected sex means higher the chances of infection rate. But hey, if you're negative 5 months after your last encounter with unprotected encounter with hiv positive partner, you should be very Thankful I would think.
Too bad I'm not even close to 5 months clean mark...my window period just started :-(
I'm no expert on this, but I'm merely asking a question as having regular unprotected sex means higher the chances of infection rate. But hey, if you're negative 5 months after your last encounter with unprotected encounter with hiv positive partner, you should be very Thankful I would think.
Too bad I'm not even close to 5 months clean mark...my window period just started :-(
Addendum. My partner would always take a through enema prior to intercourse. Would that be a protective factor for me in this case?
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