Vaginal Sex, Condom Broke

[MMMMM1973]

Dear Dr.,

Some time ago I had vaginal sex with a man (circumcised) and the condom had broken before he ejaculated.  He quickly pulled out and removed the condom and we stopped having sex.  Later, in the morning, I began fellating him without a condom, and he had asked me to stop before he ejaculated.

I am terrified that he had asked me to stop because he had HIV.  He had asked me out on subsequent dates and I refused, as I was frightened he might be infected.  I know it is possible to acquire HIV through preejaculate, and about a month later, I did have a slight flu.  Nearly 3 years have passed, and I have been having other symptoms like a high ANA test (1:640), occasional diarrhea (which I admittedly had before this exposure) and a bout of peripheral neuropathy over the weekend, which has gone away.  I think this man had many female sex partners before me, though I cannot be sure of his HIV status.  I had no other STDs at the time, and do not have herpes, HPV, gonorrhea or chlamydia.  Never had a yeast infection.  Should I get tested?  Am I likely infected???

[happydaze]

OK.  Sound like many issues that you need to work out that really have nothing to do with HIV.  As regards HIV, I have nothing further to add. You know your risk, you know you need to test, you know you can test now for conclusive results.  You know also tht you should always be using condoms  for anal/vaginal intercourse until such time as you find yourself in a mutually monogamous relationship with someone who is conclusively negative.  Not much more that one can add.   Good luck.

[Teak]

You and your new friend test together before you ever have unprotected sex.  

[MMMMM1973]

Thanks for your response.  I've been suffering from severe anxiety about this partly because I met someone who I truly love, and know that he would leave me if I were HIV positive.  To be honest, if the shoe were on the other foot, I would stay with my current bf w/o question, HIV or not.  I am hoping all of my sudden symptoms are a product of my anxiety (and that the others earlier...possible ARS 4 weeks later, high ANA test) were just coincidental.  Otherwise, I have been screened for all other STDs, and have none.  

I am worried about this guy w/ the condom break, b/c I have a good reason to believe he may have slept with hundreds of women -- I found later that he had a website bragging about his sexual conquests several years before.  THAT was the reason I didn't want to go out with him again, to be honest.  I was inebriated during the incident, and barely remember it.  While I take responsibility for my drinking, he should have also been responsible enough to know not to have sex with someone that inebriated.  Borderline date rape isn't a good way to get a second date.  So I probably didn't explain myself well in my original post...

I was screened for HIV in 2002 and was negative (well after any kind of window period).  This was the ony incident of unsafe sex since then (current bf and I use condoms EVERY time for EVERYTHING).  I am petrified that the HIV test would be positive and completely ruin the life of the person I love, and mine.  I know I would be suicidal if I tested positive.

[happydaze]

Should you get tested?  Yes. Not just for this exposure, but anyone who is sexually active should be having an annual STD/HIV screening.  It's the right thing to do.  Are you likely to be infected.  I don't think so, but only a test will tell you definitively.

So you have been worrying about an exposure that happened three years ago.  Yikes.  That's a bit outrageous.  You assumed he was positive because he didn't want to drop a load in your mouth?  Why?  Maybe he was being plain old considerate.  Some people don't like the taste of semen.  And since you thought he was positive, you stopped dating him because you  were afraid??  Well HIV positive people don't bite and if you wear condoms (and make sure you use plenty of lube) for anal/vaginal intercourse, you shouldn't have much of a problem. I assume you liked him well enough to sleep with him.  You might have missed out on a good thing.  Oh well, all water under the bridge.

So you had a small risk with the condom break.  No ejaculation, quick pull out all are in your favor.  Very likely to be negative as a result of that exposure.  Your oral sex escapade was NO risk.  Get your test any time you want and the results for the exposure you bring to this forum will be conclusive.