HIV Prevention Community
Very scared to have HIV.Please help
About This Community:

If you believe you have been exposed to HIV and want help to judge your risk, would like advice about HIV testing, or have questions about the effectiveness of condoms or risks associated with specific sexual practices, this is the site for you.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Very scared to have HIV.Please help

During the last 8 years from my last HIV negative test I have had a lot of insertive protected anal intercourse with brazilian trannies street sexworkers and also a lot of unprotected insertive oral. ( I was to person being sucked)
From the year 2002, I have had 40 documented protected insertive anal intercourses with different trannies sex workers and much more unprotected insertive oral.
From 2002 to now we're speaking around 5 protected insertive anal intercourse, while I can' now count the unprotected insertive oral acts.
Even if I'm almost 100% sure the condom has worked always fine, in date 21 February 2009 a swollen lymph node enlarged on the right side of my neck.
And it's still here after it has passed more than year.
No fever,no rash,no nothing,only that damned swollen lymph node that sometime hurts a lot and sometime not.

Before that date I was fine.

Before and quite near that swollen lymph node, I have had two protected insertive anal intercourse with some trannies street sexworkers and seven insertive oral with trannies.
More exactly what cause me concern are those two episodes of intercourse.
One has been in date 31 January 2009 and the other one in date 21 November 2008.

Another important point: around the date 5 January 2009 I started to go sick for 3-5 days with a heavy sore throat, followed by fever and both bilateral swollen glands on the neck enlarged because I kept coughing hard.
After 3-4 days all the symptoms vanished, but in date 21 February 2009 that single swollen lymph node on the neck appeared without any other sign.
Certainly I have gone sick in a very cold period in winter, that it can be normal,but I has been sick.

Now let's come to the point.
I'm scared to death.
I'm sure I have used always the condom and that he worked,above all in those two episodes, but also in all the other ones because I knew I was doing a dangerous thing and my level of attention was very high. ALWAYS.

What I ask it's if considering the exact date of the two episodes and that short sick period, what is causing this swelling of the lymph node!

1) Making some calculation from the episode of 21 November 2008 and the sick period ( 5 January 2009 ), more than 6 weeks has passed: it can be that sick period an ARS?

2) Assuming it's not, considering the time from the second episode of 31 January 2009 to 21 February 2009,I'm in this case,perfectly in range for the ARS time frame, but it would be strange, to have had only that single lymph node enlarged. No fever, no nothing. I'm sure, because in these years, knowing  I was doing very dangerous things,I have always kept my health very monitored, keeping to try the fever through my thermometer 2 times a day.

3) As told, I'm sure I have always used the condom correctly in every situation, but this symptom scares me and  that perhaps I missed a possible break or slippage of the condom. Is this possible in your opinion?
I confess many times during these many trannies street sex workers encounters I was a bit or quite drunk,but before the act ( the penetration) and during it I'm 100% sure I have used the condom.Always.
Drunk or not drunk, my level of attention has been always very high because I knew what there was in game.

Anyway the point is that during these my sexual acts I wasn't in a hotel or in an apartment,but always in my car, in the night, so with few light,but I'm totally sure even if I was a bit drunk or quite drunk I have always asked the condom and to have used it.
The point is that I have now some doubt,ex post, that something is gone wrong and perhaps I have missed something as the failure of the condom, even if it seems me impossible at least that at the end of the intercourse that I hadn't noticed a condom breakage.
There’s also to say that from the year 2004 to now, to make the things in precise way and to avoid the typical paranoia of the day after, after 5-7 minutes of EVERY encounter of this type, I have written exactly on my little block notes I keep in my car what I have done in very precise way even if I was drunk or not.
This to avoid the doubts and the paranoia of the day after caused by the sexual act I have made and by the hangover.
Anyway the doubt I have gone wrong in something during my sexual acts is destroying the same me all the days.

4) Now I have also another big doubt that's torturing me and it's the insertive unprotected oral sex and the deep kissing as the possible explanation of my symptom. ( enlarged lymph node )
During these my acts I have deep kissed many of these street trannies sex workers and I have had a lot of insertive unprotected oral ( me as being sucked ).
My big doubt is,because some tranny street sex worker allows to the customer to ejaculate in their mouth, to be infected through a deep kissing or the insertive unprotected oral, by the residual cum of the previous customer left in the mouth of the tranny. I'm scared of this because even if I know it's very difficult to be infected from insertive oral or deep kissing, the way I have explained isn't normal and studied.
Please let you know your opinion about if this way to be infected is possible.

5) Said this, what scares me royal are clearly those two episodes I have told.
I tell about these two episodes of protected insertive anal with trannies street sex workers, because they the nearest to the swollen lymph node and the most suspected for ARS symptoms.
Otherwise for the previous episodes to 21 November 2008 even if I’m sure the same I have always used the condom, I have never had fever, enlarged lymph node in range with the ARS time line and followed a protected anal insertive intercourse.
I have had some very hard bacterial tonsillitis with high fever but successfully resolved through antibiotics and I repeat, not absolutely compatible with the ARS timeline.
Using the logic I also suppose that if those tonsillitis were caused by ARS, the antibiotics wouldn’t have worked fine, because the cause was bacterial and not viral as ARS symptoms are.

Coming to the theme of my thread I’m now very scared, perhaps irrationally scared, because I know I have always used the condom in my high risk sexual acts with very high risk persons and I can’t stop to link this my swollen lymph node with those two suspected episodes.
The problem is that also from some month I have also the sensation I have something of wrong under my left armpit and if it’s another swollen lymph node I’m surely screwed up because it would be the typical generalized lymphadenopatia caused by HIV.
But about this left armpit strange sensation I’m not very sure.


Concluding I’m quite desperate and continue to think and rethink to those two episodes.
The possible sick period of 5 January 2009 ( more than 6 weeks from 21 November 2008 ) should be out the extreme range of the ARS timeline (usually 1-4 weeks after the suspected sexual act) and this single swollen lymph node can’t be the ARS for the episode made in date 31 January 2009, but I’m scared the same a lot.

I’m sure if I have caught HIV is for one of these episodes.


Please provide me an your explanation because I’m really going crazy.
I know I have made bad and dangerous things,but I was always protected. ( at least this is what I remember very well and what my notes after 5 minutes after every sexual act tell)
It would be unfair to have caught HIV in protected insertive intercourse if all the doctors of all the world say it's a safe activity.
Please help.
I'm going mad.



Regards

Grenzider
Related Discussions
16 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
188761_tn?1320166132
Wow, you can write so much!

Any ways, straight to the point - If you think, you have used condoms correctly and consistently for every sexual act, there should be no reason for you to freak out. Swollen nodes in the way you describe don't suggest HIV at the first place because HIV ARS and HIV related nodes are definitely generalized, meaning; all over the body, not just one or two swollen nodes showing up. Also, symptoms don't mean a thing, they are not the indicator for one's HIV sero-status.

Let's face it. Considering the fact that you have had spent so much of money with these hookers, you certainly wouldn't mind spending some for an HIV test at this juncture. And, if you tell me, it's not about the money but the courage to take the test. I'd say c'mon big man, you had the courage to hump all these street side senoritas, a little anxiety for the test won't do any harm. I'm not being sarcastic but keeping it absolutely in sync boy-talk.

You speculate HIV, you are sexually active, you have always used condoms, you got HIV anxiety, go take the test. The best solution that any one can offer.

Good Luck :)
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Mike,
Thanks for your reply.
The point I'm scared because I'm pretty sure I have always used condom,but I have not always properly inspected it after the use and taken home to check its full integrity.
After every act the condom looked fine ok to me at a first sight,but I have still doubt to be gone wrong perhaps for my distraction or other motives.

In you opinion a condom broken should have be noticed above after a penetrative intercourse?
Blank
1163575_tn?1339482217
a condom break would be catastrophic and you would have definitely noticed..condom breaks dont occur with small holes which are invisible to the eyes..
if you had used condoms properly,you would have not put yourself in risk for exposure
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Teak,Lizzie what do you think about my situation?!?



Regards

Grendizer
Blank
188761_tn?1320166132
When a condom rips, it's evident. There wouldn't be an instance when it rips and you would n't know. I feel you're in the clear. However, should you speculate HIV, it's certainly not a bad idea to take a test.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Thanks for the support Mike,but I'm almost sure this time I'm done.

I have abused too many times of the good luck.
Too many times I have allowed myself in bad and immoral behaviors.

I'm sure this time I'll be punished by the destiny or God.
I had to stop this my bad behavior many years ago.
Now it's too late.
I'm almost sure this time I'm done.

There's no way to have a persisting swollen lymph node for more than 1 year.
This clear symptom can be only due to HIV.
This time, even with high risk intercourses but protected, in a strange unknown way, HIV has caught me.
The more probable cause could have been a broken condom during an intercourse and I haven't noticed it. Even at the end of the intercourse.
It would be very strange, but very probably it's what it has happened.
There's no other explanation.
I'm prepared to a bad result of the test I'll make.

Hope really to not have an instantaneous heart attack when the poz test will be given to me. :(
Blank
186166_tn?1385262982
lizzie lou would love to comment as you asked...but i dont read novels  :)

just tell me this...REGARDLESS OF YOUR SYMPTOMS...have you had unprotected sex?  shared iv drug works?

if the answer is NO...then you had NO RISK ! ! !
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Lizzie,

Theoretically I've never had unprotected intercourse ( I mean only insertive anal intercourse,because a part the vaginal type, I have never had a receptive anal intercourse in entire my life ), but I'm scared because I have not always inspected the condom accurately after the use, but only at first sight.
So I'm afraid to have missed some broken condom during some anal insertive intercourse.

About other type of unprotected sex I have had a lot of unprotected insertive oral with very high risk persons as trannies street sex workers.
Because i was drunk sometime I also deep kissed for some time these trannies.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I'm still scared to perhaps have missed some condom breakage!
Is so evident in your opinion a broken condom or you have to inspect it accurately after the intercourse?

Please help me.
I have big doubts here and don't sleep very well during the night to keep thinking this big doubt. :(
Blank
173692_tn?1371540094
No you would not miss a condom breakage if one would have happened.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I'm sorry guys but I'm really still scared to hell!

Please for the last time, I beg you to evaluate my situation as exposed.

Now I'm finally convinced condom never broken and here we're ok,but I have still a problem,still a damned variable in my equation I haven't unfortunately evaluated.

Please consider and read very carefully this potential situation at risk.


In some occasion after the insertive protected anal intercourse, the tranny made me a protected blow.job and after we have had a deep kissing. Now I'm scared that perhaps some infected liquid inside the anus of the tranny is passed, first, to the surface of the condom, after from the condom to mouth of the tranny via the oral sex (blow.job made by her) and at the end from the mouth of the tranny to my mouth via deep kissing. Don't know how many time is involved in this series of operation, but surely no more than few minutes. In your opinion this way can be a realistic one to be infected with HIV? Does the few time passed in this series of operation enough to configure the contact direct instead than indirect?


The doctors in various forum/boards insist to tell I'm not at risk because through deep kissing you can't catch HIV.
Ok.
But this is NOT the standard deep kissing!
It's deep kissing with SURELY involved some strange liquid of the anus of the tranny that can be BLOOD or other infective liquid and so practically speaking it's like a receiving oral sex in my mouth with ejaculation!
Please consider also that at the time I had also the wisdom tooth that was growing.
So my mouth wasn't perfectly ok.

It's for this that I'm so scared.

Please help me to calm down because I'm very agitated.
Unfortunately when I had given this deep kissing in this strange way I was drunk and while I have been very careful about the protected insertive anal sex,keeping always an eye on the condom, and stupidly didn't pay too much attention to deep kissing.
It's only after that I have realized I have made a big mistake.


I can't sleep to think I have been infected in so weird and stupid way.
Please Teak,Lizzie,Avonelle evaluate with sincerity my situation.

Have I risked or not in this situation?
Please tell me the truth.

Thanks and God bless.
Blank
186166_tn?1385262982
the truth is...(blowing of horns)...what you just described is NOT A RISK
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Got your point, but it was not ONLY saliva involved/exchanged but also other liquids (blood?),probably infected and my mouth wasn't totally healthy.

Why do you tell me I haven't had no risk?

It was not the standard deep kissing,but practically a deep kissing with blood in a mouth not healthy.
I'm still scared. :(
Blank
186166_tn?1385262982
here are a few quotes that teak put up the other day:

by H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D., Feb 09, 2010 05:51PM
Of course no risk. HIV is not transmitted by kissing, even with sores in the mouth.

Despite the billions of kissing events in the AIDS era, not one case of HIV has been known to be transmitted that way, even though millions of those kisses undoubtedly were with cuts in the mouth or on the lips.

There is no need for HIV testing, even if your kissing partner was at high risk for HIV (e.g., gay man, injection drug user), and even if s/he is known to have HIV.  Of course you can always get tested if you are unconvinced by this reassurance (and Teak's) and remain nervous about it.

HHH, MD

by Edward W Hook, MD, Feb 12, 2010 08:57PM
There is no risk to you of getting HIV or other STDs from kissing, even deep kissing an even if your mouth was dry an you had cold sores.

You do not need to be concerned and do not need testing of any sort.  EWH

by H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D., Sep 12, 2006 12:00AM
Kissing carries no significant risk of HIV or other STDs, with or without blood exposure, and I am unaware of any reports of transmission through mouth area bites.  I suppose the risk in theory is a little higher than kissing without biting, but even doubling a virtually zero risk still leaves virtually zero risk.  In any case, the statistical likelihood is low that the stripper is HIV infected.  I don't recommend testing.

Good luck--  HHH, MD

by Edward W Hook, MD, Mar 06, 2009 08:49AM
Your OCD is speaking to you far louder than the facts.  You do not need testing.  Kissing is no risk, even deep kissing and even with gum or dental disease.   No one has EVER been infected with HIV through kissing.   This includes kissing by all of the people who had HIV and gum disease, mouth sores, etc.

Blank
Avatar_m_tn
This morning ( Europe time ) I have had the results of my test.
It's NEGATIVE not only for HIV,but for all the MTS!

I'm so happy today! : )

I wante to say veru thanks to Lizzie,Teak and the other ones for the support given to me in these difficults moments.

Thanks a lot guys!
Blank
186166_tn?1385262982
:)
Blank
Have an HIV question?
100,000+ doctor answers
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
HIV Prevention Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
How to Silence Your Inner Critic an...
Apr 16 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eaters: How to Silence Yo...
Mar 26 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
1344197_tn?1392822771
Blank
Vaginal vs. Laparoscopic Hysterecto...
Feb 19 by J. Kyle Mathews, MD, DVMBlank
Top HIV Answerers
186166_tn?1385262982
Blank
LIZZIE LOU
Auburn, AL
7613937_tn?1393964502
Blank
ashibhat
India
480448_tn?1397235344
Blank
nursegirl6572
PA
Avatar_m_tn
Blank
hangon51
Toronto, ON
Avatar_m_tn
Blank
palash
Dhaka, Bangladesh
580755_tn?1357673215
Blank
Vance2335
Buffalo, NY