already know...........

I have had unprotected sex, and now Im paying for it. I was recently diagnosed with HIV. my numbers were pretty high the first test out, but my t cells are sort of okay. I just had a lot of oral sex with a guy I really like. Mostly nipple sucking (who cares) but I also went down on him with my mouth orally and analy.....is he at risk from me?  If I were to sallow him, would he catch this from me?

[alienshadow]

when having any kind of sex relations you need to advise you are positive for hiv and yes there was a risk but very unlikely he was infected by you BE CAREFUL

[raj12345]

hey what happened to ur result-anxious

[WorriedKelly]

Are you saying that you got HIV from oral sex?

[POSitively_Frightened1]

no, my infection was more than likely from anal sex. I have insisted that everything elsemwe do involves a condum and he has agreed to that,....I just know if I tell him now he will be long gone......probably because I didnt say it yet. I was clean the first time we were together a long time ago,.....but I was diagnosed since then.........

I know if I tell him now he will jus freak out.....I just want to make sure we are safe..and I am.......

[LIZZIE LOU]

not sure...but i think he is saying that he was positive when he went down on a guy and wondering if "he" could have infected the guy.

[alienshadow]

read his first line    I have had unprotected sex, so thats how he got not threw oral sex

[WorriedKelly]

OH .... OKAY!
Had me really worried since I'm still waiting for my HIV test results from oral sex!

[LIZZIE LOU]

OH HELL NO...you have got to tell this guy and any other person you are sexually active with.  even having "protected" sex is not 100% safe...as condoms do fail occasionally.  then what?  the person you are with needs to be able to make an informed decision about their health and life.  

[POSitively_Frightened1]

does crystal meth make it worse?.......or more dangerous?

[alienshadow]

cool your horses here thats why the guy is here to get advise about his partner he knows he was dum for not telling him his hiv status but i bet he will now. POSITIVE you need to tell this guy do you care for him if you do dont infect him

[Teak]

I don't know where you live, but if you are HIV positive it's a law that you advise any sexual partner of your status "BEFORE" you ever have sex, protected or not.  

[alienshadow]

what are you relly here for this is not a drug forum but it is dangerous anytime you do that sort of drug you need to be looking for some help on the drug problem

[LIZZIE LOU]

"i just know if i tell him now he will be long gone...probably because i didn't say it yet"

"i know if i tell him now he will just freak out...I just want to make sure we are safe"

tell me where he says that he knows it was dumb not to tell him AND that he is going to?

[alienshadow]

GET A LIFE

[POSitively_Frightened1]

not really, he just does it once on a while.......Im just scared. I have the virus,.......now Im learning to live with it.and Im not "out" to anyone that really knows me.......

Im scared.........wouldnt you be?

[LIZZIE LOU]

and why would you ask ME about meth?

[POSitively_Frightened1]

Please relax,.I am going to tell him,...and in person. Im not going to hide behind some shallow email.......I want to reassure him in person that what we have done so far has not put him at risk.........then he can decide whether or not to proceed safely,....or rip my head off.........(ouch)

[LIZZIE LOU]

lolololol...YOU are telling ME to get a life????

that is freaking hilarious...

[POSitively_Frightened1]

Im the LAST person to tell anyone to get a life,.....and I was basicallyasking everyone ,...not just you lizzie. I am sorry iff I offended you

[POSitively_Frightened1]

In fact, I never meant to affend anyone. I am genuinely sorry if I came off that way.....

Im just really scared..........

[alienshadow]

WHAT is hilarious is that your son has to have mommie to do his homework for him you dont know **** about the fear people have here thats why i said get a life he made his own choices not you and your on this web site giving info like you have been through this kind of fear your fear has come from hoping your son didnt have this disease if i offend you well then THATS LIFE GET OVER IT

[LIZZIE LOU]

sorry...i forgot to put "shadow" in the address space.  i was not talking to you.

this forum is not a good place to be.  there is only one person here who is hiv+...and most of them never even had a risk.  they are here because of anxiety driven fear and when they get their negative results...they still cant leave.  this is not what you need.

go to aidsmeds.com   it is a great site with alot of information and you can find out anything you need to know.

kim (mother of christian hiv+)

[LIZZIE LOU]

you are a sad excuse for a human being...sad, sad, sad.

[POSitively_Frightened1]

Im sorry you two have issues, thats not why I asked the question in the first lace.....

thank you for the info lizzie

[alienshadow]

hey dont cry over me hitting a nerve with you and you really sound like a christian using cuss words all the time and this and that and putting people down thats a real low punch with god you just hit him in the balls with that comment you made to me hey your the sad excuse here im looking help for my son wheres he at sitting beside you mommie can you help me you sound like you baby him

[Teak]

Shadow your got your negative result. Move on before you get yourself banned.

[LIZZIE LOU]

my son is out "living"...working...happily married.   what are you doing?

you did not hit a nerve with me shadow...don't give yourself credit for something you didn't do...sorry to disappoint you.  if you had...i would have come down to your level.

this is my last response to you but feel free to "continue" to make a fool of yourself.

[alienshadow]

thanks for the advise i should watch myself here for there are good people here like yourself you do great things for people here teak and goodluck to you and i hope you live to be 100

[POSitively_Frightened1]

is it a really shallow thing to tell him by phone or email?

what would you do?

I mean, we havent done anything risky yet, so it is fair that he knows now. How should I tell him?

[Daveansh]

ya...its so cheap to tell him by phone or mail...i dunno how hard it is...cause i have not gone through this...but i am sure it is damn hard...but u will have to be strong...its ur battle now mate....as for ur friend...u will have to explain to him face to face....thats the only way he can keep his esteem for u...at least i feel like dat...find a quiet place...and just let urself go....all the very best...god bless u and ur friend...cheers....

[POSitively_Frightened1]

thanks man,.......Ill do just that.......its really the only right thing to do.

[zayed1982]

Please help me man...i am not joking

[LIZZIE LOU]

what is it that you need help with?

i looked back over the last few pages and read your posts and the responses you got.  help me understand what you need.  you told your story and you were told that you did NOT have a risk.  your risk concerns have been addressed...and your questions answered.  no one here can tell you anything more than what you've been told...sorry

[Gonka]

I am so sorry to hear about your HIV+ status. But can you please tell us for the sake of those who are so concerned:

When do you think you were exposed?

How long after that exposure, did you test possitive? T

his would help a lot of us here. All the best for a long life.

[Gonka]

Well, can you please reply to the last two question please?

[Teak]

How he contracted HIV isn't important to anyone except him. It would not help anyone here to know how he contracted HIV if he doesn't want to give out his personal information.

[Gonka]

You misread my question. I wanted to know "how long after the exposure he was tested possitive"; question was about timing not about the circumstances. Don't you think it would help so many of us.

[Teak]

No, not all people will test at the same time, nor will all persons have symptoms.

[jake31]

did I miss the purpose of this thread?  what was it?

[Gonka]

Yes, that's point. It would be helpful to know when he tested pssitive after the exposure. You keep saying different people test at different times; but they the doctores give a percentage on this forum,i,e. 99% after three months, etc. So it cannot be: different people test at different times. Do you get what I am saying?

[studiddude]

i cant believe there is another poz person on this forum this makes us all scared i think and reminds us how eal this virus is. i am awaiting to test after relations with a positive man although we didnt have anal sex.

[Teak]

Now that didn't make any sense at all when you know yourself that it can take longer for some to have antibodies detected than it does others. If joeblow tested positive at 4 weeks and had the same risk you did, doesn’t mean you will test postive at 4 weeks.

[POSitively_Frightened1]

I think I know the night I was exposed, but I cant really be sure. I was starting to feel sick before that night actually happened so it's a little confusing for me. I just know that all of a sudden I had the nastiest flu bug and they couldn't figure out what the hell it was. They kept taking blood from me for so many different tests. There was one week they took blood from me like 6 times in that week just to try different tests. Until finally, the doctor said, "ya know what, I'm gonna test you for HIV" in my own head, I FREAKED!!!  I couldn't stop thinking "what if thats what this is?" When they first tested me there were 2 different tests. the first test I was positive. so I got all upset. I actually fell on the floor crying my eyes out I was so distraught. Then there was the second test, and that was negative......they called that a false positive..and said I was fine.......but they sent me to an HIV specialist doctor and he wanted to be sure, so he took more specific tests (DAMN - more blood) and those tests confirmed that I was positive.

Since then, I have been so upset on such a regular basis I still cry myself to sleep. And I never sleep through the night. And when I go to church, I feel so incredibly guilty. I have this terrible feeling that God is angry with me for doing this to myself. I'm really having a hard time with it. Ive told only 3 people so far, and one of them was my Mother. I figured if I got through telling her the rest would not seem so bad. MAN was I wrong!!! I know people that have been living with HIV for over 20 years, but never knew they had it until I got it. This makes it a little easier, but it doesn't change anything. I still spend night after night,  burying my face in my pillow, and holding my Bible begging God to take this away, promising him all that I am to let me be free of this terrible mistake. It's just so hard.

[sunsforlife]

I am truly truly truly sorry for what has happened for you. I think that everyone on this forum would agree. Hang in there and you will be OK.

[sunsforlife]

I hope that this is not informal bu would you mind sharring a little more information about your flu-bug symptoms and stuff. Like how bad were they, were they real real bad and how long did they last and did you have a fever with the symptoms or what.

[Rae1]

I guess you had a false negative on the western blot? Assuming your doc ordered an antibody test first? Never heard of a false negative western blot before...

[ExtremeStress]

I sympathize as well. That is more reason for you to ensure everyone knows your status before hand, if you plan on being intimate. I hope life in general is getting easier to dill with day by day. Just know that there are a lot of people that care about you and will support you!

[POSitively_Frightened1]

They said they could not pinpoint exactly when I was infected. They said it could have been the week before, or 10 years ago, and been laying dormant, waiting to surface....What a comforting thought huh?   I actually got really sick twice. The first time it happened, my whole body ached, and I could hardly move. My head would not stop hurting so bad. I was taking pain pills, Advil and antibiotics, just to do something to fight different things. I didn't throw up, but I couldn't eat much either anyway. My equilibrium was totally off like all the time. I was dizzy even getting out of bed. Diareah ran rampant (sorry for the graphics) it was just horrible. I eventually got over the bug just as they diagnosed me. THEN, not even 3 weeks later, it all came back all over again. Worse than the first time. And BOTH times FEVER, FEVER, FEVER!!!! IT DROVE ME CRAZY!!!  I started to think "is this what life is going to be like from  now on?"  if it is, I can't handle it! Thankfully, it hasn't been that bad since. I have a lot of headaches when I wake up in the mornings. I'm not even on meds for the HIV yet. I'm told they will cost hundreds a month, but they are getting me into some plan because of my disability that it wont cost me anything............well,...I hope this helpful to someone.............

[POSitively_Frightened1]

BOTH Doctors said the very same thing. They rarely if ever see a false positive on a Western Blot test....and thats what it was.............None of it makes any sense to me..

[sunsforlife]

Yes it does, those were probably your ARS symptoms, How long did the symptoms last for when they came on

[POSitively_Frightened1]

at least 2 to 3 weeks both times...........and now, even though I feel fine, my "normal" body temperature seems to be 99 or above all the time

[sunsforlife]

Wow so all your bugs each time ran for like 2 or 3 weeks each, wow that sucks. How high was your tempature during the illness

[POSitively_Frightened1]

it got as high as 103 and stood there for a week each time.......

I don't go out much anymore ,....I just feel like a hermit now, and I don't know anyone who is up as late as me every night.............

[sunsforlife]

Wow im sorry all of this has happened to you., Like i said hang in there and you will be OK. You can come to this site at anytime and talk about stuff if you want to thats what this site is here for. When you were going through your ARS was it hard to even get out of bed.

[POSitively_Frightened1]

it was very hard to get out of bed....to walk to the bathroom was a chore in itself........

but once I got there, it took a while to finish up. every time.

I'm also Type 2 Diabetic, and now thats completely out of whack too. My sugar hasn't been below 200 since this all started.

[sunsforlife]

Well im here if you ever need someone to talk to

[POSitively_Frightened1]

thats very sweet of you..thank you........and God Bless You.

[sam121]

You should not feel very depressed. There is alot of medication for hiv now days that would help you have a normal life expectancy. So feel good, life is gonna go on. If you need any information on the treatment advancements you can learn from various websites, such as poz or thebody. I am pretty sure you will have a positive outlook.

[Teak]

What was your CD4 and VL levels?

[POSitively_Frightened1]

  my CD4 was 501 and my VL was 71,000

[POSitively_Frightened1]

It is very hard for me to have a positive outlook on life when it is now more difficult than ever to meet anyone I would want to spend a lifetime with........

.........I now have the kiss of death...........

[HansrowSenoj]

Hi, I read through your post and just wanted to give my support. I myself got a seven week negative and if you've read through the forum, because my symptoms persist, I'm somewhat frightened about my 12 week test. I've wondered how I would live with the disease if I were positive and about relationships and about family and about all the goals I had set. I know just how difficult it was thinking I had it. I can even imagine somewhat the feeling of guilt, as I felt an extreme amount of guilt since it was my first sexual encounter.... I can imagine the guilt and all the feelings are ten fold when you actually test positive.

Before all of this I never imagined what it would be like to live with the disease.... I just knew that it must be difficult, but reading the posts of people like Teak, has certainly given me a different perspective.... If anything it is a bit of encouragement as well. My Grandmother died from HIV. She was a nurse and was infected while dealing with a patient.... I never knew at the time.... But now I think of how my father might feel if I'm infected by the same disease that killed his mother.... And like you, I can't imagine telling my Mother and feel that that will be my biggest obstacle.

Again, I just wanted to leave my encouragement. I won't even begin to relate to you and your experience, but I can already see some strength in the fact that you are now here sharing your experience. I'm sure you'll get through.... Just continue to pray and to be as optimistic as possible.... As long as you have life you have opportunity.

Best wishes and I'll keep you in my prayers.

[POSitively_Frightened1]

    Thank You......You are very kind.    "I am not as I once was,....and never will be again"

[Teak]

Seek the help of an HIV positive support group.

[POSitively_Frightened1]

I have an appointment in January...............it was the soonest I could get.

[Teak]

You don't need an appointment to go to an HIV support group. They're just like going to an AA or NA support group. You just walk in.

[POSitively_Frightened1]

     where?

[Teak]

Call the ASO that represents the area in your state you live and they will give you contact numbers and address of support groups.

[POSitively_Frightened1]

thank you....I will look that up

[Teak]

You should be posting in the "Living With HIV" forum instead of this one. This forum is for prevention and testing.

[POSitively_Frightened1]

I know, I tried to start this there too, but no one is responding to it, so it has all been coming here .......................so here I am........

[Teak]

I suggest that you stay at AidsMeds where you can get more information and guidance. These people on this forum are mostly in fear of contracting HIV and have no clue on transmission. I also noticed that you told the person you were positive.

[POSitively_Frightened1]

         not yet,....Im supposed to see him on Saturday evening. .....I will tell him then .......

[Daveansh]

All the best mate...i know i am not the right person to say this...but hiv is not the end of the world...be strong....

[SCAREDTODEATH39]

Are you Golokas cousin?

[Gonka]

Get a life man; this forum is not for digging up infor. about people's familial relations.

[Gonka]

Again, my heartfelt sympathies to you. I can only imagine how difficult it might be. But I think that people who live with HIV are very curageous, and they often have a better perspective on life.

On Today Show, today, I saw Mat Laver(?) interview Majic Johnson. He has lived with it for 16 years. Read up on his life. People say he has the best kind of health care because of his money; that may be true, in terms of access to doctors; but not to medicine, which is available to most people, (if you have good health insurance)

Majic says, working out and being possitive about life helped him lived as long has he has. And also getting enough rest.

I wish  you best of luck.