being over-paranoid?

Hi everyone, and thanks for all the information , it's of great value, here is concern, last night I slept with a guy who I don't know his hiv status, I wasn't intending to have any sex at all , but then one thing led to another you know...the thing is after some time I wanted to give him oral sex, but I have recently read loads about it, about the risk, some say it's a risk, though low, you know all that stuff, I said to the guy about this, but to be fair , in real life, in you're someone in bed naked and at it, well, I felt a bit awkard to ask him If he minded me to put a condom, a flavoured one on his dick, since I am really paranoid lately about the hiv transmission, he said you can't get hiv by sucking which I doubt it, but I didn't want to get into a debate, so I gave him brief oral sex with a condom covering his whole dick, so no penis touched my mouth unprotected... so we just had a wank and that's it, none of us came because we lost the excitement...I have typed all this  , because since then on I have got some questions in my head...what about next time I sleep with someone? because I felt that, that was a really put-off for both of us, and if you meet someone that you don't know well, well, I don't know anyone who goes after a couple of drinks "where do you work , by the way , do you have hiv?" my point is that most guys think it's no risk to suck a penis without any protection....I am not really into this guy, but what if next time I get someone I really like and the same situation pops up again?, I still feel I didn't know how to manage , i got the feeling you won't get a good night of sex unless you leave your standards at home?, which myself I prefer to take them with me....what do you think? how do you handle this? thanks

[Vance2335]

I suggest you don't have any kind of sex until you are ready to talk to people about STD's and HIV.
If you use condoms then you have no risk for HIV and STD's and that would be wise. While HIV is not a risk with oral sex, other STD's are.

[someone250]

thanks for the information, I am actually trying to work on it since, because well, about the oral sex, you receive lots of contradictory answers, you know..., I called once to an aids helpline, they said to me oral sex unprotected was high-risk!, which it made feel really confused, and the experience I am getting lately is that people thinks there' no risk in oral, but you have probably read about, like me surely, that if you have bleeding wounds in the mouth all that stuff you know....so I just want to feel really safe because I do like giving oral sex even more than anal, I always use protection. but I have noticed that many people won't have oral sex without unless without a condom..., I can talk freely to anyone about this, what if the guy is not  in my same wave? sorry for being repetitive... thanks again

[Vance2335]

what if the guy is not??? then you don't do anything with him. simple as that.
oral sex and HIV is no risk based on several studies.

[someone250]

you have a point, I guess my only problem is not being assertive enough so as to let know my standards, do the studies include about the sores, bleeding gums, cavity and all that stuff?...I am trying to educate myself lately as much as I can, and well, I think that if oral-sex was a risk...there'd be million of people then! still I can't help being sceptical.

[Vance2335]

Yes the studies do. Studies don't look for the "perfect people" they look just for people. 1 study covered over 100 different couples, 1 HIV-, 1 HIV+. Over 18,000 incidents of unprotected oral sex and not 1 new infection.

Very good way to look at it. With how many people who have oral sex and just the fact that there have only been a few reported but not proven cases should tell you something.

[someone250]

Thanks for your valuable information Vance, I really appreciate it, why do you read different answers in supposedly serious websites about it then? cos when I called that helpline time ago, the lady sounded really convinced about what she was talking about, I just hope people get the right information for once, for good!

[LIZZIE LOU]

the ppl who man these phone lines are not TRAINED in hiv transmission.  they simply are reading or quoting from a manual...that most of the time is out of date.

the proof is in the hands on studies that have been done AND the fact that there has NEVER been a verified case of anyone contracting hiv from oral sex only.

hiv is not transmitted through oral sex...PERIOD.  if you cannot accept this fact...you can always choose to use condoms for oral sex...that choice is YOURS.

[Vance2335]

Well because you have the few reports of people getting HIV from oral sex. Now you have to remember reports are something told by the person after they test positive. So often they will lie to cover up something like anal sex, or will not remember an exposure. It's a same but anal sex in the gay community in many places is still looked down upon, and if a guy is married what do you think he is going to say that he had anal sex with a guy or just tried oral sex?

Both Dr's on this site do say that oral sex is very low risk for HIV, but they also state that they have never seen anyone nor read anything where they have been convinced that HIV is passed through oral sex.

Also since only a handful of studies have been done some people are still conservative on estimates given. Also most HIV help lines people read off of pieces of paper that they have been told to read off of and don't have the proper training.

[someone250]

I can accept the fact, but if my choice is to use a condom, will I come across as a paranoid freak who can't enjoy a normal full sex life? I certainly don't know anyone who would be having oral sex with a condom on at all times, that's my concern, and what about what they say in the websites? they say, there's been documented cases..

[someone250]

it makes sense what you asy Vance, thanks to both

[LIZZIE LOU]

sorry...but whether or not you come across as a paranoid freak is not a concern of this forum.

hiv is NOT transmitted through oral sex.

kindly move on...this is not a psychological counseling service.