drank too much, don't remember. Did I get RAPED?

So, I'm a heterosexual male and I've never done anything with a guy. So this following question may be deeply rooted in ANXIETY and FEAR and not fact or reality.

Anyways, last week, I drank way too much. I started walking home, and all I remember is I started walking with a homeless man. I'm a nice person by nature, so it wasn't outside of my personality to continue to talk and walk with him. I'm sure this went on for quite sometime.

Eventually, likely 45 minutes later, I got in a cab and allowed him to ride with me. I don't remember everything.  I don't think anything weird or outside my normal way of life happened. But, like I said, I don't remember all of the night. So I'm scared. I remember bits and pieces.

I have no reason to believe anything sexual happened, but what if it didn't? I later asked the homeless man to get out of the cab, because I didn't want him to drive all the way home with me, but I barely remember that as well. I was basically in and out of consciousness, but still knew enough to get home.

I'm just scared something sexual may have happened to me. What if I was raped or something else "gay" happened or what if I was stuck with a needle by the homeless man. I don't have any memory of anything like that happening, but then again, I don't remember all of the night.

Is that something I would remember? Was I at risk of HIV? Should I begin PEP? Should I get tested in 6 weeks? Should I get tested at 3 months or 6 months? I've been very scared this past week convinced that something bad may have happened.

Also, I've felt very sick the past few days, extremely sick and extremely sore lymph nodes and sore throat.

Please help

[Teak]

Seek professional mental help.

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

Why is this an unrealistic fear? I've always had high anxiety, and I think the fact that I don't remember everything is scaring me. What if something bad happened to me on the walk home or in the cab? Is that something I would remember or would I have had pain the following day? I really need advice and knowledge on this because I'm very afraid and scared and convinced something bad may have happened

[Teak]

This same post has been posted before.

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

And what was the answer? Outcome? Result?  I really am worried

[Teak]

Call the cops and file a report.

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

So I may have been raped? Wouldn't I remember? Would I butt hurt? That wasn't quite the answer I was expecting, but you are the expert. So I really do have reason to be concerned? Now I'M REALLY FREAKING OUT. And so I also need an HIV test at 3 months?!

[Teak]

Call the cops and file a report.

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

ALSO, DO I NEED TO START PEP?! Is it too late?! wow I'm literally shaking and sweating and scared that I got HIV from this. Wouldn't I remember something like that happening to me? I thought perhaps if I was stuck with a needle I wouldn't remember......So tomorrow I need to file a report? What about my HIV RISK!

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

then why did you say seek PROFESSIONAL MENTAL HEALTH AT THE START? You believe that I may have been raped and your opinion changed in just a few minutes......So I'm assuming this is a HUGE HIV RISK as well? Would there be any signs or pain if I had been raped, I don't have any back there it all seemed normal the next day

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

can anyone else please weigh in on this. Would I remember if I was raped? I remember most parts of the night, but I'm not sure if I was raped or not. Would I have pain the next day...Afterall, I've never done anything like that before/nothing has ever gone up there, so would I know the following day or would I have to question it like I am doing? Please people, please help me.

Would I know or would it be a complete mystery?

[nursegirl6572]

Yes, it is hihgly unlikely that you wouldn't know if you were entered anally, especially if it was against your will.  There would likely be bits and pieces you'd remember.

I urge you to seek help for your drinking problem.  Getting drunl to the point of amnesia is unhealthy and dangerous in so many ways!

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

thank you Nursegirl, yes I thought something like that would be something I'd remember. And also, I had no pain the following day and I figured that if I was entered ANALLY for the 1st time in my life there would probably be evidence of it the following day, as in pain, right? I'm still kind of scared though. Should I be?

[nursegirl6572]

No, this fear is pretty unfounded.  Yes you would be sore.  You would know.

You can always test if you feel you aren't 100% sure, but I highly doubt anything happened.

You need to address your drinking.

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

thank you and I agree I need to address my drinking problem. Like I said, I was in and out of consciousness. I knew enough to try to walk home, I remember parts of that, I remember conversations on the walk and thinking I was being nice giving a homeless man the food I was eating and proceeding to talk with him for a very long time until I forgot how I was in a cab with him, and then, I was home by myself. So I remember bits and pieces, but I don't remember anything sexual and I woke up the next day very sick, but likely from the vast amounts of drinking, but not sore in my butt area and not suspecting anything bad. I only started to suspect the next day when my anxiety took over and when I was scared that perhaps something happened, perhaps I was stuck with a needle, perhaps something, because I don't remember all the details. So I think I might be okay

[nursegirl6572]

You are thinking irrationally.  Even if the man HAD stuck you with a needle, a superficial needle stick won't ;ead to infection.  I think you should just put this behind you.

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

ok thank you

[RainLover71]

Your thinking is highly irrational,you would know if you were stuck with a syringe or anally raped even if you were drunk.It never happened,so you need to move on from this.

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

But what if I didn't remember? I would certainly know?

[Vance2335]

Seek a therapist, nothing more we can say here. This is risk assestment and that is what we have done.

Thank you

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

Yes I'm saying the truth. I don't recall anything sexual happening. I'm a heterosexual male with no history of anything sexual with anyone other than females. And I only remember bits and pieces of the night. I don't know why I started to have anxiety that I may have been raped, but I feel like something wasn't right

[nursegirl6572]

Listen, we've gievn you our opinion...only you can make a decision of what to do...if you really feel you must, then get tested.  It's as simple as that.  We can't keep repeating ourselves.

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

Nursegirl, I agree and trust me I greatly appreciate the knowledge given here. I respect everyone's opinion, and it has helped me back to reality somewhat.....The reason I came here is seeking answers and I've basically got them, and like you said, now it is on me.  

But I was concerned by the early things that Teak said, claiming that I needed to file a police report.  

I basically was here asking questions hoping that someone with knowledge of rape could provide insight to whether I would have felt anal pain the following day or whether I would have remembered at least something from the act -- because I'm assuming it would be traumatizing.  I felt no anal pain the following day and, this is how high my anxiety was, I even examined myself down there and everything seemed pretty normal. I guess I just want to know if there is any possible way I can know for certain.

[Vance2335]

"I guess I just want to know if there is any possible way I can know for certain."

Find the homeless guy and ask him. If you were not sore the next day and had anal sex for the 1st time, then either you have used other objects in your anal cavity or the guy was as thick as a pencil.

Your asking us to go into your mind and figure something out for you...we can't. Irrational thinking is all this boils down to.

[cantrememberamIokveryscared]

Ok, thank you, and I agree it is very irrational. And I know how silly and frantic my anxiety must sound to others, for that I apologize but I somehow had/have convinced myself that this happened. I would certainly know if something had gone up/in there for the 1st time in my life.

I need to try to control this anxiety, think logically, and move on. No risk.