odds of contracting hiv?? help!

Okay so this is going to get really graphic and personal, but I am freaking myself out right now! so.. Unfortunately I lost my virginity to this guy when I was 19. He raped me. He shoved my head down there and made me give him oral while I was crying and then he put a  condom on and raped me. After this, i found out that he gave me HPV, the type that causes cervical cancer. I saw a bump, got it checked and then had to have surgery on the inside of my cervix and on the outter part of my vagina.. that wasn't pleasant. I am 23 now and it has only came back once since then. i have had no abnormal paps for almost 3 years now. About a month ago, i found a red bump.. went to get it checked.. and found out that I had an old infection of hsv 2!! I have only been with him, a guy I dated for awhile,  my ex ( I made him get tested) and my current bf that I have been with for almost 3 years and made him get tested too. I freaked out! and still freaked out. When the doc called me, he told me to come back in to talk to him and to get hiv testing. I went to the doc, brought my boyfriend and we talked. He asked me about the hiv testing, but like an idiot I said I don't need it cuz I honestly thought I was okay. My boyfriend just got tested for everything and his results were okay. Luckily, I didn't give him herpes even though we always have unprotected sex ( probably because I haven't had outbreaks) Anyways, to the point! sorry this is so long. So now I am freaking out that the doc asked me to get tested for hiv.. does he think I have it? Now I'm starting to think I have it! the guy that I dated for awhile who I didn't make get tested took off the condom once, but didn't cum in me. I didn't know he did that. And now I'm starting to think I could have gotten it from him! I'm so scared. But if my boyfriend of 3 years is okay does that mean I am? that is my question.. we have always had unprotected sex (dumb I know) we have done oral, vaginal, and even anal, i have even started my period on him a few times.. gross i know! but if we have done all that and he is clean still does that mean I am good?  I am freaking out!! and I am honestly scared to get tested because If i do have it I will want to kill myself. I can't take anymore.

[LIZZIE LOU]

as far as the rape goes...nothing that you have described put you at risk

your current b/f has tested negative...he cant give you something he doesnt have

the guy who took off his condom?  that was unprotected sex

the ONLY way to know YOUR status is by testing.  

your b/f's test only confirms that HE doesnt have hiv.  it is "possible" for someone to be infected and not infect their partner...even after years of having unprotected sex...so his test does not PROVE...without a shadow of doubt... that you arent infected.

test to know your status.

[rchie]

test at  3 months post exposure for conclusive results

[cherryblossom22]

ugh thanks for scaring me more :(

[jamied92]

the professionals on this site say that there is no hiv risk from unprotected oral sex, there has been no proof of it ever being transmitted that way, so that rules the rape out because the guy used a condom. your boyfriend used a condom, but the guy you dated took it off once gave you hsv. if you have an std, you shouldn't be having unprotected sex with someone, it's just not a good thing to do. but, if your boyfriend has tested negative, and you 'always' have unprotected sex with him, there is a good, but not definate, chance that you don't have hiv. 3 years of having unprotected sex with someone, in my eyes, would usually result in a transmission of an std, but i guess from what lizzies saying is there is a very slim chance that it wouldn't happen, but from what i see, if you've been having sex with this guy for 3 years unprotected, and you've not given him hiv, then i have a feeling that you don't have it.

just get tested, and put your mind at rest. you should maybe look into getting counseling about the rape incident, because without it you could be permenantly mentaly scarred.

[cherryblossom22]

Yeah I know I'm traumatized now. I am so overly paranoid that I have everything now too :(
I'm pretty sure 99% sure I don't have hiv, but I am honestly scared to get tested because if I have it I will probably kill myself. But, If my bf doesn't have it, odds are that I don't too because we have done everything and I have gotten blood on him.. and I didn't know I had hsv until a month ago that's why we always had sex unprotected.. luckily I never had outbreaks so I didn't give it to him.. and the unprotected sex incident was a guy I was dating and he took the condom off midway saying "we don't need this" and for some reason I can't remember much about that night after... it's just scaring me because I wonder how many girls he said that and did that to....

[LIZZIE LOU]

you have been assessed and advised regarding your risk and testing.  you being scared to test should be addressed on the hiv anxiety community forum.  this forum has done it's job.