scared becaause of bisexual partner

thanks so much for all you do on this forum! it's a really wonderful place.

i am a hetero female. my ex-boyfriend and i were on a break, during which time he had sex with a male prostitute, his first time doing such a thing. he was the insertive partner, and the condom broke. they were having sex for about a minute before he noticed the break and replaced the condom. we got back together and he didn't tell me about the encounter at first. we had sex one more time, and it was protected. the condom did not show any signs of breakage. after we had sex, he told me about the encounter with the man and we broke up.

ever since then i have been very worried about possible HIV transmission. i have HPV (no warts, just abnormal cervical cells) and i hear this increases my risk for transmission. the one-time sex i had with my boyfriend after he had sex with this man was protected, so that makes me less scared, but a few weeks after this encounter my ex-boyfriend called me and told me he has tested positive for mono. doesn't ARS often resemble mono?  a little while after my ex got mono, i began to have swollen glands, sore throat and a cold sore on my tongue. but i have already had mono, so it couldn't be that. perhaps we are both experiencing ARS? could this be a reaction to stress?

i was tested again at two weeks and the test was negative. i know that is too early and i plan to be tested again at 3 months, but i would love to get some risk analysis before then.

thanks again!

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

I'll try to help. The risk your ex-BF acquired HIV from any single exposure is low; and therefore your risk would be low even if no condom was used.  On the other hand, it would be reasonable to wonder whether this really was his only episode of sex with other men.  If not, of course his risk of being infected is higher.  But the negative HIV test you already had proves you weren't infected earlier, and your risk was near zero for the single condom-protected recent exposure.  For peace of mind, you'll probably want to follow through with a second HIV test 6-12 weeks after exposure, but it's optional.  More important, get tested for other common STDs at the same time, ie chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis.

Your symptoms are meaningless as an indicator of early HIV infection; search other threads about this (look for "HIV symptoms" and "ARS symptoms".  But talk to your provider about them.

Cold sores do not occur on the tongue; they are only on the lips and face.  Maybe a canker sore (not the same as herpes).  Or conceivably a symptom of syphilis.  The odds are very low, but you should also discuss this with your health care provider.

Best wishes--  HHH, MD

[jacobsquestion]

Sounds to me like you were protected by the condom.  Condoms used from start to finish, without breaking, are close to 100% effective.  Your BF should be tested and you should ALWAYS have protected sex (maybe even a condom for oral - but oral is very low risk) until he is tested.

[JohnnyV]

Here's a thought: Why not practice safe sex regardless of whether the men you sleep with are bi or straight? Why not get tested when you have unprotected sex with anyone? Why not have all your partners tested before you move to monogamous unprotected sex with them, regardless of their sexual identity?

I'm still committed to the insane idea that HIV is a disease that can affect anyone, not just gay men. But then again, I'm bisexual, and if my wife listened to the advice on forums, she would have never married me. Thank God we both take things we read with a grain of salt. :)

J

[skerdstraght68]

lol

[sillylady]

I totally agree with JohnnyV about protected sex, always, whether your partner is straight, bi, whatever. I was most nervous about my ex-bf's encounter because it was with a prostitute.

Thanks to the doctor for his kind answer. Glad to know this encounter with my ex was low-risk, but will be sure to be tested at 6-12 weeks.

As I'm sure all of you know, it's really easy to look at symptoms we all experience relatively often (achey (achy) muscles, fatigue, etc.) and get carried away. I was finding myself questioning the efficacy of a condom, even though sex-ed has always taught me that they're the best way to protect yourself from STD's.