super scared...combo of questions i couldnt fully find online

Hi.  

I hope you are well.  I have a series of quick questions I am hoping to get some insight on.  I am a gay male in a relationship with another gay male.  My BF and i do have unprotected sex and have always been monogomous. 10 days ago i had a very brief 'cheat' with another guy.  He was a massage therapist.  He very briefly (~10-15 seconds) gave me fellatio.  He then rubbed his penis against my rectum, pushed against but didnt go in.  If it did, it was perhaps a very brief 1/4 inch, but i kept ensuring he didnt go in.  Then, i just freaked and we stopped, jacked-off and that was the end of it.  I decided based on this, not to tell my Boyfriend and to just let it go.  I am now RIDDLED with guilt because i am worried i did put my BF at great risk, even though i thought this was safe enough sex.  Here are my questions:

1.  Now 5 days after sex with my BF and 10 days after my cheat experience (with my BF, i was insertive top, no cumming), he has some inflammed lymph nodes in both armpits.  He has no other symptoms or fever or other inflammed nodes.  they look like ingrown hairs, the size of eraser tip and are a bit red.  He said it is tender.  I AM FREAKING OUT.  Could this be ARS based on what i did sexually with this other guy?  Is this too soon for ARS for him?  I feel fine and have no symptoms.

2.  I already have HSV1 (on my butt), and assumed it would be highly ulikely to get HSV2 from the oral i received.  Is this true?  could I have given HSV2 to my Boyfriend from this cheat episode?

3.  How soon after you receive herpes can you give it to someone else?  ie, i have no signs of herpes myself, but in this 5 day window  - could i have given it to my BF?  ie, shedding?

4. Do you transmit herpes from the place where you have the outbreak?  ie, if if have HSV1 on my butt, he cannot get it from me on my penis?

5.  I have no sign of gonorrhea, assuming this issue has passed, but ill test at some point.


Please help!  I am so scared!

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Hello.  I hope I can help to put things into perspective for you.  To preview where I am about to go, while you did cheat (how does one cheat "a little", you did or did not) the nature of your exposures outside of your relationship are very low risk.  My guess is that your guilt is playing as much of a role here as anything else - perhaps I'm wrong but that is what my read between the lines suggests.

Now, on to your specific questions:
1.  Your BF's illness is not due to HIV that you have just acquired through your outside relationship and then transferred on to him.  The timing does not work at all.  He may have folliculitis (ingrown hairs) or a non-STD/non-HIV viral illness but this is not HIV.  If it makes him feel poorly, he should seek the opinion of his own health care provider.
2.  Getting HSV-2 from oral sex is vanishingly rare.  In addition, that you have HSV-1 makes it less likely that you would get HSV-2.
3.  Sorry, this scenario is not plausible.  You could not have gotten and then re-transmitted HSV over a period of just 10 days.
4.  HSV is transmitted from virus which is present in the nerves which supply the infected area.   HSV on your rear end is not likely to be transmitted through your penis.
5.  Good idea to test although your risk is very, very low.

As I have said already twice before, your risk if very low.  Please try not to worry.  Hope my comments help.  EWH

[alittleworried36]

You are right.  I cheated.  Period. No little about it.  I have to deal with that and am taking accountability.

1.  So i can rule out herpes transmission to my BF from this cheat.
2.  Sound like i can rule out HIV.   Can you clarify that i wasnt exposed to HIV by the encounter i described?  ie, what about the off chance of pre-*** on my rectum?
3.  Gonorrhea - got it, not worried.
4.  How about Syphillis (syphilis) risk?

Other than dealing with my guilt (which feels awful) i can feel ok on his health?

thanks again.
d

[Edward W Hook, MD]

You should be fine healthwise.  as for your questions:

1.  Yes
2.  Correct.  No penetration, no risk.  Oral risk is essentially inconsequential even in the unlikely circumstance that you partner had HIV (chances are he did not ujnlesss you know otherwise)
3.  Correct
4.  No lesions, minimal risk.  The disease is quite rare.

His health should be OK. Time for you to address your own mental health (i.e. guilt)  EWH

[alittleworried36]

I am SO SORRY to bug you one last time.  My boyfriend now has what appears to be red bug bites (like ant bites or mosquitoe bites)  - a few on his lower back, a few on his hip and upper leg  - and these look like what is in his underarm.  Is this consistent with ARS?  I am freaking out again about this.

[alittleworried36]

what does and ARS related rash look like?  i heard it is on the trunk, so i am nervous.

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Last Reply - STOP!!  Everybody has rashes.  the rash of ARS is non-specific. You have NO reason to worry about ARS.  EWH