test results tomorrow....its been the toughest week of my life

i pray im not unlucky enough to of caught HIV from the exposure i had. which as some of you know was unprotected oral, and a few seconds of unprotected contact between the head of my penis and this massage parlour girls vagina.
my symptoms have been these....and believe me i know enough about 'symptoms' to know they are not considered reliable, but anyway here are mine.

after 2 weeks...sore throat. not too painful, just uncomfortable and persistent.

after 3 i go to the doc, she gives me antibiotics. i ask her about my lymph nodes (which i have had swollen in groin and neck for over a year) she says they are not significant. which fits with what other drs have said..(after testing)

throat clears up after a week. though two mouth ulcers appear. i never get them. i start for the first time to get worried about my exposure. my arms start to hurt. like i have been working out...which i have been, but the muscle ache is different. this is now the dangerous area where anxiety takes over and i dont know whats real or psychological.

my clavicular lymph nodes pop up at week 4. they are large, and feel infected. they are completely different to my other lymph nodes...they are palpable and significant. take HIV test antibodies - negative.

there is a dull pain in my liver.

see many drs. they all ask about HIV. i explain my exposure and they say LOW risk. not NO risk.

one dr finds another swollen node in right armpit. palpable.

i get DNA PCR test. pick up the results tomorrow. i dont know how i have survived this week. well i do actually. by drinking and smoking. i have also suffered weight loss in this time. my sore thraot seems to be still hanging about a bit.

my symptoms. fit the time frame of ARS perfectly. my HIV antibody test at 4 weeks is relatively meaningless, as i think anyone testing for antibodies whilst seroconverting usually tests false negative. quite frankly im terrified. im terrified of the supposdly more virulent sub type here in Thailand, and im terrified im just the poor fool who a lot of IF's combine in the worst possible way.
no matter whatthe result tomorrow, my life has got too change, because i can never go through this again,. i keep tellling myself to be calm. that the power of stress can do incredible things. but the problem is the power of the mind cannot pop out lymph nodes. im sorry i have been a nuisance on this board. i havent got anyone else i can talk to about this. and holding it together has been hard. please wish me luck

[extremelyafraidman]

I will have you in my thoughts. Hopefully everything will be ok. almost all the experts on this forum say that symptoms mean nothing. by the way by 4th weeks 80-90% of the people who are going to test positive will test positive. so that's encouraging.
don't forget the promises you just made about future.

[monkeycircus]

im a weak person. its not like i havent made this mistake before. its not too say that im constantly making this mistake...but i have done it in the past. i have wasted so much of my time and energy focused on this negative aspect of my life. i just hope i get another chance to sort my life out

[LIZZIE LOU]

after going back and reading your past posts...it is clear that you could benefit from the help of a mental health professional.

[monkeycircus]

i completely agree.

[monkeycircus]

not just a mental health professional though lizzie...its not normal to have swollen supraclavicular and axillary and groin and neck lymph nodes. so you will forgive me for being stressed. its a nightmare.
id love a mental health professional...problem is here in bangkok, if you go and say anything about mental health you just get given a prescription for xanex.
infact i went and complained of insomnia at hospital the other day, said oculd he please give me a mild sleeping pill...he gave me rohypnol! lol

[LIZZIE LOU]

THE PURPOSE OF THIS FORUM:

If you believe you have been exposed to HIV and want help to judge your risk, would like advice about HIV testing, or have questions about the effectiveness of condoms or risks associated with specific sexual practices, this is the site for you.

THIS IS NOT A PSYCHOLOGICAL COUNSELING SERVICE.