very hurt

i'm really hurt that anyone could suggest that anybody would lie about having HIV. That is the most disgusting and degrading thing anyone could do. I havent responded in a day and all of a sudden  i'm lying? did anyone think of the possibility of time difference between where they live and where i live?
i posted that i moved to a NEW CITY - yes australia has cities!
as for my age i really am 19. my first post ever indicated that i was 21 because i didnt want to give up my true identity hence why my nickname is helpme21 but then i realised i needed some serious support so i told the truth about my age.
i cant believe i have to defend myself i feel sick. i have never felt so alone. even strangers on the other side of the world dont want to help me and to think i wanted to ask someone i knew. why would you guys do this? i cant deal with this and on top of that i have to defend myself on the internet of all places. i thought that this place was for support?
what do you want me to do? kill myself?
shame on u and shame on me for thinking people care.

[HELPME21]

I just want to clarify something

my age : ITS ONLY AGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U'VE NEVER HAD TO PROTECT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my city: IF U READ THE POST PROPERLY I SAID I MOVED TO A NEW CITY NOT NYC AS SOMEONE IS SUGGESTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6wks negative: I DIDNT POST IT BECAUSE I ONLY CAME ON THIS SITE THIS MONTH AFTER 7MTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
australia has the best clinics: DO THESE DOCTORS LIVE IN AUSTRALIA? THE IDEA OF HIV IS ABANDONED HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm lying about HIV: THATS IMMORAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CANT BELIEVE IM DEFENDING MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
god forbid any of u have to go through what im going through!

[Teak]

All that I asked was, did you have a confirmative test? If you didn't you are not actually positive until the confirmative test results are back.

[HELPME21]

yes i did and yes i still am positive
i just thought u off all people would understand
i really dont get it.
all i wanted was a bit of support.
but people are all panicking and calling me a liar only to make themselves feel better.
no im not a drug user or anything else people are throwing out.
i was raped! since when is that not a high risk?
u helped me alot with advice on my previous posts and i appreciate it i really do. i just dont get it. ive been on this site some time now . y would i make this up. i dont want to have HIV. i wouldnt lie about it so God can punish me and give it to me for real. i really dont get it.
ur all starting to make me feel as if i am crazy that im disillusioning myself into thinking i have HIV. im not crazy i wish i was crazy. i just wanted some support. i truly have noone. and i dont know where to begin telling my bf. i dont even know if i got this from rape or my bf either. considering everyone is so adament about telling me that 6wks test is quiet definite. i dont know ok
i dont know anything anymore

[Teak]

Let's get something straight. You would have been the first person to have lied about their status. It happens. Now since you have had your confirmative test what were your numbers?

[txtony]

sweetheart, i know the doubt by some forum users have been overwhelming.
those who doubt you, blow them off, their of no use to you anyway. others dont doubt you, rather are only saying that a positive antibody test for hiv is not positive dx, until confirmed by a westernblot test positive with a series of technical bands on the actual test. you need to find an id doctor to start working with you.  were here for you, at least most of us are..   tony

[HELPME21]

thank you tony that really does mean ALOT to me.
Im a little confused with all these testings. Im waiting for my results for my CD4 viral load and hiv resistence test? i should get them by the end of the week. it doesnt even make any sense to me. but i'll post them up and maybe someone can help me. when the doctor tries to explain to me i get really bad anxiety and tune out somewhat.
theres so many questions running through my head. my doctor said she needs my results before she decides whether or not i need to start medication. but what if i need it and cant afford it? im so scared.
i feel like a zombie .  i cant really cry anymore. im just numb. ive got exams coming up too and i cant concentrate.
do u think that my results can show how recently i was affected?

Teak - im sorry but i dont understand what numbers u r after. i am not trying to ignore u. i just really dont understand anything. im sorry.

please keep in mind the time difference between my country and yours if it takes me time to reply. thank you.

and tony once again thank u. its amazing what someones coments can do to u.

[Teak]

If you would have read her posts she did have a confirmative test done and it was positive.

[txtony]

hey there, how are you feeling?
another website other than the ones jambopointed out is aidsmed, great folks there, from newly diagnosed to veterans. they have a library of info, regarding your numbers and viral load.  youll be in my prayers.

[hellothere123]

hi sweetie,
I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. don't listen to the people here - they are not hear to support anyone but only here to make themselves better about their own risk.  they won't believe anyone who questions their selfish and unrealistic sense of security.  anyway, you need to be focusing on yourself, rather than on these losers.
i am sure this must be a difficult and lonely time for you and i hope that you decide to tell someone close and expand your social support very soon.  try to get in touch with an hiv specialist and maybe a therapist to help you through this time.  you should know nowadays there very effective medications available and hiv is becoming more and more a manageable disease. people newly diagnosed with hiv who get the appropriate treatment can be expected to live full and healthy lives.
--best of luck to you.

[peekawho]

I'm not here to make myself feel better about any risk at all.  

If I don't believe helpme21 or 19, it's my right to voice my opinion on a PUBLIC website.  If someone does not want to divulge private, sensitive information where others might be disbelieving, someone might want to rethink posting it in this venue.

Just saying, this is the INTERNET, folks.  Take EVERYTHING with a grain of salt.  

[Conspiracy Theorist]

I think he may be referring to the thing that sticks out the most in this thread copied below. I truly believe the girl is HIV positive, but I believe there is more to the story. She clearly talked today in her post that she may have in fact contracted it from her BF.  If you read this thread and pay attention to detail that may actually be the case.  The girl obviously needs help and I strongly believe this is not the forum for her to get that help.  If she is not comfortable with seeing a Dr. or Counselor, she should seek help from those on the Aidsmeds.com board who are positive and can help her through her experience. Those folks are great on that board.  Not trying to make this girl feel even worse than she does but if she loves her boyfriend, she really needs to come clean to him and he needs to get tested.  

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/STD-Support/messages/261.html

[Much Needed Help]

Aren't all of names 'protected' that's why we give ourselves nicknames?  So, how does saying you're 19 and not 21 give up your identity, I'm confused?

I thought that Australia had very good STD clinics.  You can't take a cab to a better part of town?  You did say you lived in Australia, correct?  Because in this post

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/HIVSupport/messages/2357.html

you said you all lived in different states.  

Isn't it true that the Elisa test can come back with a positive, but, when they do the Western Blot, it can be negative, which means you're negative?  Could your doctor have told you that the Elisa was positive, but they were doing a Western Blot to confirm?  Have you confirmed that the confirmation test was done?

[stonjambo]

Helpme

everyone here is saddened by your ordeals, and to the extent possible is trying to help. i would suggest that you bear in mind that the tests sometimes give false pos and false neg. possibly your 6 wk test was a false neg. or, this one is false pos. as everyone says, please try to make sure that the test included the western blot which is a confirmatory test.

if your test is confirmed, i dont know why a 6wk test came out neg, and hope it was not your bf who infected you...

if it indeed comes out pos, take a deep breath and try to confront it. i know it wont be easy, but only you have the power to face it...and you will do it, make your way through insurance and other issues and come out winning.

there are some great forums you can connect with; thebody.com and aids2hiv.com where you will find a community facing similar questions.

if you just want to talk to someone, write to me at ***@**** and i will call you back.

jambo

[Serge1975]

To HELPME21: i wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart. I can't begin to fathom what you must have gone through. As stated before, the advances in treatment are great, really great. As a practicing clinician in a European country, let me tell you from my own experience that HIV-related mortality has dwindled so sharply that it is absolutely true when they say that now it is just a chronic infection. Take good care of your health and, most importantly, practice strict adherence should medication be needed. Of course, I presume Australia has all the necessary tests to keep track of your health and determine the right treatment regime (I shall repeat, should it be needed - i do not know your immune status and VL, so from my perspective it is possible that you are a slow progressor or a non-progressor). Please do not allow yourself to get depressed - believe me: where HIV medicine stands right now, you have all the chances to live a long, fulfilling life.

TO WORRIED WELL: in HELPME21's comments I saw only 2 tests mentioned: at 6 weeks and 7 months. If that's all the testing that has been done, it is most likely that seroconversion took place within the accepted window period. In such case, it may well have occurred on week 7 or 8! Anyhow, stop being egotistic and give the girl the support she needs and deserves!