head & trauma brain injury

[dawn671]

I have a 44 yo son that has brain injury is on financial aid. I spent many years helping support him, his is capable of taking care of himself, but cannot work because the injury affected his eyesight and hearing. He use to do yard work for me when I was working, so I was able to supplement his income. I have retired and cannot continue to do this. My husband, (not his father) feels it's time for him to stand on his own. I am very upset about this. Please advise.

dawn

[DrNoopurMD]

Hi,

If possible please try and talk to your husband about it and try to explain as best as you can. Brain injury can happen to anyone. Meanwhile also seek help from other family members and friends about it. I hope someone will step forward to help him.

[SBF]

Hi Dawn,
My TBI was long ago, but sight comes and goes in one eye.  Independance is good thing, as you can't always be there to help your son.  Has he tried vocational rehab office (DRS in USA)?  They may try to refer him elsewhere, but if has any documented disability and wants to work they're legally required to help.  Can evaluate, concentrate on abilities and help him get interviews for work (and keep jobs) he CAN DO.  

Does he travel by himself?  Can learn even if totally blind w/ help of training and/or service dog.  He is very fortunate to have your love, but CAN and should learn to take care of own needs as much as possible.  What are his interests now?  Meeting new people and directing his own course in life is so very important!  Isolation is the worst part of TBI and there is subsidised housing (although sometimes a long wait) he can get and afford if has any income of his own.

Much better he try new things while has such a good support system, not later out of necessity.  Your husband isn't being cruel, but realistic (easier for him to do when not as emotionally involved!)  You can go with son to get started in programs, acting as advocate for independance!  May seem hard, but has only two choices... must either grow or stay the same.  Wouldn't it be better to "let him try his wings" while you are around to help when/if he stumbles?  I empathise with your situation, but please let mind guide you with support of big heart... not other way around!  SBF  

[Niffer991]

Is there any kind of work that he can get? If he can work a little it is recommended that he slowly make the transformation as I have been doing over the last 2 years. If he is playing the "victim" and wants someone to take care of him then he may need couceling. If he is on CPP then I know it is not a lot but it should pay a portion of his needs. You want to be supportive but don't be an enabler. If you are enabeling him to mooch and be the victime then you should really do something about it. There are places he can live that have sufficient disability coverage for him to support himself. I live in British Columbia, Canada and there is a terrific coverage system. so maybe encourage him to find apporpriate work if able and if not then find appropriate disability coverage to take care of himself.

Hope this helps at all