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Im loosing the battle
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Im loosing the battle

Diagnosed with Ischemic Heart Disease, had 2 heart attacks, underwent bypass surgery last Aug. I was told without this surgery i had a max of 5 years left. I have suffered a subrachnoid 12 years ago through high blood pressure, leaving me paralised on right side with epilepsy. I have a lovely family and always managed to keep a good outklook but now i have my blood pressure under control for the first time in 10 years my chol under control, i can get a round a little better I feel there is something wrong.  Im sweating so badly its embarrasing, ive always been one to get to hot when dancing or under excessive excersise but i only have to move and im sweating now. I ahte going to work like this. I feel so tired all the time, but cant sleep without tablets to help since the op. Then i sleep 10 hours and still get tired in work, i could loose my job like this. I feel so negative its like waiting for the bomb to drop on me. I feel so sorry for my family me being like this as it isnt me. I dont want depression tabs i feel its not that but something wrong i cant put my finger on. Although my docs are great they passify me so to speak, i feel they are saying ' your lucky to be here theres nothing else we can do' and there prob right but i cant go on like this, its a waste of time in having the op to feel like this. can anyone help me.
Sorry for moaning i know ther are people worse off than me. But that question of ' how long?or is this it? is like being in purgatory.
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Avatar_n_tn
hi mate
            I, and I am sure us all on this forum are with you, we are all in a similar boat, to a greater or lesser degree.

           Try not to worry about what may happen, because it may not.
           Keep focused if you can on the things that are real and now.
           Talk to your Cardios and tell them what is actually going on.

           Above all, don`t give up trying.

          All the best    

            
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Avatar_f_tn
*****, doesn't it?

At the time of my surgery in March, I was told that it would take a year to get back to normal.  By that standard, you are on schedule with your vitals, anyway:  Mine are all elevated, enough to be distressing, but it's early days still.

(you say  "i have my blood pressure under control for the first time in 10 years my chol under control, i can get a round a little better.")  

Your related problems are not very nice.  I'm finding that complications after open heart surgery are the rule, not the exception.  I thought I was one of the minority who escape the worst, but at three months, my cardiologist finally faced the fact that the very unpleasant and somewhat debilitating shortness of breath--which we optimistically thought would get better as the left ventricle returns to normal (which in my case, fortunately, it supposedly is doing) is probably permanent.  I don't think it was very pleasant for him to admit it, either.  

Sleep.  After the immediate post-surgical period, I began sleeping less, too.  Many nights I have slept 2 or 3 hours, sometime several nights in a row.  Fortunately, I'm retired, so I have some latitude in sleeping and was able to wait and observe what was happening without worrying about going to work the next day.  I noticed some interesting and unexpected things, that you might have seen if you hadn't felt you had to beat the sleep thing because of work.

Since I wasn't under pressure to perform for eight hours any more, I didn't feel I HAD to sleep, and didn't start with sleep meds, which I think make you tired all day.   (Medical sources say it's because you don't have the same REM cycles as with natural sleep--I don't know.)  

I decided not to TRY to sleep--which has always been an issue for me, although I sleep very soundly and used to sleep a very long time once I got there.  Instead I do light things like working on the computer until I'm falling asleep.  I considered naps to be an option after the short nights, but I've found I don't nap at all in the daytime.  I have many longer nights, of course, but not longer than regular sleep--not "making up lost sleep."   Although I do have to get up at 6:30, I am really no more tired, probably less tired than I was before surgery, when I slept quite a lot.  

My cardiologist asked me at each appointment how I was sleeping, but I thought it was just a general health question until I ran into a post by someone whose father had open heart surgery, and was sleeping only an hour or so at a time.  Then I realized, this happens, he's asking about sleep for a reason--next time, I told him what was happening sleep-wise, and that it wasn't a problem for me, and he was good with that.

I think I'm sleeping a little more now--it's been at least a couple of weeks since I was awake to watch the sun rise--and I kind of miss it.  I had told my kids, I hope this is permanent, I can use the time, but I don't suppose a GOOD side effect is going to hang on!  :-(  

Anyway, I'm recounting all this because I got the sense that you are feeling you have to sleep a certain amount, and struggling to get that much sleep, and maybe you just aren't metabolically set up to sleep that much any more--sleeping too much and sleeping pills make you feel tired.  Maybe the amount your body wants to sleep, even though less, will make you less rested.  I'm certainly not trying to advise you, your body is not the same as mine, but these are some things I learned by watching myself.  If you felt like it, maybe you could experiment with your sleep behavior and see if there's something that works better.   A good sleep cycle might even make the other problems more manageable.

I'd like you to keep in touch with me, if you will.  Sharing this kind of info is pretty helpful to me in managing my own recovery, and maybe it would help you, too.  

Good luck.

  
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Avatar_f_tn
Sorry, in the next-to-last paragraph, I messed up.  It should read "...even though less, will make you MORE rested."
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you both so much for answering means alot. Thank you for the kind words i know you all go through it and theres worse than me, thats the hardest part im one for people not feeling sorry for myself, its hard to understand.  I panic the thought of leaving my children even though there adults 21 andf 18 i dont fear death just not being there to help them. I am trying to think positive honest thats why i posted here thinking it may help, and im sure it will with kind people like yourselves. Thank you and i hope your health goes well both of you.

I understand we all learn from eachother and i thank you for the info on sleep Mrwjd thats interesting, im afraid i have fell into a bad trap i dont take sleeping tablets they wont give them to me, so to sleep i double the painkillers i have (stupid i know) they make me drowsey enough to sleep.  I feel so tired and i need and want to sleep but when i try it eludes me without them i couldnt sleep i have tried.  Even now at this site i want to say how i truly feel but cant and wont as it comes across morbid and selfish and depressive, Know one needs that they want positive and happy and feel better.  
But i am intrested in the route type of thing you are talking about, i know theres a cycle to everything.
Again many thanks for your answers they are helping me.

All the best to you
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Avatar_f_tn
Try to focus down the road to a time when you are feeling much better, maybe not perfect but much better and that every day is a step in that direction and believe that it is going to happen and that this time in your life is going to be just a bad memory some day.  You should consider therapy with a professional or maybe a with a group of other recovering heart patients and don't rule out antidepressants, they can work wonders to help a person get through a dark period.  I wish you wellness and peace of mind.
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