Mother

My 91 year old mother almost died one month ago from prolonged congestive heart failure. She was even in a hospice unit in a hospital but rallied. She is in an independent living arrangment with hospice at home and additional aids. She is on 24/7 oxygen and breathing treatments 3 x daily. The most troubling aspect is the uncertainty of her prognosis and the ups and downs that the family has been through. Most importantly, she has been unable to walk without assistance due to a drop foot from a stroke in 1995 that has deteriorated since this recent episode. What can we anticipate at the end stages?

[LindaTX]

Losing a parent is such a hard thing to prepare yourself to face.  We just lost my husband's mother this past summer. I've lost both my parents and now my dear mother-in law of 40 yrs.  She was such a blessing in my life. She knew where she was going and that was not only comforting to her, but certainly to us as well.  She was on a lot of medication toward the end but she was aware of all of us being there, she was on oxygen but only for a few hrs, usually in the evenings.  I remember at one point, being at her bedside asking what I could do for her.  She didn't answer me so I said, "I wish you could tell me what you're feeling," and she looked me straight in the eye, and with an impish little smile, whispered, "later."  That is the last thing she said to me. And I really think she meant, when we see each other in heaven. Of course I can't be sure, but I like to think that's what she meant.  A few days prior to that, hospice was giving her seroquel and it was causing her to hallucinate and call out to family members, both living and dead.  That was disturbing, but when that was happening she was not, and never was in any pain. Hospice nurses were very good and explained a lot to us about what was happening and what to expect. There was no suffering and she did pass away in her sleep.  She was 80, and died at home with all of her family there. One more thing I'd like to share with you.  When each of my parents passed away, they were in the hospital.  Each time I had to leave, (I was an only child), I would always say I love you. My mom was able to answer back," I love you."  So I have comfort in knowing that was the last thing we said to each other. My dad was not able to speak those last few days, but when I would leave his hospital room, I never failed to say, "I love you."  

[chucky123]

Thank you for your supportive words. It would mean so much to me if my mother knew where she was going because she is not a believer as I am. Since her world has become so limited she tends to worry and obsess about my sister and I even though we are both in our early 60's. I pray that she would just close her eyes and pass away in her sleep as your family member did. This has been a long road!

[LindaTX]

I feel for you and your mom.  She may yet come around.  I have one elderly aunt who is 90 and in a nursing home in Houston and I have the same concern about her.  Years ago when my uncle went into the hospital with a stroke and could not speak, I visited with him his last couple of days and witnessed a little with him and he responded by blinking his eyes, once for yes, twice for no when I would ask him questions regarding where he stood with his faith and with God.  He seemed so grateful that I was there.  I have absolutely no doubt that by professing his faith in that way, he knew for sure where he was going to spend eternity. I could feel the peace in that room that day which turned out to be his last day.  Only recently I shared that with my aunt and she was very glad, but at the same time I'm not really sure where she stands. Its hard for me to talk to others about their faith, but at the same time I know its necessary. Hopefully I will have the chance to talk with her again. You know, I've been told that you need to let your loved one know that its ok for them to go, and as hard as it is to do, I think its probably true. I guess sometimes they hang on for us left behind. I did that, just a simple "it's ok to go."