Margaret,
I'm sorry to hear of your ordeal. Many health care workers do not understand the pain and emotional trauma associated with these
shocksAcute respiratory distress syndrome
Cardiogenic shock
Electroconvulsive therapy
Hepatic ischemia
Hypoglycemia
Hypovolemic shock
Lithotripsy
Shock
Toxic shock syndrome -- I certainly am not one of them. I once attended a conference at Medtronic, the largest maker of defibrillators, where one of the chief engineers told us a story about accidentally being shocked by an ICD. He said that he would stick his tongue in an electrical outlet before undergoing an ICD shock again!
The silver lining is that there is no evidence that repeated shocks, like you experienced, cause any irreversible damage to the heart. So while your episode must have been terribly frightening and painful, it should not have left any permanent physical scars. Emotional scars, however, can be formed after an episode like you experienced. There is certainly no shame in seeking counseling if this is true for you. And unfortunately, your heart doctor may not be the most prepared person to provide this service.
Good luck.