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mom in law

JRG
Hi everyone:
My mom in law has been in the hospital for a week with multiple problems. She has congestive heart failure and severe regurgitiation of the mitral, aortic, and tricuspid valves. The heart surgeon has told us she is not a candidate for surgery. She has also had diabetes for about 42 years and is insulin dependant. She is 76 years old and about to have to return to a skilled care unit which she hates. The other alternative is hospice. The doctor has expressed his belief that she is not long for this world but for some reason doctors don't like to admit someone to a hospice unit. I think she would be much more comfortable there. My question is does anyone have any idea when someone is in this condition how much longer they can hold on and how hard should I push the doctor.

Thank you!
Jackie
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Avatar universal
JRG
Hi all I wanted to list the new medicines that they started Janet on and see if anyone had any experience with them. They are- 1. Bidil 37.5/20 3 times a day- for blood pressure 2. Digoxin 62.5 daily-for heart 3.Torsemide 100mg once daily-a diuretic. She is already on the following medicines-Aggrenox 200/25 2 times a day-anticoagulant, Aricept 10mg once a day for ahlzheimers, Cosopt for eyes, Duragesic patch 50mg for pain, Humulin R injectable for diabetes, Lantus injectable for diabetes, Lexapro 20mg once a day for depression, Lovenox once a day-anticoagulant, Namenda 5mg twice a day for ahlzheimers, Neurontin 200mg once a day for nerve pain and seizures, Nexium 40mg twice a day for stomach, Nitroquick as needed, Potassium Chloride 20mg once a day, Reglan 5mg 4 times a day for stomach, Coreg 10mg once a day for heart. I know this is a lot of medicine. I try to keep up with it to make sure there are no interactions but it is hard. If anyone has any experience with any of these medicines please let me know how you did with them.
Thanks again for any information
God Bless
Jackie
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216258 tn?1189755827
Now my dear friends , and  non friends if I didn’t bring this post up from sinking in to the second page Jacky never could of learn from PVC queen what she just did….
I am glad. Destiny works on strange ways…
Jackie,
I am sending my best to your mother in-law !! Hope hospice will work out for her, and she can leave the care she hates and her last period of her life will be pleasant as it is possible under the circumstances!
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Avatar universal
JRG
Thank you so much for the information. I did not know that they stopped all the medication except comfort meds. That helps me a lot when I go back to talk to the cardiologist. I am just going to ask why he chose skilled care over hospice and see what his answers are. She was also started on several new medicines. I have researched them all but I will list them later to see if anyone has had any experience with them.
Take care and God Bless
Jackie
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Avatar universal
to qualify for hospice you have to have less than 6 months to live.........medicare is cracking down on this due to abuse by some hospice agencies.  Of course, if you live a little  longer nobody is going to say fraud, but it can't go on and on, and also, all meds  are stopped except those for comfort.  In other words, treating the disease ceases, and the focus begins on a comfortable death with dignity.
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216258 tn?1189755827
even too !! ;)
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216258 tn?1189755827
I wonder who you might be? :) an other old timer? Was I blunt to you too? :) I ignored you last time, few days ago I think, so give up hope dear in the future who ever you are.:)

I love you to Maggie !!
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Avatar universal
I'm really having a hard time understanding your ever-so-sweet, careful--not-to-offend posts to Vienna.  She is absolutely cruel in some of her posts.....and all are arrogant.  So she graciously finally admits that  she wouldn't have been so insulting if only the poster had included every detail of her circumstance..............That is sure the closest thing to an apology I've ever seen out of her......

I did my stint as a caregiver for a much older half-sister, and earlier shared my Mother's care with my other sisters.........they never went to homes..........don't worry V............I'm not asking for my sainthood pin............and I think that when you've been there, done that, if it was difficult enough for you............you would certainly never, never, never, cast judgement on someone whe is not able to do it......or who's own health would be forfeited for it.....or signifigant quality of life............I would never want my children to be burdened with taking care of me and I tell them so all the time...If I'm incapacitated, the government's got a place for me......and Vienna, if you have a different opinion, I wouldn't dream of being so rude as to shame you for it.
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Avatar universal
Vienna, dearheart, I love you!  And I always love your openness and honesty, and we all don't have to agree with you and you are ok with that!  I hope others appreciate my bluntness as well and my honesty.  I consider it one of my best qualities.  And you should too!
However, I do not agree with you this time.  I might have argued in the past that everyone could be taken care of at home, but it just isn't so.  My mother had the means to stay at home and had 24 hour private care for about 4 years, costing over $100,000 a year.  She had to go into the hospital for a blood clot and was never able to walk after that.  She was sent to a rehab place where she flunked rehab a couple of times and then was sent to the long term care part.  She weighed about 200, I think, and was also, like Jackie's family member, a total dead weight.  She could not help move AT ALL.  She required a type of Hoyer lift that needed TWO people to just take her to the bathroom.  It was literally unsafe to try without 2 people.  We tried and tried to think of alternatives and ways to bring her back home.  I could hardly even push her wheelchair.  All she wanted was to go home,  and eat.  She happened to LOVE the food at her LTC facility, thankfully.  She had all her marbles mostly til she died, and at one level, did understand that she was not able to be cared for in her own home or one of ours either.  She hated for any of us to go home, even though she always had her own private caregiver still with her.  She would beg us not to leave.  In the end, we were all comfortable with our decision, since there really was no decision to be made.  We couldn't care for her and they could.  When she died, all 6 of her children were in the room, and a number of the grands as well.  She was buried a year ago tomorrow, and some of us till find it hard to believe that she is gone, but we did our best.  Jackie, I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right decision.
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Avatar universal
I will comment that I am sorry for the assumption made when I first read your original post.  I have been around enough people of great greed and it hit me that the buzzards were circling.  Sometimes the post seems long, you think you have put in enough information and then past experience of the readers can cloud your meaning.  I do not doubt your concern for the old gal.  Good luck with your decision.  Sometimes the caregiver just gets worn out themselves, and if you have had 3 1/2 years, I would say you deserve a break.  I just wish you had some family members who could step up and help you out.
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198506 tn?1251156915
Thanks Jackie, please do keep us posted.  Take care.  
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Avatar universal
JRG
I really never meant to cause all this. I love my mom in law very much. I have been her primary care giver for 3 1/2 years. I have been with her all day to make sure she is settled and comfortable and at this point that is all we can hope for. The cardiologist will see her in two weeks and at that time I plan on questioning him about his decision about hospice. My husband is a very busy man who travels 75% of the time with his job. He loves his mom but he is the only bread winner in the family so he leaves it up to me to provide care. Janet also has two other children who have not been to see her since their sister died of cancer. If she is lucky they will call every few months. Janets wieght balooned upward when my husband was a young boy after she got diabetes. She has actually lost weight in the past year but still about 300. I will update everyone on how she is doing and let you know what the doctors have to say.
God Bless
Jackie
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Avatar universal
No way am I going to hide behind Jack! I wouldn't do that to him. You guys ride him enough just for your pure pleasure and to see if you can push him over the edge. It is how you get your kicks which shows what truly pathetic lives you have.You guys really ARE sick and I'm not just talking about the physical ailments! (It is a good thing that some of you are posting over on the anxiety forum but I don't think it is going to help you all. Shame really.) I could almost feel compassion for you but as SurfingSue, the Hineywhiney PVCQueen, says it is just TOO MUCH FUN this way!
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216258 tn?1189755827
You are non existent to me. Don’t bother.:) I know who you are,but .... if I am wrong ,.....I really hope I am....then...
I am sorry Jack !!!
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Avatar universal
That is really great...quite commendable. However from what I've been able to glimpse of you through your posts here, the only personality you would have been able to love or been able to be kind to and not make miserable would have been the dog in the whole situation. The fact that your kids learned to take care of themselves is not at all surprising. I'm sure that they learned this at a very young age.

OOPS...I almost forgot....God Bless.
Being so saintly, I'm sure you love this type of sign off.

LOL.....Can't wait for your retort. You make me smile and laugh! What a hoot you are!:)

And you are so right, SurfingSue or PVCQueen or Hineywhiney or whatever you newest alias is (your writing style is just too easy to pick out).....this is SOOO MUCH FUN!!!!
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216258 tn?1189755827
I believe in Karma. I might  get mine for that, oh why oh why I am not kind with Jackie and ‘hug’ her, or maybe not, there is an ultimate truth in everything  and I do not say that is mine.
    
I do not think the only right thing is home care for the ill and old, but it doesn’t mean our decision right if more people saying it is just  from politeness, or from sorrow and I mean it in general not in this case only.
In Jackie’s case if she started to explain the whole story in her first post,   the awful pounds that her poor mother in law has, I am sure I would just shut up and this conversation never took place.
  
…but who knows maybe I could  pick up on that how the earth  can somebody be over300 pounds ,while being  42 years insulin dependant!!!!????.

Sorry I am not here to hug everybody but to tell what I think. It might be useful for somebody and won’t see me as a personal attacker.  

I like to see black and white somtimes.
Bad habit.:)

Rest my case.

Next we can talk about pounds, overeating and exercise!!

while the fact remains poor mother in law at the place that she HATES....life goes on...

...I feel sorry for HER.

    
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187666 tn?1331173345
I'm just scanning the comments and want to ask - why isn't hospice an option? JRG just said that doctors don't like to admit someone to a hospice unit. I know there's certain criteria that have to be met before someone qualifies for hospice but it sounds like the MIL is ready for that. My Dad has the best of both worlds I guess. He has hospice care at home, my Mom cares for him in her own grumpy way and my husband and I go over to care for them both (work around the house, run errands and listen to them talk about their troubles). Because of my own goofy heart and fatigue I'm not sure if I could handle full time care for them but we are certainly available and do what we can. I don't want to be a martyr but I won't feel any regrets either. I'm there for them, not because I get any benefit from it (their anger is quite toxic and draining) but as vienna said - it's the right thing to do. JRG - this isn't actually answering your question but maybe all these comments will give some more ideas and options. I know it's rough.
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Avatar universal
Not just yet.  Sort of testing the waters
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242440 tn?1264519844
I think that you did a great thing in taking care of your mom is very commendable.  No need to try and convince me - I'm convinced.  But you can't convince me that anyone who doesn't follow your course of action, judged by reading a couple of blurbs on a website, is a bad person or taking the wrong course of action.  The world would be a great/easy place to be if it were so black and white, but it simply is not that kind of world.  
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242440 tn?1264519844
Best of luck with your situation.  I hope you are able to make arrangements for your mother-in-law to ensure she gets the best care in the best situation.  How is your husband doing - and what are his thoughts?
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216258 tn?1189755827
Thank you sis. ! :)
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Avatar universal
JRG
I am so glad that you were able to do what you thought was right. These are different circumstances though. I don't know if you have ever cared for someone in the condition like she is in. My sister in law died of cancer but she was mobile until the last week of her life and able to get around. The last week we had to lift her and clean her etc. but she only weighed 140. She also had her right mind. She died at home. It was the right decision for her. I don't know why you cannot grasp that there are circumstances where a skilled care is more humane and better than struggling at home and causing damage to the person. I hope you never find yourself in the situation I am in with a loved one in this condition.
God Bless
Jackie
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Avatar universal
i am proud of you, sis
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Avatar universal
nice to see you again....did you say hi to jack?
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216258 tn?1189755827
When I went home to take care of my mother ,I had a husband who just lost his job, 2 teenager ,a dog and the best job I ever had. I took all the money I had.

When came back , I got  my job back, soon I got an other job too. My husband got 2 jobs by then, my kids learned how to take care of themselves and how to earn money in part time and from their hobbies.

I had  open window  airplane tickets for one  year. I came back less then 3 months.

She had cancer and died in a happy setting in her own apartment with smile on her face !  
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