talking to dad after 1st heart attack.

I'm only 18 and have never had a heart attack or any heart problems for that matter. I joined this forum (today) so I could find out more about heart health b/c  some events that happened in our lives this summer. My father who's only 45 had a "minor" heart attack on july 4 (that's what the doctors called it, not me), and recovered pretty quick. but we found out while in the hospital that he'd been hiding other things from us (still smoking on and off at work, warned about high cholesteral and ... diabetic--yes, somehow we were unaware that he had been type 2 diabetic for several years, except my mother who he told not to tell us). My brother is not worried, neither is my half-brother (same dad, his son, different mom) or at least they don't show it. it's kinda frustrating but I guess it's normal for guys to be less talkative about illness and esp. when it's there dad. I know I can't do much about this but I want to try and help out any way I can. Ive read elsewheres that a 1st heart attack is easier to survive than a second one (http://www.purematters.com/prevention/heart-disease/helping-to-prevent-a-second-heart-attack)  esp. in the u.s. but there are ways to prevent death from a second one if you know the "risk factors." well my dad is kind of all over the place with the risk factors according to most of what I've read: doesn't move around much (nothing to do with the heart attack), overweight (not obeese or anything, but he is ... bigger), smokes, bad diet (he works construction and takes his lunch, but it's mostly potato chips (pringles) and grilled cheese). Anyway, I know you can't really tell a 45 yo man to change all these things, at least not his teenage duaghter, but what I want to know is: are there any of you who have been convinced by yr family to change your ways after a heart attack or other heart scare? if so, how--what did they say or what was your general wake-up call? maybe i could use some of these "tactics" to get my dad back on track! i don't think my motehr is going to do anything about it--she lets him to do whatever her wants, eating/drinking/etc. thanks! -Naomi

[bbxx]

I havent had a heart attack, but I wanted to say what a great daughter you are to care so much about your dad that you are researching ways to help him. You are a wonderful person and your parents can be very proud! :)

[ed34]

Excellent question. There is no definitive answer I'm afraid, but patience is going to be required if you wish to succeed. The first thing you need to establish is how your Father actually feels inside. Being a Man myself, the majority of us keep our true emotions hidden very deep especially if they weaken the masculine side of us. We don't want our family to know we feel scared, upset, angry, frustrated etc, we are supposed to be strong, a Man.
This is probably why he is clinging to his outlets of cigarettes and alcohol etc.
Having been through more than one heart attack, I can say that it takes someone you have a special trust for to open up. Someone who genuinely listens and asks the right questions. Someone who asks why I don't want to talk about it, listens and understands. Bit by bit you have to chip away that wall hiding his inner emotions. Being his daughter, you may find it easy, but if he feels weak by opening up to his daughter, it will become harder. Constantly remind him it's nothing to be ashamed of and you love him.
I really commend you for noticing what your Father is doing, and I highly commend you for wanting to do something about it. You are what a daughter is all about, and you are half way there with those ideals.
I really wish you luck and if you have any further questions please don't hesitate to ask.

[curmudgen]

Let me add to the above to posts - from my perspective many people - men and women - need that moment of truth - the brush with mortality - the switch that gets thrown in the brain that says going one way is destructive and the other way is healthy...  Hopefully if the person really wants a life with all the joys that come with it the decision at that point is easy.  I caution you not to push too hard at that point - your Dad has to make that final choice for himself.  I concur it is wonderful that he has your support.

[ChatterAlly]

His convictions will need to be strong enough to make the necessary changes. No one knows this better than me. In my case,unfortunately, I have several reasons to make more changes to battle with my heart disease,(my 3 grandchildren in my care) but I have a strong bull headed mind and want things my way. I know this may be where your dad is too. Patience should be packed daily. The more people push me to change something, the more I rebel.  Your father is blessed to have you.  Try talking to him first. But try not to be overbearing. Take care and know that we are always here to listen and advise. Ally