After SVR

I realize and apologize to those currenrly treating that to post a question on post svr,  on a sight where so many are battling this dam* virus may be just wrong. But I've been dealing with a change that maybe only other svr's could help me with. I'm a different person now! I'm slowly figuring me out but I'm still lost. I broke up with the man I've been seeing, have no desire to go out to the places I used to, (they have changed as well, so I guess it's not just me)., have few friends, am making all new ones (and that is a slow process). It's like my mind has healed and is working now. I spend too much time alone and can't get myself motivated, but at the same time, feel boredom and aloness so much more intensely because my brain is working! I'm broke (of course) so cant do the reno's that are needed to keep me engaged in something. I work as a teacher in a high school teaching Spec Ed so I think it's all this extra time in this beautiful summer that is making me fell so outside the loop. Has anyone else had a major change in their personality or life since treatment? I was G3, svr 2yrs (going for blood work next week)............Diane

[Morgaina]

Darn, I'm sorry, this should have been on the other side.

[medicmommy]

Just to let you know...First of all, once you're family, always family...LOL. We are all "relatives of experience" here and a SVR person is welcome with open arms! It gives hope to those of us who are struggling through txing...
I've heard from many that just the diagnosis of Hep C changes them...Myself included...I've reprioritized my life, putting my daughter and husband first, and realized who my friends really are and aren't...I've realized that things are just things and I've realized how much I was letting my career rule my life...To some, when they complete txing, realize they've gotten a second chance at life, and embrace it. Sometimes that means shedding of the old pre-tx skin because it doesn't fit anymore...with that often goes relationships that were attached to the "old life"...Life IS short. -And it's what you make of it....Take care...                                                      ~Melinda

[Morgaina]

yea, shedding is just what happenned. It's the rebuilding that makes me a little depressed sometimes. Wish the adage "life is what you make of it" could be a little simpler. It's hard sometimes, at 52yrs., to know what to make of it. What do I want?? I feel like I'm a new born!! Thankyou for your welcome and your words of encouragement. I guess this will just take a little more time. (thank heaven for my 2 great daughters, now grown and good friends)

[comeagain]

I resently meet a person who said i don´t feel comfortable in most churches
they seems to feel so good and I don´t wanna feel good.

I´m the same I wanna be with people and circumstances who I feel comfortable with even if i dont wanna feel good and I dont quite often.

Take care and God bless

ca

[meki]

Interesting.

I'm of the belief that the whole TX experience changes you ---- inside and out.

I think that we begin to think differely - our priorities change - and we are either happy with ourselves and our lives - or we are discontent to realize what we could have done or could have been.

I found that some things slipped through my hands --- some people became unimportant that were the most important people in my life.

I found that "fake" people got on my nerves.... and that I really didn't want to be around them any longer --- SO now --- instead of TRYING to be around them... I just blew them off - and said what was on my mind...

Part of it was that I lost my "lie-factor-putting up with it- and refusing to dish it out".

I also feel like I'm a kid again... Like I'm learning life all over --- but I have this OLD body to do it with.

I think in some ways it is MUCH better --- but I find that life is much more profound.

I'm not able to do some things that I used to be so good at... and at the same time I am finding more talents.

So I would say that I am a completely different person - shaped by this disease and the treatment of it.

Part of it is the reaction of others - and how they treat you... You realize what you are capable of putting up with --- what you're willing to put up with --- and you DECIDE what it's worth now... Where as before - I was content to just "let it go" --- now I don't.

So yeah---in some ways a blessing and yet a curse at times.

So don't feel alone... and know that you just have to muddle through this to get through to the other side.

Things DO change.

Much luck.

If necessary - find a social group that you enjoy...

Find a "CLUB" that you enjoy the activity in.

Get involved in summer sports --- watching, participating, coaching - helping.

Get involved in bake sales - or some sort of charity.

You'll meet like minded people when you focus on WHAT YOU ENJOY --- vs. being the nurturing - changing type that everyone needs.

I'll lay odds that your boyfriend was the "NEEDY" type that had drama and needed your help...

OR --- YOU are the nurturing type and he didn't need your help.

One of the two...

The TX made you realize the incompatibility.

Your friends --- the ones that are no longer your friends - no longer have compatibility with you because as you TX time stops for you - and it goes on for them... and they want to ignore a VERY important part of your life --- a part of your life that took away a  year or two of your time...

And let me tell you --- YOU GOTTA talk about it ---- But in truth - they don't want to hear about it --- nor do they really care about it - because they didn't go through it --- and because you changed - they really would just rather ignore it --- or even ignore you.

I mean --- someone goes to IRAQ or some other war --- and they talk about it.
Someone goes on a camping trip for the summer - and they talk about it
People take part time jobs for a year - and they talk about it


It becomes part of their life.

But NO ONE wants to hear that you were sick and the whole world changed while you were sick --- in your own mind.

So --- you fade away from those that won't be a part of your REAL life...

and you make friends with those that know you NOW.

And making new friends is not easy --- so you really have to consider doing something you know.

I have a lot of caring, loving friends... so I am very lucky. They put up with me and all of my idiosyncrasies...

But I have a couple that I just --- let go...

Because they weren't what I wanted to be friends with --- after I opened my eyes after I came back to being human after TX.

It was a little depressing - but it wasn't all that bad once I realized that -THAT'S JUST LIFE --- and now I just Roll with it.

And keep rolling to my own tune.

Just because I've changed radio stations --- doesn't mean life has to suck --- or I have to be bored.

HELL NO!!! LOL!

I'm a fighter --- and I've proved it to myself.

So --- get proud of yourself ---- and do things that MAKE YOU HAPPY now.

MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY.

If -- however sweetie --- you are finding yourself getting depressed ----DO me a favor - ok? Go check in with a pastor, priest, counselor, psychologist or doctor -- -OK?

Remember that Interferon can and does cause depression --- it may take a little while.

It plays with your hormones and the chemicals in your body.

Many hugs --- and lotsa understanding.

REMEMBER to LOVE... TO LAUGH --- to love those you laugh with and to laugh with those you love.

Laughing will get you through the worst of things.

Much love!

Meki

[comeagain]

You my nr one cheerleader.

ps love your new self

God Bless you tremendously

ca

[Morgaina]

Thankyou for your words. Meki, you made me cry, but it kind of felt good. Takes away some of the aloness. I'm probably in menopause so I'm sure that doesn't help at all. I'll just go sit in the sun for a bit, it's a deep healer. Thankyou all...........Diane

[meki]

I'm sorry - I didn't mean to make you cry...

BUT I DID want you to know that you are not alone --- and you ARE a worthy person... This TX is HARD... And you're going to be ok.

Many hugs.

Meki

[Marcia2202]

You are an incredible woman. With so much courage and suuuuccchh a big heart. You are truly beautiful. You brought tears to my eyes as well. We love you Meki!

Marcia

[comeagain]

I send you a note yesterday i haven´t send many peoples notes on this forum, why did i send you a note because i was glad you 2 years SVR.

But you also struck  me as a fine understandable and interesting person.
When everybody was angry at abbas you had only love and compassion to offer,
You told him yes you urged him to seek proffesional help because you understand he is not feeling well at all.

I´m telling you the same now abbas get help you dont have to have those thoughts by your self you need to talk to someone who knows whats seems to be the real problem.

god bless you abbas!

On tx every mental and also physical problem seems to increase 10 times, on my first tx it was about that,this time maybe only three.

You morgaina is going from glory to more glory mark my words.

ca

ps I also
happend to read an interesting articel about menopaus.
And this woman said it was fantastic , very positiv its very much about attitude and not being afraid of the unknown i think this woman had even a better sex life after menopaus then before.

[dointime]

Well, what would you rather do, spend the rest of your life in a brain fog or have a chance at that double-edged sword called life?  Learning the art of living is a big challenge, maybe even bigger than clearing the virus.  I think if you can do one, you can do the other.    

dointime

[rita863]

Diane,
I am still treating, but i already feel the changes about life in general happening.  I don't sweat the small stuff!  i dont have time nor the patience for "fake" friends, friends who havent called just say "hey how that all treatment thing going".  I dont want sympathy but i dont want to hear about how upsetting it is because "The Fendi Bag you want is back ordered" or the "Hotel you want to stay in for a vacation is booked"

Get real!  I am trying to get throug this treatment while working and selling my house, because of financial problems.

Ok so to rant,  First off you always have friends here,  I have people here that i know for three months that i can whine to, cry or make laugh and they get me!

Your priorites have changed since you TX.  You see things that are important in your life now that you are.   And the feelings of saddness sound like it closure to the life before treatment, because we wont be back to that life again, so its saying goodbye.

I hope that you find peace, and when you want to talk or whine or cry we are here!

peace
rita

[sldb]

I understand how you feel, I b/c so depressed after tx, but not pre or during. First i think it was the interferon let down that it escalated too, why did i svr when i was given such a grim diagnosis due to my cirrhosis and a very slim chance of svr? I sort of prepared myself for the inevitable death, made funeral arrangements, told my family and boyfriend there wasnt much hope and waited. I had a friend who just finished tx and relapsed, I felt guilty for surviving.  Then someone sat me down and explained that everything happens for a reason, and that it was meant to be.  This whole hepc thing started for me working in the ER, i was stabbed by a psych pt , who was at the same nursing home my grandmother died in just a month before .  I was tested at work and came back positive,otherwise i would never have known i was sick til it was too late.  Iam starting to allow myself a better quality of life, 2yrs later,  and realize there is no explanation for my svr except that it was Gods Will, I feel i have been blessed with the gift of life...Leah

[Morgaina]

Yes, you are all so right. But thing is, the virus really did damage my brain. Even before treatment, my MRI's came back with multiple "hot spots" in my frontal lobes and my right lower quadrant as well as one serious lesion in the same area. I feel like most of that is gone, I feel like one of those people on "Awakening" that is suddenly awake. I have nothing that was real or that I can relate to at all, I only have now. I am incredibly lucky to have this, I'm just pretty much alone in how to find my way through. Thankyou all for your support and I love your words dointime, I feel comfortable with some basic reality. I've been getting into drama productions at school and met people through that (and can actually interact normally). I guess it will just take time . I was just feeling down this AM, you guys have really made me buck up.

[meki]

Rock on - that's what we're here for.

Strange as it may seem - most of us have not met one another...

Nor would we all get along if you threw us into a room together and forced us to interact.

But one thing we do have is the understanding of this disease and all the effects endured.

We have an understanding that is so in depth that when someone is having a difficult time - we may not have gone through exactly that experience --- but we can totally understand it -- identify with it --- and certainly put ourselves into that position.

Yanno?

So I'm glad you're bucking up!

Hugs to you - and glad you were able to discuss this with us.

And thanks for showing all of us - that we are ALL human now - and after SVR... It's no Godlike status -- but it certainly is an amazing status.

Yanno?

Anyhow - be good.

Hope the sun keeps your spirits up - and you find that empty piece you think you're missing... That you're really NOT missing.

You see --- YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HAS GROWN...

And in growing - you are the one who is different.

And to grow and to change is sometimes difficult when were stuck in the same bodies we are in.

And well heck... that's going into my philosophy... But I'm letting you know - that all of us - can identify - and it's great to see you be able to bounce it.

Meki

[DB 0]

When we were teenagers life was so intense.We were so aware and wanted approval of all our peers,trying to fit in.After 20 or 30 years of life's ups and downs we just lose that higher level of awareness.Then this hepc drama happens,day after day of am I going to be ok.Then its over,but is it really.I am not the same,I cant help but be somewhat critical or disappointed that friends were mostly annoyed or put off that I wasn't more concerned about them during the last year.I know I should not be judge mental of orther people but a preacher ,who was a very good man,told me once that people are either givers or takers.Just the way it is,probably more givers in our parents generation and now more takers in ours.Meki,your the energizer bunny of givers you just keep giving and giving.

[Isobella]

Ok, now this makes 4 of your posts that I have printed and taped to my bathroom mirror.  Soon I won't be able to see myself!

Your words always ring true.  Even for those of us who are about to treat.  You should write a book!

Isobella

[Andromedae]

RE: Comments by abbas_new "How Interferon Ruins Your Brain : "

I looked that reference up - it is by a medical doctor named Russell L. Blaylock,  - he is NOT a neuroscience researcher.  He is an author who sells books on his ideas on nutrition   via a variety of non-scientific opinionated websites.

And he seems to be rather alone in his **opinion** that interferon destroys brain cells.  A quick check reveals that interferon actually reduces brain inflammation, nit increases it as Blaylock claims.  In fact interferon is prescribed as a treatment for multiple sclerosis and aids in restoring neuron function lost as a result of the disease..

It does not appear that there is, as yet,  significant evidence to indicate that interferon is itself harmful to the brain.

[Morgaina]

This is so far back, no-one will ever see it. But of all the damage that I do believe interferon can do, it did not damage my brain. If anything it made treatment VERY, VERY hard because the combination of drugs was clearing the virus from my brain. Mabe it only helped to make my liver function, so less toxins reached my brain, but truly, if you lived in this body for the  last few decades, you would be able to feel how my brain has changed since treatment. I still have fatigue and severe muscle weakness (yes, I should try harder to exercise more) but I'm not a slug, I do minor yard work, house work, shopping, work all day, extra-curricular activities (except for now). I am a lucky woman, I'm just a little lost.

[meki]

Morgaina - we all get lost sometimes --- THAT -- is just --- well just part of being human.

Some days we open our eyes and feel like we're just existing... And who knows why.

Other days - we have the right tune playing in our head and the sky is sparkling with our enthusiasm of life.

It's just an ebb and flow --- normal life.

And when you've gone through TX --- you just have had another life changing experience.

Part of you is thinking HOW come you don't feel perfect --- like that ski-bunny perfect 16 year old you see on television --- How come you don't feel like doing bungee jumping or hang gliding... Or even just hanging out with your friends until 3 am once a week -------------?

Yanno?

And another part of you thinks that this miracle of life --- well it's almost disappointing Yet... How dare you be disappointed?

And a small part of you is grateful - and excited and hopeful.

It's hard to combine those combinations into one person.

And with the post sides --- where you thought you'd feel like a fresh spring chicken ---- but you don't... Well... that's kinda a little downer.

BUT --- YOU ARE STRONG.

You are a very strong person...

You know what you're thinking.

You know you can pull yourself up --- you're just not sure where to.

You know you should try harder --- but why?

You know what you're thinking --- so why can't everyone else think it?

All you have to do is decide.

And decide on something realistic too... Don't pick a pie in the sky dream.

Something like: In a year --- a trip to Vegas for a weekend...

Or Take yourself on a shopping spree in 3 months.

Or something that makes you feel good.

PLAN ON IT.

It doesn't have to cost money.

It doesn't have to be something extravagant.

You could just say --- in a year - I'm gonna put on a special party.

ANYTHING.

But PLAN ON IT.

And every day --- do something towards it...

Plan a little bit. Tuck aside 10.00.... Write out a To Do list...
Think of ways to make more money --- just a little bit...

Plant an herb box in your window...

And mark off days on a calendar.


And set yourself up for something good to happen in ONE YEAR.

You will be so surprised how fast the time goes when you have something exciting planned.

You will be so surprised how much you feel accomplished in ONE YEAR.

I think that I am going to try this myself.

I don't exactly know what I'm going to do --- but in one year.... I'm going to do it.

I'm going to set a GOAL --- and no matter what I'm going to do it.

Wanna do IT with me?

I mean --- you wanna plan something SPECIAL for YOU... in ONE YEAR...

And in a year's time we'll make sure we've actually done it?

I mean --- hmmmmm... think about it... Wanna?

Y'all -- isn't that just a great idea?

Each of us --- pick something that's important for us to do....

Have a trip
A spa
A party
A shopping spree
A Drive down the Highway
A Garage Sale

Or whatever?

And let's all do it... It doesn't have to be spectacular...

It just has to be something that you PLAN OUT...

And you MAKE IT HAPPEN.

A GOAL.

Well?

Morgaina -- you're doing just fine. You're a normal person.

Get over it --- and make yourself smile.

Because you know what? You're worth it.

Thanks for bringing this topic up.

Let me know if you wanna do the "YEAR THANG" with me.

Hugs,

Meki

[Morgaina]

Here I think I have a bit of babble (or purge) that no one will ever see and there you are. You are such a trip. It's like you are a bit of an angel. Thankyou. And I would like to have something to aim to within a year. I am and have always been such a loner it's pretty dam* hard to share like this. But lets see, what do I want in a year. My compensation settlement to be done with (in Canada we are getting compensated for contracting through tranfusions, mine has been going on for 2yrs.), and to have a circle of friends that will keep me active (a person can't always do things alone). Oh, I know, I want the side of my house to be cleaned up, xero-scaped with gravel and bush. Takes money, so i'm not doing anything but I could. I could clean it and cover with landscape cover or garbage bags to make it all die down. It's a beginning and a project!! Thankyou Meki!

[jdwithhcv]

You have been in a fight for your life.  It has changed you and there's no going back to the person who started down this road.  You will never give the same weight to the petty concerns that used to seem so important.  How could you?  You have experienced a miracle.
In fact, you ARE a miracle.  A living, breathing miracle.  And you have come to the right place.  We need you here!

jd

[meki]

Absolutely JD... Absolutely.

[Fl_Gator]

Morgania

Life is what you make it...so make it Grand and Beautiful!

One day I had to sit back and take a good look at my life and decide that it wasn't so bad. If I looked hard enough I could see very clearly through all the drama and trauma to see all the possibilities.
I had to work hard...two jobs...with two small children and a mysterious illness that couldn't be diagnosed. I didn't get everything I ever wanted...I learned to want less...then discovered that I had so very much.

I have healed my mind over the years and built a wonderful life with everything I already had right there in front of me.

I was only recently diagnosed with HCV 1b and started tx a month ago. If I died tomorrow I can honestly say that I have had a great life...and I made it that way.

What I'm trying to say is...sit back and take a good look at yourself and your life. See everything for its possibilities and not for the hardships. Decided what will make you happy and then make it happen.  You may not realize it yet but maybe you to have everything already. Some things may not always happen the way you want them to...but again...look at everything for its possibilities.

[mremeet]

Great to hear you've recovered from HCV and are now rebulding your life. I got my SVR last year and have been leading a new life too. I wouldn't say my personality has changed, or that my brain has been fundamentally restructured. But physically I certainly have much more energy and feel so much better on so many levels it's hard to fully describe. Also, another unexpected benefit is that I've been emotionally growing (and healing) in ways I never envisioned prior to treatment. It also involves some pain and confrontation of old skeletons in my closet, but it's all good. SVR has been all good for me, and it continues to get better. My god I might even be able to actually LIVE out however many years I have left on this earth. And that's a damn sight better than where I was before treatment with my age-old friend HCV.

Anyway, don't overanalyze your newfound freedom and success. Just enjoy it and do the right thing every day. It'll all work out! Good luck...